by Leigh Lennon
Kai is surprised by my sudden plans since I never do anything this spontaneous, normally. Of course, the last time I did, I got pregnant. Oh, holy hell, I’m trying to cheer myself up with my not so funny comments. It’s not working, but I feel excited about my decision to spend time with my baby’s dad.
I’m now inundated with a ton of texts from my brother but I just respond with, “I will fill you in tomorrow.” I can’t seem to fall asleep; my brain is full of so many what ifs. However, seeing Brody fills me with peace and I can’t for the life of me reason why this is.
The very first image I see as I exit the terminal is Brody waiting for me. He’s all smiles when he sees me. “This doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that I need to get to know you, for the baby’s sake.”
“Of course, for the baby,” he says, a little more sarcastically than I expect.
“Oh, so you have a little bit of smart ass in you,” I quip back.
“I think you may have a little bit of full of shit in you,” he banters and I realize he has me there. Now that Jones and I are officially calling it quits again, I still can’t throw myself in his arms, though I want to.
As he grabs my bag, I’m all smiles. Something about this man’s mild manner makes me see the world in a different way. I can’t say why, I’ve been around him all of four times now. Walking to his car, I inspect it from the inside, “Will this POS get us back to Spokane in one piece?” The car is a faded blue and as I open the door, it creaks loudly like it may fall off. The rearview mirror is hot glued onto the windshield. I see the dried-out glue on the sides and shake my head at him as he only shrugs. The seats do not have any fabric covering the itchy foam and as he starts the car, it makes a whistling noise that doesn’t stop. “Oh, by the way, you will not be putting my baby in this death trap.”
“Noted,” he says dryly at first, then follows it with a slight smile. “We are leaving first thing in the morning. Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place? I will sleep on the couch, I promise.”
“I want to spend time with Kai.”
“Okay, it’s almost 11 hours to Pendleton, but I’m not sure you’ll want to drive it in one day,” he says, breaking down the logistics and I think he gets the fact I need a plan in my life.
Then it occurs to me there is something we need to address. “I know my mom knows and it is not fair for me to ask you this, but could we keep the news about my pregnancy quiet for now?”
Without hesitation, he says, “Sure, I can do that. I wanted to have more to tell them than I have only known you…oh, hell, I wouldn’t even know how to tell them either,” he smiles slyly at me. “Now that we’ve decided on this course of action,” he says, teasing me almost, “I’m going to take you on a whirlwind tour of Sacramento.” Pulling out of the airport, I’m scared for my life at the sound his car makes.
Our first stop is at the zoo. It’s a quaint little zoo, but we take time to talk, as the animals are just a backdrop to our day. It’s an interesting twist, he’d bring me here of all the places, but this is him, one surprise after another. Walking side by side, we take in the sights secondary, he bumps my hip with his and then brings me close to him, wrapping his arms around me.
Looking down at my face, he asks, “Are you going to tell me what made you change your mind about coming down here?”
“I’m not ready to talk about it, not yet anyway.” I feel safe in his arms and his cologne is pulling me in for more of him. It’s very unique, like him, almost a fruity forestry smell. I want to stay in this embrace but I back up slowly as he lessens his grip on me.
Starting to walk to the anticipated lion cubs, he reaches for my hand, very gently pulling me back, “All right, but I’m a very good listener. Just so you know.”
Looking down, because I swear I’ll not cry in front of him, I say, “Thanks, and thanks for not pushing.” I’ll tell him eventually about Jones, when I can make sense of it myself. Though I think with Brody’s intentions, I’m not likely to get unbiased advice.
The next destination is Old Sacramento. I feel as if I’m stepping back in time to the 1800s. It’s full of dirt roads and wooden sidewalks. “This place is great, I can’t believe Lila has never brought me here, although her idea of fun is a night on the town.”
“You two are polar opposites, how are you such good friends?” he asks, placing his hand protectively at the small of my back as we cross the street.
Ah, Lila is a topic of conversation many don’t understand. She’s the type of girl that takes life by the balls and never apologizes for who she is. She’s loose, in general terms, but she’s very open with men that long-term relationships aren’t her thing. Now, she’s dating some hot television sitcom star but the expiration on his time with her is nearing its end at ten weeks. I look up at Brody and say, “I think it’s because we are polar opposites. We became close in college. She went to Pacific University while I was at the University of Washington, both in Seattle. Kai and Jane became serious quickly and I knew my brother, so I knew Jane was the one. Lila was always just there and it’s fun to hang out together.”
“What does she do, anyway?” From his tone, I assume he’s not a fan of Miss Lila Barron.
“She’s in fashion, she got on with Fox Studios. She’s always going somewhere, I think it’s just grunt work for now, but she’s talented and her personality adds to her charm to take her places.” This is my way of saying that Lila having fun, in her very loose way, adds to her ability to schmooze almost anyone.
We near an old saloon, eating lunch in Old Sacramento. Soon, he takes me on a steamboat ride. Getting back to the car, I’m surprised to see the time. “I have had the best time, Brody. But Kai is home now. Could you drop me off on your way home?”
I must nod off during the drive to Kai’s apartment when I feel Brody gently grabbing my arm. “Hey, Toots. We are here.” I look up and stretch, glad for the little cat nap.
“Oh, I must have been tired.” Not fully awake, I find myself only staring at him when I finally grab my purse. “I had the best time, Brody.”
“I did, too. But, there is one more thing, Rose. You’ve got to know I’m interested in you. I know something happened with Jones to make you decide to come on this trip with me. First and foremost, I need you to know you can trust me. However, I’m going to quit reminding you that I want more from you than to be the mother to my child. There it is, out in the open, and if you’re ready to make more of it, you let me know. Don’t take my quietness on this subject as anything more than showing you respect and giving you time to make your own decision.”
Before I can say anything, we are both startled by a thump on the window. I scream, hearing the laughter coming from my brother’s face. “For crying out loud, Kai, you almost gave me a heart attack.”
He leans in and smiles at Brody. “I was just taking out some trash.”
Getting out of the car, Brody helps Kai grab my luggage out of the trunk. My brother and I wait until we see the taillights of Brody’s car fade when he turns to me and says, “All right, sis, it’s time to come clean with me. What's going on?”
“When will Jane get home?”
When he tells me it will be another hour, I decide I can’t wait that long. We settle into his small apartment on the couch when he turns to me and asks, “Want a beer?” Boy, would I like a beer. I don’t even drink beer that often, yet I’m craving one.
“No, not right now.” I have never been a big drinker so this doesn’t faze Kai.
“Out with it, sis,” he says, popping the top off his beer. We are both on the couch, facing one another.
This is my new normal, something I have to become used to. Without hesitation, I say, “I’m pregnant.”
Kai’s mouth falls wide open, not saying a word for a couple of minutes. Finally, he attempts a question as he rubs his five o’clock shadow, “It’s Brody’s then, I take it?”
“Yes, I have only slept with him since Jones has been gone,” I clarify.
“And Jon
es, wait, I thought you both were going to make a go of it when he gets home?”
“When he left for Africa, it was his dream. Leaving earlier than we thought since he went as a nurse, I didn’t really find anyone I wanted to be with more than Jones until the night of your wedding. We were not together and I had what was supposed to be just a one-night stand. But a couple of weeks after the wedding, Jones and I decided to try a committed relationship again.” I take in a deep breath. “I mean, I was honest about Brody. It didn’t matter then because Brody and I weren’t going to be together. But Kai, can I really expect Jones to raise another man’s baby when that man is hell bent on being part of his baby’s life? Could you raise someone else’s child knowing all of that?”
Raising an eyebrow, he continues, “Knowing Brody like I do, it doesn’t surprise me he wants to be a part of this child’s life. Rose, you know how I feel about Jones. He’s great but Brody is one of the most decent men I’ve met, and I’m speaking from experience here.” He thinks for a second and I’m expecting him to tell me a Boy Scout story of Brody but he only says, “And, you know, I would find that difficult, raising someone else’s baby. But with Jane, nothing would keep me from her. I don’t know how I would feel, but…”
Kai doesn’t have to finish his sentence. His love for Jane is very rare. I knew it but knowing my brother, if Jane made a mistake and got pregnant, he’d never leave her side. “You and Jane are different, always have been. But that is not to say I don’t love Jones, deeply.”
“I know you do, sis. What did he say?”
I feel a tear fall from my eyes. The look of disappointment on Jones’ face is permanently ingrained in my mind. “I wasn’t going to tell him. I wanted to tell him face to face but when he started talking about all this future stuff, I couldn’t let him think he was coming home to a happily ever after. I hated telling him over Skype. Hanging up on me, he then sent me an email saying he was extending his time over there, for three months. I’m not going to do anything crazy but that virtually means that the commitment we were talking about is over. I don’t expect him to take this mistake on as his own.”
Kai stands up to get me a tissue, bringing me into an embrace. “Rose, you’re being hard on yourself. You didn’t plan for this and you certainly were not unfaithful to him.”
“No, but you should have seen Jones’ face.” My brother pulls back but touches my arm and I instantly feel comfort again.
Kai cocks his head to the side, rubbing his temples. “Wow, I’m sorry, but I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s a lot to take in.”
“I know and I don’t blame him,” I say again, knowing Jones is in a bad spot, but I still feel—fuck—I don’t know what I feel.
“What about Brody?” he finally asks though if he knows Brody, he already knows the answer.
“Oh, well, yeah, that.” I pause, raising an eyebrow. “He came to the house the day I found out about the baby. Oh, thanks for giving him my number, by the way,” I say, tossing a pillow his way. “No one else knows besides Mom, Nick and Emma.”
He snickers at me, “Don’t want to be there when you tell Dad.”
“Yeah, yeah.” That is not something I’m looking forward to and I want to avoid it like the common cold. “But, back to Brody, he has told me he wants to date me, to get to know me better.” I fill my brother in on Brody’s proclamation of not pressuring me but to know he wants me, more than just the mother to his child.
“Brody is a good guy. I like him. Jane adores him. You know, I will tell you a little tidbit about Brody. Lila set her sights on him and you know Lila, she’s very, well, seductive. Yes, it is a weird way to talk about my sister-in-law but you know Lila.” I shrug, knowing what Kai means. There really is no better word to describe her. “Jane went to Brody asking him not to get involved with Lila, and to trust her on this. If they were to remain friends, she begged him to please not go out with her and I respected him for listening.”
Smiling at this story, I find it hard for any man to turn down Lila and I snicker at the rejection that had to sting a bit even for my crazy friend. “Ah, that explains it. He told me that Lila was crazy.”
“That is an understatement. And you know Lila, if they had been involved, we all would have known.” He’s certainly right about that.
Taking a drink of his beer, he laughs, “Well, this is a hell of a situation you got yourself in, sis. I don’t envy you.”
“Um, thanks, little brother.” I playfully slug him.
“I know you, though, you’re resilient and will make the right decision for you.”
“But Kai, I have an attraction to Brody that I never knew existed. I thought I was attracted to Jones.” I can share things with my brother most sisters wouldn’t. Kai and I have always been very close.
“I get that. You know, I have only been with two girls and when I was with Joss, I thought she was it. I was ready at sixteen to call it quits and call her my forever, but she broke my heart. I thought I was done for. Then I met Jane. I knew with her right away, she was my forever. My attraction for Jane far exceeds anything I could have thought with anyone else, even Joss, being my first.” He pauses, “Not something I really discuss with my wife, though, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, I get that. But I’m scared. Having a baby is scary enough but now, how do I make sure I’m doing right by my baby?” I say, twirling my hair in a nervous response.
“You don’t ever have to worry about doing right by your baby. You and many other people in his or her life will love him or her. You need to do what you feel is right for you, that is how you do what is right by your baby.”
“Thanks, little brother, you’re wise for your age.” We talk for a little bit longer about Jane, Lila, and Emma’s pregnancy when I hear the door creek and watch my sister-in-law walk in as I stand to give her a big hug.
I see Jane and Kai exchange glances. “When Kai said you were coming for the night, I was excited to see you but I hope you aren’t expecting a home-cooked meal.” She laughs. “I’m exhausted.”
“You forget Justine Wallace, the queen of take-out, is my mom. I’m used to it,” I say, teasing. “Listen, I don’t have it in me to fill you in as to why I’m here. I’ll let my brother tell you. I need to change out of these germ-infested plane clothes and take a shower.”
She looks at me confused. Heading toward the bathroom, I hear Kai and her talking in hushed tones as I turn on the shower to let the warm water wash away the worries that consume me. I know Jones is hurt and Brody wants more. Oh, how I hope I make the right decision.
Life always looks better after a nice long shower. I’m drying my hair with a towel when I exit the bathroom in yoga pants and a sweatshirt.
Jane stands up to embrace me tightly. “I know this is unexpected, but the best things in life are!” As we sit on the couch, talking about everything in great detail, Jane grabs my hand to say, “You’re going to be the best mom! Give Brody a chance. You know I love Jones but I have had this sixth sense Brody is the guy for you.” Somehow, I’m starting to believe it myself.
7
Brody
I gently knock on Kai’s front door at 5am. Opening the door, he smiles at me, a consoling grin as he explains, “She just woke up. Sorry, dude, her one fault in life is tardiness. And she’s not a morning person.”
I look at my watch because I deplore being late to anything. I’m suddenly worried about time as I keep pacing, looking at my watch. “I guess we will just get a hotel tonight.” I stare at Kai as he’s obviously amused by my nervousness, “You don’t have to act like you don’t know or don’t have an opinion.”
Putting his hands in his pockets, he lets out a small sigh. “I know you’re a good guy, you will do what is right by the baby and by Rose. It’s just a dicey situation, just be patient with her, that’s all I ask.”
“She told you I’m interested in more?” I ask while and I see Kai has so much more to say. I have gotten to be good friends with them over the years, e
specially considering the odd way we met. I’m wondering now if Rose knows this story.
“I get it. I mean, I see the way you look at her,” Kai begins. “I had the same look the second I met Jane. And don’t think I will ever forget what you did for us. But I appreciate you putting it out there and not forcing it,” Kai says, obviously protective of his sister.
“She’s a pretty special person, this I know for sure, even though she’s running late right now,” I say a bit louder toward her room.
Jane comes out, robe donned, rubbing her eyes. “There is my beautiful bride,” Kai says, smiling at his wife. Right then, I see something they have that I want. Kai’s love for her is not lost on me. I saw it in Jane’s eyes the first time we met. “Talk about not being a morning person,” Kai teases with Jane.
She glares at her husband. “I just came out to hug my friend and to say goodbye to him,” she playfully snaps at Kai. “I’m sure I will see you again! And congratulations to you, no matter how it may be. You’re having a baby.”
I lean toward their guest room. “That is if she’s not late for the delivery room!” I say a bit louder, now very nervous over our late departure. Rose comes out with her luggage and I take them out of her hands. I find myself making a habit of kissing her on the forehead. Out of the corner of my eye, Jane and Kai notice this, too, especially when she hugs me with the same affection.
Smiling at my behavior, she adds, “All right, I heard the nervous nelly out here this whole time so we better go.” Hugging Kai and Jane, she looks at me with an adorable I’m sorry smirk on her face.
Kai looks at Rose and then me, “Please take care of her.”
I nod, shaking his hand and Rose and I leave together. To say I’m excited would be an understatement to have her for the next two days to myself. We get in the car and I gently grab her hand, “Rose, I’m just so glad you’re here with me.”
But Rose doesn’t quite understand my sentiment, “Brody, I’m sorry I overslept, I was exhausted last night. I fell asleep at 10 pm. Maybe the pregnancy is catching up with me.”