In the Shape of a Man

by Paul Clayton

  Tawny watched a portly man approach the lectern for the reading from the liturgy. He opened up a large book. “For those who have died…” he intoned.

  Tawny did not mouth the responses with the others, but listened carefully. She was here for Rad. He had wanted her to come with him.

  “Lord, hear our prayer,” answered the congregants.

  Tawny looked around at the many young families in the church. She wanted her and Rad and the baby to be a family like that. As she looked at them she felt like a hungry person looking through the window of a restaurant at the diners enjoying their meal.

  Four elderly churchmen wearing suits walked to the front of the church, genuflected, then started down the aisles. They reached into each pew with wicker collection baskets attached to long bamboo poles. Tawny removed a dollar bill from her purse.

  As the priest readied communion, Tawny thought again about how much she wanted a family. And she wanted a home too, their own house, not a rental. The Buddhism seemed to be giving her hope. She put her hand on her belly as the baby kicked. She could already see their little one playing on the rug like she’d dreamed, maybe with a little brother or sister too. She looked at Rad. Would he get the hope and courage he needed from this?

  “The Lord be with you,” the congregants around her intoned in unison.

  Was he mature enough, responsible enough, to be that husband? Maybe. After all, he did seem to have had some kind of realization and change of heart after talking to the priest. But would it last? She studied him, then turned her attention back to the priest. He said in a voice like singing, “In the name of the Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit…”

  The children in the pew in front of Tawny fidgeted and stared at her and Rad. There was something about the woman in front of Tawny that intrigued her, but she could only see her back and not her face.

  “This is my body,” intoned the priest. A bell tinkled.

  Tawny stared at the girls. There was something familiar about them too, but she couldn’t place them. One of the girls blushed and slowly turned her face away.

  “This is my blood…”

  Again the bell tinkled brightly.

  People got to their feet and Tawny and Rad followed suit. The people raised their arms and outstretched them, holding hands.

  “Our Father, who lives in Heaven…”

  Tawny looked over at Rad and smiled as they held hands and looked around.

  “…and grant us His peace…”

  Tawny looked around, charmed and moved by the ceremony.

  “Let us offer each other a sign of that peace…”

  People began turning to each other, offering their hands to shake. Tawny and Rad laughed as they faced each other and shook hands. The woman in front of Tawny turned and Tawny saw with shock that it was the Mexican woman who had passed her house every day for the last two years. They exchanged smiles and Tawny saw that she knew she was pregnant. And Tawny knew what that sparkle in the woman’s eyes meant—she had pride in her kids and her man—her family. Hers!

  “Peace,” the woman said, extending her hand for Tawny to shake.

  “Peace,” said Tawny. The husband turned a wide handsome, mustachioed face. He shook Tawny’s hand, then Rad’s.

  A few minutes later all the congregants had again turned their attention back to the front as the priests began serving communion. Tawny’s mind was on fire with wonder. She had to find out more about this woman. She didn’t even know her name. She resolved to follow her outside at the conclusion of the ceremony and speak to her.

  Tawny and Rad moved with the crowd toward the church exits. Tawny kept her eyes on the woman and her husband and children who were just ahead of them as the crowd slowly moved out of the church. Once outside, the woman turned and spotted her. She came closer, smiled and extended her hand.

  “My name is Yolanda, Yolanda Perez. And this is my husband, Ernesto.”

  Tawny smiled at the husband as Rad shook his hand. Both men stared off in different directions as people milled past them, slowly climbing down the steps and heading to the parking lot across the street.

  Yolanda smiled again. “Every day when I’m going to work I see you. I should have said something.”

  Tawny nodded. “So should I have. You work late in the day, huh?”

  Yolanda nodded. “I work for my mother who has a cleaning business. She watches my children.” Yolanda looked wistfully across the street. She nodded toward her husband. “He’s working two jobs. We’re buying the pink house around the corner from you.”

  Tawny smiled and nodded. Buying the house! her mind repeated. All this time she had felt sorry for this woman, Yolanda, believing she was some poor minority living in a crowded apartment somewhere, scrubbing someone else’s toilets, caring for someone else’s children. Tawny wanted to go home and chant about all of it. It was a bit overwhelming. She wanted to talk to Terri and some of the Buddhist leaders about it too. She felt like she was learning a lot about her life and where she was, but it wasn’t all encouraging. And yet, in a way, it was, because it was motivating.

  “Well, we’ll have to talk some time,” said Tawny, “maybe when I see you on the street.”

  Yolanda nodded and smiled. “Okay. Well, bye.”

  Rad took Tawny’s hand as they started down the steps to the sidewalk.

  “Who is that?” he said.

  “Her name’s Yolanda. They live right around the corner from you, I mean, from us.”

  “Wow,” said Rad, “that’s awesome! I’ve never seen them around before.”

  Tawny nodded. “She’s younger than me and she already has three little children.”

  Rad looked at her. “You’ll have one to hold soon.”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  Tawny recalled Yolanda and Ernesto and their children. They seemed really natural about their lives and their family. They would probably have a long life together, long after their kids had grown up. And what about her and Rad?

  Despite her happiness over their reunion and their plans to marry, a tiny part of Tawny still wondered if she and Rad would be together forever. Didn’t half of all American marriages end up in divorce? Despite that, for the sake of the baby it was best if he had a mother and a father; she was certain of that. It was natural, the way God or the life force, or nature, whatever, intended it, like growing old, like gravity. She was stronger and happier now. Maybe it was the baby. Maybe it was Rad and his awakening. No. It was in her. Maybe it was the Buddhist chanting. She was taller, rooted more deeply, like one of those trees on the mountain they’d cut down. And this little boy inside her was loved so much already. She would never, ever, let anyone hurt him and she would do everything she could to see that he had a good life, no matter what happened between her and Rad.

  Tawny frowned as sharp pain rippled across her abdomen. Rad put his arm around her shoulder. “You okay, Babe?”

  Tawny looked at him. There was a hint of a tear in the corner of one of his eyes, as if he too was pondering their future and worrying about whether or not they’d be able to pull it off. “I’m okay,” she said and smiled. “He keeps doing kick flips in there. He takes after you.”

  Rad threw back his head and laughed loudly and uproariously, “Oh that’s so cool! C’mon. Let’s go home.”

  The end

  Make sure you check out my other books:

  My novel about the American war in Vietnam:

  Carl Melcher Goes to Vietnam

  My Sci-fi/fantasy collection:

  Strange Worlds

  And my Sci-fi/literary mashup:

  Strange Worlds

 

 

 
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