Monster Girl Mountain

by Edward Lang

  “Arm,” Lelia said commandingly.

  “…what?” I asked, not understanding.

  “ARM,” she demanded, holding out her hand towards me.

  I lifted my arm in the air, wondering if that was what she wanted –

  She immediately grabbed onto it and wrapped it around her body like a blanket.

  “Mmmm… arm,” she murmured as she lay her head back down.

  Unfortunately – or fortunately, really, if I’m going to be honest – she was clasping my hand right against her chest.

  I could feel her left breast’s curve beneath my palm.

  It was firm… and pretty big.

  I swallowed hard and tried to stay as still as possible.

  The entire time, I kept my lower body away from hers.

  I didn’t want her to feel the raging erection I had going.

  This was the first woman I’d been this close to since Katie – and I was very close to her. I could feel the heat radiating off her body, warmer even than the embers of the fire three feet away from us.

  I felt a certain amount of guilt, though I knew that was absurd.

  I mean, I had died in an avalanche, and now I was on a world with two moons, lying next to a hot woman who was blue from head to toe.

  I didn’t think Katie would have minded me being a little flustered. In fact, she probably would have teased me for it.

  If she were here, she might have even egged me on.

  GO for it, Jack! She’s HOT!

  I grinned to think of it.

  I could just imagine her saying, C’mon, man, I’m a ghost… you gotta GET some SOMEtime!

  Katie was like that. She used to joke and say, The only jealous bone in my body is YOURS when you put it in me.

  Which was true. I was a bit possessive of her… but she just laughed at me if another woman caught my eye. Not that it happened often.

  But still, I didn’t try anything. My heart just wasn’t in it… and this strange blue woman obviously trusted me now. I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that.

  A few minutes passed, and her breathing became slow and rhythmic.

  It took me a lot longer to join her in sleep… but finally I did.

  10

  I woke up in the morning. At least, I assumed it was the morning, because there was dim light coming from the mouth of the cave that barely illuminated the stone walls around me.

  I was alone. The blue woman wasn’t in front of me.

  Was it just a dream?

  No – the fur cape was still underneath me, as was the bundle of fur wrappings underneath my head.

  “Jack,” a voice said from the rear of the cave.

  I propped myself up on one elbow, cold and stiff, and saw Lelia sitting by the fire, working to build the embers back into a flame.

  She was still just as beautiful as I remembered. Her face and blue skin were fresh and beautiful as she smiled at me.

  “Good morning,” I said automatically as I yawned.

  “Good… morning?” she asked. She gave a fake, comical yawn as she said it, exposing her perfect, white teeth.

  “Oh, no, I was just yawning,” I said.

  She looked at me like she didn’t understand.

  I pointed at the light coming through the cave mouth. “Morning.”

  Then I put on an exaggerated smile like I was extremely happy. “Good.”

  Then I put them both together. “Good morning.”

  “Ah!” she said, and gave me a cartoonish, exaggerated smile back. “Good morning!”

  Close enough. We would work on getting the subtleties down later.

  I crawled over to the fire and warmed myself by the rapidly growing flames.

  Lelia moved over to my makeshift larder near the mouth of the cave and picked up a slab of meat, which was now frozen stiff as a board.

  She lifted it in the air. “Meat?”

  “Yes,” I said as I nodded.

  She also filled my metal water bottle full of snow at the cave entrance.

  She got back to the fire and lay the meat down on the flat slab of rock I had used to grill the tenderloins, then placed the water bottle close enough to the fire that the snow inside would melt.

  I watched her the entire time. When she caught me looking at her, she smiled shyly, but kept right on doing her chores.

  As she worked, I made a mental list in my head of what to do today.

  Now that I had a second mouth to feed, it made sense to capture another deer.

  I could also start work on a bow and some arrows.

  Probably not a bad idea to pick some of those orange berries, too…

  And teach Lelia as much English as I could.

  It might be good to try to learn some of her language, as well.

  I waved at her to get her attention. She looked at me expectantly.

  I pointed to the fire. “What’s this?”

  She frowned. “What’s… this?” she asked, tentatively trying out the phrase.

  Shit, I hadn’t taught her how to ask what something was yet.

  “What’s this? Fire,” I said, then picked up a small stone. “What’s this? Rock.”

  “Ohhhhhh,” she said, immediately getting it.

  “What’s this?” I asked as I scooped some snow out of the metal water bottle.

  “Snow.”

  I waited for the snow to melt. “What’s this?”

  “Water.”

  I ran through everything I had taught her yesterday. I made her laugh as I acted things out.

  “What’s this?” I asked as I sprinted from one end of the cave to the other – which took one second flat.

  “Jack runs,” she said with a big smile.

  She remembered everything perfectly.

  When we had covered everything I could remember, I pointed at the fire again. “What’s this in your language?”

  She frowned at me, not understanding.

  I pointed at the flames. “Jack says, ‘fire.’ Lelia says…”

  “Fire,” she said, brightening.

  Okay, that wasn’t gonna cut it.

  I thought back to when I’d first seen her. At first I’d mistaken her for speaking Thai or Indonesian or something, so I tried to replicate the sounds I’d heard.

  I pointed at my lips. “Jacks says, ‘fire.’”

  Then I pointed at her lips. “Lelia says, ‘Ha ka na loo na.’”

  She looked confused at first – and then a light went on in her eyes.

  “Ah! Mavala,” she said, pointing at the fire.

  Mavala. Fire. Okay.

  Then she started picking up objects and saying the words in her language at a rapid-fire pace. “Rock – tookla. Snow – salana. Water – sala. Meat – ”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said, waving my hands.

  “Whoa?” she asked, not understanding.

  “Stop,” I said, putting out my hands. Then I pointed at the fire. “Uh… ma… la… la?”

  She giggled. “Mavala.”

  “Okay… mavala… mavala, mavala, mavala,” I repeated, trying to grind in the pronunciation. Then I picked up a stone. “Um…”

  She suddenly waved her hands in the air and said, “Whoa.”

  I looked at her in surprise. “What?”

  She pointed to her own lips. “Lelia says Jack says, yes.”

  Then she put on a cartoonish scowl. “Jack says Lelia says, no.”

  The intent was clear: we both knew she could learn my language a hell of a lot faster than I could learn hers.

  “Okay,” I agreed gratefully.

  She smiled, then went back to fixing our breakfast.

  The meat took a while to cook, during which time I gave her more English lessons. She enthusiastically played along, saying, “What’s this? What’s this? What’s this?” as she held up everything from my knife to my crampons to my gloves.

  After we had eaten, I figured it was time for me to go out and start my list of chores. I put on my jacket and gloves �
��

  At which point she started binding up her arms and legs in her fur wrappings.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, surprised.

  She looked at me in confusion. “Lelia clothes.”

  “No – your ankle is sprained.”

  She shook her head. “Ankle good.”

  “What?!”

  I held out my hand for her feet, which she stuck out at me.

  Son of a bitch…

  The swelling was completely gone. Both ankles were the same size.

  She had apparently healed overnight.

  I gingerly prodded and manipulated her foot, but she didn’t betray any discomfort whatsoever, even as I got rougher and pushed her towards the far end of her range of motion.

  Jesus… I had stumbled upon a blue female version of Wolverine.

  “Lelia ankle good,” she insisted.

  “Okay, okay,” I agreed as I let go of her leg. “You can come with me.”

  She narrowed her eyes a little as though she were thinking over the sounds I’d just made. “Lelia… can come with… Jack.”

  “Yes. Very good.”

  She beamed, then went back to wrapping her arms and legs. She put on her balaclava, too, but she left the front of it down, which allowed me to see her face. Her hair, ears, and chin were wrapped in fur, though, with just a few white curls of her long hair peeking out.

  I put on my backpack so I could carry my crampons and ice picks with me for when we needed to go back up the wall to the cave.

  Once we were both suited up for the cold, I went over to the cave entrance and checked outside.

  No wolves. Good.

  It was a hazy morning, overcast and grey – but at least it wasn’t snowing anymore.

  Then I showed Lelia the rope I used for rappelling. “Rope.”

  “Rope…”

  Rather than teach her about rappelling right away, I figured I would just slide down it. No need to confuse her.

  I took off one glove and handed it over to her.

  She frowned as she took it.

  The glove was purely to make sure she didn’t get rope burn as she descended. I tried to demonstrate by putting my bare hand on the rope, yanking it back fast, and grimacing. “AAAH!” I yelled as I flapped my hand as though in pain.

  She moved forward in alarm to look at my imaginary wound –

  “No, no, it’s okay. Watch,” I said. I put the glove hand on the rope, yanked it back fast, and smiled. “Ahhhh…”

  “Ohhhh,” she said, understanding.

  “Put on the glove,” I said. I demonstrated by taking off my glove and then putting it back on immediately.

  She imitated me and put it on. It took her a second to realize there was a different slot for every finger, but then she got it and readjusted.

  She looked kind of cute, standing there in her fur clothing and wrappings… but with one Goretex glove on her right hand.

  “Good,” I said approvingly. Then I used my glove hand to grip the rope and slid outside the cave entrance, lowering myself to the ground.

  She stood above me, watching with great interest as I did it.

  I reached the ground and sank waist-deep in fresh powder.

  Jesus, it had been quite the storm last night…

  I looked up at the entrance. “Okay, Lelia – ”

  Before I could get the words out, she was flying out of the cave entrance, leaping backwards like an Airborne Ranger rappelling in a firefight.

  “LELIA – ” I screamed in alarm –

  Just as her boots hit the stone wall and she rebounded off effortlessly, landing in the snow beside me like an Olympic-class athlete.

  She smiled as she took off the glove and handed it to me. “Good glove, Jack.”

  Then she moved away through the snow, leaving me standing there with my mouth wide open in surprise.

  She started rooting around in the snow near us. It took me a second to realize what she was doing – and then she bent down and resurfaced with her spear.

  She nodded at me. “Jack and Lelia go.”

  Then she started wading through the waist-high snow towards the woods.

  Okay…

  I followed along in the wake she cut through the powder. She didn’t seem to mind being the point man, so I let her.

  We reached the trees, which were laden with white, their boughs bent under the weight of the snow.

  She picked a tree and shook the snow violently off the boughs. I realized it was one of the firs with the orange berries – which she immediately began to pick and stuff inside a fold of her fur bodysuit.

  Good to know that the berries really were edible.

  “Here,” I said, motioning to her as I picked off a couple of berries and stuffed them in a pocket of my jacket.

  She was immediately enthralled with where I’d stuck the berries. In fact, she looked like a child who had just seen a magic trick.

  “Pocket,” I said, holding it open between my fingers.

  “Pocket!” she said in awe as she stuck her own fingers in.

  From that point onward, she loved stuffing berries in that pocket.

  Then she went to another type of pine tree, shook the snow off a branch – and began stripping the needles off and stuffing them in another pocket.

  I didn’t ask what the pine needles were for – I just figured I would see for myself back at the cave.

  Once we were fully loaded up, she looked at me questioningly like, What now?

  I looked around. There were absolutely no tracks anywhere – no animals were out. No deer to catch.

  Might as well get the raw materials I needed for a bow and arrow and call it a day.

  I gestured to her and walked over to a small tree in the snow. I needed a hardwood for the bow – something similar to ash, whatever an ash tree was called on this planet.

  I inspected the sapling for springiness… decided it was too flexible… and checked out another couple of trees nearby.

  Lelia just watched in confusion, but followed me as I went.

  Then I found one that would do. I cleared out the snow down to the base, took out my Craftsman tool, flipped out the saw extension, and began cutting through the base.

  Lelia flipped out.

  “What?!” she said, amazed, as she knelt in the snow next to me and pointed at the Craftsman. “What?!”

  I grinned and held out the tool towards her so she could see the serrated edge. I pointed at the extension. “Saw.”

  She gawped at the tool and touched one blue finger along its jagged ridge.

  I pointed at the small fir. “Tree.”

  Then I started sawing again. “Jack is sawing the tree. I am sawing the tree.”

  She watched in amazement as I finally cut all the way through the two-inch-diameter trunk and pulled the tree out of the snow.

  Then I looked around.

  “What, Jack?” Lelia asked.

  I pointed at the shaft of her spear. “Wood. I want wood like that.”

  Then I pointed at a nearby pine tree. “Not like that.”

  I pantomimed cracking a stick in my hands. “Crack!” I said loudly.

  She nodded, then bounded off through the snow. Despite the fact that she had to plow through three feet of it, she made it almost look graceful.

  She disappeared into the snowy trees. A few minutes later, she returned with an armful of hardwood branches that were as long as her spear. They had been covered with snow, but they were seasoned and dried out.

  “Those’ll do,” I agreed. “We need wood for the fire, too – ”

  “Fire?” she asked, and spun around in amazement, as though looking for a fire in the woods.

  I chuckled.

  “No – wood,” I said, lifting one of the sticks. “For fire.”

  “Ohhhh,” she said, and smiled shyly. “For fire.”

  “Yes, good. Show me,” I said, and pointed from where she’d come from.

  “Show you?” she asked.

 
I pointed to my eyes, then back at the way she had come. “Yes – show me.”

  She led me back along the trail she had plowed. We finally wound up at a fallen hardwood, where she had dug through the snow until she had exposed a series of broken branches.

  I broke some dried-out limbs by stomping them and loaded up my backpack. Then we set off for home with our wooden treasures.

  Halfway there, though, I realized I needed to take care of some business.

  “Stay there,” I told Lelia as I cut a different path through the snow.

  “Jack?”

  “Stay there,” I said as I put my hand out like Stop!

  I went about 20 feet away, faced a tree, undid my pants, and had just let the lizard out for a leak –

  When I heard her boots squeaking through the snow behind me.

  “Jack?”

  “Go away!” I yelled over my shoulder.

  “Jack?”

  “I’m peeing – go away!”

  Ignoring me, she cut through the snow right next to me and peered down.

  “HEY!” I yelled.

  She got a gander, and immediately her eyebrows raised and her face broke out into a huge smile.

  “Oh, Jack,” she said happily. She pointed at my crotch. “What’s this?”

  “Go away!”

  “Go away,” she said, and angled around to see more. “Lelia like go away.”

  “No – go AWAY!” I yelled at her, waving her way from me.

  She pouted playfully, though she was still smiling. “Show me!”

  “NO! Now let me take a piss in peace!”

  She just giggled and retraced her steps.

  I stood there muttering and cursing under my breath.

  I don’t know if you’ve ever had a hot chick really want to see your johnson – and then grin like a fool as soon as she saw it – but it had a hell of an effect on me.

  I basically had to wait two minutes for it to go down enough for me to pee.

  After it was all over, I trudged back through the path in the snow and scowled at her.

  She just smirked and kept looking at my crotch.

  “Bad Lelia,” I scolded her.

  “Mmmm… good Jack,” she purred, and I basically had to readjust myself through my pants all over again.

  11

  We made our way back to the base of the cave. I took out my crampons and strapped the first one to my right boot. “Okay, we need to figure out a way for you to climb up there so – ”