We Came Here to Forget
Page 31
None of us get a happy ending because Buenos Aires wasn’t the end of anything, but rather an interlude from which we all emerge, if not quite renewed, then altered in fundamental ways.
Cali goes back to playing the cello, first in Paris, then in Berlin, and then, at last, back in her beloved New York. Many years later, a wave of scandals sweeps up Cali’s abuser and ends his career, with Cali bravely adding her voice to the chorus against him, a chorus which, for the first time in history, is listened to.
Gemma returns to London and, after a very difficult year, reaches an armistice with her ex-husband, and they become mutually respectful, if not exactly affectionate, coparents to their two little girls.
I learn all of this from the e-mails that the three of us periodically exchange long after we’ve left Buenos Aires for good. The happy ending is we all get another chance, another chapter.
For my part, people eventually forget the horrific headlines and I’m left to figure out the business of living a quieter, happier life. I love being a mother—and later a wife—more than I ever thought I would. I don’t go back to racing, but I find my way back to the mountain and the peace it once brought me.
When my daughter is born, I am filled with such a fierce, protective love for her that I know not one shred of the monster that consumed Penny has been reproduced in me. The truth is I never stop missing my sister entirely. I wonder what’s become of her second child, if she’s had any more, if there will be a chance someday for my daughter to know her cousins. When the pain of that lands on me, I let it in, and then as with everything else, I put it to the side and carry on.
I never forgive Penny completely. But, in time, I don’t think about her every day, I don’t wake up soaked with sweat and crying in the night anymore. I know she may reappear in my life one day and that, like the changeling of a fairy tale, it’s impossible to know what form she’ll take, what her illness will make her into as time goes by. What I’m certain of is that the sister I grew up with, the sister I once loved, is gone. I mourn her death and, as I do, my memories of my own childhood become less toxic. By letting go of the hope that I’ll get her back one day, I get a new hope: one for a happy life without her in it.
The happy ending is I do not become my sister.
The happy ending is life continues without her.
The happy ending is we all survive.
Acknowledgments
My deepest gratitude to my editor, Sarah Cantin, who was such a support to me as I navigated the fraught emotional territory of this book; I’ve been so lucky to work with you. And to my agent, Carly Watters, who has been there for me every step of the way these past few years. Thanks also to Taryn Fagerness and Dana Spector for all of your work on my behalf.
I have so much appreciation for the fabulous team at Atria Books, especially Rakesh Satyal for his support and guidance, as well as Ali Hinchcliffe, Loan Le, Albert Tang, Joanne O’Neill, and Shelly Perron.
Thank you, Crystal Patriarche, Taylor Brightwell, and the team at Booksparks, who have been instrumental in getting the word out about my books. I’m so grateful for all that you do. Thank you to Anna Katz for lending me your keen editorial eye on an early draft.
Brittney Muller and Leah Stroud educated me on the ins and outs of professional skiing and Breezy Johnson shared her perspective as an Olympic and World Cup alpine skier; thank you so much for helping me bring those parts of the book to life.
I’d be lost without the company and counsel of writer friends like Geraldine DeRuiter, Caroline Kepnes, Taylor Jenkins Reid, and Laurie Frankel; your support and friendship mean the world to me. To my longtime mentor, Pat Geary, thank you for your feedback on an early draft of the book—to be able to call on you after all these years is a rare gift indeed.
To Natasha Minoso, Alyssa Hamilton, and all the other bloggers and bookstagrammers who have helped readers find my work, I’m eternally grateful for your passion and advocacy. Much love as well to all of the booksellers and librarians who have supported my career thus far.
Lastly, to Derek and Fiona. The happy ending is you.
More from the Author
She Regrets Nothing
Broken Bay
Losing the Light
About the Author
ANDREA DUNLOP is the author of She Regrets Nothing, Losing the Light, and Broken Bay. She lives with her husband and daughter in Seattle, Washington.
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Also by Andrea Dunlop
Losing the Light
Broken Bay (a novella)
She Regrets Nothing
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2019 by Andrea Dunlop
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ISBN 978-1-9821-0342-2
ISBN 978-1-9821-0344-6 (ebook)