“I wouldn’t go that far.” She rolled her eyes, patting her hand on my chest. Then realizing what she was doing, she stopped and stared at her mitt as it rested over my heart. “’Pride’ is your name, not mine. All I know is that you are healed enough where doing this,” she glanced over to the chair lift, “shouldn’t be a problem. It also means that you are officially no longer my patient so, I think we are in the clear for taking the day to celebrate on the mountain.”
“No longer your patient?” I drawled, grabbing her wrist and slowly tugging it down over my chest. “I think I still have a few muscles that need to be fixed.”
Her cheeks flushed and she let me guide her hand all the way down to the waist of my snowpants, almost making it to the base of my dick before she pulled her hand back.
“Are you trying to distract me?” she accused. “Is the great Chance Ryder afraid of what’s going to happen on the mountain?”
My fist flexed for a second and my gaze flicked to the white waterfalls to my right.
“Of course not.” I smiled with more confidence than I felt. “Lead the way, J-bird.”
The snow crunched much more melodically underneath her weight. I dropped my board down in front of me, preparing to strap in when one of her white boots stepped onto it. I glanced up as her gloved hand grasped the front of my jacket and she pulled herself up to slant her lips over mine.
In less than a second, I had her in my arms. I clung to her like she was a fucking lifesaver and kissed her like she was my only source of oxygen. For that moment, my anxiety and anger disappeared.
When she pulled back, those feelings began to creep back into my body the way the cold slowly and effectively worms its way through all your layers and begins to freeze you cell by cell.
“C’mon.”
I tried not to put any weight on the fact that this was the first time I’d strapped a snowboard to my foot in over six months. Considering that prior to that, I probably hadn’t gone a day without it attached to me, it could have meant a lot. I pulled on my helmet as I began to push over towards the lift, following behind her.
So far, so good.
I wasn’t going to take it for granted though.
“What are you thinking?” she asked as soon as we claimed our seat on the chairlift and the safety bar was down in front of us.
I sighed and stared down at the slopes below, watching the small dots of skiers and snowboarders as they traced imaginary lines on the white sheets of the slopes.
“You know when someone asks you to define a word, but you can’t figure out a way to do it without using the word in the definition?” I asked, trying to see her eyes underneath her orange reflective goggles. “That’s how I feel. I feel like the only word to define me is one that no longer can be used in my definition.”
“Snowboarding doesn’t define you, Chance,” she replied. “There are so many pieces that make up who you are and yes, snowboarding is one of them—an important one—but not the only one.”
I sat silently, trying to find some way to disagree with her even though I know that she is right. My pride wanted to disagree. My pride wanted to argue with her that this was what I was best at which meant it was the only thing that mattered.
But my heart demanded its silence.
“Chance,” she continued quietly. Her neck warmer slid up over her mouth and she paused to tuck it back down so she could speak clearly. “You see the snowboarders down there?” I didn’t have to see her eyes to know that they looked down at the mountain below. I nodded in response. “Actually, even me. Most of us—most snowboarders—they strap a snowboard to their feet.”
I laughed. Of course. “Yeah? And what do the rest of us do? Strap it to our head?”
“No. Stop.” She playfully swatted my arm. “Most of us strap a snowboard to our feet, but some… few… like you… when you come to the mountain, you strap your snowboard to your soul.”
My laughter died.
“When you have something like that as a part of your life, it can never—will never—be an all or nothing. You will always find a way for it to continue to feed your soul.”
I lifted the bar up as we approached the end of the lift, letting her words sink in.
“Guess we’ll find out,” I mumbled as my board touched the packed snow of the dismount slope.
Pulling to a stop, I turned back to watch her slide up next to me.
“What now, Yoda?”
I watched her strap in her other foot before she rose up to face me.
“Now, Chance,” she grinned at me, “we just enjoy the ride.”
Turning her board, she slid right around me, heading down the trail that was at my back. I shook my head bending down to lock in my choice and my injured leg to my board. I shifted slightly between my heels and toes, testing how it felt. It was hardly any movement, but I felt no pain.
Turning, I saw the flash of purple disappearing around the first curve. I could catch her easily.
The Glades.
She’d chosen to take us through the glades. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been up here—or off the park. The last time had probably been with her.
I stared at the obscene whiteness in front of me. With the sunlight, it was difficult to even distinguish the trees that stood snow-covered out of the ground.
But the dread was gone, replaced with unbiased uncertainty.
In the untouched snow, anything could happen.
Before I could second-guess myself, I began to move, slowly at first to test out how moving and turning felt on my knee. I felt pressure and the flexing of muscles that hadn’t been used like this for months—but no pain.
I felt the few snowflakes that managed to touch the skin between my mask and my goggles. They melted on my cheeks like tears of joy from the mountain that realized I’d come home.
Feeling comfortable, I picked up speed so I could catch Jessa. I was more cautious now, I could feel it. I was more respectful of the mountain. I was more respectful of myself and my limits.
I swung to a stop, showering Jessa with snow.
“How is your knee?” Her goggles were off so that she could see me. And she could see the life that was beginning to bloom back inside of me. But she didn’t question it. She let me keep it to myself; she let it soak in, unhindered by questions and discussion. She knew it was how I worked.
“Seems ok.” I reached down and unstrapped.
She nodded and moved back towards the lift. No warnings. No ‘don’t over-do it.’ Unlike in my appointments with her, she let me be the judge of my own limits and my gut clenched as the love I had for her swelled so quickly it made me nauseous.
I froze. Until now, I’d refused to let that thought—that inevitability—enter my mind. I sure as fuck felt it in my body—I felt it coming the second I bribed her to kiss me by her truck. But pride wouldn’t let me admit it—even after knowing the truth about that night.
There was no room for pride on the mountain though; it was the only thing that stood taller, stronger, and more menacing than my need to be right and to win whatever it was I thought I deserved.
I loved her.
She was still my dream. She was one of those pieces of me that I’d strapped to my soul as surely as I’d done with a snowboard.
I breathed in my revelation as we rode the lift back up to the top to do the run again.
This time I didn’t even think about it as I slid off the lift and strapped in before coming to a stop. Habit had taken over. Yeah, there was no way I was going to go off a kicker today—or even in the near future—but I could ride.
A chill went up my spine. I could still ride.
“Catch me if you can!” she chanted as she flew by me. A smile broke over my face—a happy one.
I was happy.
Looking in front of me, all I saw was a blank slate. Pure, unobstructed, and ready for me to carve into it whatever I wanted. My anticipation was back—the prospect of creating something on the mountain—a new futur
e, a new purpose—washed over me like the wind.
She’d been right this whole time. And I’d had a hard time swallowing that truth because I’d been too busy choking on my pride.
Pride tells you that you are unbreakable because you deserve it. It lulls you into the clouded sense of being undefeatable. It builds you up on a podium made of ice—beautifully crystalline, cold, and lonely—and then when you become too weighed down by the unwavering belief in your supremacy, it shatters.
And where does it come from? Fear.
Pride comes from the fear that who you are will never be enough.
And over the past five weeks, Jessa had shown me that I would always be more than enough for this. And that who I was—snowboarder or not, the best or not—would always be enough for her.
With every slice into the snow, the mountain told me that I was breakable, but that I was also repairable—that where I broke is also where I would be healed stronger. It comforted me in the knowledge that being defeated is what would allow me to grow.
The faster I went, the more my anger and bitterness flew off of me like snowflakes in the wind. The mountain sliding beneath me built me back up with a solid base of humility and respect, a base that wouldn’t—couldn’t—crumble. It layered together with gratitude, not just for all of the things that I had in my life, but for my past and my mistakes.
Because they’d all brought me back here—and back to her.
I easily caught up to her, tossing a snowball at her ass as I carved around her. The way she squealed set my body on fire. I was so fucking alive right now and nothing could make me want her more.
I knew she’d follow me as I swung off the trail into the trees. Jessa was a much more cautious rider, so by the time she caught up to me, my board, helmet, and gloves were already off.
“What are you doing?” Her laughter died as I stalked towards her, the snow seemingly suspended in the air around us.
My fingers flicked open the clasp on her helmet and I watched her breaths come in sharp, steamy puffs into the air between us.
“I need you,” I growled, tossing her helmet into the snow and yanking her neck-warmer down. Cupping her cheeks, my mouth claimed hers before she had a chance to say anything about it. “I need you for making me do this.”
I drank the truth from her mouth—a sweet serum that warmed through my coldness. She moaned against my tongue.
“I need to be inside you.” I sucked her lower lip into my mouth, drawing a gasp from her. “I need to be in that hot pussy of yours, J-bird.”
She had faith in me. She had pushed me here to heal me. She’d put up with my shit. She’d done it all because she loved me, too.
“Then what are you waiting for?” she whispered breathlessly.
I dropped to my knees, my hands unstrapping her feet as my teeth closed over her core, biting her through her snowpants. Her gloved hands clamped down on my shoulders to steady herself as she gasped.
“Are you wet for me?” I rasped. “Are you ready for my cock?”
She moaned and pressed her hips against my face. “I’m always wet for you, Chance.”
I bit her pussy again, lifting one leg and then the other off of her snowboard. Sitting back on my haunches, I grabbed her board and whipped it around behind her, digging one edge hard into the snow.
I unbuttoned the front of her snowpants and they sagged immediately, revealing the soft, pale skin just above her sex.
“Turn around and down on your knees.” She followed my command immediately. “Now hold onto your bindings so that you don’t slip. I want to ride you hard and fast, think you can handle that?”
“Y-yes,” she moaned as her fingers locked around the plastic feel loop in her bindings.
I yanked her snowpants down over her ass to find those glistening pink lips staring up at me. She was so wet so I knew she was exquisitely feeling the cold. I wanted her a little cold just before I made her burn.
I groaned when I unzipped my fly, my dick angrily springing free. Red and thick, I saw stars for a second, needing to be inside of her.
My eyes drifted up to the tight entrance to her ass. “I’m going to fuck this later,” I said as I pushed my thumb against the dark hole.
She gasped and I saw thick white desire gush from her sex.
“Chance,” she pleaded my name and my dick swelled even larger in the freezing weather. “I-It hurts. I need you…” she panted. “I need you.”
“How much?” I asked in a daze, watching the snowflakes land on her swollen sex. Even Mother Nature was drawn to heat coming from her delicious lips. “Because I’m about to fuck you so hard, J-bird. I need you so bad,” I growled, sliding the head of my erection over her entrance, her juices dripping into the snow. “Can you handle that?”
I pulled out a condom from my jacket pocket, keeping one in there was a force of habit. With each word, I saw more desire pulse out of her as I rolled the condom down my dick, imagining those tight muscles inside of her clenching around me.
She panted like she’d just finished a marathon—when it hadn’t even begun. “Y-yes. I need you inside me, Chance. Please.”
I growled because neither of us had any shame in the way we talked to each other. The dirty words echoed against the white cleanliness of the scenery around us.
What we had would always stand out from the world around.
I poised my cock at her sopping entrance and then dug my fingers into the chilled flesh of her hips holding her firm as I rammed inside of her.
She shrieked at the invasion and my vision went black for a second as her tightness vibrated with shock waves at my assault. It wasn’t like the first time, but I knew every time I fucked her there would always be a moment of discomfort as she had to acclimate to my size. But, as promised, I didn’t give her that moment to recover before I slid out and plowed back all the way inside until her ass smacked against my stomach.
Her moans turned me into a man possessed—possessed by her tight fucking pussy. My hips smashed against her ass as her sex ate up my cock.
“Oh God. Oh God,” she chanted over and over. All I heard was that she felt no more discomfort. All I heard was her cheering on my body, willing it to explode.
My tongue thickened to the point where I couldn’t speak. I was fucking numb with pleasure, watching the entire length of my cock disappear inside of her over and over again. I slipped one hand around to her stomach so my fingers could find her clit.
Under my palm, I felt her stomach distend each time I plowed into her, filling her. My jaw clenched, seeing her arms shake as I pinched her clit.
“Chance, I can’t…” She trailed off. Her desperation turned my movements erratic—frantic. The fire that burned inside of me should have melted the whole goddamn mountain, I thought as I pumped furiously into her.
I rolled her clit between my fingers in the way that will—Fuckkk. A groan ripped from the deepest, darkest place inside of me as I felt her come around me. Like a sonic-fucking-boom, I only heard her scream after the fact—after her already-tight pussy strangled the life from my cock. Blinded, I continued to push against tight, quivering walls that tried to squeeze me out. I don’t even know how I moved, but seconds later I found my own climax, roaring from the fucking mountaintop as my desire erupted, coaxed out by her spasms around me.
I collapsed against her, my breaths evaporating into the frigid air. Neither of us were cold though. We were both burning up.
“You ok?” I asked hoarsely. I felt her back bump up and down against my chest and I was so fucking out of it I thought she was having a seizure for a split second before I realized that she was laughing.
Groaning, I slipped out of her. Tugging off the condom and tying the end, I whipped it into the set of trees closest to us. I used a glove to wipe off my dick before shoving it back inside my snowpants. I wanted her again. I wanted her ass. All bright and flushed from the cold and from me.
Later.
“Fuck,” I swore, sitting down in the sn
ow next to her. I watched her button her pants before she looked back over and met my gaze. And then she started to laugh again—and so did I.
It was the sound of freedom. And it rang out into the silence of the snow.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked, my face hurting from my smile. She couldn’t answer me as her laughter became more overwhelming. I tossed a snowball at her—it shattered on the front of her jacket.
She was crying, she was laughing so hard. Reaching in front of her, she returned my volley with a snowball of her own.
“Hey!” I exclaimed. Fuck her smile was contagious. Everything about her was contagious. And I was fucking caught. “Did my dick hit your funny bone all the way up in there, J-bird?”
This time, she nodded and collapsed into the snow. I crawled over to her, planting my hands on either side of her face.
“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”
She shook her head, finally stuttering, “Nothing.” Her chest rose and fell in erratic waves. “I think I almost died.”
I grinned. “I think you almost killed me.”
She let out a deep sigh, her breath dissolving into the cold air. “Guess I’ll have to try harder next time.”
“Fucking tease,” I growled, tempted to adjust the time frame on ‘next time.’
“So, are you going to call Channing and Wyatt, now? Now that you realize that you still belong here?”
I chuckled at my girl, always making sure that I wasn’t going to fall. But this time, I was one step ahead of the game.
“No.”
Her face fell—and I almost felt bad for playing this small joke on her. “Wh-What do—“
“Relax, J-bird,” I said as I cupped her face. “I’m not going to call them now because I called them this morning while you were in the lodge peeing.” Her eyes widened.
“What did you say?”
“What do you think I said?” I laughed. “I told them that I was going to do it. I told them that I would help teach and coach and whatever other BS they think I’m skilled enough to do.”
And then she smacked my arm—hard. “Why would you do that to me! I almost had a heart attack!”
The Winter Games Page 102