Her stomach churned, and she wanted to run. He looked better than he should, and it pulled at her heart. It got worse when she realized she’d have to share his Bible. She held it so he could steady himself. The pounding of her heart was so loud she hardly heard a word.
At one-point Dolly inched over so Clarissa would have to move closer to Donnell. He shot her an angry glance and immediately jerked away as though she’d burned him. She felt as though she was drowning and couldn’t breathe. She moved past Donnell as best as she could without touching him, and with her shoulders back and her head held high, she left the church.
There was a cemetery on the side with a few benches. She sat there apologizing to God. She was just a weak, foolish girl. The sooner she left the Kavanaghs the better. She couldn’t take much more. It was though she was so fragile she’d break. She thought about her mother, longing to forget the ending but remembering all the letters instead. Her father, she couldn’t fathom anyone treating a daughter the way he had. She knew she was his, but she refused to acknowledge it out loud. Maybe there was something about her that cried out to others the words not good enough.
She could hear the singing from inside and knew they’d be out soon. There was a side door too, and she stood there. She needed to go back in alone and talk to God. She needed to find some kind of strength to get through.
“Oh, there you are!” Dolly said as she stood next to her. “I was concerned when I saw you leave.”
“I suddenly felt as though I couldn’t breathe so I came outside. I’m quite better now.”
“Good.” Dolly linked her arm with Clarissa’s. “Let’s go and get the baskets.”
Clarissa smiled for Dolly’s sake. She’d gone to much trouble to make her a basket too. They dropped the baskets off at a table and then Dolly walked around introducing Clarissa to the townspeople. It was nice to meet the women. The men seemed to take her measure in a different manner. Most likely they found her lacking.
Donnell had taken a seat on a bench and it looked as though he had plenty of company to keep him entertained. In fact, it seemed the single Kavanagh men were popular with the ladies.
A handsome man with black hair and gray eyes introduced himself. “I’m Ed Calver, I’ve been looking forward to making your acquaintance. I heard about the predicament Joe Kingsley left you in. Gold fever seems to take over, and a man loses sight of everything else.” He smiled.
“It’s nice to meet you too.”
“I’m just going to come out and tell you my situation,” he said with candor. “My wife died about four years ago and left me with three boys to raise. They spend a lot of time with me, but the youngest is just four. My next oldest is six, and the oldest is just about to turn nine. I’d think it a real honor if you’d consider allowing me to court you. You don’t need to answer right yet. I’m sure there are plenty of men who will vie for your hand.”
“I appreciate your direct approach, Mr. Carver.”
“Call me Ed.”
She nodded. “I will give your request consideration. I’m flattered.”
As soon as he left, she turned to Dolly. “Why isn’t he remarried yet?”
“He thought about it once a few years ago, but I think he really loved his wife very much.”
Clarissa couldn’t help her gaze from landing on Donnell. He never even looked her way. Sighing, she went on and met many single men. Some had children and some didn’t. She’d never remember so many names.
A nice-looking man with light brown hair and blue eyes came closer with a bundle in his arms.
“Ma’am, I’m Terry Linch.” He moved the blanket revealing the sweetest baby. “This is my boy, Chad. He’s six months and his ma, my wife, died in childbirth. I have a good-sized cattle ranch and a nice house. Chad here takes to cow’s milk. I got real lucky there. If you don’t mind my asking, which basket is yours? I want to be sure to bid on it.”
“Her basket’s a nest with a red bird in it.” Dolly turned to Clarissa. “I put it there after we put them on the table. Sometimes you just want one person to bid.”
Clarissa stared at the baby. “May I hold him? I’ve never held a baby before.”
“Ma’am—”
“Call me Clarissa.”
“Clarissa, I have a blanket unfolded under that tree.” He pointed to one not far from where the bidding would be. “We could sit there and I could show you how.”
She glanced at Dolly who gave her a slight nod. “You two go and get acquainted. If you need me, I’ll be sitting next to Donnell.”
Clarissa’s step felt light as she followed Terry to the blanket. He took her hand to help lower her to the ground and then fell to his knees.
“Put your arms like mine. You have to be sure to support the head.” He placed Chad in her arms, and she laughed in delight.
“He’s tiny. Look, he’s grabbing onto my finger.”
“He does that.”
“I’m sorry for your loss. It must be hard.”
He was quiet for a moment. “It’s hard taking care of Chad and the ranch. As far as my wife, both our parents pushed us into marriage. We didn’t have enough time to know if we’d really get on or not.”
Though Clarissa nodded, she wondered what he meant. Did it take a long time to know if you’d get on or not? “He’s beautiful. You’re blessed to have him.”
“I love my little man. I hope you’d give me a chance as far as courting goes. I saw how many men already asked you. Have you made a decision?” He sounded hopeful.
“I’m not entirely sure I’d be good at being a wife and mother. I know nothing about a family and affection seems so foreign to me. I attended an all girls school and I can’t remember ever being with my mother. After I graduated, I found out she had died. I was out of money and choices. That’s why I became a mail-order bride.” She gestured toward herself. “I’m as plain as they come. Joe Kingsley actually was there to get a look at me when I arrived but he told others I wasn’t good enough.” Her face heated.
“I’m sorry that happened to you. Look, the bidding is about to start.”
Another auction came to mind, and she trembled.
“Do you want me to take Chad?”
She nodded and handed Terry the baby. She couldn’t help but gaze at Donnell, and this time he stared back at her. She wrapped her arms around her waist. Donnell looked away first, and she felt cold and empty.
* * *
“She’s suddenly become a social butterfly,” Donnell said bitterly.
Dolly put her hand on his arm. “You announced very loudly that she was no longer your responsibility. She put her trust in you and quite frankly she’s been abandoned at every turn. You were the last in a series of painful leavings.”
He sighed. “I didn’t think about it that way. All I could see were the lies she told. I couldn’t get past them.”
Dolly frowned. “Tell me what lie did she tell that was such a betrayal?”
“She never told me what her mother did for a living. She never said why she couldn’t go home during school breaks. She made up some lie about a dress shop. I checked. No one had opened a dress shop in that town. She pretended to be staying at the hotel when she had a room at the saloon. I’m actually surprised there is a Joe Kingsley. Oh, and she conveniently left out the part where the owner of the saloon is her father.”
“You have a big list,” observed Dolly with a wry smile. “She’s as green as they come. The only thing she’s guilty of is leading you to believe she was going to stay at the hotel and what her mother did for a living. The whole time she was at school, she really believed there was a dress shop, and finding out what her mother did for a living turned her all around. If you ask me becoming a mail-order bride was her best choice. Except she picked badly.” She nodded toward the baskets. “The bidding is starting.”
Who really knew if the basket was actually made by the woman auctioning it? Just another lie to add to Clarissa’s list. He wasn’t in the mood to bid and eat with
anyone. Dolly always packed an extra basket that she kept in the wagon.
The auction was boring until one basket was put up. It seemed as though every man wanted it. He recognized that red bird in the nest. It used to be part of someone’s ridiculous hat. He frowned as he followed the bidding. Terry Linch sure did want it but had to drop out as the price got over ten dollars.
Donnell saw Hank Thatcher out of the corner of his eye and immediately grabbed his crutch. Hank was bidding. There was no way Hank was going to win only to terrorize Clarissa!
“Twenty,” Hank yelled out. He smiled. He probably thought he’d won.
“Thirty,” Donnell bid. He scanned the crowd and saw Clarissa’s frightened expression. She’d already stood and it looked like she was getting ready to run.
“Thirty-five.” Hank sounded confident.
“One hundred,” Donnell said firmly.
There was a hush among the crowd. “Going once, going twice, sold to Donnell Kavanagh!”
Donnell smiled, and Hank glared at him.
“Nice leg. I’ll get her eventually, you know.” A vicious smile curled his lips. “The way I got you.”
Donnell felt every one of his brothers stand with him.
“We protect what’s ours,” Teagan warned.
“Then she belongs to your brother? It’s never going to happen.” Hank widened his stance. People scurried out of the line of fire.
Donnell took a wobbly step forward and his brother Quinn stopped him. “Listen, mister, I think you should be going.”
“Only if my whore comes with me.” Hank smiled maliciously.
People immediately started to talk. Donnell heard all the filthy things they said. “She’s your daughter. She’s no whore. In fact, we’re getting married as soon as possible.”
“You went ahead and took her, did you? Now she’s damaged goods!”
Many of the bystanders gasped.
Donnell’s hands fisted. “I won’t even dignify that with an answer. All I will say is my bride to be is one of the most honorable women I know.”
Dolly smiled at him and nodded.
Sullivan and Brogan each took one of Hank’s arms and walked toward the jailhouse.
“What did you mean by telling Donnell you got to him? Shot him, didn’t you?” Sullivan spoke loud enough for most to hear.
Chapter Ten
Clarissa stared down at the sleeping baby. Embarrassment overwhelmed her, and she didn’t dare look up. “Give me a moment and I’ll leave. Chad is a beautiful boy.”
“Are you engaged to Donnell?” Terry asked.
“No, he can’t stand me and sometimes it’s too uncomfortable at the ranch. It’s his family home, that’s why I decided to try and find a husband.” She finally raised her head and many of the men who had earlier vied for her attention now had their backs to her. Thankfully, she didn’t see the anticipated condemnation from most of the women.
She watched as Donnell struggled to get to the table and pick up her basket. He was clumsy with his crutch and the basket but he made it to the blanket where she sat. He gave her a lopsided smile.
“Mind if I join the three of you?”
Terry stood and took the basket, set it on the blanket and helped Donnell to sit on the ground. Clarissa smiled when Terry made sure to position Donnell so he was able to lean back against the tree.
“Clarissa, I’m sorry about the scene I caused.”
“It was Hank Thatcher who caused it. I know you were just trying to save me from him.” She set the food out and offered Terry the first plateful. Then she made up one for Donnell. “Dolly sure can make fried chicken like no other. It’s not that I can’t cook because I can, but I didn’t know about the social or even what a social was until yesterday. Dolly made up the basket for me.”
“That’s a fine boy you have, Terry,” Donnell commented.
“I’m right proud of him. It’s been a hard road, but we’re still here together.” He gazed at her then at Donnell. “I know you announced your intention to marry Clarissa, but I plan to court her.”
She carefully watched Donnell’s expression and he looked relieved. “You are welcome to her.”
Just like that, he crushed her with his uncaring words. She gave herself a moment before she gazed at Terry. “I would like that.” Her face heated, and she pushed her food around her plate. Her appetite had fled.
Chad began to fuss, and she was amazed watching Terry quickly change him and get a bottle out of his saddlebag. “Do you want to feed him?”
She suddenly felt shy but nodded her head. As soon as they were situated, she blocked out everything but the bliss of feeding an infant. The happiness she felt filled her.
“Looks like Chad likes you,” Terry commented gently.
“Looks like Clarissa likes the baby,” Donnell said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. “You’ll make an excellent mother,” he said quietly.
Terry put everything back into the basket. Donnell ignored the hint to allow them to be alone. Clarissa wanted to laugh as she watched the two men. Donnell’s behavior surprised her. Did he really not want to leave, or was he trying to allow any gossip to die down? She’d never understand him and the best thing for her was to forget him.
“Here let me burp him.” Terry lovingly took his son and began patting his back.
“So, this is what you want? A ready-made family with a man you just met?” Donnell scowled at her.
“I don’t analyze everything to death the way you do. I probably should, but I’m cautious. Like you said I just met Terry and Chad. He was the first man who didn’t look at me and make me feel plain at this church social. He didn’t turn away when my father called me a whore or ask me any questions about it. I’d like to get to know him better. Why? Is there something you need to warn me about?”
Donnell struggled to stand, and Terry helped him up. “Thank you for a lovely lunch even if you didn’t make it. The company was pleasant. If I don’t want to end up in a wagon with all my nieces and nephews I’d best get going.” He turned and walked away.
“I’m sorry about that. He doesn’t want me he made that very clear but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. So, tell me more about yourself.”
* * *
The pain of walking was much worse than he let on. He hadn’t counted on walking much past the bench he had first sat on. He’d never understand women. He paid a lot of money to get her away from her father and here he was going home without her. He didn’t want to be responsible for her yet it must have become such a habit it was hard to quit.
Terry Linch was a nice enough man. It was sad that his wife had died. They’d always looked happy together. His ranch was solid. He had a good business head and wasn’t trying to expand too fast. His house looked nice from the outside and he kept the yard around it looking good. He wasn’t the one for her though. He couldn’t be over his wife. It had only been six or eight months. Clarissa needed lots of love. She had missed out on growing up in a family. He doubted she was even hugged much. Of course, there was the baby boy to hug.
He couldn’t believe it was her father who had shot him but it made sense. He was a low-down snake for sure. Donnell admitted he would buy her basket again if it kept her father from her. It hurt to see her with another man, but it had to be. He’d never be able to trust her, though Dolly didn’t think it was anything to get upset about. In this case Dolly was wrong.
As it turned out he had to wait for a ride home. Apparently, people never left this early. Didn’t one of the children need to get home for a nap? He leaned and scowled. Later he turned down the tail gate and sat and scowled.
“You might have to wait a bit. The sack race is taking place,” Murphy said as he joined Donnell.
“That’s fine.” Donnell shrugged his left shoulder.
“When is the wedding?”
“Never. I don’t plan to marry, and if I do it will be to someone I can trust. A pretty woman who is innocent. I know they’ll be some talk, but it�
��ll die down eventually. How do I even know for sure she didn’t work at the saloon?” Murphy’s eyes widened as he stared at something beyond Donnell, and Donnell turned to see who was behind him, though he had a good guess and he was correct. Clarissa stood there with a world of pain in her eyes. Before he could apologize, she was swiftly walking away.
* * *
Clarissa hitched a ride on one of the last wagons. Teagan drove while Gemma and Dolly sat in the front. Clarissa took a fussing Lacey. There wasn’t room in the front for all her squirming, but she was happy to sit in Clarissa’s lap and sing songs all the way to the ranch.
Teagan pulled up in front of the main house, jumped off the wagon, and then helped Dolly and Gemma down. Next, he took Lacey from Clarissa set her down and finally helped Clarissa.
She gave him a quick smile. “Thank you.”
“Sunday supper will be ready in a few hours,” Dolly called out.
“I hope you’ll excuse me. I’m not feeling up to it.”
“If you change your mind you are more than welcome,” Dolly told her as she gave her an encouraging smile.
“Thank you.” Clarissa turned and walked to her house. She took her bonnet off and gazed at herself in the mirror. There wasn’t anything she could do to look pretty. Character should count for something, but Donnell didn’t think much of her character anyway. In pain, she quickly turned her back to the mirror.
She took out her Bible and sat in the rocking chair. Dolly had been right introducing Clarissa to everyone. She did need to find a husband, but after her father yelling and then Donnell’s announcement of marriage she didn’t stand a chance. Everyone knew what a rushed wedding meant. Terry had been nice about it but a man didn’t court an engaged woman.
There wouldn’t be a wedding. It was devastating that Donnell still thought of her as untrustworthy. She’d kept herself decent and clean for her husband. Somehow, he didn’t believe her. There would be no second chance. Donnell could be a hard man at times. Despite it all, she’d kept hope alive that he’d come to care for her. There was no way that was going to happen. All of her dreams had crumbled and how was she supposed to make new ones? Maybe having dreams was stupid.
Donnell: Cowboy Scrutiny: The Kavanagh Brothers Book 5 Page 7