Chapter 15
The day after Christmas Joseph left the house before dawn to make the long walk to the Fredrick's house to have a long talk with Eve about her sister. Even though he was unsure if his feelings had changed towards Ada, he was certain their living arrangements had to change. Before he had always considered her like a sister. It was not proper for them to live in the same house the way it appeared she felt and the way he acted Christmas morning. His side began to knot up from his quick pace as sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Joseph thought he settled the matter earlier in the day until Ada came into his room in the middle of the night with nothing on. At first he thought he was still dreaming of Victoria until she brushed her hand across his jaw and kissed him gently on the lips. He used his quilt to cover her, leaving only the thin sheet to cover him. 'You like?' She had asked as she noticed his arousal. “Go back to your room,” he replied with more calm than he felt. Once she left, he got up, locked his door, grabbed the extra quilt that was draped on the chair and lay back in bed. It was hours before he was able to fall back asleep.
Joseph knocked lightly on the Fredrick's door and began pacing, waiting for someone to answer. Eve always an earlier riser answered in no time.
“Joseph what is the matter?” Joseph did not know how to begin. Anguish washed over his face. He loved having Ada in the house and seeing her every day. But, did she understand any of it.
“Ada.” Eve looked alarmed. She wasted no time in pulling Joseph into the house out of the cold.
“What is wrong with my sister?”
Again Joseph hesitated.
“Joseph!”
“She wants me.”
Eve began to frantically pace with her hands clenched at her sides.
“I trusted you Joseph. My sister was to be safe with you. You are supposed to be in love with Victoria. If you have done anything to my sister!”
“Eve, I believe Joseph is just as concerned as you are. Joseph have a seat. Eve, please fix us some coffee. I need to talk with Joseph in private for a moment.”
Eve left in a huff to do as her husband requested.
“Joseph, why are you here?”
“I needed Eve's advice about her sister. We need different living arrangements or we need to marry immediately. It is not proper anymore. Everything has changed. But is Eve even capable of being a wife and mother. Does she understand?”
“When did your feelings change?”
“I honestly do not think they have. I only realized the attraction yesterday. I do not even know if I was attracted to her or just filling a void.”
“Then why are you considering marrying her?”
“I do not know what else to do. I cannot just throw her out. Send her away. I also cannot have her coming into my room undressed in the middle of the night either.”
“Do you think you could love her as a husband loves a wife?”
“How would I know? I have never been a husband.”
Eve took that moment to walk back in with a tray of coffee. She had been listening in on most of the conversation from the hallway.
“Ada has never done anything like this before. I do not believe you Joseph. She could not have exposed herself to you. How could you say such a thing?”
“I was just as shocked as you are. That is why I am here. Can she be a wife and mother? Does she understand what it means to be married?”
Joseph's mind was racing. He wanted to do right by Ada; yet he was in love with Victoria even though he had decided it was time to move on. O Lord, how did everything get so confusing. Please guide me.
Eve paced for several long minutes while the men drank their coffee.
“I believe she does.” Eve said softly. “Henry would be better able to assess the situation. He has been talking with all of the residents getting to know each of them.”
/ / /
Victoria woke before dawn the day after Christmas, dressed quickly and left the house without a sound. She needed time away from everyone to think. The kiss with Henry had been impulsive. They had talked for hours with the Johnson's, but now Victoria was not sure about her feelings. The only thing she was sure of was that it was time to file for a divorce. Until that happened, she was not free to express her love for another. She loved Joseph and she had not given him the opportunity to court her. Henry was safe and convenient. Did that mean he was to be her husband? Doubt and shame washed over her and tears fell softly down her cheek.
“Victoria is that you?”
Victoria looked up and absent-mindedly wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Yes, Mr. Holmes.”
“I was wondering when I was going to see you. Do you have time for coffee?”
Victoria hesitated with her reply. The anguish she felt at betraying Joseph washed over her.
“If you have not eaten, I would be more than happy to fix you some eggs. I was just about to fix myself some breakfast.”
“That would be lovely Mr. Holmes; but.”
“Mrs. Holmes left last night to stay with our eldest son. She will be away for three days.”
There was no reply needed. Mr. Holmes motioned to the door and Victoria preceded him into the house and made her way directly to the kitchen. She started cooking breakfast giving her something to do while Mr. Holmes pored each of them a cup of coffee. Once she finished, they both sat down at the kitchen table to eat.
“It is wonderful to see you. Joseph indicated that you were coming to visit the Johnson's. He plans to come for Easter if he can coordinate it.”
Tears began to pool in Victoria's eyes. Mr. Holmes waited until Victoria seemed to calm a bit, then stood, walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulder.
“Heavenly Father, you daughter Victoria needs you. She is in need of your loving embrace to comfort her and watch over her. She is hurting, Lord. Help her to understand that there is no sin that you will not forgive. Help me Lord to help her. I want to be an instrument of your peace.”
Mr. Holmes sat back down and continued to drink his coffee and eat his eggs.
“I need your help. I feel it is now time to file for a divorce. Are you able to check again to see if Lawrence has already filed?”
“I will send out inquires today and send word to you as soon as I know something. Would you like me to recommend a lawyer for you if he has not?”
“Yes, please.”
“Is there anything else that you wish to share?”
Victoria shook her head no. She was not prepared to share her sin with Joseph's father.
“Will you tell me stories about Joseph when he was a child?”
“I would be delighted to. Then you can tell me how things are going with the feeble-minded home.”
“It is a deal.”
Victoria offered a meek smile and a silent prayer in hope that she would be able to follow God's will whatever he asked of her.
/ / /
“Samuel do you think Ada will be happy living with Miss Brocks.”
“She is the most intelligent out of the residents and the oldest. I know her daughter is not able to visit as often as she would like and Ada would be able to fill that need. She has seemed a bit lonely at meals lately.”
“How do you think Ada will take the news that she has to move?”
“I think it would be best for Eve to tell her and to explain why.”
“Will she understand?”
Eve took that moment to walk in with a tray of coffee.
“I heard you talking about having her move in with Miss Brocks. I will just tell her that she is needed more living with her than living in the main house. While I believe she would understand, I feel she will be more willing if it means helping someone. Samuel and I will take care of it this morning.”
“Thank you. Samuel will you take care of everything for the next few days? I need time away.”
“I would be happy to. Besides, progress is slow right now with the cold. Do you plan to stay at Mr. Rockford's?”
An hour later Joseph was walking up to Mr. Rockford's house. It had been over a month since he was there last. He missed staying there and visiting with Mr. Rock and Victoria. Using his key, he unlocked the door and let himself in. Walking slowly through the house, he took in his surroundings noticing how nothing had changed since he was there last. The smell of fresh lemons caused him to reflect on how wonderful a job Miss Jenny did despite only being hired to cook. When he entered his old bedroom, he sighed. With the exception of Henry's clothes in the wardrobe, nothing else had changed. He felt at home. Feeling overwhelmingly tired, he decided to take off his shoes and climb into bed. Sleep came quickly.
/ / /
“Henry I have decided it is best that I head home tomorrow. I want you to stay the rest of the week as you planned and continue to visit with your family. I am sure Mr. Holmes would also welcome a visit.”
“What about us?”
Victoria stood and walked to the window to gaze at the snow covered ground. She continued without turning around.
“As long as I am married there is no us and I do not know if there will ever be. I love you dearly, but I do not know that we belong as husband and wife. I need some time alone to think through everything that has happened. I still love Joseph. I need to see him and ask for his forgiveness. What happened the other day was a sin? I think it would also be best if you find a room at the home.”
“You are throwing me out?” Henry asked softly.
“Yes. It is for the best,” replied Victoria just above a whisper. Her gaze still fixed on the snow-covered ground.
Henry left the room without another word and went straight to his room. Victoria went to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea.
“You are making the right decision. You need time to think and pray. Everything happens for a reason.”
“I know Mrs. Johnson. I just feel bad about how I have hurt Henry and how hurt and betrayed Joseph will feel.”
“They will both forgive you dear. Sit down and enjoy your tea and visit with me. This is our last night together.”
Victoria did as she was asked. Visiting with Mrs. Johnson would help the time go by faster. She did not think she would sleep anyway.
Victoria arrived back in Mobile the next evening, tired but delighted to be home. The temperature was a delightful fifty-nine degrees. After taking in a deep breath of the moist air, she let herself into the house. The fragrant smell of roast filled her nose as she walked past the kitchen. She was puzzled that Miss Jenny was cooking and that the house was warm with several fires going since she had not sent word of her early arrival. Wanting to get comfortable before greeting Miss Jenny, she walked silently to her room, placed her bag on the floor by the bed and changed from her heavy wool dress to a lighter cotton. Victoria smiled with delight at the warm welcome and wondered how Miss Jenny knew she was returning early. With eyes focused on the local paper she had gotten when she arrived at the train station, she walked into the kitchen humming a tune.
“Hello Victoria”
Victoria started and her hand flew to her chest in an attempt to calm her racing heart. The last thing she expected was to hear a man's voice.
“Joseph.”
“Miss Jenny will be back in a few days. You were not due home for several days. It is definitely a welcomed surprise. The roast is almost ready.”
Victoria stood there watching the back of Joseph as he stirred a pot on the stove. The newspaper forgotten and hanging by her side.
“Just have a seat. I will be free to visit in a few moments.”
Joseph grinned. He never expected to see Victoria. It was divine intervention. Now he was certain there would be no marriage with Ada. His heart leapt for joy as he heard the sound of her voice despite his burden of having to confess his sin.
Victoria did as requested. She sat in her usual spot and tried to read the paper again. After several attempts at reading the same first four lines of a story, she folded the newspaper and watched Joseph work in silence. Something must have happened for him to be here instead of at the home since she had not sent word that she was returning. While she thought she would have days before confessing, she would tell him today what had happened and not let it linger. Now would be a good time as any, since he was busy and she would not have to look directly at him.
“Joseph. I am seeking your forgiveness. I kissed Henry Christmas Eve. I do not know why. I talked with your father and he is going to see if Lawrence has filed for a divorce and if not I plan to. It is time.”
Joseph listened without a word. At first he scowled at hearing that she kissed his cousin. Then when she said it was time to get a divorce his heart swelled. This was just what he needed to hear. If Victoria was ready to move on, then he needed to see where their relationship would go. Over the last few days he realized that Ada was not right for him. He loved her dearly, but he needed a woman that was strong willed with a sharp mind. The timing could not be more than perfect.
“You are forgiven. I need to seek your forgiveness. I kissed Ada Christmas Eve.”
Victoria started to laugh. She could not believe her ears. They had both been sinful at the same time. This would make it much easier to fully forgive herself and seek the relationship the Lord wants for her.
“You are forgiven. I trust we do not need to share the details since it appears we both let our emotions get the better of us.”
Victoria silently prayed he would agree. The last thing she wanted was to explain how intimate the kiss was. She blushed just reflecting back.
“The only thing I wish to discuss is your desire to get a divorce. Are you sure it is time?”
“The kiss helped me realize it. I have been waiting for a sign. Until that day, I always got the feeling that it was not time yet. I know you did not understand. I felt that your feelings toward me started to change.”
Joseph took the pot he had been stirring and poured the contents into a large bowl. He then grabbed two small towels, opened the oven door, and removed the roast. After slicing the roast and placing part of it on a platter, he took out two plates from the nearby cabinet, gathered the appropriate silverware and set the table not once looking at Victoria. Victoria watched in silence. Once he placed the food and coffee on the table, he sat down, bowed his head in prayer and then looked up into Victoria's eyes.
“I cannot deny that my feelings had started to change. I was getting tired of waiting. Now.”
“Now.”
“Now when you are finally free, we can begin courting if you are.”
Victoria did not let him finish. “Still willing.”
“Yes.”
It took great control for Victoria to remain seated and not get up and wrap her arms around him. She smiled, her eyes bright with joy. “Yes, Joseph, I am still willing.”
Joseph smiled back.
“Will you say grace for us?”
Victoria reached her hand out to hold Joseph's and bowed her head. She said her usual prayer that she learned as a child still not able to pray from the heart in front of others.
They ate in silence with only the clanking of utensils hitting the plates. Both were lost in their own thoughts. The time was near where they could explore if they were meant to be together. Joseph was delighted and reserved at the same time since they would need to have a long discussion about whether they would have children. Not wanting to go through what Lawrence did when Victoria’s hormones took over, he wondered if he could be happy without children. After all, the residents at the home were like children. Victoria was concerned that Joseph would want children, but she was not ready to risk it. She wanted to find true love and happiness without the complications of a pregnancy. At times she thought that she could not bond to the child because she thought she had been unfaithful, but that thought never rang true. It could be the Lords way of telling her he had other plans that did not include children. Victoria was finishing up the last of her coffee whe
n Joseph stood and began to clear away the dishes.
“Joseph, I insist on cleaning up. After all, you did all of the cooking.”
Joseph did not argue. He felt the need for a little space and this was perfect. He left the room without a word and made his way to the parlor.
Victoria cleaned up at a slow pace. She could see the emotions crossing over Joseph's face while they ate. They had both been through a lot emotionally the last few days and they both had sinned, kissing another. She vividly remembered her jealousy of Ada, but it appeared since Joseph was here that he needed his distance from her. While this gave her hope that Joseph still loved her, she would not push. After all, she made him wait for such a long time that his feelings had started to change. What if she had never felt she could divorce? It certainly was not right to make Joseph remain single waiting for her. A thought crossed her mind and she let her arms drop dropping the cup she had been holding. She stood motionless despite the loud sound it made as it broke into pieces. The thought just occurred to her that just because she felt it was now time to divorce Lawrence, it did not mean that she would ever marry again.
Joseph came running into the kitchen seconds later. Victoria was just standing there with tears streaming down her face silently crying. After carefully guiding her to the sofa in the parlor, he went back into the kitchen to sweep up the broken cup. Feeling dessert would lighten the mood, he took out a small plate and placed a few ginger cookies on it and poured each of them a small glass of milk. He carried it into the parlor on a tray and set it down on a nearby table.
“Victoria I am sure you are just tired. We can talk if you want to, but we do not have to. We can just enjoy a little dessert and then call it at night. I do have to get back to the home tomorrow.”
Victoria sat there silently not bothering to reply and allowed Joseph to wait on her. They again ate in silence. Once Victoria had her fill, she stood, kissed Joseph gently on the cheek, and made her way to her room. He was correct. She was tired and she did not want to talk until she had more control of her emotions and time to pray.
Joseph watched her go, knowing he would spend the night in prayer. He assumed she was struggling with God's will, just like he was. After waiting for this moment for months, he was still not sure if it was God's will for the two of them to marry. He would make a point of returning early the next evening so that they could have time for Bible study and possibly sharing their thoughts.
Victoria's Family Page 14