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I had never been less hungry in my life. “No, I’m fine,” I said distantly.
He ignored me, and steered me towards a sidewalk vendor selling tamales. I could see steam rising from the metal cooking cart. “You didn’t eat last night,” he said. “And I’m hungry, even if you aren’t. So you can keep me company, yes? And then I’m going to show you around el DF. You’ve hardly seen it at all since you’ve been here. ”
I managed a faint smile. “You hate Mexico City. ”
He shrugged as we waited at the tamale stand. “It has some nice places. The only rule is you can’t ask if you’ve gotten a text, all right? I’ll tell you, I promise. Just forget about it for now. ”
Thank god for Seb that day. If it hadn’t been for him I would have slowly gone insane while I waited to hear from Alex. Instead, he showed me things he knew would interest me, so that even though the sick worry never went away for a second, it didn’t completely drown me. An art museum that was all towering ceilings and baroque gold gilt. A plaza where Aztec ruins sat side by side with a medieval church and a modern office building. Another church; a small stone one that tilted so dramatically I felt dizzy just walking through it. “This is what happens when you build a city on mud,” said Seb, smiling at my expression.
We went to a park across the street and sat drinking Cokes on the steps of a monument. Someone was playing guitar, and the sell of cornmeal and spices from the food carts wafted past. The afternoon had grown warmer, so that Seb had pulled off his sweater and tied it around his waist; I’d done the same with my sweatshirt. We hadn’t seen many angels feeding, which was a relief. The city seemed to have a calmer feel to it than usual, or something. I wished I could say the same for my thoughts.
“I think you’ve saved my life today, you know,” I said.
“I’ve saved mine too, then,” he said easily. “So I’m being very selfish, really. ”
He sat leaning back against the white stone steps with his legs stretched out. I saw a girl about our own age eye him appreciatively, and suddenly realized again how attractive he was – his lean, firm body; his high-cheekboned face and curly hair.
If you weren’t with me, would you still just want to be his friend?
I flushed and looked away, trailing a finger over a crack in the worn steps. Because just like when Alex had asked me that before, I didn’t really know what the answer was. All I knew was that from the moment I’d first touched Seb’s hand and sensed him so strongly, I’d felt so incredibly drawn to him – and each day that passed had brought us even closer. He was such a basic part of my life now; I could hardly imagine being without him. I went cold as I thought of my dream, and the flutter that had gone through me the night before.
My god, I wasn’t falling in love with Seb, was I?
I shook the idea away in a daze. No. I wasn’t. Because I was with Alex, and that’s all there was to it. I loved Seb as a friend – that was all.
My stomach had gone guiltily tense anyway. “What time is it?” I asked, praying that Seb hadn’t been picking up on any of that.
He pulled out my phone again. “A little after two. ”
Still no text. My gaze met his. Seb’s eyes were concerned; beyond that, I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. I was glad, given the direction my own thoughts had been taking.
And I’d see Alex in less than an hour now. Anticipation mixed with dread. The textless screen on my cellphone seemed louder than any shouting from the night before.
Soon after that, Seb and I walked through the park and headed home, taking the Metro. I sat on the hard plastic seat in the crowded subway car, staring at the signs in Spanish. Home. It was the only word that fitted for where we were going. . . yet right then, it didn’t feel like a home at all.
“Okay, here’s the layout,” said Alex.
We were all in the firing range, gathered around Kara’s map of the cathedral. Alex had one hand resting on the table, his dark hair hanging over his forehead. He tapped the cathedral’s altar on the map. “About halfway through the service, the preacher will ask if anyone wants to be blessed by the angels; probably only about a dozen people will go up. Willow, I don’t want you and Seb to be the first ones, or the last either. Let a few other people go up first. ”
He glanced at me as he spoke; his voice was neutral, professional. Deep down, his blue-grey eyes held a flicker of something else – mostly they just looked as if I was a member of his team and he was giving me instructions. I nodded, trying to focus on what was being said instead of my rigid muscles. Every word, every action of Alex’s confirmed it: his cellphone had not been turned off, and my text had not just vanished into the ether somehow.
“I’ll be sitting with you and Seb; when you go up, I’ll go too,” went on Alex. “Willow, I’ll be on the other side of you as you’re being blessed, ready to cover both of you if you need it. Seb, I’m going to give you a gun, but I want you to spend the rest of today and tomorrow practising with it. ”
“Yes, all right,” said Seb, his voice just as detached. Though we weren’t standing right next to each other, the edges of our auras were touching; I could feel his anger at Alex, like a low, simmering fire.
“That doesn’t affect you, does it, Willow?” continued Alex. “You can do the aura work on your own now, right?”
The sentence seemed laden with meaning, but again, his tone was bland. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I think I’ve got it now. In fact, maybe I should get in some target practice, too. ” I was heat-pricklingly aware of the rest of the team standing right there watching all of this – and what the topic of the day must have been once Seb and I left that morning. Kara’s brown eyes were aloof as they flicked over me, her face giving away nothing.
“Fine, if you think you need it,” said Alex. “But don’t stop practising the aura work; maybe do half and half. ” He turned back to the map, pointing. “Sam, I want you and Trish stationed here, about five rows back – in aisle seats, if you can get them. Kara, I want you in the front row like we discussed, or at least as close to it as possible. Wesley, Brendan and Liz—”
I tuned out as I stared down at the map. Alex had already returned by the time Seb and I got back to the house. He’d been in the TV room watching the news with the others – there was a special on about the Crusaders for People’s Rights, who were planning a rally the next day, to coincide with the cathedral’s special service. No one seemed to have been paying much attention, though. There’d been this awful sense of everyone waiting for us. . . and an even more awful sense of Alex being unsurprised that I’d been out with Seb all day. He’d said hello to me coolly, not moving from the sofa where he sat with Kara and Sam; it had felt impossible to ask for a few minutes alone with everyone staring at us.
Taking in the smooth line of Alex’s neck where it disappeared into the collar of his T-shirt, a spike of anger pierced me. Was he really willing to throw away what we had this easily? How could two people who loved each other so much be communicating so badly? When one of them was psychic, even?
“Okay, I think that’s it for the plans,” said Alex, tossing down the pencil he’d been holding. “But there’s something else I have to say. ” He let out a breath, and glanced around the table. “A lot of you overheard Willow and me fighting about Seb last night. ”
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