Secrets Worth Keeping (Finding my Home Book 2)

by Nikita Parmenter

  I nod and smile, reaching the point where words will break my façade. Trick threads his fingers through mine and squeezes tightly.

  “Are you guys hungry?” Jenny asks.

  “There’s so many leftovers in the fridge, please say you are?” Rob grumbles sounding amused, “she carried on cooking as if you were all still eating here most nights” he chuckles wrapping an arm around Jenny’s shoulder.

  “It’s a habit” she giggles smacking him on the chest and I grin.

  They’ve completely ignored the fact that all of them kissed me goodbye and have breezed past it like it's nothing unusual. Although it really shouldn’t surprise me since they’re friends with Kat, Marc and Rich and not only were they in a relationship like mine in high school but the three of them recently reconciled thanks to a little bit of meddling from me and Jenny. It’s really no surprise that they’re so accepting of my relationship with the guys and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for them. I could’ve easily ended up in a group home until I turned eighteen and my life would have been completely different right now.

  “I could eat” I reply, knowing that Trick is more than likely starving and we didn’t have much for lunch anyway.

  I was still shook up about the news of Jeremy and the fucking creepy as shit text message he sent me. After Atlas’s promise to me though, it’s become a hell of a lot less scary and I’m more intrigued to know what Atlas is going to do to ensure Jeremy never comes near me again if I’m honest, than worried about Jeremy himself. I trust Atlas and I know that he can take care of it with no problem at all. He’s more than capable and I get the feeling that he has done something similar in the past.

  “Go and rummage in the fridge and choose whatever you want and I’ll make you up a plate” Jenny says obviously happy to have us back.

  “Thanks, Mom” Trick says.

  It’s not long before we have plates piled high with all sorts of left overs that Jenny insisted we have and I can’t help but chuckle as she decides to join us in a late night feast, Rob watching on amused. I have to admit that it makes me feel lighter if only for a minute. I’ve missed them both.

  “Alright mom, I really can’t eat another bite. I can promise you that the guys will be over tomorrow and we will most likely eat it all but right now my bed is calling my name. It was a long drive” Trick says as he pulls me up gently and starts walking towards the door with me in tow.

  “Alright kids. I’m just so glad that you’re home” Jenny says and smile at her.

  “We’ll catch up properly tomorrow” I say and then regret it as the lock rattles on my repressed emotions, I’d like nothing more than to wallow in bed tomorrow whilst I over think everything that could be going wrong with Atlas.

  That’s probably not healthy though.

  As we ascend the stairs my mask slips and my locked down emotions slowly unravel. Trick must sense the change in me because as soon as my bedroom door shuts behind us he wraps me in his arms and I rest my head over his heart as he holds me tightly.

  “Are you ok, Sweetheart?”

  “No. I miss him and more than that I’m really worried that he’s not safe” I reply and his arms tighten around me.

  “I know. I am too, we all are,” he admits truthfully, “but if anyone can handle a dangerous situation, it’s Atlas and I’m starting to suspect a bit more about his background and where he’s come from. That’s his story to tell though and it’s pure speculation on my part anyway. My point is, he’s got this and if he doesn’t we’ve got a burner and he will contact us. I’ll have a word with the guys tomorrow and make sure that everyone has a go bag ready, just in case he calls and needs us” Trick says, taking charge of the situation like usual and managing to soothe the frayed edges of my nerves a small amount.

  “Thank you” I whisper and he squeezes me once before kissing me.

  We get into bed, Trick not even pretending to go back to his room. Before sleep manages to drag me under, I reply to the multiple text messages from the guys. Each of them making sure I’m ok and Jensen and Cash trying to make me laugh and succeeding. Apparently they found their parents in a compromising position. That actually made me giggle as I imagine their faces when they walked in on Kat, Rich and Marc. I find it even more funny when it turns out that what they walked in on was them dancing. That was it. Fully clothed, dancing, whilst cooking a late dinner.

  I giggle and practically throw my phone at Trick who also bursts out laughing as soon as he reads the messages from the both of them.

  “How are they going to cope when they see them kiss, or worse?” Trick jokes his eyes widening as he pulls me into his arms and puts something light-hearted on the tv.

  “I have no idea but I sincerely hope that we are all present” I smirk.

  “Me too Dragonfly” he chuckles.

  After that I fell asleep with my head on Trick’s chest, a smile on my lips although my heart still feels heavy.

  ********

  My eyes snap open at the sound of flesh hitting flesh. I don’t know where I am and looking around there’s nothing that could even give me the slightest hint. Everything is just pitch black until suddenly Atlas appears in a spotlight arguing into the dark with someone.

  “I gave you one fucking job you useless cunt” an unhinged voice grunts in pain and I realise that it wasn’t Atlas who got hit but the other way around.

  “I don’t murder innocents” Atlas growls.

  “You don’t have a fucking a choice” the voice screams back.

  Atlas stands his ground as a hand holding a gun appears in the circle of light, the rest of the person still obscured in the murky depths of the dark.

  I scream uselessly, as Atlas just stands there completely unfazed as if he’s been at the end of a gun more times than he can count. I come to the sudden realisation that actually that probably is the case.

  “Move, Atlas please, move!!” I scream, “you promised Atty” I sob.

  Tears streaming down my face.

  My pleas are as useless as my screams as they fall on deaf ears. A cold smile crosses Atlas’s face just as the hand pulls the trigger, the gun goes off with a deafening bang. I watch in slow motion as the bullet travels straight towards the middle of Atlas’s forehead, I force my frozen legs to move but it’s like moving through tar and every step I take towards him seems like I’m just ending up further away. Just before the bullet hits Atlas suddenly turns his head towards me. As our eyes make contact a peaceful smile crosses his features before his eyes fill with panic, he lifts his hand out to me just as the bullet strikes him in his temple and he crumples to the ground with a thud, the light in his blue eyes fading leaving them dull and lifeless.

  My heart shatters as I fall to my knees begging him to wake up and unable to get any closer. I stay there for hours my body going numb and my tears finally drying. Feeling numb until an ember of anger ignites. If he had just let us help him, if he had just trusted that we could’ve handled it then this wouldn’t have happened!

  ********

  I wake up just as fuming mad as I was in the dream, my blood boiling and my heart aching in my chest. That fucking nightmare was too fucking close to home. My subconscious bought my worst fear to the forefront of my mind and played it out for me. I roll away from Trick trying my hardest not to wake him. I am so mad and downright terrified right now that I don’t want to interact with anyone. My mind plays the moment that the bullet hit and the light died in Atlas’s eyes, over and over again. A torture of my own making and one I can’t seem to shake.

  I close my eyes trying to push the irrational anger from my dream away.

  It’s just a dream.

  Only a dream, Atlas is alive and safe.

  Is he though?

  A dark voice pipes up and I have to admit it has a point. How do I really know whether he’s ok?

  I don’t and it hurts like hell.

  Leaving him hurts like hell.

  That fucking nightmare hurts like hell.

  T
he anger that had started to ebb away, blazes into an inferno again. In typical Ever fashion I don’t react to feeling so hurt and powerless in the normal way. My anger builds steadily until I’m so beyond angry that I can barely think straight. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I’m angry that Atlas is in danger, that he won’t let us help. I’m angry at myself for falling in love with him and I am fucking devastated that we don’t know when or even if we’re going to see him again.

  With that thought spinning in my head I slowly get up, being careful not to wake Trick as I check the time on my phone, it’s still early enough that everyone will still be asleep.

  Good, I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, I’d end up saying something I regret and I don’t want to try and make up excuses about why I’m up so early and where I’m going. I just want to leave with as little to no human interaction as possible. That dream has gutted me and it would be a tossup right now whether I’d crumple in on myself sobbing at the first sign of sympathy or one of my guys or lash out in hurt and anger and I don’t want to risk it being either one if I’m honest.

  My movements are choppy and stiff as I use the light on my phone to sort through the boxes in my closet yanking out a pair of workout leggings, a sports bra and a tank top. I put my phone down as I yank the clothes on roughly, my anger only building with the movements. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this fucking angry and there’s only one place I can think of going to work through it. I slowly tiptoe across my room grateful that I got some lightweight workout trainers in my online shopping trip with Jenny and Kat just before Christmas.

  Trick stirs slightly as I open the door but the drive home yesterday really did take it out of him and he falls back to sleep quickly. I close the door and it takes real effort not let my anger show and stomp down the fucking stairs but that would wake everyone up and I don’t want anyone stopping me right now and trying to reason with me. I stop by the pile of bags at the bottom of the stairs that me and Trick forgot to take up last night and rummage through mine until I pull out the workout arm band and iPod that the boys got me. I grab my headphones grateful that Cash set them up so I don’t have to figure it now. I find a heavy rock album by one of my favourite artists and turn it up as loud as it will go.

  My anger is begging to be released, Atlas’s dead eyes playing on repeat in my minds eye still. I grab my bike key’s off of the side table by the door, I don’t remember when I stopped keeping them on me at all times. Just before I open the front door my common sense pings and I snatch up my helmet yanking it on. As I leave the house I shut the door a little too loudly behind me but I’m beyond caring right now. I barely feel the rain as it pelts me, instantly soaking me through.

  I jump on my bike and pull away from Trick’s house, my mind in a fog. I know what I can get like when I’m this angry. I know I shouldn’t be around anyone I care about because I’m angry enough to explode. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean and hurt someone I love. The best thing for me to do right now is to fight the anger out and back in Fresno that would’ve been damn easy to do but I don’t want to be stupid about it here, actually caring about my own wellbeing for a change, even though I’m still boiling mad. The only place that I know around here that would be safe enough for me to get some of this anger out, even if it is just on a punching bag, is the place where I got MMA lessons for Jensen for Christmas.

  I drive blindly down the road not really sure where I’m going but just driving and taking the corners far too quickly especially considering it’s raining. I’m too lost in my thoughts to care though as I wrack my brains trying to think of the directions to the MMA club and seriously hoping that they’re open.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  I’m shocked when I arrive at the MMA gym having no idea how I got here and aware that I should probably be slightly worried that I don’t know. I brush it off though, the anger feels heavy in my gut and I haphazardly park my bike before hopping off and rushing through the heavy downpour towards the door. I pull my bike helmet off and take one of my ear phones out as I get to the door just as an older man, with grey hair but in better shape than most teenagers, I’m guessing the owner, starts to undo bolts to open up the gym.

  Looks like I got here just in time. Now I just need to hope that he’ll let me in dripping wet and obviously mad as hell.

  He studies me briefly and I try to smile but it comes out as a grimace. He shuts the door and I’m just about to turn back around, thinking that he’s decided not to let me in but he comes back and opens the door handing me a towel and folding his arms over his barrel chest.

  A man of few words, something I definitely appreciate right now.

  I frown at the towel and he raises his eyebrow in surprise before he motions to me. I look down at myself and for the first time realise that in my haste to leave the house without anyone stopping me, I forgot to put my bike jacket on and I am literally soaked right through, I grimace and start to dry off as best I can. When I’m done he opens the door for me and I walk in managing a small smile of thanks as he points me towards doors at the end of the corridor.

  “There’s some heavy bags in the corner, I’ll make sure you aren’t disturbed. My regulars will turn up soon but they’ll leave you be. If they give you any grief though tell ‘em Rusty said you could be here” he says gruffly and then turns and goes back to what appears to be an office, leaving the door open.

  This was exactly what I needed and I have a feeling that it will very quickly become one of my favourite places. I put the headphone I took out at the door back in and quickly make my way towards the doors. Once through them I briefly admire the set up with a large octagon ring in the middle and a smaller normal boxing ring off to the side as well as various other equipment before I spot the punching bags in the corner and make a beeline for them, although I’d calm down quicker if my opponent was fighting back it’s probably not a good idea in this state. I could end up doing some serious damage.

  I carelessly drop my helmet on the floor by the wall making sure it’s out of the way and I won’t trip over it. I run through a quick range of stretches vaguely aware of a couple of guys coming in. They shoot me curious glances but true to Rusty’s word they don’t bother me.

  I only do a quick warm up, too wound up to do a proper one and I don’t bother wrapping my hands since I don’t have my wraps with me and don’t want to bother asking Rusty for tape. I start in on some simple combinations, I’ve only been at it for maybe ten minutes when Rusty enters my line of vision, I stop, barely breathing hard and take one of my headphones out noting the volume of the gym has risen substantially. He holds up some tape for me.

  “Want me to show you how to wrap your hands?” he asks.

  “Nah I got it, thanks Rusty” I say as I catch the tape he throws at me, he watches me for a second but when it’s clear I really do know what I’m doing he backs off and walks back out of the gym.

  I wrap my hands quickly and then start back in on the punching bag, working harder and throwing in kicks and elbows. Absolutely not in correct form but just things that I’ve picked up from fights I’ve had before. I keep going, music blaring and arms burning slightly from exertion, my anger ebbs enough that I start to think a bit clearer but it doesn’t dissipate enough that I want to stop. About an hour in Rusty appears in my vision again. I pause my breathing slightly heavier and sweat dripping down my face. He chucks me a water bottle and I catch it effortlessly before taking a long drink and watching him walk off again talking to some of the other guys in the gym, I raise my eyebrow when I realise that every person in this gym is a guy.

  I watch some guy nudge his friend and smirk before he swaggers his way over to me. I can’t help but smirk back as he approaches, he has the cocky swagger about him that suggests I might get a proper fight after all. Rusty see’s the guy approach me and rolls his eyes, he starts to make his way over to intercept him but as soon as he sees the grin on my face he pauses as he seems to study me in a new l
ight and stops his advance staying where he is and watching.

  I seriously hope he doesn’t mind if I bloody up one of his fighters.

  I like it here.

  “You seem to have caught Rusty’s attention” the beefcake says as he eyes me up and down, “I can see why Darling” he adds trying to be charming but only succeeding in making me chuckle.

  He takes a step towards me.

  “I’m not interested” I say firmly, giving him a chance to back off as I start to turn back around.

  “But I am, come on darling you haven't even giving me a chance” he tries again as he grabs a hold of my arm.

  “Let go of me” I say calmly and grin as Rusty shoots me a worried look, his eyes widening as he catches my grin.

  “Or what?”

  “Or I’ll fucking make you” I growl.

  He bursts out laughing and his grip tightens, we’ve gained quite a bit of attention by now and I see a couple of the guys take a step towards me as if to intervene, I can’t let them ruin my fun though and since I still have anger burning through me, I’m harsher than I’d normally be to someone in this situation.

  I spin on my heel and easily break his grip before I shove him back with my foot on his chest. The gym falls silent as the beefcake instantly becomes enraged and charges me again, I let his fist slip through my guard and it glance my cheek and nose but fortunately doesn’t break anything, my nose starts to drip with blood and I grin as the anger is pushed further back. I hit him in quick succession in several spots before I jump and bring my elbow down hard on his face, repaying him for the bloody nose but breaking his instead, he crumples to the floor and stays down and I pout disappointed.

  Several of the surrounding guys chuckle and clap before going back to their own workouts.

  “You know your stuff,” Rusty comments.

  “Not really, just what I’ve picked up” I reply as I use the towel from earlier to wipe the blood off my face.

  “Why did you let him do that?” Rusty asks as he points to my nose, although I have a feeling he already knows the answer.