Kill Me Now

by Brad Fraser

  Thanks Rowdy.

  ROWDY:

  No prob.

  JAKE exits. ROWDY finishes his drink then takes the pages and rips them into small pieces. He throws the paper bits into the garbage can and exits as a light rises on ROBYN alone on her communications device.

  ROBYN:

  Joey I just got your text. You haven’t given me a lot of notice but I think I can do some rearranging and make it. If you’re sure you want me there. I mean I want to come. I’ll do my best. And thank you.

  Lights rise on JAKE’s bedroom. JOEY is wearing a suit and looks very cleaned up. He’s shaking his father, who’s sound asleep in his bed.

  JOEY:

  Dah. Wug ub. (Dad. Wake up.)

  JAKE moans but doesn’t wake.

  Wuh huf tuh guh tuh thuh shooh. (We have to go to the school.)

  JAKE mumbles unintelligibly. JOEY shakes him.

  Uhn guduahshuh duduh. (I’m graduating today.)

  JAKE:

  Guduahshuh?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  JAKE:

  Yuh guduashuh from—school?

  JOEY:

  Yuh!

  JAKE:

  Duday?

  JOEY:

  Yuh Dah.

  JAKE:

  I wunuh mish id.

  TWYLA enters carrying a basin of water.

  TWYLA:

  He’s awake.

  JOEY:

  Shordah. (Sorta.)

  TWYLA:

  We’re just gonna clean you up a bit.

  TWYLA sets the basin down and soaks a washcloth in it.

  JAKE:

  Wun did I lasht shower?

  JOEY:

  Ush buh uh fuh dush. (It’s been a few days.)

  JAKE:

  Ah should showuh.

  TWYLA removes his pyjama top.

  TWYLA:

  It’ll be a sponge bath today bro. We don’t have much time.

  JAKE:

  Whah about muh hair?

  TWYLA:

  We’ll get you all fixed up.

  TWYLA washes JAKE as they speak.

  JOEY:

  Ah funust shooh Dah. (I finished school Dad.)

  TWYLA:

  His marks are really good.

  JAKE:

  Thash suh great.

  JOEY:

  Huh munuh push dud yuh tuk? (How many pills did you take?)

  JAKE:

  Fuh.

  TWYLA:

  Four?

  JAKE:

  Ah fun.

  TWYLA:

  Keep telling yourself that until the graduation’s over.

  JAKE:

  Don scrub suh hard!

  TWYLA:

  I’m not.

  ROWDY enters.

  ROWDY:

  What can I do?

  TWYLA:

  Got his clothes?

  ROWDY:

  Yeah.

  You okay Mr. S?

  JAKE:

  Tiud and dishy bud fun.

  ROWDY:

  Not so clear there.

  JOEY:

  Tiud un dishy bud fun. (Tired and dizzy but fine.)

  ROWDY:

  How much does it hurt to move around?

  JAKE:

  Lotsh und lotsh.

  TWYLA:

  Do you think he needs a shave?

  ROWDY:

  We don’t have a lot of time.

  JOEY:

  Nuh uh publuh. (Not a problem.)

  TWYLA:

  Let’s get him into that suit.

  They dress JAKE as the scene progresses.

  ROWDY:

  Give me a hand so I can get the pants on.

  TWYLA:

  I’ve got him.

  ROWDY:

  One leg at a time. Nice and easy.

  JAKE groans as he gets into the pants.

  TWYLA:

  I’ll hold you steady.

  ROWDY:

  Just keep him up until I get him zipped.

  JOEY:

  Yuh ukuh Dah? (You okay Dad?)

  JAKE:

  Ish okay. Uhm feeluh a bit shtronguh. Uh couldn’t mish thish.

  TWYLA:

  Hold your arms out so Rowdy can put the shirt on.

  JAKE:

  Wud wuh we do wivout Rowdy?

  ROWDY:

  Nuthin I’ll tell you that.

  TWYLA:

  The van’s waiting.

  ROWDY:

  You look very nice Twyla.

  TWYLA:

  So do you Rowdy.

  JOEY:

  Wuh ubuh muh? (What about me?)

  TWYLA goes to JOEY and kisses him on the forehead.

  TWYLA:

  You look great. And all grown up.

  JAKE:

  When—when dih thah happen?

  TWYLA:

  It’s always happening.

  ROWDY:

  Okay so really I have no idea how to tie a tie.

  TWYLA:

  Oh dear.

  JOEY:

  Dun looh ah muh. (Don’t look at me.)

  JAKE:

  Muh hands cand quite munug.

  ROBYN enters.

  ROBYN:

  You know I’m actually quite good with ties.

  JOEY:

  Wubuh. (Robyn.)

  ROBYN:

  The front door was wide open.

  JAKE:

  Robyn?

  JOEY:

  See buh spunduh Tushduh nush wiv muh. (She’s been spending Tuesday nights with me.)

  ROWDY:

  Thank god.

  JAKE:

  For how luh?

  ROBYN:

  You haven’t told him?

  JOEY:

  Nuh yuh. (Not yet.)

  TWYLA:

  Told him what?

  JOEY:

  Wubuh uh ah wed yuh bug. (Robyn and I read your book.)

  JAKE:

  Muh bug?

  ROBYN:

  The whole thing.

  JAKE:

  Yuh—yuh liged it?

  JOEY:

  Yuh. Ooh uh vuwuh gud widuh. (Yeah. You’re a very good writer.)

  JAKE:

  Uh cand tell you how mush that meansh tuh muh.

  JOEY:

  Seesh uh weewee gwud laduh. (She’s a really great lady.)

  JAKE opens his arms and walks toward JOEY stiffly, as if to embrace him.

  JAKE:

  Uh am suh proud of my boy—

  There’s a rude noise. Everyone freezes.

  JOEY:

  Dah?

  ROWDY:

  Peeyou.

  JAKE:

  I jusht shat my pantsh didun I?

  TWYLA:

  It’s okay.

  JAKE:

  I cun few it running dun thu bug of muh legsh.

  ROBYN:

  Just an accident.

  JAKE:

  Fuck.

  JOEY:

  Ih ukuh. (It’s okay.)

  JAKE

  : FUCK!

  ROBYN:

  Don’t.

  JAKE falls to his knees. His eyes roll back in his head.

  JOEY:

  Dah!

  JAKE makes a strange moaning sound.

  ROWDY:

  Ah hell.

  TWYLA:

  Watch his head.

  ROWDY:

  Got him

  JAKE convul
ses in ROWDY’s arms.

  ROBYN:

  Jake? Can you hear me?

  JAKE hums then grows still.

  JOEY:

  Guh ub Dah. (Get up Dad.)

  ROWDY:

  Mr. S.

  JOEY

  : Geh ub. Geh duh fuh ub! Dah! Geh ub! Preesh Dah. Geh ub. (Get up. Get the fuck up! Dad! Get up! Please Dad. Get up.)

  TWYLA:

  We should call an ambulance.

  JOEY:

  Nuh!

  TWYLA:

  No really—

  JOEY:

  Nuh umbulast. Hew geh ub. Dah. (No ambulance. He’ll get up. Dad.)

  ROWDY:

  He’s not getting up.

  TWYLA:

  The ambulance—

  JOEY:

  Nuh! Kun hum ub un puh hum bag du bud. (No! Clean him up and put him back to bed.)

  ROWDY:

  You sure?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  ROBYN:

  Your graduation—

  JOEY:

  Dun muduh. (Doesn’t matter.)

  TWYLA:

  His doctors need to know it’s gotten worse.

  JOEY:

  Wuh?! Thuh cand duh unuthuh abuh ih! (Why?! They can’t do anything about it!)

  TWYLA:

  He’s still alive!

  JOEY:

  Thash nuh lubuh! (That’s not living!)

  TWYLA:

  We cannot have this conversation.

  JOEY:

  Wuh huf tuh. (We have to.)

  ROBYN:

  I’m afraid he’s right.

  TWYLA:

  But the hospital can make him comfortable and the Services will send more people—

  JOEY:

  Hush nuh gouh tun unuh husputuh. (He’s not going to any hospital.)

  TWYLA:

  Maybe we should talk to Jake—after he wakes up. We’ll see what he wants.

  JOEY:

  Ah nuh whuh huh wunsh. Und sho duh yuh. Huh toad ush. (I know what he wants. And so do you. He told us.)

  TWYLA:

  I know but—

  JOEY:

  Nuh tuh buh ah thuh hopsitah. Nuh tuh buh ih pen. (Not to be back at the hospital. Not to be in pain.)

  ROWDY:

  Didn’t the doc say shitting his pants was the worst sign? He’d be like totally fucked-up?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  Pause.

  TWYLA:

  Joey we can’t—

  JOEY:

  Huh shah huh. (He stays here.)

  JAKE wakes and tries to sit up.

  JAKE:

  Shorry. We can still make it ruh? Joey ish nut tuh late?

  JOEY:

  Ih ukuh Dah. (It’s okay Dad.)

  JAKE

  : Muh legsh few funny.

  ROBYN takes JAKE in her arms.

  ROBYN:

  It’s okay Jake.

  JAKE:

  Shun I’m suruh.

  JOEY:

  Duh shwuh ih. (Don’t sweat it.)

  ROBYN:

  We’re alright here.

  JAKE:

  Ah shtink.

  ROBYN:

  We’re going to clean you up.

  JAKE:

  Uhm mishing id ah. Everuhshing.

  ROBYN:

  It’s okay.

  JAKE begins sobbing hysterically. ROBYN comforts him.

  JAKE:

  Ish not fuh. Ish not fuging fuh! Shun ah sho shorry.

  ROBYN:

  It’s okay. Cry all you want.

  JOEY

  : Wuh shuh kuh yuh ub Dah. (We should clean you up Dad.)

  ROWDY:

  I’ll do it.

  TWYLA:

  We can—

  ROWDY:

  It’s okay. I’ve done it before. Come on Mr. S.

  ROWDY and ROBYN help JAKE up.

  TWYLA:

  It’s gonna be okay.

  JAKE:

  No.

  TWYLA:

  I know.

  TWYLA hugs him.

  I love you Jake.

  JAKE:

  Uh love yuh too.

  ROBYN:

  You don’t have to worry about anything.

  JAKE:

  Nuh?

  ROBYN:

  Absolutely not.

  JAKE:

  Thung yuh.

  ROBYN kisses JAKE.

  ROWDY:

  Come on now.

  ROWDY leads JAKE out of the room. Pause.

  ROBYN:

  We’ll wait here.

  JOEY:

  Ahl caw ooh tumuruh— (I’ll call you tomorrow—)

  TWYLA:

  No. We’re staying here.

  ROBYN:

  Right here.

  JOEY:

  Buh iv thuh fun owd— (But if they find out—)

  TWYLA:

  We’re staying.

  Pause. JOEY nods.

  JOEY:

  Ah huv tuh gud sumthug. (I have to get something.)

  JOEY exits to JAKE’s room. TWYLA and ROBYN share a look.

  ROBYN:

  Jesus.

  TWYLA:

  This isn’t really happening.

  ROBYN:

  It is.

  Pause.

  TWYLA:

  Drink.

  ROBYN:

  Definitely.

  TWYLA pours them two very large drinks. Lights rise in the bathroom. JAKE is in the tub.

  ROWDY:

  This isn’t hurting you is it?

  JAKE:

  I—I dunno. Muh body feelsh different.

  ROWDY:

  I think we shoulda called that ambulance.

  JAKE:

  Nuh.

  ROWDY:

  You sure?

  JAKE:

  Yuh.

  JOEY enters.

  JOEY:

  Huh ih huh? (How is he?)

  ROWDY:

  A little better.

  JOEY:

  Wuwuh wum enuh? (Water warm enough?)

  JAKE:

  It is.

  JOEY:

  Yuh wunuh drung Dah? (You want a drink Dad?)

  JAKE:

  That would be so nice.

  JOEY:

  Wowdee geh Dash susuh un uh glush. (Rowdy get Dad’s CC and a glass.)

  ROWDY:

  You alright in there Mr. Sturdy?

  JAKE:

  Ahl buh fun.

  ROWDY:

  Back in a flash.

  JOEY:

  Sanks.

  ROWDY exits. JOEY wheels his chair closer to the tub, speaking urgently.

  JAKE:

  I’m sho shorry shon—

  JOEY:

  Duh suh duh. (Don’t say that.)

  JAKE:

  Uh keep letting you dun.

  JOEY:

  Ih nud yuh foud. (It’s not your fault.)

  JAKE:

  Joey—

  JOEY:

  Wowdee un Un Tuhluh un Wubuh wiw tuh gud kuh uh muh. (Rowdy and Aunt Twyla and Robyn will take good care of me.)

  JAKE:

  Thuh unshrance—?

  JOEY:

  Ahl suh duh hush un wuh wiw guh uh aputmuh. (I’ll sell the house and we’ll get an apartment.)

  ROWDY enters with the rye, which he sets on the side of the tub with a glass.

  ROWDY:

  The rye. />
  JAKE:

  Rowdy?

  JOEY:

  Yuh ukuh?

  ROWDY pours JAKE a big glass of rye.

  ROWDY:

  I know what’s going on alright? I know what you’re planning and I know why and I just fucking hate it. I hate it. But I love you both so I’m thinking I should do it—right? It makes sense. I’ve already got a record. Whatever you need. Poison neck-breaking throat-slitting—it’s all gross but I’d do it for you guys. I would—

  JOEY:

  Nuh.

  ROWDY:

  Why not?

  JOEY:

  Hesh muh dah.

  ROWDY:

  You can still get into trouble—

  JOEY:

  Ah duh cuh!

  ROWDY:

  Sure.

  You were like the father I never had sir.

  JAKE shakes ROWDY’s hand.

  JAKE:

  Tag gud cah of hum.

  ROWDY moves to JOEY, hugs him ferociously.

  ROWDY:

  You know where I’ll be.

  ROWDY exits fast. JOEY pushes the pill container on his tray toward JAKE who picks it up and sets it on the side of the tub next to the rye.

  JAKE:

  Pillsh booze und ah fuh tub. Shounds like uh reshipuh fuh dishastuh.

  JOEY:

  (laughs nervously) Yuh.

  JAKE:

  Uh couldun have asht fuh a bedduh shun.

  JOEY:

  Uh skud Dah. (I’m scared Dad.)

  JAKE:

  Muh tuh.

  Pause.

  Yuh shud prubuluh guh nuh.

  JOEY:

  Guh?

  JAKE:

  Yuh.

  JOEY:

  Nuh.

  JAKE:

  Yuh dun wanna be huh.

  JOEY:

  Ah duh.

  JAKE:

  Shun nuh—

  JOEY:

  Ah wuh tuh buh wiv ooh tih duh vewuh und.

  JOEY touches his father with one of his hands. JAKE lays his hand over his son’s.

  JAKE:

  Yuh shuh?

  JOEY:

  Uf kush. Yuh mah dah.

  Fade to black.

  Thanks

  The writing and eventual productions of this show happened because of the efforts and guidance of too many people to list here and they know who they are—thank you everyone for being part of this show. This is also true of everyone at Playwrights Canada Press. I would also like to extend my personal thanks to Michael Clark at Workshop West Playwrights’ Theatre for being brave enough to program the original production. Also, to my artistic partner and long-time collaborator Braham Murray, whose talent and skill has graced so many of my plays. To John Sowle and Steven Patterson at Kaliyuga Arts/The Bridge Street Theatre for their long-time support. To those who read it and commented: BJ Radomski, Ali Magnum, David Gale, Bob White, Peni Christopher, and dramaturg extraordinaire Iris Turcotte, whose guidance is always appreciated. All three productions, and earlier workshops, had excellent people in the cast and crew, but I must give an extra special thank you to Greg Wise and Emma Thompson, along with their lovely family, for facilitating my trip to London to see that production. It was truly one of the best weekends of my life. And finally, for all of those living with visible and invisible disabilities out there, thank you for your courage and strength in dealing with the challenges of what many of us see as the usual world. You are a constant inspiration.