Big Trouble

by Andrew Seiple

  Chase spared the beaten guard at her feet a glance, then grabbed Grummer’s shoulder. “Let her out. Now!”

  “What? Are you out of your mind, girl? You told us not to—”

  The pig knight dropped, and Renny screamed, wriggling out of Chase’s hands and running for the staircase. Chase let him go, fixed her eyes on Grummer and bellowed, “Do it now Grummer Gar, or the world will know where you sneak off to every Tuesday night!”

  Grummer blanched and moving without conscious thought, jammed his hand into the pack.

  When he pulled it out there was a woman’s hand grasping his own. Followed by a woman’s arm, clad in a tattered sleeve. Followed by a woman’s head, blinking pale eyes in the sudden light, wispy hair ragged and wild.

  Until finally the woman stood there just before the dais, gasping in the air, and looking about her with wonder.

  She was beautiful, this woman, and though Chase didn’t know how, her unspoken entrance drew the notice of all in the room. The fighting slowed and stopped… all save for Renny, who scampered up the dais and cradled his fallen pig friend’s head in his lap, unnoticed as Zenobia, the guards, the other adventurers, and Dijornos all turned to stare at the ethereal, pale woman in their midst.

  Chase smiled, and though it was the hardest thing she had ever done, she turned her back to the vision of beauty and stared at the halvens behind her.

  “Run,” she said.

  CHAPTER 16: SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM

  “Run!” Chase screamed, when they didn’t move. Then with a jerk, her Dad and Greta and a few of the others started toward the exit…

  But they were too late.

  The little group stopped as Dijornos stomped over to stand in front of it, laughing, swords held out wide and low. “I was wondering how you were going to betray me, you tiny twerp!”

  “What is this…” Speranza breathed, hair floating as she turned to take in the whole of the room. “My pets are dead… you! This isn’t the safety you promised! You betrayed me, girl!”

  The Camerlengo’s low, throaty laughter echoed through the room, scornful… and just a touch hysterical. “Oh, I knew it was going too smoothly,” she said, when she finally stopped. “Hoonites. There’s absolutely no situation a Hoonite can’t make worse.”

  I have to handle them in the right order. Camerlengo first? “Silent Activation Foresight,” Chase muttered. Then she blanched as she saw Dijornos’ ghostly form charge forward, and take her head off. The vision ended all too soon, and she whipped her gaze to him, watching him ready to spring…

  Your Silent Activation skill is now level 5!

  Your Foresight skill is now 17!

  Fortunately for the paradox, all she was trying to do was talk. It eased as she smiled at the big man. “Firstly, I didn’t betray you. I promised you vengeance on Zenobia. There she is! You’re the one who planned to use me as a pocket healer and then betray and kill me for my experience. Am I wrong?”

  “You’re not wrong,” he said, considering her with a wry grin.

  Then her father moved to block Dijornos if he charged. That seemed to give the big man pause. Chase licked her lips, saw Zenobia above her, tensing, reading to leap. The halven shot her head to the side, and saw Speranza gathering in a deep breath, probably to sing.

  Another shot of foresight and another level in it, and she threw up her hand at Zenobia. “Wait! You have nothing to gain and everything to lose!”

  “You think I can’t kill everyone in this room?” Zenobia’s lips curled.

  This part was crucial, so Chase rubbed her mouth as she whispered, “Silent Activation Silver Tongue.”

  Your Silver Tongue skill is now level 4!

  Then she spoke to the woman who could order her entire village killed. “No, frankly I think you’re strong and merciless. I think you’re going to kill the first person you go after. But then everyone else will gang up on you, and someone will kill you. The pump room is pointless right now, since the Siren’s out of the cell and the Butcher’s lost his fear of w-w-w-water. Even if you manage to get to the pumps, it’s pointless. So back up a bit, and let’s talk this over.”

  CHA+1

  The Camerlengo took a few steps back, looked to her entourage. The last four who were still standing moved to the back of the dais, away from the remaining adventurers.

  Chase noticed that both the pig and Renny had vanished… although there was a strange blur in the air, not too far from where they had been. A spool of thread rolled out of the blur as she watched, appearing out of nowhere, twisting as something pulled thread off the spool. Chase nodded in satisfaction. Renny was saving his friend. Good.

  But the distraction cost her, as Speranza’s voice rose, notes trilling out in a glorious cadence, pulsing through her mind, drawing Chase’s eyes back to her. Everyone in the room felt it, mouths falling open, feeling their bodies start to warm, start to change…

  …up until the point a small voice shouted “Phantasm!” and Speranza’s head expanded, turned green, and bulged outward at the eyes.

  It was a frog’s head.

  And more importantly, her glorious, hypnotic song disappeared, replaced by discordant croaking. Human hands wrapped around a green throat, as Speranza broke off, startled croaks emerging from somewhere in there.

  “No, you don’t!” Renny yelled from somewhere up on the dais, still covered by a patch of invisibility. “Now let them go! Let my friends go!”

  “Do it or die,” Chase said. “You have no choice here.” She grabbed her father’s elbow, and tugged his arm until he got the idea, and pointed his sword up at the frog-faced siren. Speranza took two steps back… and nearly fell, as Benjy Lapin and Tooly Tack grabbed her legs.

  “DO IT!” Chase roared, putting every bit of her lungs behind her voice, every bit of frustration and pain and misery she’d endured getting to this point, and letting it all out in one blast of pure frustration. “JUST DO IT, LADY!”

  Speranza tried to say something. It came out in defiant croaks.

  Chase shook her head and said, softly, ever-so-softly; “Just do it. It’s the only chance you have of leaving this room alive.”

  Silence. Dead silence, broken only by Dijornos laughing his ass off. Speranza looked down then, covering her froggy eyes.

  And above them, on the dais, the adventurers hunched over and grew, gaining feet, returning to their regular sizes as they gasped and shrieked.

  The Camerlengo’s mouth twisted, and she raised her sword, taking a few furtive steps toward the nearest red-haired woman… then falling back, as Renny materialized between them, lightning flaring and crackling between his paws. “No,” he said simply.

  Chase heard a groan from behind her and glanced back to see the dwarf she’d taken for dead returning to his full size. Well she guessed it was his full size. She’d never seen a dwarf before, so it was hard to tell.

  “All right,” Chase said. “Speranza is now our prisoner. Not yours,” Chase said, glaring at Zenobia… then turning her gaze to Dijornos. “Do you have any problem with her? With Speranza?”

  “She did betray me,” Dijornos said, leaning against the door. But his eyes never left Zenobia. “I have to kill her as a matter of principle, now.”

  “How about after you and Zenobia sort it out? You can track her down at your leisure without us in the way.”

  “Hold on a minute—” the Camerlengo began.

  “Yeah, I’m okay with that,” Dijornos said. But he didn’t move from the doorway, eyes shifting around from Zenobia to the adventurers, then back to Chase.

  While he was considering, she tugged at Benjy’s sleeve and pointed up at the podium. He nodded and started up the staircase, raising his hands to the adventurers as he went. They bristled, but at a word from Renny, they let him through.

  The Camerlengo watched, frowning. Chase narrowed her eyes. “You,” she said, pointing at the Camerlengo. “We don’t know what this is about, not really. We don’t want to know. You came into this prison to kil
l the prisoners. Well this one’s under control,” Chase pointed to Speranza. “We won’t let her work her charms on people outside. And that one—” she moved her finger over to Dijornos, “is one of your objectives here, so I figure it’s fair that you have to try to kill him face to face. Especially since he’ll be trying to do the same to you. The rest of us are going to walk out of here. UNLESS either of you tries to stop us. In that case, we’ll die trying to kill whoever did that… and the person who DIDN’T attack us will be able to take you down after you’re weakened.” Chase said.

  Neither of the two looked happy about it. But then they looked away from her, over to each other. The Camerlengo’s surviving guards spread out, as she chanted “Greater Healing” a few times, and each of them glowed in turn.

  For his part, Dijornos moved away from the door, rummaging through the corpses of the guards, coming up with coin purses. “Blood is Gold,” he said over and over again, tossing the purses over his shoulder as they fell empty to the ground.

  “Done!” Benjy said, and Chase pushed back the wave of fear, as she thought of the next step.

  “Let’s go! They’ve got a score to settle! Go, go, go!”

  As one, the halvens grabbed their prisoner, hoisted her up above them, and fled for the door. The adventurers followed, giving Dijornos a wide berth. He let them go, but as Chase brought up the rear, he shot her a grin and a wink.

  Dijornos has invited you to join the Warring Pizzas Guild.

  Do you wish to join this guild? Y/N?

  Hell no!

  The words disappeared as she thought them. “Sorry!” Chase yelled, then, “Foresight!”

  But against the odds, she didn’t see him killing her. She saw herself get clear out of the room before the vision ended.

  And then she saw other words entirely.

  You are now a level 4 Grifter!

  CHA+3

  DEX+3

  LUCK+3

  Then time sped up and she followed suit, running for all she was worth. “How long?” she asked Benjy Lapin as she caught up to him.

  “About three minutes! Then the pipes won’t be able to take the pressure!”

  “Good!”

  Then Chase stumbled, as new words appeared, and she felt herself change once again.

  You are now a level 9 Halven!

  AGL+4

  CHA+4

  CON+2

  DEX+4

  INT+2

  LUCK+4

  PER+2

  STR+2

  WILL+2

  WIS+4

  COOL +5

  MENTAL FORTITUDE+5

  What? Chase wondered, still running, finding it easier with her now-upgraded agility. Why a halven level? Why not another Oracle level, or a Grifter one, or something like that?

  The answer struck her, and she fought back a hysterical giggle. It’s because I’m running from something hugely dangerous and dramatic that is completely none of my business. I love it.

  It was starting to feel like a proper adventure, now…

  …up until the point that the walls shook, and water roared down distant pipes.

  “They gave early!” Benjy Lapin yelled. “Run faster!”

  But Chase couldn’t run. The water was coming, and Chase just screamed, a slave to her newly-obtained madness. The others paused, slowed, stared back at her.

  Up until Greta, big Greta, farm-trained Greta, strong Greta hoisted her little sister up in a carry. She ran, huffing and puffing, carrying Chase to safety.

  Chase absurdly remembered the story game she’d wanted to run Greta through back a day ago, at the stream, before this all started. And she giggled and hugged her sister tight, burying her face and ignoring the roaring of the water, and the spray of the drops as leaks burst from the walls, trying to catch them.

  They made it to the main room at the head of the stairs, and Benjy called back “The river’s flooded the entryway! But it’s not too bad yet, we can get through now, if we hurry!”

  And though it took an effort, Chase slapped her sister’s shoulder with one arm, until Greta put her down. Though it took everything she had to remain calm with the terrible wet scourge coming for her, the pipes all around the room shaking and shuddering, Chase focused her mind on the next part.

  She walked right up to the still frog-headed Speranza and said “I’m sorry. But you deserve this.” As the uncomprehending woman looked on, Chase touched her arm and said, “Transfer Condition.”

  You are no longer afflicted with Madness: Hydrophobia!

  Your Transfer Condition skill is now level 2!

  Instantly, the world snapped into focus. Chase gasped in relief and stepped back as Speranza screamed and thrashed, tearing herself free from the halvens holding her. “Let her go!” Chase said, as the woman fled back into the prison. “Let’s run! Get out of here!”

  The adventurers led the way this time, standing in front of the traps on the steps, making sure the halvens got around them and into the dark water that now churned and lapped over the first few steps. With a splash, the mitre-wearing frog jumped in, corralling frantically-swimming villagers as the currents threatened to sweep them away.

  Midway through, Greta slipped on the steps and fell directly in, plummeting over the side. Without a second’s hesitation, Chase followed, and the two of them ended up clinging to each other, kicking frantically for the surface.

  It was without any semblance of grace or elegance.

  It was an evacuation that the author of the Jinkies books would have turned her nose up at; halvens bobbing around like bottles, yelling to each other, and trying to pick their way through the cave without hitting too many rocks. It just wasn’t dignified or dramatic enough for a good story.

  It was a comedy of trips and slips and flailing falls, and more than one set of bruises as someone misjudged the flowing waters, but it sufficed. Perhaps it was due to the indomitable halven luck, or perhaps it was because everyone there had spent a good amount of time either learning to swim or dealing with water in some fashion, but at the end of it, they pulled themselves out into daylight.

  The last few glimmers of daylight, Chase saw, her heart sinking at the sight of the sun going down behind the trees. “Not enough time. Not enough time!” she said, staring helplessly down at Bothernot below. No sign of trouble from up here, but soon the darkness would come, and she knew what would come along with it.

  “We’re safe, Sweetpea. You did well. We’re fine.” Her father put an arm around her, and hugged her close, but she pushed him away.

  “No. No, it’s only beginning. We need to get back home right now Dad. There’s one more prisoner on the loose, and he’s coming to kill us all.”

  CHAPTER 17: BACK TO BOTHERNOT

  Chase stared down at the jerky and hard rolls in her hand. “They let you keep the food?” her voice rose with incredulity.

  “I know.” Her father chuckled. “They took our weapons but left us the food. I had the feeling they didn’t know too much about halvens.”

  The small group had spent half an hour running full tilt, only slowing as they grew exhausted. And that’s when her father’s group broke out the food, more than enough to share with the adventurers.

  Well, those that could eat, anyway. Chase’s eyes fell back on Renny and the pig knight… Baconator, that was his name. Those two had been carried by the red-haired women. Those two, sisters if Chase was any judge of it, were sitting and ravenously devouring their way through a stack of cold pancakes.

  You have regained 5 stamina! Chase glanced over to Susan Crabapple, who sat and drummed her hands on the hollow log she’d found, humming a jaunty tune. The old lady had Bard levels, and her song was speeding their regeneration.

  “Dad?” She edged closer to him, where he sat reworking the straps on his borrowed shield. “What kind of skills were you using in there? Dijornos used skills like those.”

  “Mercenary skills,” her father said, shortly. “Most of us here have that job to some degree. We used t
o be in the same band together.”

  “Still are,” Ruggle Casker said. “We just don’t fight no more.”

  “You were an adventurer?” Chase’s voice squeaked. It seemed absurdly unfair, somehow. Her father had lived an exciting life, and she knew nothing about it! She shot a look at Greta. Had her sister known? But no, Greta raised her hands and shook her head.

  Her father just laughed. The sad laugh, this time. “No, we weren’t adventurers. We got drafted. Told to take our farm tools and fight for our lord’s land. We did, but our lord lost, so we hit the road after that. Our country ceased to be, and the new lord wanted to charge us too many taxes for fighting him. No other land would have us, so we joined up with Taran’s Tallymen.”

  “They called us the Tiny Terriers,” Benjy Lapin snorted. “But we made them eat their words. After the siege of Garbanzo they said it with respect, damn it.”

  “How… why… Bothernot? Bothernot is like the opposite of that!” Chase said, grasping, trying to understand.

  “Yes,” Stem Berrymore said, his voice very, very quiet. “It was the opposite of that. Until today.”

  Silence fell across the clearing then, all save for Susan’s steady drumming. But even that had taken on a sad, poignant undertone. And Chase looked around to see the older halvens sitting, eyes looking far away.

  “Weren’t many of us survived those days,” Grummer said. “About one in five. We got out once we had the coin to buy farms. Never hit the high levels, and that’s quite alright with us. Had our fill o’ blood. Had our fill o’ dead friends.”

  “Bothernot was that way because we made it that way,” Chase’s father said, and his hand reached out and stroked her hair, like he had when she was much, much younger. “We wanted different for you. We wanted peace.”

  No wonder they never spoke of it, Chase realized. It’s breaking their hearts just to remember those days.

  “I’m sorry,” Renny said. “This is all our fault. If we hadn’t come here, then the prisoners would still be in Pandora. None of this would be happening.”