Chapter 5
“I see you made yourself at home.”
Victoria stopped stirring the bowl of cookie dough at the sound of Mrs. Holmes voice. She seemed pleasant, but there was a hint of something else in her voice she could not describe. It was the same oddness as earlier in the morning when she walked into the kitchen to have breakfast.
“I do hope you do not mind Mrs. Holmes. I wanted something to do.” Victoria stated as calmly as she could. She was trying to feel at home.
“I do not mind. I was hoping you would. Joseph wrote to us that you are a wonderful cook. I was looking forward to the help in the kitchen.”
Victoria paused before replying. She could believe that Joseph thought that she was a wonderful cook, but was doubtful that Mrs. Holmes was happy she was making herself at home.
“I would not have thought that you needed help,” Victoria stated with a far more sarcastic tone than she had intended.
“I just do not have the energy I once had. My boys still expect a large spread for the midday meal. Their wife's are busy keeping up their own homes and watching over the children. They do not take the time to come out to the farm during the day.”
Victoria could not tell if she sounded happy or sad about her daughter-in-laws not visiting often. She personally would think she would want her children's spouses to visit often. Not that she would ever get the opportunity to meet her daughter's husband when that time came. If she had any more children, things would be different. She needed to learn more about Joseph's family so she proceeded to ask more questions, even if it was not a safe topic.
“How many grandchildren do you have?”
“There are seven so far and two on the way.”
“I did not think you were old enough to have so many grandchildren.” Surprise shown in Victoria's voice. The woman certainly did not look that old.
“Each of my boys had twin girls plus the oldest has another girl.”
“Are they disappointed that they did not have boys.”
“Not at all. They plan to have them on the farm as soon as they are old enough.”
“What are their ages?”
“They range from three years to six months.”
“I bet they enjoy playing together.” At least she would think they would. She was an only child and had no idea what it was like to be part of a large family.
“They do. I want to prepare you. They will all be here for Easter.”
What does she mean by prepare me. There was that tone again.
“What would you like me to do to help? Easter is in three days. I can bake cookies and cakes in advance. I can also bake several loaves of bread.” Victoria started to feel sweat dripping down the back of her neck and was thankful that she was in the habit of keeping her hair down. Besides the stress warming her, the oven was warming the whole room. In order to keep her hands busy, she started spooning out cookie dough onto a sheet to bake.
“That all sounds wonderful. I am not much of a baker. You will be giving them a treat. The men will be roasting a pig. It seemed the easiest to feed so many people.”
Victoria did not know what else to say. Did the others know about her past? Mr. and Mrs. Holmes knew something and it appeared they had kept their word and did not share her secrets with Joseph. Yet, it was only her second day there. She had been thinking all morning if she should tell him the day before they left. That way, if he did not want to be around her he could stay. Uncle Rock would send his belongings if he did not want to return. Maybe it would help to talk with Mr. and Mrs. Holmes. Pastor Mary listened to her story, but did not provide much counseling. He said her sins were forgiven, but offered no guidance on how to forgive herself.
“Victoria, I have an odd request to make. Feel free to say no if you do not like the idea.”
Victoria stopped spooning out cookie dough and looked at Mrs. Holmes. For a moment she had forgotten the woman was still in the room since a bit of time had passed since she had last spoken. I sure hope she does not want me talking about my past. I want to enjoy the next two-week.
“What can I help you with Mrs. Holmes?”
“I want you to pretend you are my maid this weekend.”
“Are you that ashamed of me? I know I made mistakes. I will take the first train back home. I am so sorry.” Victoria started to put everything away. Victoria was almost out of the room before Jane found her voice.
“Victoria, I am not ashamed of you. It took great courage for you to go off on your own. If you ever would like to talk, I am here to listen and together we may find a way for you to forgive yourself.”
“Then why do you want me to be your maid?” Victoria still had her doubts. She felt it unlikely that this woman wanted to help her.
“To protect you for my nosey children. I fear they will ask questions that you are not ready to answer.”
“That is kind of you Mrs. Holmes. But Henry already knows who I am.”
“Henry will keep our secret. The others are not expecting you. They will not know the difference. We have not shared anything about you.”
“So you are ashamed of me.” That must be what the tone in her voice is about. She is just pretending to like me.
“Victoria, please forgive me. I judged you harshly based on a little bit of information. It was a sin.”
“What has changed? You still have the same information you did before.” Victoria was not ready to accept her apology. She was not ready to blindly trust. Her instincts were telling her to be very cautious.
“Meeting you made the difference. You have your reasons why you left. When and if you want to share is up to you. God will use your actions for good. I lost sight of that.”
“Do you really think I could pass as a maid?” It just may work. She would get to meet the rest of the family, even though she did not plan to marry Joseph. A bit of sadness crept into her soul. She could say all she wanted that she did not want to marry Joseph, but her heart knew that she did.
“Yes, I do. Your gray dress is very simple. It will be perfect for Sunday when everyone is here.”
“Where will I stay?”
“I will ask the neighbor if she can have you stay there Saturday night. We will have Henry pick you up early Sunday morning,”
“What about services?”
“That may be an issue. I believe the neighbors attend services at a different church. Would that be a problem for you?”
“If you think that is for the best, and the neighbors agree; I do not have a problem.” She would agree to just about anything for Joseph since she did not want him cutting his visit short on her behalf.
“I think this will work out perfectly. I will get the much needed help that I am truly grateful for and you will not have to share anything.”
“Are you sure they will not ask questions? There is still time for me to return home.” Victoria still had her doubts. She could return without Joseph.
“They will be curious that you are here, but they will not ask you any questions directly. Truly, Victoria, this is a blessing for me. I have not had everyone over all at the same time since the grandchildren were born. You will be a great help.”
“I will do what I can. When will you be asking the neighbor?”
“I am going to do that right now.”
Jane left the kitchen, leaving Victoria to her thoughts. Victoria went back to spooning out dough onto another sheet. She was thankful she had not put any in the oven before Mrs. Holmes had walked in. Lord, what is Mrs. Holmes up to? Is she really looking out for herself or me? She admitted she was ashamed of me.
That evening Jane shared her plans for Victoria with the family. Everyone put on a happy face for Victoria. Victoria knew Joseph and Mr. Holmes did not care for the idea. Joseph stayed in the house only long enough for his mother to reveal her plan. The neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, were delighted to have Victoria stay with them. Their own daughter was not able to make it in that year. Victoria still did
not know what to think. Casting her off felt worse than just being tolerated. She needed time to think and pray since she wanted to stop running. A walk would have helped; however, it was a bit cold and Joseph was out there somewhere. Not knowing what else to do, she went to Joseph's room and spent the evening in prayer. I do not think she even wanted me here. What should I do? I know Joseph wants me here. Will he be able to keep his distance all Sunday? Maybe I can just get everything ready and spend the day with the neighbors.
Joseph had walked to the edge of the property before he realized it. He took off his coat to cool down in the chilly night air having walked so fast he was sweating and winded. What was his mother thinking? How could Victoria agree to this? She was more than the hired help for the weekend. Mother did not even want her there for church services.
It was very late by the time Joseph returned to the house. He had spent some of the time at the Johnson’s. They warmed him up with coffee before asking any questions. Mrs. Johnson was always willing to listen when he had concerns that he could not share with his parents. His mother not liking Victoria was certainly a problem. Not spending Easter with Victoria was another. This was going to be her first Easter since accepting Christ. He knew she went to church as a child, but only because she had to.
With the recommendation of the Johnson's, Joseph agreed to attend the early morning service at their church with them and Victoria. Having attended services with them on several occasions, it was the perfect solution, especially since he preferred their church over the church his parents attended. Joy filled Joseph when they suggested it. He would be able to attend church with Victoria and stand next to her as they had planned. His mother was not going to take that away from him.
By the time he had reached home he had decided he did not want to do anything to cause more stress in Victoria's life and would check the train schedule to see when they could leave. A short visit was fine with him, since once he returned home; he realized he did not need his parents to be part of his day-to-day life. He would not have any issues staying in Mobile. Victoria was happier in the South. If they were to marry, they would not live up North near his parents.
“Is there anything I can do for you, Son?” Mr. Holmes asked as Joseph entered the parlor to get some sleep. He had been waiting comfortably in his chair reading the bible.
“I am fine. I just needed time to think.” Joseph took a seat on the other side of the small table.
“Will you be going to church with Victoria?”
“Yes, sir.” Joseph's reply was a bit timid. He did not want to disappoint his father.
“Good, I expected no less.”
Joseph looked at his father, puzzled; the last thing he expected was his father to be happy about this.
“No need to look so surprised. It was my idea for you to leave.”
“I thought it was Mom. Why did you want me to leave? I cannot believe you wanted me gone just to find a wife.”
“That was your mother's idea. I wanted you to go so you could find God's will for your life. We were holding you back. You needed to be able to make these big decisions on your own.”
“I am in love with her.”
“I know. I believe she loves you too. Give her the time she needs to forgive herself. Then she should be able to share her story with you. Keep an open mind or you will lose her. God has already forgiven her. You will need to do the same. Take this time to get to know who she is now and do not worry about who she was. Have a good night. I will see you in the morning.”
Joseph sat quietly thinking about what his father said. It was nice to know his father was supportive, but still thought it was best to leave. What was his mother up to insisting everyone celebrate Easter at their house knowing Victoria was going to be there? Was she trying to drive her away? She certainly succeeded with that, but she drove him away as well. He now understood why his brothers made their own traditions when they married and chose not to return to their parent's house.
Joseph decided he did not want to know what his mother's intentions were. God was in control. He would go to bed and hopefully sleep in; and that would require him to sleep on the floor in his room instead of the sofa. Trying not to wake Victoria, he slowly opened his bedroom door and walked in. She had not stirred as he grabbed a blanket off the chair and got comfortable on the floor under the window. Not wanting to be tempted to watch her sleep, he positioned himself to face the wall and hoped he would not turn over during the night.
Victoria woke at sunrise to find Joseph in the room. Normally she woke at the slightest sound. Quickly gathering some clothes, she went to the bathroom to change before Joseph could see her in her nightdress. Knowing Joseph, if he felt the need to sleep in his room, he must want to sleep late. She knew he was troubled by his mother's request as much if not more than she was. Victoria had spoken briefly with Mr. Holmes the night before when two hours had passed and there was no sign of Joseph. He assured her that he would be fine that he likely went to visit the neighbors. Once she finished her breakfast, she too would go visit the neighbors that were kind enough to take her in for Easter.
/ / /
“Where is everyone?” Jane asked her husband with a mildly gruff tone.
“Your sons are out on the farm like they always are at this time.”
“I was not talking about them. I was talking about Joseph and Victoria. I am just glad the boys had business in town yesterday and that they did not come back to the house before going home.”
“And why is that?”
“Bob, do not give me a hard time. You know the best thing is for Victoria to pretend to be our maid.”
“Is it best? Joseph is very upset about it. He will be attending services with Victoria tomorrow. He has just returned and he is already ready to go home.”
“He is home, Bob. I cannot imagine that he does not want to go to church with his mother. We have always gone together.”
“Jane our son is out on his own now. This is God's will for him.” Mr. Holmes kept a low, calm voice.
“How do you know?” snapped Jane. She was almost to tears.
“Victoria was up early. She already has two loaves of bread rising and baked a spice cake. With the ginger cookies and carrot cake she made yesterday, I do not believe there is anything else for her to do.”
“Who is going to bake the bread? I cannot believe she left without finishing.”
“I gave her directions on how to get to the Johnson's. She will be spending the day there. She left because I asked her to. I am more than capable of putting the loaves in the oven to bake. I believe it would be best for you to spend some time resting and reading your Bible.”
Joseph was about to enter into the kitchen when he heard his parents talking. He stopped at the door and listened.
“Why is that? Can you blame me for not wanting her around? She is still married. What woman just leaves her husband?”
Joseph slowly entered the kitchen
“Victoria is stilled married?” asked Joseph in a low voice.
“Joseph, I did not want you to find out like this,” stated Mr. Holmes.
Joseph was not in shock, but relieved. He knew she cared for him and now he knew why she could not commit. When she was ready to tell him, he would listen to why. Many possibilities world around as to why: such as that she did not love him, she married in haste, or he was unfaithful or mean.
“Mom, I thought you had changed your mind about Victoria. It does not matter. Nothing has changed.”
“Everything has changed, Joseph. How can you consider a future with her?”
“I was led by God. If he wants us together, who am I to question? I do not plan to tell her that I know. When she is ready, she will tell me why. Unless you need me Dad, I would like to spend the day with Victoria. I am sure she could use a friend.”
“She went to the Johnson's for the day. I suggest you bring Victoria's belongings with you. She will feel more comfortable over there.”
> “Thanks, Dad. I will be back for dinner so I can spend some time with you.”
“I am looking forward to it.”
Joseph packed his own bags along with Victoria's. If he stayed at the Johnson's, he may not need to leave until they were scheduled to. Of course, it would have to be OK with the Johnson's and Victoria. He was still prepared to leave early if necessary and actually hoped they would since he missed the work at the home and visiting with Uncle Rock. It would be Victoria's decision if they left early. His dad was proud of him for being out on his own, but he should not be. He was just following along.
Joseph hitched the buggy and loaded in their belongings. He never thought he would ever choose a woman over his parents. Things needed to be taken slowly since he had no experience. In time and with a lot of prayer, he would be ready to have Victoria as his wife if she would have him.
“Joseph I did not expect you to visit again so soon,” replied Mrs. Johnson as she let Joseph in the house. She could still see the worry on his face. His friend, Victoria, had the same look when she arrived a few hours earlier.
“I hope you do not mind, Mrs. Johnson.” Joseph seemed quite nervous.
“I do not mind. I do hope you brought your bags with you. If you are going to visit this much, you might as well sleep here.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Johnson. You know me so well. The bags are in the buggy.”
“Go unload and then put the horse in the corral.”
Victoria was sitting quietly in the parlor reading the bible when Joseph arrived. She was delighted that he was there and would be staying. Maybe she could hold out until their scheduled departure. All she knew was she would not return to the Holmes' house as long as Mrs. Holmes was there. Mrs. Johnson was wonderful to talk to and was delighted to have her stay as long as she wanted, insisting that she was a guest and would not ask anything of her. It felt strange to sit back and relax and normally she would refuse such an offer; however, Mrs. Johnson made it feel appropriate, even when she made her a mid-morning snack.
Joseph walked quietly into the parlor after putting their bags in the rooms they would be staying in for the next week. He was thankful that the Johnson's were always so kind. Moments went by as Joseph watched Victoria reading before she noticed that he was in the room.
“Joseph, I hope you do not mind that I came over here this morning.”
“I brought our bags.” Joseph moved to sit down next to Victoria on the sofa. “We can leave whenever you would like. I am sorry I put you through this.”
“It is not your fault Joseph. Your mother controls her own actions just like you and I. I will stay as long as you like.”
“I would like to stay a bit longer to visit with my dad. He has been very supportive and I would prefer not to take time away from him.” Joseph took Victoria's hand into his own needing to be close to her. “I miss Uncle Rock and the home.” Frustration showed on his face and in his voice. “I keep changing my mind. What do you really want to do?”
“As long as I can stay here and not with your mother, I can wait until you are ready. I know how important your father is to you. I wish I had spent more time with my father when he was alive.” Sadness welled up in her eyes. Joseph still holding Victoria's hand lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.
“Thank you, Victoria. Unless something changes, we will leave at our scheduled time. That is if the Johnson's will have us that long.”
“Joseph, Victoria, you can stay as long as you would like. The house seems a bit quiet since my daughter moved out. You two are answered prayers.”
“Mrs. Johnson thank you for letting us stay. I would like to help. I do not think I can sit around for the next week.”
“If you insist on doing something, you will have to wait until after Easter. I want to fill more useful for a change even if it is only for a few days.”
“That sounds like a wonderful plan.”
“What would you like me to do Mrs. Johnson?” asked Joseph.
“For starters, you can give Victoria a little more room on the sofa. Sitting that close and holding hands are for couples who are married.” Joseph stood with his head hung low and sat in a nearby chair. Mrs. Johnson was right, not that it made it any easier to leave Victoria's side. He could still feel the warmth from her hand being in his own.
“Good. Mr. Johnson will have something for you after Sunday.” Mrs. Johnson left the room smiling.
/ / /
The visit had been wonderful since Victoria and Joseph had stayed with the Johnson's. Joseph spent his evenings with his parents. His father was always delighted to see him, but his mother stayed reserved. Occasionally his father paid a visit in the mornings at the Johnson's to visit with Victoria. Joseph only sat in on the first visit. After that, his father requested the time alone with her. A bit of jealousy crept into his heart knowing Victoria was comfortable talking with his father when he wished to be the one providing comforting words and a shoulder to lean on. At times after his father left, Victoria spent the rest of the day in her room. His imagination was getting the best of him and he started to try to ease drop but Mrs. Johnson politely moved him along each time.
It was the night before they were to leave and he planned to ask her to share her story. He did not want to travel back without her knowing that he knew some of the story. Joseph walked into the kitchen where Victoria was busy slicing some cheese for an evening snack. Even though he knew what he wanted to say, he still did not have the courage. Several minutes went by with Joseph just inside the kitchen before Victoria noticed him.
“Is there something you need, Joseph?” Asked Victoria sweetly. Joseph did not reply. He had started rehearsing what he planned to say in his mind. “Joseph are you OK?” Asked Victoria a bit louder, but still with patience and warmth.
“Divorce your husband and marry me. I love you, Victoria.”
“What did you say?” Victoria was in shock. She just could not believe that Joseph had just said those words. Despite secretly wanting him to propose, she never expected it after all the times she told him she could not marry him.
Joseph ran out of the kitchen and out the front door. What had he just done? That was not what he was going to say. Will she ever forgive me? Now what? How are we going to ride on the train together and live in the same house?
“Victoria was that Joseph that ran out of the house?”
“Yes, Ma' am.”
“I am sorry, Victoria. I really thought he would understand.”
Victoria did not know what to do. She had wanted to share, but never had the courage. Tears started to pool in her eyes. Mrs. Johnson walked up to her and gave her a hug.
“You are welcomed to stay here if you would like. I truly thought he would forgive you.”
“I think he has. I just do not know how much he knows.”
“Then why did he run off?”
“I think he was embarrassed. He told me to divorce my husband and marry him.”
“I will have Mr. Johnson go find him. The two of you need to talk.”
“I do not know if I am ready to tell him everything.”
“Just be honest about what you can share. As far as I know, his parents do not know about your daughter. You will need to tell him before you start courting. He should know.”
“I know. I am just not ready yet. I wish I knew how she was doing.”
“It is not fair to your daughter for you to be in and out of her life. You have to make a decision.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving her with her grandmother. Now, I am not sure. I have a job and a place to live. When I left her with my mother, I did not have anything.”
“Are you ready to be a mother to her?”
“I think so.”
“Then you need to find them and ask for forgiveness once you are positive. It will not be easy. She may not remember you. You need to prepare yourself for that. The most important thing is the welfare
of the child.”
“Tell me what I should do. I just do not know what is best.”
“Have you prayed about it?”
“Not recently.”
“Seek God's guidance.”
“What if she is to be out of my life forever?”
“If that is the case, the Lord has a purpose. You will see that in time. Just keep praying.”
“I will Mrs. Johnson. I am thankful for everything you have done for me.”
“You are welcome, dear. Now, let me go get Mr. Johnson so he can find Joseph so the two of you can talk.”
Victoria's Family Page 4