‘And they look exactly like I dreamed. Everything did. It was exactly how I imagined, how I dreamed it.’ I shook my head. ‘It’s absurd. Will I ever get used to it?’
‘I dunno. Would you want to? As soon as it becomes normal, you stop seeing the wonder in it. Don’t you think?’ Tyler’s lips pursed as if he was questioning his own wisdom.
‘Yeah, but I think you’re starting to sound as nuts as me. You’ll have to join me at the asylum.’
‘That wouldn’t be a bad thing, but then who’d bring us cupcakes?’
‘Ooh, that’s a problem.’ I tilted my head to the side.
‘All right.’ Tyler sat up straight, and slid his phone from his pocket. ‘We’re right on schedule. Opera House, lunch at Circular Quay, bridge, then Bondi. Sound good?’
Despite the tornado we’d survived, a sudden eagerness to enjoy all of Tyler’s plans swirled. ‘You sure we’ll fit it all in.’
He held up his phone. He’d listed each location with the time we’d spend there and how long the walk or bus to the next stop would take. ‘I’ve been planning this for days.’
I snuggled into his side, wrapping my arm around his. ‘You’re amazing.’
He didn’t disappoint. The sites might’ve been obvious choices but he showed them to me better than any tour guide – they generally didn’t steal kisses from their patrons.
He shared stories of his time in Sydney while we climbed the steps of the Opera House. Then we walked, hand in hand, across the Harbour Bridge and peered over the side into the water far below, where white wakes trailed behind the tiny boats.
We wasted away the last of the afternoon at Bondi beach. I settled in the sand between Tyler’s legs, the rise and fall of his chest against my back. The temperature dropped as dark clouds loomed out at sea, and because of the undesirable beach weather, we nearly had the place to ourselves. Tyler’s arms enfolded me as we watched the surfers ride the waves.
Not far from us, a surfer, clad in a black and red wetsuit, plucked up his surfboard and ran into the water. ‘Wish I had my gear so I could join him.’ Tyler’s chin rested on my shoulder.
‘We should’ve thought about that, hey? Could’ve thrown your board on Cal’s roof.’
‘Mmm, not sure he would’ve liked that.’
‘No, you’re right, he would’ve hated it.’ I laughed at the thought. ‘Hey, you should be catching up with your mates while we’re here. I’ve been so selfish, I didn’t even think about what it might mean for you to be back here.’
‘No, it’s all right. To be honest, I wouldn’t know who to catch up with anyway. My best mate moved to Brissy two years ago, and after Dad died, I kind of lost a lot of my friends.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. I used to go surfing with my mates at least twice a week, more if the weather was good. But then we lost Dad and I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring myself to enjoy anything, and couldn’t leave Mum at home crying on her own. More than that, my mates distanced themselves as much as I did. I mean, what do you say to the kid whose dad killed a plane full of people, and what do I say to them? It got awkward, and by the time I was ready to surf again I made sure I came out here on my own. It was easier that way.’
‘That must’ve been hard.’
‘Mmm. You know, at first I was annoyed with Mum for wanting to leave, I mean where’s the surf in the mountains, but then I realised it could be an opportunity to become Tyler again, not the pilot’s kid. I think that’s what Mum wanted too, for her, and for us. Not sure it’s working out for her, though.’ His half chuckle vibrated onto my back.
What would it mean for Tyler and his family to have his dad back? They’d be whole again, not floundering in the raging sea of grief currently trying to drown them. My chest tightened and a lump formed in my throat. Nope, not going there. And no point worrying about it when I couldn’t help anyway. But even if I could do it, would I?
I coughed, clearing the way for air to fill my lungs again, and shifted my thoughts to those I could help.
‘You know, seeing them like that today has really helped, thank you.’ I brushed my fingers over Tyler’s clasped hands on my stomach. ‘Now I know I didn’t do the wrong thing.’ I paused, drew in a big breath. ‘I think I’m ready to go back and save more lives.’
Tyler’s hair skimmed my cheek with his gentle nod of solidarity, and his warm lips pressed against my neck at the same moment the clouds chose to follow through with their threat of rain.
*****
I peered up at the Bondi sky, a perfect luminous blue. The sun reflected off the water like diamonds floating on the ripples. If this were a normal day, a real day, the sand wouldn’t be visible beneath the beach towels spread along its length, but it wasn’t a normal day. It was a dream, and I stood completely alone, my only company the gulls cawing overhead. We’d agreed to meet here, but I couldn’t see Tyler anywhere. I turned around to the vacant car park, restaurants and parks, the end-of-the-world empty roads. The waves crashed rhythmically on the shore behind me.
‘Hey, gorgeous.’ I spun. Tyler stood in his wetsuit, feet in the water and surfboard under his arm. He gaped at me, appreciation in his eyes – I wore a navy blue two-piece. My cheeks warmed at the attention, but I smiled and approached. Tyler placed his free arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. Our lips moulded together. I could’ve stayed like that for hours, but I reminded myself we were here to surf, or at least Tyler was.
‘Okay, mister, time to show off your skills.’ I shoved him away, and he grinned while wading deeper into the water.
I eased myself onto the sand and admired the view as moist grains oozed between my toes.
Tyler glided through the water. He was good, seriously good. He twisted the board almost effortlessly and propelled himself through the waves. With those skills, he’d pick up snowboarding in no time.
‘Want a turn?’ he yelled from the water.
‘Nah, you keep going,’ I yelled back, flicking my hand in the air.
My toes cooled as a wave rolled in, and I recalled childhood days at the beach, running away from the waves with squeals of delight when they caught me. I pressed my hands into the sand and rubbed the exfoliating grains through my fingers. I looked up right when Tyler waved to me. With sandy hands, I waved back.
My body detached from the dream, a buzzing started in my ears, and I felt myself floating away. The walls of the dream closed around me, shifting, narrowing, converging, until the only thing left was the sight of Tyler on the waves. I wanted to stay there with him, but I had no control of the rippling out-of-body sensation that surged through me from the evolving dream.
I no longer had sand on my fingers, but the arms of a chair, an aeroplane chair. I closed my eyes and swallowed back the lump of a scream lodged in my throat. I ached for my earphones, for my music, to help drown out the sickening wails surrounding me and penetrating every morsel of my being.
I knew what came next, but that knowledge did little to comfort me. Take me back to the beach. I didn’t want to be here with all these human carcasses. That’s what they’d be soon enough. They were about to perish, to disintegrate with the remains of the plane. For once I couldn’t bear to look around me. I didn’t want to see their faces.
My heart pounded beneath my ribs, and my breathing grew rapid as I struggled to get the air in. I closed my eyes and pictured Tyler’s face – the face I’d soon wake up and see.
I fixed my eyes on that man again, the one I often remembered when I thought of this dream. I wished I’d had a different seat. One where I didn’t have to see into his hauntingly dark eyes. He freaked me out and I had no idea why. Something about him disturbed me, unnerved me. He delivered that crooked smile again, but this time, I noticed the harsh scrutiny in his eyes that accompanied the rise of one side of his face. A small shiver ran down my spine.
I closed my eyes and twisted to face the old lady, and a sense of overwhelming sadness crept over me again as she repeated her chilling words
. ‘She needs me, she needs me.’
The captain’s voice, Tyler’s dad’s voice, crackled to life, and I braced myself for the excruciating and instant pain that signalled the end of the dream for me, but death for everyone else on board. It came and sent me spiralling to the other side.
I bolted upright with a scream so loud it would likely wake a few neighbouring tents. Rain poured down outside and it took Tyler’s arms for me to realise I wasn’t about to die. I choked on the erupting sobs and clutched his top in my fists.
‘It’s okay,’ Tyler said into my hair. ‘You’re okay. You were having a dream. I’m here.’
Tears fell down my cheeks and my breathing slowed. Tyler laid me gently back down.
‘The waves were good,’ he whispered.
‘I’m sorry I left. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to stay with you.’ My voice trembled.
‘I know. It’s okay. You’re here now.’ He kissed the tears on my cheek, stroked my hair, and held me close. And as I held on to him I drifted back into a dark and empty sleep.
— 25 —
Amber pulled the car up to the front of the small sand-coloured home at the end of the cul-de-sac and tooted the horn. I jumped out, ran to the side gate, and called out to Granny Tess and Pop. Pop warned us they’d likely be in the back yard for the afternoon. Moments later they strolled through the gate, waving their soil-covered hands and grinning from ear to ear.
‘You made it,’ Granny Tess said.
‘Miracle of miracles.’ Cal climbed out the car as Amber shot him a friendly glare.
‘He still giving you a hard time?’ Granny Tess asked.
Amber gave Granny Tess a quick hug. ‘I’d be worried if he didn’t.’
‘I can’t believe he let you drive his baby,’ Pop said, patting Cal on the back with his clean hand.
‘I didn’t have much of a choice.’ Cal stuck his leg out.
Granny Tess had her red hair up in a bun, messy tendrils dancing around her face as she twisted toward Tyler and me with her arms wide. ‘And you must be Tyler, I’ve heard about you.’ She hugged him, bending her wrists to keep her hands away from his clothes. He gasped and stiffened, but quickly moulded into her welcome embrace. ‘How’s Geography going?’ She winked over his shoulder, and I choked back a laugh, my cheeks flaming.
‘Shit yeah.’ Cal shoved his phone into my face. ‘Check it out.’
The snow report from home filled the screen. ‘It’s snowing.’ Excitement swelled within me and an uncontrollable grin spread across my face.
‘I can’t believe I’m gonna miss half the season because of this thing.’ Cal lifted his hindrance of a leg off the ground.
‘Sucks hey.’ My eyes softened, displaying the sympathy he craved, while inside a flood of gratitude surged for his broken leg.
We stumbled into the thick heat of their cosy home, and the unease of the previous two days settled amongst the familiar sights and smells. A bunch of freshly picked roses sat inside a green glass vase on the sideboard of the entry way, their aroma blending with Granny Tess’ beloved essential oils.
Many a school holiday had been spent here, alone without my brothers, doing nothing but idling the days away building puzzles, going for walks, and eating ice-cream with Granny Tess and Pop. They preferred to have us one at a time, they said; not because they couldn’t handle three at once, but so they could spoil and get to know each of us as people in our own right. Once a year each, for five days. We’d always go home gloating about all the wonderful things the others had missed, unaware we all had it as good.
An hour after we’d arrived, Cal, Amber, and Tyler left with Pop to pick up dinner, Thai take-away, and I was alone with Granny Tess in her art-slash-sun room. Despite the rapidly disappearing sun, the room radiated warmth. Paint fumes fought with the three vases of roses around the small room, coming out a clean winner from sheer volume. Canvases coated with seasoned brush strokes in every imaginable colour leaned against any and all supporting structures in the room; the doorframe, table, window sills, and propped against the stool I hitched myself onto.
‘Tyler’s a good-looking boy,’ she said.
‘Ah yeah…he is.’
‘Kind of reminds me of a young James Dean.’
‘Thought you might say that.’ I couldn’t help but smile. ‘I thought the same thing.’
‘What, you don’t anymore?’
‘Well yeah, but now he’s Tyler to me.’
‘Right, yes of course.’ She lowered herself onto the window bench seat, resting her hands one on top of the other. ‘So tell me, how are you…really? I’ve been dying to hear everything. Are you coping? What you’re doing is huge, Lucy.’
I agreed with a small smile. ‘It’s bigger than Russia, but yes, I’m okay.’ I hesitated, tapping my fingers on my legs. ‘I’m going to save Beverly.’
Granny Tess inhaled and placed her hand to her mouth. Tears sprang to her eyes and she muddled her words when she spoke. ‘How…do you…you can do that?’
I nodded. ‘Yes, I think so. I’m sorry I haven’t done it yet, but I was waiting to be sure.’
‘You don’t have anything to be sorry about. You have a good heart, Lucy, I knew you’d use your gift for good.’
I pressed my lips together, fiddled with my fingernails. ‘Did you ever ask yourself, why me?’
‘Oh, all the time. Then I decided, what did it matter? That made no difference whatsoever in my ability to do what I could do. You could spend your entire life trying to figure it out or you can take it for what it is; a chance to play God and do something good in the world.’
‘So I’m God?’ I laughed.
Granny Tess gripped the bench on either side of her legs, her eyes narrowing as if trying to come up with an explanation. ‘No, just the essence of what God is – goodness, love.’
‘But you don’t believe in God.’ It was a statement but also a question.
‘Yes, I do. Maybe not the version of God they preach about in church, but that’s not why I go. I go to church for the spirituality and the friendships…oh, and the free food.’
I rolled my eyes and laughed as I imagined Granny Tess sitting in the pews ignoring the minister and then smiling only thirty minutes later with a plate of food in her hand.
‘I believe God is within us. You’ve heard me say that before, haven’t you?’ I screwed up my lips, before agreeing with a nod. ‘It’s the part of us that’s innately good, the purest part of our very being. You don’t have to call it God, but it’s the part of us that shows up in every good thing we do and in every kind word we say. We all have that goodness – that love – deep within us. For most people it’s a whisper. But not you, yours is roaring.’
Tyler and I nestled on the couch, fingers entwined, my legs tucked up and resting on his knees. The movie credits scrolled up the screen.
Granny Tess collected the empty mugs from around the room and carted them to the kitchen.
‘We’re off to bed,’ Amber said with a yawn and tugged Cal from his spot on the couch.
‘Night all.’ Cal slid his hand through hers and hobbled behind Amber from the room.
Pop slapped his hands on his knees and groaned, easing out of his seat. ‘That’s my cue. Think I’ll leave you lot to it.’ He kissed Granny Tess goodnight, planted one on my head, and lifted a hand to Tyler.
Granny Tess lowered herself back into her recliner. ‘So, it appears you two are a couple of clever clogs. Tell me about this dream where you saw each other.’
Tyler’s fingers tightened around mine, and I flicked my eyes toward him, reassuring him. ‘That dream wasn’t much. But the ones we’ve had since have been pretty incredible.’
She sat up straight, eyes wide. ‘You’ve had more?’
I smiled and looked to Tyler. ‘Three?’
He nodded.
‘Well, that gives meeting the man of your dreams a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?’ she said with a wide grin.
‘We haven’t figured out how we can do
it though. So far it’s only when we’re near each other.’ My stomach fluttered, it wouldn’t be long until our minds carried us to our imagined world again later that night. ‘Were you ever able to do it, when you used to dream?’
‘No.’ She paused, eyes assessing, taking us in, our bodies and hands weaving comfortably together on the couch. ‘I’d say it’s something to do with the connection you two have with each other. It’s strong, isn’t it?’
We looked at each other, our eyes lingering, searching, communicating without words. Our lips rose in unison and we spoke at the same time. ‘Oui.’ – ‘Yes.’
‘Thought so.’ She sighed, content with our answer. ‘Do you have other dreams too, Tyler?’
‘No, only ones with Lucy.’
I reached for the last square of chocolate in the bowl in front of us, and plopped it in my mouth. ‘Do you know if there’s any way to control the dreams more? At the moment, even though I’m consciously thinking it, I don’t feel like I’ve got any control.’
‘You and your control.’ Tyler nudged me with his elbow.
‘What? It’s not a bad thing.’
‘I didn’t say it was.’ He laughed and twisted away from my retaliating elbow.
‘What exactly are you wanting to control?’ Granny Tess asked, narrowing her eyes.
‘I dunno, nothing really. I just want to know everything.’
‘You can. Well I could. But be careful. It’s usually a selfish desire that drives that motivation, and that’s dangerous.’ Her mouth quivered, and she folded her hands into her lap. What had she done that was so dangerous? ‘Keep your thoughts unselfish and everything will fall into place, like you’re already doing.’
‘Lucy, selfish? Not possible.’ Tyler stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.
‘You didn’t see me steal that last bit of chocolate before?’ I turned serious again, my lips pinching as I absorbed all the wisdom Granny Tess had gathered through the years of doing what I could, except for saving lives of course. ‘Okay, so as long as we’re not controlling the dreams to do something selfish, it’s all right?’ I’d never even thought to do something that only I gained from.
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