She’d have to find another man who wants a mail-order bride. Opening her Bible to the Psalms she turned the pages until she came to Psalms 56
A Prayer of Trust
Be merciful unto me, O God:
for man would swallow me up;
he fighting daily oppresseth me.
Mine enemies would daily swallow me up:
for they be many that fight against me, O thou Most High.
What time I am afraid,
I will trust in thee.
In God I will praise his word,
in God I have put my trust;
I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
Every day they wrest my words:
all their thoughts are against me for evil.
They gather themselves together,
they hide themselves,
they mark my steps,
when they wait for my soul.
Shall they escape by iniquity?
In thine anger cast down the people, O God.
Thou tellest my wanderings:
put thou my tears into thy bottle:
are they not in thy book?
When I cry unto thee,
then shall mine enemies turn back:
this I know; for God is for me.
In God will I praise his word:
in the LORD will I praise his word.
In God have I put my trust:
I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Thy vows are upon me, O God:
I will render praises unto thee.
For thou has delivered my soul from death:
Wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling,
That I may walk before God in the light of the living?
Her heart needed the light and her soul cried out for it.
She heard a buggy stopping. To her dismay it was Reverend Charles, and he was headed her way. He probably wanted to talk about the wedding plans. Taking her handkerchief out she dabbed at her eyes and took a deep breath. When he knocked, she answered.
The reverend took off his hat and nodded in greeting. “I’d like to get to know you a bit before the wedding if that’s fine with you.”
“Of course, Reverend, please come in. Can I make you coffee?”
“No, I’m actually looking forward to Dolly’s coffee.” His smile provided a measure of peace.
She led the way into the front room and gestured toward an upholstered chair. She took up her Bible and sat back down in her rocker. “What would you like to know?”
“Truthfully, I’m concerned about the names that man called you and the rush to get married. I understand these things happen, and a quick wedding is ideal.”
“Reverend, I have not lain with Donnell.”
“Oh, well then…” His face reddened. “If Donnell is stepping up for another man that’s a good thing.”
“Reverend, I’m pure. The man yelling at the social today is my father. He owns a saloon in Bent, and my mother worked there.”
“Oh dear. Did you live there too?” His face grew quite serious.
“They say I was born there, but I don’t remember ever being there as a child. I grew up in boarding schools. I graduated recently, and had one envelope my mother wrote her address on. I kept it for years. I went to the town of Bent to find her, and to my dismay the address was Thatcher’s Saloon. I thought I had to be wrong. My mother and I made detailed plans about a dress shop and I took extra sewing classes. But I found mother was dead and there was never a store.”
“How is it you’re here?”
“I foolishly decided to become a mail-order bride. Joe Kingsley was supposed to be my groom, but rumor has it he took one look and decided I wasn’t pretty enough. I met Donnell and he took me here to meet Dolly. He thinks everything I’ve told him is a lie and he doesn’t trust me, and I will not marry a man who can’t look me in the eye.” She clasped her hands and laid them on her Bible.
“My father decided to come fetch me and make me work off my mother’s contract. He also put me up for auction in his saloon.” Her face grew increasingly heated. “Fortunately, Donnell rescued me and proved the contract invalid. “I was bowled over today when Donnell announced our intent to marry. He never even asked me.” She sighed, and her shoulders dropped.
“Donnell was trying to protect you I imagine.”
“Yes Reverend, he was, and I foolishly thought that maybe, just maybe he’d come to like me, but I walked up to Murphy and Donnell, and Donnell said a few things about me. He doesn’t want to marry me and after he said such uncomplimentary things, I don’t want to marry him either.”
“I’m so sorry, Clarissa. I was looking forward to the wedding ceremony, but both the man and woman must be willing. I wish there was something I could do for you.”
“I’m going to be just fine. I have my faith and that will see me through.”
“There are many Kavanaghs who are still single.”
She shook her head. “I’m going to go elsewhere. I can’t look at Donnell day after day.”
“You need to forgive him, Clarissa.”
“It’s not that, Reverend. I care for him too much to see him eventually marry another woman.”
His brows lifted. “I understand. Can I escort you to Sunday supper?”
“No. I don’t want to talk about why we aren’t getting married. You enjoy Dolly’s cooking.” She smiled at him as she stood. She led the reverend to the door. “Thank you for stopping by.”
“Bless you.” He touched her hand lightly before he left.
* * *
Donnell was acutely aware Clarissa wasn’t at the supper table. His brothers kept shooting him questioning looks, but he shrugged his shoulders. He’d hurt her but, heck, he didn’t even know why he said such things. Hurt pride and his ego had also taken a beating.
“Who is going to make the announcement that the wedding is off?” Reverend Charles asked.
Donnell could barely breathe with the big lump that formed in his throat. He swallowed hard. “I will have to do it.”
“Poor Clarissa, this hasn’t helped her reputation one bit. You do know what a soon as possible wedding implies don’t you?” Dolly gave him a hard stare.
“I just didn’t want her father to buy her basket. I wasn’t thinking about how it would look to others. I said we would be married the soonest possible to make him stop yelling such vile words at Clarissa. I’m sure if I explain it to the right people, they will let everyone else in the town know there was no real reason for a hurried wedding. Besides we do not suit. In fact, I don’t think she even likes me.”
Murphy cocked his head. “Are you sure about that last part? I see the way she looks at you and it looks to me she smitten with you.”
Donnell glanced around the table and sighed when he saw everyone nodded in agreement. “Reverend Charles, I’m sorry you’ve been misled, and I take full responsibility for it. We’ll figure something out for Clarissa. She’s welcome to stay here as long as she needs.”
Donnell listened to the murmurs and knew he was outgunned. He took his cup of coffee and went outside to the back porch so as not to be disturbed. He looked up at the sky, admiring the bright stars. He felt awful even though he explained he’d done the damage to Clarissa’s reputation to save her. He could marry her, but it would never be a happy marriage. Heck, he couldn’t even trust her to tell the truth. He took a long deep sip of his coffee. When had he become so rigid? When had he started to think in black and white only? Most of the things in the world are shades of gray. It was quiet except for the leaves in the trees as a warm breeze blew. Maybe it was fear that kept him from caring for any other woman. He kept thinking about what happened to his mother. His father had been very cold and callous and what he’d done he hadn’t done alone. It had involved another woman. He didn’t blame his mother for being bitter any longer. It still hurt, it felt as though she’d taken her love for him away. One day she’d give hugs and kisses and the next day nothing. That was what l
ies led to, bitter nothing. He also remembered his parents had stopped speaking to each other around that time. He didn’t want to take a chance that would happen to him. Yep, it was fear that was holding him back, but he didn’t know how to let go.
Lord me help with this, I’d sure appreciate it. Clarissa is a nice girl, and she doesn’t deserve everything that has been dumped on her. I’m afraid I’m the cause of a lot of it. I don’t know what happened. I thought I cared for her, and I thought she was beginning to care for me. Help me to do right by her. Please Lord, I don’t want to hurt her again.
A shooting star crossed the sky, and he wondered if it was a sign of renewed hope. He stood and rubbed his hand over his face. There was nothing else he could do tonight, he might as well try to get some shut eye.
Chapter Eleven
It had been more than a week since the Sunday social. Clarissa still didn’t have a plan, and she grew more anxious by the day. Everyone had been so nice and reassuring that she could stay but she really needed to go. First, she needed to go to town and find a newspaper. Hopefully there would be a few ads for mail-order brides. She’d been avoiding going into town, she didn’t want to answer any questions about Hank Thatcher. She wasn’t even sure he was still in jail; no one had told her one way or the other.
It was her own fault; she’d kept to herself most of the week. She did help Dolly with the wash, and she weeded the plant beds. Dolly kept inviting her over for supper, but she always declined. The less she saw of Donnell the better. She didn’t want to set brother against brother; it just wouldn’t be right.
She glanced out the front window and saw a wagon in front of the main house. Quickly, she grabbed her shawl and bonnet and headed over to the main house.
“You’re welcome to come along,” Dolly offered cheerfully.
Clarissa smiled. “I’d be delighted to go with you. I have some business I need to take care of.”
“Why don’t you sit in the middle and I’ll sit beside you,” Dolly suggested. She extended her hand out to Clarissa and helped her up on to the wagon. Then Dolly scrambled up and sat next to her. “I have kind of a long list, but I’m hoping it won’t take too terribly long.”
Heat washed over Clarissa’s face as Dolly stared at her. “I thought I’d see if I could find any ads for mail-order brides. After all, that’s why I’m here. You just never know… I might find the right one this time.”
“What about your dress shop? I thought that had been your dream since you were a small girl.”
“I’ve come to realize that sometimes you have to let go of your old dreams and make new ones. I’ll never be able to afford a dress shop. I’m just being practical about it. But I would like to have a husband and children. I think a big family would suit me.” Clarissa’s face was on fire as the wagon was jostled. Donnell was climbing aboard; apparently he was going to be the driver, and he’d probably heard most of her conversation.
“Hello Donnell, how have you been?”
He gave her a quick glance before he grabbed the reins. “Just fine I’m doing just fine. And you? I haven’t seen much of you this past week. You even missed Sunday services.”
“I’m sure God knows where I was. He knows what’s in my heart and that’s all it matters. Plus, I didn’t want to hear all the women gossiping, wondering when the wedding is going to be.” She stared straight ahead as the wagon began to move.
“You don’t have to worry about that anymore. I announced the end of our wedding plans. I didn’t give a reason. I figured if you wanted to that would be fine.”
Clarissa turned toward Dolly. “What was the reaction of the congregation?”
Dolly hesitated for a moment. She put her hand on Clarissa’s arm. “There was the usual speculation but the rumors of you being with child were squashed. I’m just so sorry about how all this came about. You don’t have to tell anybody anything. It’s not their business.”
Clarissa nodded as relief surged through her. Hopefully the trip to town wouldn’t be as painful as she thought it might be.
“Is there something you need in town, Clarissa?” asked Donnell.
“I thought I’d try to find a few mail-order bride ads. I can’t just stay in that house; I need to move ahead. Plus, I want to know what is happening with Hank Thatcher. I haven’t heard a word.”
“They just let him go. There wasn’t any proof that he shot me. But everyone knows he did. As long as he never comes to this town again I don’t much care.” He tightened his hands on the reins. “I still think we need to be on guard though. He’s not the type to go quietly.”
“I’m sorry, Donnell. You getting shot is all my fault. You probably wish I never came to Texas at all. But don’t you worry, I plan to move on as soon as I can.”
Donnell didn’t say a word; he just looked very tense. He didn’t want to talk to her, she knew it. She wished it was otherwise, but she didn’t know what to do or what to say. Leaving would be the best thing for them both. It was a relief when they finally got to town.
Donnell easily got off the wagon and immediately helped Dolly down to the planked walk. Before Clarissa had a chance to get herself down Donnell had his hands around her waist. There was something about him and she felt it every time he was near. It was worse if they happened to touch but she didn’t know what it was. She only knew it had to be special. He set her down, but his hands lingered at her waist as he gazed at her. She stared at his vest. It wasn’t until she met his gaze that he let go and took a step back.
She hurried into the store with Dolly on her heels. Space was what she needed and time away from Donnell’s penetrating stare. Dolly stopped to look at some new kitchen wares as Clarissa walked all the way to the back counter.
“Good day, Miss. Plunkett,” John O’Rourke greeted. “How can I help?”
Clarissa quickly looked around to make sure no one could hear her. “I was wondering if you had any ads for mail-order brides.” She clasped her hands in front of her feeling like a fool.
John turned around to the big counter behind him and grabbed what looked to be a booklet. He turned back toward her and smiled. “Mail-order brides have gotten to be so plentiful that this here booklet has ads for both men and women. Can you imagine that?”
She took the offered paper and smiled. “How much do I owe you for this?”
“Considering what you’ve been through with your last mail-order adventure you can have it for free. I hope you find someone in there. I was sad to hear that the wedding was called off. I thought you and Donnell made a handsome couple. Was there anything else I can get for you?”
She had started looking through the pages and became flustered when Donnell’s name came up. “No, no that will be all and thank you so much.” She turned and hurried out the door.
* * *
Donnell walked around town trying to think of something to do to kill time. He didn’t know the new sheriff well enough to stop in and chew the fat. The barbershop was too crowded, and he wasn’t hungry. He tipped his hat at every female he came across. He especially liked to see the older women smile back at him. So, she was looking for a new groom. It should have made him happy it should have made him feel relieved, but it didn’t.
He couldn’t imagine himself married to Clarissa, yet he didn’t want to let her go. Not that she’d ever let him have a say as to whether she left or not. He smiled. She wasn’t as shy now as she had been when she first came here. It must be hard not having a home or family. No matter what, he always knew that Dolly and his brothers were there for him. It was a comforting feeling. He leaned against a post across the road from where Clarissa sat. He wasn’t sure why he’d ever thought her to be plain. Her blond hair looked silky, and idly he wondered how long it was. When she smiled which wasn’t often around him her blue eyes sparkled. He watched her read and he could see a little furrow in her brow as she concentrated. Why would she still think being a mail-order bride a good idea? He shook his head.
The noise got louder down at
the saloon and a few men barreled out. Early drinkers. He shook his head. He saw their interest narrow in on Clarissa. There was going to be trouble, he could feel it.
He crossed the road and got to her side about the same time as the other three men. She looked confused as though she didn’t realize the danger she could be in with these drunkards.
“Clarissa, may I help you into the wagon?”
She seemed relieved as she took the hand he offered.
“You wouldn’t be that Plunkett gal, would you?” The man asking looked as though he hadn’t washed his face or combed his hair and weeks.
Clarissa met Donnell’s gaze. She didn’t seem to know what to do. She stood and held on to his hand.
“Who might you be?” Donnell asked in a no-nonsense voice.
The man smiled showing the few teeth he had left. “She’s my fiancé. I do believe I paid to have her come out here to Texas. That gives me first claim on her.”
Clarissa put her hand over her mouth as her eyes grew wider. “Joe Kingsley?”
“Yeah that’s me. You know where the preacher is? We should get ourselves hitched while we’re in town. I wouldn’t want anyone to steal you from me.” He chuckled but lay his hand on the butt of his gun.
Clarissa had quite a grip. She had both hands squeezing his one hand. Donnell positioned himself so that he stood in front of Clarissa. “I think you lost your claim to this woman when you left her without funds or a place to live. She’s been here for quite a long time. I’d be willing to pay you back for your expenses in getting her here, but that’s it.”
Donnell: Cowboy Scrutiny: The Kavanagh Brothers Book 5 Page 8