Jacob Michaels Is Not Crazy

by Chase Connor

  She waggled her head but didn’t argue as she brought her tea to her lips.

  Lucas and I made sure all the doors and windows were locked, then we said “goodnight” to Oma before we headed upstairs. It was nearly midnight when the two of us actually went to sleep, naked and content in each other’s arms. As I drifted off, I felt something curl up in bed with us—but it wasn’t by my feet, it was next to my legs. Obviously, whatever it was didn’t know Lucas well enough to sleep by his feet. But it was perfectly fine sleeping in the crook behind my knees as I laid on my side and held Lucas.

  Chapter 10

  Green light was peeking out from under the door again when I awoke in the middle of the night. Whatever had been sleeping in the crook of my legs had jumped off of the bed and scurried away towards the bathroom as I stirred. The light under the door cast the room in a sickly green glow as I slid my arms from around Lucas. He didn’t stir as I rolled and let my legs dangle off of the bed. I stared at the light coming from under the door. Nothing happened. Suddenly, I was filled with a wave of anger fueled by curiosity and exhaustion.

  I stood from the bed, still naked, and grabbed my underwear from the floor. Slipping them on, I pulled on my sweatpants and sweater next. Lucas continued to sleep as I crept from the bedside to the bedroom door. After a short moment to take a breath, I reached out and turned the knob. I pulled the door inwards, expecting to be blinded by the light. However, the hallway was just cast in the eerie glow of the light as the bedroom had been. I stepped out of the bedroom and looked down the hallway. Wherever the light was coming from was drifting down the hallway and going down the stairs.

  When I glanced back into the bedroom, Lucas was still curled up in bed, sleeping peacefully, so I left the room, closing the door gently behind myself. I crept down the hallway carefully, so as to not wake Lucas or Oma, and followed the light as it traveled downstairs. Step by step, I kept just within the shadows the light cast and followed it. Then down the stairs. When I got to the base of the stairs, the light was in the kitchen, casting it in an eerie glow as well. So, I followed it there. When I got to the kitchen, my feet making tapping noises against the linoleum, the light was behind the basement door, peeking out in a slant across the kitchen floor.

  My hand went to the basement door and I turned that knob as well, deciding to follow this light wherever I had to in order to find out what the hell was going on. When I opened the cellar door, the light was moving down the rickety stairs, further into the basement. I took a deep breath and started to descend the stairs. Step, by frightening step, I descended the old wooden steps into the basement, not knowing what might be waiting for me. However, when I got to the base of the stairs, the room seemed to be filled with the eerie green light. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been in the basement of Oma’s house, in fact, when I really thought about it, I wasn’t sure that I had ever actually been in the basement.

  That was weird, considering the fact that I had grown up in Oma’s house from a very young age. I held a hand to my eyes, to shield them from the bright green light. Finally, after several moments, the light seemed to dull and I pulled my hand back so that I could see what was happening. Before me, in the center of the basement, was what could only be described as a stone well, roughly as far across as I was tall. The green light was emanating from somewhere deep within, seemingly disappearing deeper and deeper into the well, getting duller and duller as it descended.

  Cautiously, I tiptoed over to the well, knowing that this was probably the worst decision I could have made in the situation. However, I tiptoed over to the edge of the stone well and braced my hands against the side, which came up to my waist. Against my better judgment, I leaned forward to look down into the well, needing to know where the light was coming from. When I looked down into the deep recesses of the well, all I could see was the green light flooding everything below so that I could not tell how deep the well actually was. I stared down into that green light for a very long time. Then it began to move upwards again, getting closer and closer until I was being blinded once again. I stepped back from the well, bringing my hand up to shield my eyes again as the basement filled with the bright light.

  I awoke to the feeling of Lucas’ lips against mine. When I opened my eyes, Lucas’ face was next to mine, his eyes were closed as he pressed his lips against mine, and the room was warm with late morning light. The light was that type of snow-reflected white that let one know, without getting out of bed, that it had snowed the night before. Of course, it had snowed all day long, so I wasn’t sure if the light would have been enough of a clue if I hadn’t already seen the snow for myself with my own eyes.

  The sudden change from being in the basement in Oma’s house to lying in bed next to Lucas, being kissed awake gave me a mental jolt. I did my best to smile and return the kiss, but my brain was asking “what the actual fuck?” very loudly. Lucas finally opened his eyes and smiled at me as he pulled away from the kiss. He looked so content and warm in bed with me that it made my stomach flutter again. And, yet again, I was left with the nagging feeling that things felt too good—too right. That I was being too nonchalant about all of the odd happenings in my life recently.

  “Good morning, babe.” He said softly.

  “Good morning.”

  “It snowed more last night.”

  I gave an involuntary shiver with a laugh as he pulled me into his body.

  “Another few inches, I think.” He spoke against my mouth. “I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and it was really coming down. But there’s nothing wrong with getting a few inches.”

  “More than a few.” I winked.

  He chuckled throatily.

  “You were having some dreams, huh?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You were kicking a little in your sleep.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It was cute.” He somehow managed a shrug as he laid there. “Made me want to wake you up and give you a real reason to thrash around.”

  I chuckled.

  “Does Mrs. Wagner have a pet?” He asked with a half-frown half-smile.

  “What?”

  “I thought there was a dog or cat in bed with us last night.” He chuckled.

  I am not crazy.

  Later in the day, just after lunch, Lucas bid adieu to Oma and me—after way too many kisses at the front door. I watched him drive carefully through the snow, away from the house, as I stood on the front porch. It was still below freezing outside, but the sun glinting off the snow was nearly blinding. As soon as Lucas’ truck was out of sight, I gladly went back into the warm house, rubbing my hands together to knock away the chill. Oma was in the kitchen, banging away, preparing for an elaborate, stick-to-your-ribs meal seeing as there wasn’t much else could be done, considering the weather.

  Doing my best to not march, I went straight to the kitchen. Now that Oma and I were alone, we were going to have a real conversation about her and her house. When I entered the kitchen, she was pulling some potatoes, carrots, and what looked like fennel out to prep for the meal. A whole chicken was sitting in the sink. An evening roast. I wouldn’t let myself get distracted by the thought of good food.

  “Okay, Oma.” I crossed my arms, standing ten feet away from her. “Tell me what the hell is in this house.”

  “What are you babbling about again?”

  “You have a pet or…something…in this house,” I demanded. “What is it?”

  “I ain’t got no damn pets.” She placed the vegetables on the counter and turned to me with her fists on her hips.

  “Something has been crawling into bed with me at night.” She started to interject, but I continued quickly in order to cut her off. “And it crawled into bed with Lucas and me last night and he noticed it, too. So, I’m not fucking crazy. That excuse isn’t going to fly.”

  “You need to take—”

  “I haven’t taken my pills in days.” I actually stomped my foot
. “If this was withdrawal, I’d be over it by now. And that doesn’t explain Lucas noticing it either!”

  “I don’t have any pets, I tell ya’.” She snapped back.

  “Then. What. Is. It?”

  Oma started to say something, stopped herself, and raised her head haughtily.

  “I don’t know what in the world you’re talkin’ about, Robbie.” She sniffed. “If somethin’s crawlin’ into your bed at night, it ain’t no damn pet of mine.”

  I glared at her.

  “Fine,” I said. “Game on, old woman.”

  I turned to leave the kitchen.

  “What the hell does that mean?” She grumbled.

  “If you aren’t going to tell me—I’m not going to tell you,” I replied over my shoulder. “Elphaba.”

  “Who?”

  “Read a book.” I snapped as I walked away.

  Chapter 11

  That night, after a tense and fairly quiet dinner of roast chicken and vegetables and homemade rolls, I helped Oma wash up after dinner. I read a book, curled up in front of the fire, while she watched some television show about baking. When it was a reasonable time to go to bed, I announced my intentions and went upstairs. I changed into my pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for signs that Oma had done the same. What seemed to be days later, I heard her come upstairs and enter her bedroom. After several minutes, the house was quiet and as dark as a tomb. So, I crawled under the covers and laid down in bed. I closed my eyes, making sure that I didn’t drift off as I waited.

  The quiet of the house was eerie as I laid there in the dark, waiting for whatever it was that crawled into bed with me to arrive. My heart was thundering within my chest as I laid there, listening to that infinite silence in the dark, wondering if I was making a bad decision. What if Oma was keeping secrets for a really good reason? What if the thing crawling into bed with me at night had nothing to do with Oma? Carrying out the plan I had in mind might have ramifications I couldn’t understand. However, just as I had worked myself into a near fit of anxiety, I felt the…thing…crawling up onto the bed. I braced myself, still pretending to be asleep as I felt it crawl along the bed, coming to rest behind my legs again.

  Almost like a dog, it seemed to turn in place a few times before settling down, curling up behind my legs. If I knew that Oma had a cat or dog, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal—it would almost be sweet. But Oma denied having any pets, I hadn’t seen any pets, and my door was closed. How the hell would a pet have gotten into the room anyway? This thing in bed with me didn’t belong there and I had to know what was going on. I held my breath for the space of a few breaths, then I leaped into action. I tossed the covers off and over the creature by my legs.

  Squirming and thrashing, the creature created a whirlwind of movement under the comforter, as I leaped on top of it, wrapping it up in the blanket like a hobo’s kerchief. Whatever was inside the blanket was strong, but it was small, and even though I wasn’t at my ideal weight, it was no match for me. I laid on top of it as it wore itself out.

  “Gotcha ya’ little shit,” I whispered down at the bundle of covers.

  It thrashed once more within the blanket as I twisted the covers up and pulled it off of the bed. The thing weighed no more than a medium sized dog, but as it thrashed again in my arms, I almost dropped it. Wrapping my arms tightly around the bundle, I went to the bedroom door and threw it open. I marched down the hall, thrashing bundle of blankets in my arms, to Oma’s bedroom. I didn’t even knock, I just kicked the door open and entered.

  Oma sat up in bed and flipped the light on in a panic.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Oma gasped, sitting up quickly in bed.

  “Don’t have any pets, do ya’?” I sneered at her and marched over to the foot of her bed.

  I threw the bundle down on the bed.

  “What the hell is that?” She growled.

  “Oh, you know what it is, lady.” I snapped. “And we’re about to see it together.”

  I grabbed an edge of the blanket bundle and whipped it open. Oma gasped as a tiny body tumbled out of the bundle and landed on top of her legs over the covers. My eyes grew wide as I looked down at the little humanoid creature. It looked almost like a House Elf out of Harry Potter, except it was wearing normal clothes. Small clothes that maybe belonged to a German peasant, but normal clothes. And its skin more of a human shade. For all intents and purposes, I was looking at a miniature human…but not.

  “Goddamnit, Ernst!” Oma bellowed.

  The creature popped to its feet, its head whipping back and forth rapidly between myself and Oma.

  “Ernst?” I was incredulous.

  The creature on the bed looked scandalized. And a little pissed.

  “Why’d you keep going into his damn room!” Oma swatted at the creature, which it barely avoided. “I told you to stay out of there not two hours ago!”

  “I’m sawwy Mrs. Wagner.” The creature spoke in a high-pitched voice. “His room be the warmest, ‘tis all.”

  “That’s no reason to keep fucking around, is it?” She growled at the little humanoid. “I oughta…”

  The creature ducked down, expecting another swat.

  “Excuse me?!” I bellowed. “What the fuck is going on? What is that thing?”

  The creature turned its head violently towards me with a snarl.

  “Oh. I’m sorry.” I growled down at the creature. “You don’t mind curling up next to my ass to sleep without permission, but you’re offended?”

  What the hell was I even doing? I was talking to this…thing…like it was the most natural thing in the world. Oma swatted at, I guess, “Ernst” again, which he managed to mostly avoid, though her fingers slapped against him.

  “I didn’t mean no harm, Mrs. Wagner,” Ernst responded, prancing about the bed anxiously. “It’s cold ‘tis all.”

  “That ain’t no excuse, Ernst.” Oma threw the covers off of herself. “If you’d just fucking listen to me then—”

  “Both of you shut the hell up!” I screeched, my face turning red. “I want some damn answers about what is going on in this house and what that…thing…is and why it’s been curling up to me nearly every night since I got here!”

  Oma and Ernst both looked up at me, parts chastened and parts irritated.

  “This is Ernst,” Oma said simply.

  Ernst waved a tiny hand impishly.

  “I figured that part out, ya’ crazy old bat!”

  “Ya’ don’ have much fat on ya’, sir.” Ernst peeped. ”Ya’ put off alotta heat. ‘Tis warm in your bed.”

  “Um, thanks?” I snorted down at the creature.

  “You’re welcome.” He nodded, a stern look on his face. “But if ya’ wrap me up in a blanket one more time—”

  I swung my arm back as though to strike him.

  Ernst flinched. Yeah. He was a real badass.

  “Well, don’t hit him for God’s sake!” Oma screeched.

  “What. Is. That. Thing?” I asked again.

  “He’s Ernst.” Oma reiterated.

  When the expression on my face let both Oma and Ernst know that this was not an adequate, nor acceptable response, Oma continued.

  “He’s a Kobold.” Oma waved her hand in the air as though that explained everything about Ernst.

  Ernst bowed an introduction.

  I just stared at them.

  They stared back.

  “Oh, fuck me silly.” I slapped a hand to my forehead. “That explains everything, doesn’t it? Ernst is a Kobold. How stupid of me to worry about him crawling up my ass each night to sleep.”

  “I didn’t crawl up his ass,” Ernst spoke to Oma out of the corner of his mouth.

  I frowned at him.

  “A Kobold is a household spirit.” Oma rolled her eyes. “They do chores and mostly keep to themselves.”

  “In the shadows?” I barked.

  “Well, fine, yes.” Oma shrugged.

  “We also are expert pranksters.�
� Ernst peeped proudly.

  I glared down at him.

  “He won’t bother you none sleepin’ in your bed,” Oma added.

  I was apoplectic.

  “Stay out of my room, Ernest!” I jabbed a finger at him.

  Green light flashed through the room and Ernst was propelled off of the bed and through the doorway into Oma’s bathroom. Oma gasped and then the room filled with silence. After a heartbeat, I heard scurrying in the bathroom and Ernst was gone. I turned my head to look at Oma. She was looking at me in horror as my hand hung in the air, my finger pointed at the bed. What had just happened?

  “What the fuck did you do that for?!?” Oma screeched.

  “What did I do?” I asked her with wide eyes.

  “You just blasted Ernst’s ass into the bathroom is what you did, ya’ idjit!”

  “What?”

  “Put your damn finger down, Robbie!” She commanded.

  Slowly, I lowered my hand. Had that green light come from…me? The same color of green light that had awoken me two nights in a row? Or had I been dreaming? I wasn’t so sure of anything.

  “You don’t treat the Kobolds like that, damnit!”

  “Kobolds?” I leaned in angrily. “Ernst isn’t the only critter in this damn house?”

  “He’s not a critter, and no, there’s a few others.”

  “How many?” I demanded.

  Oma chewed at her lip.

  “How many, damnit?”

  “Well, there’s Ernst, Hans, Oskar, Felix, and Lena.” She counted off on her fingers. “So, five, I guess.”

  “There are five of those things wandering around here?” I jabbed my finger at the bathroom.

  “Put your damn finger down, Robbie!” Oma screeched again.

  I put my finger down but I glared at her.

  “You’re crazy.” I admonished her. “And you’ve been trying to make me feel like I’m the crazy one.”

  “I’m not crazy!”

  “You’ve got miniature people…things…Kobolds…living in your house, creeping around, curling up to sleep with me, doing laundry, making beds, scrubbing floors…”