Daizlei Academy Omnibus Collection

by Kel Carpenter

  “What does Aaron have to do with anything?” I asked.

  Blair grimaced, falling quiet for a moment. “How much did you say you remember?” she said slowly.

  “Enough,” I said. She opened her mouth and closed it, twice before she said, “You should probably know that Alexandra broke up with him.”

  “What? She dumped him?”

  Blair nodded.

  Seriously? After how she fought to keep him here…

  “I wouldn’t judge her too much for this one,” she continued, fidgeting with her hair. “They broke up yesterday, but Alexandra is still pretty pissed. And…she’s probably not going to want to be around you right now.” She scrunched her nose, another nervous tic.

  “What?”

  “I don’t really want to get into it, but I feel like someone should tell you. Just know that while it’s not your fault, it’s not unjustified on her part either. She’s hurting…” Blair trailed off, making me all the more curious.

  “Are you going to tell me what their breakup has to do with all of this, or do I need to wait until morning when she starts the silent treatment?” I asked matter-of-factly.

  What was the big deal? It wasn’t like she wasn’t pissed at me half the time anyway. And Alexandra practically had a new boyfriend every month. It was weird she’d even been with Aaron as long as she had. Something about the whole situation had rubbed me wrong from the beginning, but this breakup was even weirder.

  “It’s not my place to say. You need to talk to him though.”

  “Him? Why would I talk to him?”

  “Just do it, Selena. The sooner this sorts itself out, the better we’ll all be.”

  Her words stilled me. “Okay,” I agreed.

  She visibly relaxed a fraction before returning to the topic at hand. “You need to talk to me next time it gets bad. Okay? Maybe just having someone to talk you down would help.” She neatly skated around the fact that when I was like that there wouldn’t be any talking. Who was I to point out the obvious, though?

  “You think you can fix me?”

  “No.”

  That made me laugh. At least she wasn’t being sentimental about this. She knew what she was up against.

  “I do think I can help you, though, for what it’s worth.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I warned, not wanting to go there. Not tonight.

  “I’m not making you a promise, Selena. I don’t do promises. I’ve lived through some pretty shitty things, though, and I think talking to someone is better than doing nothing and hoping for the best.” She paused, pulling back and giving me the look that meant I wouldn’t like what she was going to say. “Don’t get me wrong, you try anything stupid, and I’ll have both your sisters on you before you do something you’ll regret—but I don’t want to go there any more than you do if we don’t have to.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, I could live with that. It was a reprieve, of sorts, and one I hoped never to need—but like most things in my life, the universe had other plans. For the umpteenth time, I looked up at the stars and asked, Why me?

  Just like every time before, no one answered. The ancients of old were dead. Just like the matter manipulators. Just like I would be, if I didn’t find a way to stop myself next time the hallucinations came.

  Chapter 79

  When I got up the next morning, two things became pretty apparent. The first was that no one had been eliminated. Apparently, my meltdown had compromised the structural integrity of the roof, which was also the floor of the simulator. My friends had covered for me, but word was that Vonlowsky wasn’t pleased. Everyone now shared the only other bathroom, which had been the guys’…but everyone was so tired they didn’t really care as long as they had somewhere to shower and piss.

  The second, and slightly more important thing, in my mind, was that Alexandra wouldn’t look at me. Never mind Aaron, or what Blair had told me would happen—from the moment she’d woken up, she’d completely and utterly ignored me. Her inner fire burned, but her eyes were distant. Every time I tried to speak with her, she would mutter some nonsense and walk away. After the third try, I was at my wits end.

  “Alexandra, what’s your problem?” I said, coming up beside her to sit at the lunch table.

  Both Lucas and Aaron had been giving me looks all day, but the second the words were out, they found the cracks in the floor just fascinating. Assholes. This was getting stranger and more infuriating by the second. Blair had said to give her time, but they wouldn’t even tell me what I’d done that was so bad that she needed space.

  “Now’s not the time,” she said lightly.

  Time. Time? You want to talk about time? Let’s talk about every time you crossed a line, and I cleaned it up.

  Her pale hands trembled as she picked up her fork and began eating her salad.

  “Then when is the time? Because I’ve tried to talk to you all morning and still can’t get a straight answer.” I should’ve known by the settling silence that a storm was brewing within her. I should’ve seen the signs.

  “You want to know?” she asked, setting the fork down on the metal plate with a clink. The sharp noise made me wince, but she paid it no mind. “Why don’t you talk to him?” She motioned to the dark-eyed man at the far end of the table.

  It occurred to me that him sitting amidst Anastasia’s people probably wasn’t a good sign. Something else I should’ve noticed.

  “Do you want to tell her?” she asked him, her voice rising an octave.

  What the hell happened while I was out?

  “Alex, we talked about this. Can we not—”

  “You do not get to call me that anymore,” she said sharply. The quiet hatred was scarier than her hot-blooded anger. What had he done to make her behave like this?

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. His gaze dropped to the table in front of him, as his ego deflated.

  “What did you do?” I accused, and his gaze shot to mine.

  His lips parted, like he wanted to say something. His black eyes traveled over every facet of my face, searching for something he would never find.

  “Oh, this is rich!” Alexandra said darkly. Her wicked cackle reminded me too much of the darkness I’d seen in myself for my liking. “You know what? I’m not going to get involved.” She smiled too sweetly for it to be real. “I’m going to see how this plays out for you when she finds out.” I knew all too well that I was the unnamed ‘she;’ what I didn’t know was what I had to do with this.

  Alexandra left her tray as she stomped out of the lunchroom. I took a step toward her, wanting to help in some way.

  “Don’t,” Tori said. She reached for my wrist and squeezed gently, rising with her and Alexandra’s food in hand. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I feel like she ain’t gonna want you to go after her. Let me try,” she said softly.

  “Let her go,” Blair said. Had it been anyone else, I would’ve told them where to shove it.

  I sighed, nodding for Tori to go instead of me.

  “I told you to give her time,” Blair said quietly.

  “That would be easier if you told me what I was giving her time from. I haven’t done anything,” I snapped. I stared down Aaron, trying to will him to speak without saying it.

  “You exist. It’s not your fault, but he’s not being the most forthcoming,” Blair said sharply.

  Aaron glared at her with a vengeance. “What happens between me and her is none of your business, Blair,” he growled.

  “But it is mine,” I cut in.

  His gaze flipped between the two of us, like he couldn’t decide whether to be angry or honest. Eventually, he settled for, “You’re not ready.”

  Aaron got up and slammed the door behind him on the way out, not even bothering with his uneaten dinner. I had half a mind to go after him and demand to know what I wasn’t ready for, but as the moments passed, I became increasingly aware that I was running out of people who knew what had happened and would tal
k. I bit the bullet and turned to Lucas. He watched me uneasily as I made my way to him with legs so stiff I thought I would fall over. There was no smile on his lips or in his eyes when he looked at me.

  I swallowed the bile in my mouth and spoke. “We need to talk.”

  “Do we now?” he asked, eyebrows arching so high they disappeared under his shaggy hair. He cocked his head in a way that was oddly familiar, and almost mocking.

  “Yes,” I said through tight lips, walking to the door before he spoke again.

  “Is that all we need to do?”

  I could’ve throttled him right there, because I didn’t understand where his sudden coy attitude was coming from. I refused to show how pissed I was and add fuel to his fire, though. Two could play this game.

  “That’s for me to know, and you to find out.” I didn’t wait for a snappy comeback, and ascended the stairs quickly. He would either follow or not, and it wouldn’t take long to figure out. When the stairwell door closed two floors down, I picked up speed and left the building entirely, taking the long route around campus to the boxing gym. It was late enough in the evening that no one would be here. I opened the last door, and the smell of home enveloped me. Blood. Sweat. Tears.

  And then Lucas was there, carrying the scent of the woods with him. “You said you wanted to talk?”

  He was leaning against the ring I loved so dearly, looking like the prick he was becoming. Someone owed me answers, and I wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time.

  “Yes,” I said hastily. I already wanted this to be over. I crossed the space, each heartbeat sounding louder than the last. “What happened in the bathroom?”

  He looked away, running a hand through his unkempt hair. Actually…now that I really looked at him, he wasn’t looking so great in general. Dark circles lined his eyes. The exhaustion was taking its toll. The glimmer I was used to seeing in those eyes was practically gone, replaced by something colder. Harder. It was no wonder my subconscious thought them all demons, especially him. The emerald was practically a forest green now, and the look he was giving me didn’t help the uneasiness in my stomach.

  “I don’t want to go there,” he muttered, uncharacteristically vague.

  I grimaced. “I didn’t ask if you wanted to go there, I need you to,” I snapped.

  His eyes glazed over, hardening to gemstones. “Need? Really, Selena? After everything that’s happened, it’s him you need?” he asked—demanded, really—growing louder by the second.

  “You know that’s not how I meant it,” I said dryly. I wouldn’t give into this petty jealousy. I didn’t even really understand where it had come from to begin with.

  “Of course, that’s how you meant it, you just don’t realize it.” His eye’s gloated with whatever he thought he knew, and it was beginning to get on my last nerve.

  I moved to snap my fingers in front of his face, in the most derogatory and insulting of ways. Even though I knew his temper better than anyone, I always tested it. My fingers snapped once before he closed his fist around them and yanked me to his chest. My head hit it with a thunk. He’d caught me off guard, and it took him no time at all to grasp my hips and spin me around, seating me on the ring and wedging himself between my legs. I glared defiantly at him, folding my arms across my chest.

  “Do not snap your fingers at me,” he growled. He placed his arms on either side of me. This little act of dominance wasn’t going to work on me. Not anymore. My intentions with him were clear, and I wasn’t blurring that line again.

  “Maybe you should answer my questions then,” I said, not leaning back no matter how close he got. I wasn’t going to cower, but I wasn’t going to kiss him either.

  “Tit for tat, Selena, you know how this goes,” he murmured. His eyes would’ve been almost hypnotic, if not for how dark they were. He moved closer, his lips only a hair’s breadth away from mine.

  “We need to talk,” I said, not a trace of coyness or passion in my voice.

  “I’m not talking about him,” he nearly sneered, and his lips crashed into mine.

  The burning passion wasn’t there, though, not for me. I simply froze, letting him kiss a cold, unmoving statue. Maybe then he’d get the hint.

  His breath was hot as he kissed me, but it didn’t take long for him to grow frustrated by my lack of—well, everything. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away, holding me at arm’s length as he shook me for all of two seconds before I put a stop to it.

  “Stop, Lucas. Goddamn it, what the hell is wrong with you? I came to talk, not for—whatever this is. So, either start talking or I’m leaving,” I said, shrugging his hands off me.

  “I’m not going there. But if you want to talk, let’s talk. What happened to us?”

  I didn’t like this change of direction. It was too demanding. I leaned back on my arms to put distance between us. Not that it really helped with him wedged between my legs.

  He scowled, but didn’t try manhandling me again. “Ever since we got back, you’ve just kicked me out of your life again. You’ve been up and down, nearly killing yourself in the process.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “What happened, Selena? Where did I go wrong?”

  I sighed, because this was the talk we should’ve had at his house. I should’ve told him that, no matter what happened after this, I would never be his. Not just because his kisses no longer made my head swim, or even because it was his poor decision that had put me here. I could try to get past those, but at the end of the day, I just wanted my best friend back.

  “You didn’t do anything, Lucas. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”

  And for the first time, I actually believed that. It was my fault—because this was what I truly wanted. He was the first real friend I’d ever had, and I didn’t want to lose that because we’d both gotten caught up in the moment along the way.

  “Then how do I fix this? What can I do to make it right?” I cringed at the desperation in his tone, written on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly aware of the effect his words were having on me.

  “Nothing.” I pulled away, further back onto the ring until I was supporting my own weight.

  Lucas moved his hands to my hips, trying in vain to regain control of the situation and swing the ball into his court. Part of me wished I could be different, that this could’ve…been something. That I could’ve loved him the way he deserved to be loved by someone. I accepted what had happened, though, and my part in it. I just needed him to see that while I might not be in love with him, I did want him. As my best friend.

  “You’re pulling away again. Why? What’s going on with you, Selena?”

  His pleading was the blow that broke the dam, and I finally told him the truth.

  “I want to be friends, Lucas—and before you try to interrupt, let me tell you why,” I said, cutting him off when he opened his mouth again. “When I went away for the summer, I was confused by your feelings as much as my own. I missed you, but because I’d never had a friend before, particularly a guy friend, I was confused by what liking someone really feels like. I couldn’t tell if it was just us being good friends, and enjoying your company—or if it was something more. When I saw you again, I really wasn’t sure what I wanted—your sister had just been attacked and shit continued to hit the fan—but when I kissed you in the woods, I finally figured it out.” I paused to catch a breath and try to read his expression.

  His face was a mask, though, so I went on.

  “I don’t want to be your girlfriend, Lucas, and I don’t want you to be my everything. I just want you to be my friend, and I’ll do my best to be yours. I still need time to figure my life out, but I want you to know that I’m trying. I’m trying to fix this, and be a better friend.” The words poured out of me in probably one of the most honest things I’d ever said, and he looked like I’d slapped him.

  “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he asked, his eyes never wavering as he stared at me.

  “Lucas,
I just told you—”

  “I care for you, Selena, and I’m trying to keep you from getting mixed up with that…that…animal.” He was frantic in his delusion of saving me. He gripped me tighter and it was like a noose tightening around my neck, because everyone wanted something from me, and no one was happy with what I had to give.

  Anastasia wanted my service. My family wanted to save me. Lucas wanted my heart. Aaron wanted…something I couldn’t even process at this moment as I realized the weight of the burden on my shoulders. At the end of it all, the world needed me to have my shit together. I needed me to have my shit together. Or else game over.

  I’d told him I wanted to be friends. Hell, I’d stood here and poured my heart out. Tried to be honest. To be a good friend, and not just take all the time.

  The noose tightened, but I refused to be a fucking possession.

  I refused to feel guilty when he wasn’t even thinking clearly.

  And so I made a choice—he got one more shot, and then I would cut him free, because I didn’t have time for this game anymore.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to let me go. Right now. I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if you make me.” Sixteen going on seventeen, and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I cared for him, but I didn’t have anything left to give. “I care about you, because you’re my friend. Don’t throw that away on jealousy.”

  His face changed. His entire demeanor shifted. The hands on my waist hurt, and his eyes burned a hateful, nauseous green.

  “Jealousy? That’s what you are going to blame this on? Why don’t you just tell the truth. That this is about him?” He sneered.

  My mouth popped open, not sure how to take this sudden change in him. “I wouldn’t know, because no one’s told me a damn thing!” I shouted, my eyes pricking with tears I refused to shed. Not over this. I hadn’t cried when I was tortured. I hadn’t cried every time shit hit the fan growing up. Hell, dreamland seven-year-old me hadn’t even cried. He didn’t deserve my tears.