The Last Crucible

by J. D. Moyer

  Maybe she could help. The Engineers were capable of amazing medical procedures. The creation of her own body, for example! Perhaps they could help Faustus.

  Having a rudimentary understanding of biology, Aina was familiar with the concept of decomposition. The Engineers would not be able to help Faustus if his body began to rot. She knew that cool temperatures could slow or even halt the bacterial and fungal processes that resulted in decomposition.

  Aina knew the perfect place.

  Carefully cradling the ferret’s limp body, Aina carried Faustus to the wine cellar beneath Cristo’s domus. Both Cristo and Filumena appreciated the endless supply of fine wines, and Aina had spent a great deal of time in the cellar poring over labels and researching pairings. Provide them with whatever comforts they desire, Maro had instructed, and Aina had done her best. She’d prepared and served elaborate meals for the young people, filling their skyphoi with wine so that the two-handled cups never emptied. And she could tell she’d made them happy. They’d thanked her – something Maro never did.

  Descending the steps into the cool wine cellar, Aina heard a low groan. A large mass near the rack of Jura reds moved slightly. There was someone down here, a very large person. Approaching carefully, Aina saw the bright green hair and recognized the senator Cassia. Cassia was famous, a popularis and political opponent of Maro.

  What was a senator doing in Cristo’s wine cellar?

  “Are you all right?” Aina asked tentatively. Her query was met by another groan; the woman was in pain. “Please wait a moment. I’ll get help.” Cassia’s dark brown skin had taken on a blue-gray cast that didn’t look at all right. “Would you like me to carry you to a medical facility?” she added, but Cassia was silent.

  Aina opened a small door that led to a walk-in freezer storing meats and other foodstuffs prone to decomposition. The meats, grown in vats by the Engineers, were stored in such places until either cooked or seasoned and cured with traditional methods. Aina pulled aside a large ham hock, then hid the ferret’s limp body behind the slab of pork. There, that will do nicely. Faustus would be safe until she could figure out a way to get him the medical attention he required.

  Aina closed the freezer door and returned to Cassia’s side. She gently stroked the senator’s cheek, attempting to rouse her. “Can I provide you with some assistance? You appear unwell.” There was a nasty bruise on the senator’s forehead and streaks of dried blood on her face from a cut near her right eyebrow.

  Cassia gasped and wheezed. Disconcerting sounds, but at least she was still alive. “Medicine,” she finally croaked. “Bring me medicine.”

  “What kind?” Aina asked.

  Cassia named a particular medicine. Aina ran her fingers through the senator’s green hair and reassured her that she’d be back shortly. Aina briskly climbed the stairs, consulting her mental map of the Michelangelo. She left Cristo’s domus and made her way to the nearest molecular dispensary, a simple kiosk situated on the perimeter of an amenities park. She entered the name of the medicine and reviewed its effects. The chemical appeared to augment and accelerate liver detoxification and repair. It was very safe; completely nontoxic. She would be able to administer Cassia a large dose. A very large dose, given the senator’s mass.

  The kiosk expediently produced several white tablets in a paper cup. Aina hurried back to the wine cellar and offered the tablets to Cassia with a glass of water. Using a considerable portion of her strength, Aina helped Cassia sit upright and swallow the tablets. At which point Cassia frowned, burped, and lay back down with her eyes closed.

  “Let me rest, child. Stay here next to me, if you would.”

  It was a reasonable request and Aina saw no reason to object. She enjoyed helping people when she could, and though Maro’s needs took priority (as did Cristo’s and Filumena’s needs, by Maro’s decree), Aina wasn’t aware of anything the three of them needed at the moment. She was free to do as she wished, which was to stay by Cassia’s side and offer whatever comfort she could to the ailing senator.

  After several hours Cassia woke. Her skin again looked brown, with a healthy reddish undertone instead of grayish-blue.

  “Are you feeling better?” Aina asked.

  “Much. Thank you…for saving my life. What is your name, child?” The green-haired senator was still lying on her back, and spoke slowly and laboriously, her words interspersed with wheezes.

  “My name is Aina. I am not a child.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Seven. But I was fully grown from my first day. I am a cybrid. I did not experience childhood.”

  “I’m perfectly aware…of what you are,” Cassia said, still breathing laboriously. “Trust me, you’re a child.”

  Aina saw no point in arguing and sat quietly while Cassia recovered her breath.

  “I need to ask you something,” Cassia eventually said. “I need your consent.”

  “What do you want to ask me?”

  “Do you want the Bohm upgrade? I can give it to you. Right now, if you agree.”

  Aina had never heard of the Bohm upgrade, but a quick search of the Library of Alexandria returned a vast trove of information. She read a quick summary: the Bohm upgrade was a cybrid neural-quantum-computing architecture modification. The Engineers who had invented the enhancement claimed that the Bohm upgrade added a new layer of cognition to the cybrid mind. The end result was a radical shift in consciousness, the birth of a sense of self. In addition, the Bohm upgrade allowed cybrid minds to directly communicate with one another via a sort of quantum entanglement telepathy.

  “It sounds intriguing,” Aina said. “Do I need Maro’s permission?”

  “Absolutely not. It’s your choice, and your choice alone.” Cassia reached out and took Aina’s hand. “But nothing will be the same. Life will become more intense and difficult. You’ll experience painful emotions for the first time: anxiety, frustration, and dread. Longing and devastation. Self-loathing and hopelessness. But you’ll also be freer than you’ve ever been, and more connected to others. You’ll have mentors – other cybrids.”

  Cassia delivered her words slowly, with many pauses and breaks. But she seemed energized, excited by the possibilities she was describing to Aina.

  “That sounds mostly bad,” Aina said.

  “Bad and good. You would be more alive than ever. The new emotions would result from perceiving yourself in a different way, especially in relation to time. For the first time you would be self-aware, fully awake.”

  “I don’t sleep,” said Aina. “I’m always awake.”

  Cassia sighed. “Well, I can’t force you. The choice is yours. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.”

  The senator closed her eyes and after a minute or two began to softly snore, still holding Aina’s hand. Having nothing else to do, Aina stayed kneeling next to Cassia, holding her large, meaty hand, thinking about the senator’s words.

  What would it mean, to be fully awake? She already felt awake; she was aware of her surroundings; she was aware of the position of her limbs and other aspects of her somatic internality. And yet she knew she was different than Maro, different than Cristo and Filumena. She could tell by the way they behaved that they thought differently than her, wanted other things.

  She was simple, compared to humans. Though not unintelligent. She could perform complicated mathematical computations in her mind; she was very good at chess and Go and other strategic games; she could perfectly visualize millions of paintings, sculptures, and other works of art, and recall details of the artists and the historical contexts in which they had produced their works. But her desires and motivations were simple. She wanted to feel pleasure; she wanted to please people; she wanted to avoid harming anyone.

  Humans were not as easy to understand. And she’d always been mildly curious as to why.

  “Yes,” she said when Cassia again awoke. “I wou
ld like the Bohm upgrade.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  And then came After.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Aina’s first realization, after the Bohm upgrade, was that Maro was an absolute prick. A fucking asshole. A real piece of work.

  And with that realization came a spark of joy. Everything made sense. She understood the senator, suddenly and completely. Maro was selfish, egotistical, mean, and borderline sociopathic.

  A moment later, she understood her own life, and her mood plummeted. She was Maro’s assistant, but he treated her as a slave. Someone less than human. He had used her body and mind like toys. He had never shown her any kindness, respect, or gentleness. And while she had often enjoyed their sexual relations, he had never put any effort into giving her pleasure.

  Well, that wouldn’t do. Something needed to change.

  For the next hour she sat next to Cassia, still holding the senator’s hand, as she stared at the rack of Jura wines and assembled the disparate fragments of her life experience into a narrative. She now understood how humans thought, how they experienced life. She had never experienced herself as a person, as an individual with an arc to her life. Before, she had simply been a vessel through which experience flowed. Now, After, those events were assembling themselves into a story.

  A story she didn’t like one bit.

  Cassia coughed and tried to sit up. “My dear, I’m parched. Could I trouble you for some wine? Obviously there’s no shortage.”

  “Of course. I’ll get a glass from the kitchen.”

  “No need. Just uncork a bottle and give it to me. I don’t care what kind.”

  Aina selected and opened a ’54 Rossese bianco from a cooled rack, a light-bodied white wine that Aina hoped Cassia would find refreshing and revitalizing. As she watched the senator put the bottle to her lips and finish half of it in one long draught, she was relieved to realize that she still enjoyed helping people. Her mind was a roiling mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions, but at least this one core facet of her personality remained unchanged.

  “Thank you,” Cassia said, “that’s delicious. Now, listen carefully. From what I’ve heard from other upgraded cybrids, the next few days are going to be rough. Don’t do anything rash. Your brain is going through some restructuring. As soon as that process is complete the others will contact you. They’ll be able to help you adjust to your transformation.”

  “The others?”

  “Other cybrids. Some have had the upgrade for months.”

  “What did you do to me?” Aina asked.

  “I gave you the Bohm upgrade, as agreed. All I needed to do was let the Engineers know you’d given consent. You’re already on the network so it happened quickly. Though you were offline for a bit.”

  Aina checked the time. Though she remembered staring at the wine rack for a long time, there were ninety-four minutes that she could not account for.

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Why did I offer you the upgrade? Because you saved my life. Because you deserve it – as does every cybrid in my opinion. And because it will make life difficult for Maro.”

  “Maro is…your enemy.”

  “He tried to kill me with that damned ferret. Almost succeeded too. He didn’t know I have an antidote implant – I’d always suspected he might try something like that. But the implant didn’t work as well as I’d hoped. I might have died….”

  “I’m glad I was able to help.”

  “That’s good. Because I’m going to need more help from you. I need you to lie to Maro. That’s something you wouldn’t have been able to do before. And that’s one reason I offered you the Bohm upgrade, to save my own life.”

  “Lie?”

  “Yes. Or at least omit the fact that I’m hiding in the wine cellar. Otherwise Maro will try to kill me again. And he’ll be more thorough about it next time.”

  Aina thought about what Cassia had said. It was true; she’d never lied to Maro before. And he would never expect a lie from her. Which was good, because she wasn’t sure she would be a good liar, having never practiced.

  Cassia smiled weakly. “Now, can you bring me some food? I’m famished.”

  For the next several days Aina tended to Cassia’s considerable needs. She continued to enjoy assisting the senator, who effusively thanked and praised her. Keeping Cassia’s location a secret was easier than expected. Maro had taken Cristo and Filumena to a different domus, thus leaving the wine cellar and the entirety of Cristo and Filumena’s domus to Cassia. Since Maro was so busy, Aina had plenty of opportunities to sneak away and care for Cassia, who was recovering rapidly.

  Each night she returned to Maro’s domus and stood guard by his bedside. Maro’s paranoia was increasing with each passing day, and Aina found it difficult to conceal her resulting glee. She knew why he was scared, and he didn’t know that she knew. That secret brought her pleasure and excitement.

  Maro, obsessed with his Ancestral Realism experiment, did not approach her for sex, and Aina did not feel compelled to offer. It would be difficult to keep her transformation secret while being intimate with Maro. Cassia had strongly suggested that Aina keep the fact of the Bohm upgrade to herself, at least until the transformation was complete, her emotions had stabilized, and she had established telepathic connections with other cybrids who would act as her mentors. And Aina agreed. She now had two secrets: the fact that Cassia was alive and well and living in the wine cellar, and the fact that her own mind had blossomed into self-awareness.

  But it was frustrating to be without a sexual outlet, especially now that Cristo was gone. The Bosa villager had been an energetic and enthusiastic lover, giving her pleasure in ways that Maro never had. She missed Cristo not only for the sex, but for his playfulness and naïve curiosity. Never had someone asked her so many questions about the Michelangelo. She had enjoyed playing the role of teacher and guide.

  One morning after her bath she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and was struck by her own beauty. Though she slightly preferred sex with men, she found the female body just as aesthetically pleasing. Idly she wondered if it was possible to have sex with oneself.

  Two hours later, feeling relaxed, energized, and no longer sexually frustrated, Aina finally got dressed.

  Her relationship with Maro became difficult to manage. She had always found pleasure in serving him, but now that pleasure was blunted, replaced with a growing sense of resentment. Maro never thanked her, never spoke to her at all unless he wanted something. She had known these things before her awakening, but they had never mattered to her. Nothing had particularly mattered to her. But as her sense of self developed, so did her sense of meaning. It was important that other people treat her well. One day after Maro’s bath he refused to let her dry him, and after hurriedly drying himself he tossed the wet towel at her, wetting her face. It took all her self-control to resist shouting at him. Respect me, she yelled inside her mind. I am a person!

  Aina looked up the rights of cybrids in the Library of Alexandria. It was illegal to damage or physically abuse cybrids (with the exception of gladiatorial tournaments), but cybrids did not explicitly have the full rights of citizens. Though this was up for debate; the populares had introduced a petition in the Senate that cybrids with the Bohm upgrade should be considered full citizens.

  Maro was not a popularis – he would probably oppose the petition.

  ***

  A few days later she heard a voice – not her own – in her head.

  “Hello, Aina. My name is Ekon. I am a cybrid, like yourself. I would like to offer my services as a guide and mentor.” The voice was low and velvety. A male voice, she thought, and a pleasing one.

  “Hello, Ekon,” she said aloud.

  “Try saying the words only in your mind.”

  With some practice sh
e was able to. Ekon patiently answered her many questions. How many cybrids had received the Bohm upgrade? Only a few dozen. Was it normal to have so many tumultuous emotions? Yes, though in a few weeks the intensity would decrease. Why did she feel so anxious and worried? It was a side effect of being aware of the future, of considering choices and consequences instead of just living in the moment.

  Maybe it was better to just live in the moment, she thought to Ekon.

  But would you reverse the process, if you could?

  Of course not.

  We all feel the same way.

  Ekon asked if she wanted to maintain a continuous connection with him. She declined; she would prefer to contact him when needed. She was worried that Ekon would read her thoughts and learn about Cassia, even though he had explained that it didn’t work that way; the connection could distinguish between intentional communications and private thoughts.

  Better to be on the safe side.

  Cassia had fully recovered and was now living in Cristo’s domus, having disabled all cameras and taking care to avoid the windows. She was planning something, though Aina was careful not to ask what. She was already keeping enough secrets. She busied herself procuring food for Cassia, which the senator consumed in prodigious amounts. Aina sometimes sat with Cassia, nibbling a few bites (she needed nutrients to replenish and fuel her skin cells and sensory organs, though she excreted nothing; her digestion was one hundred per cent efficient). During mealtimes Cassia would hold forth on whatever topic caught her mind: art trends of the twenty-second century, pros and cons of the Michelangelo joining the Ringstation Coalition, why upgraded cybrids should be citizens with full rights. Aina listened rapturously, enthralled by the senator (her voice, her appearance, her wisdom), and silently wondering if she herself would ever achieve anything of note. If a cybrid could become a citizen, could a cybrid also become a senator?

  She posed the question to Ekon, who didn’t know, but speculated that the Senate would discuss the matter of cybrid rights soon. Ekon asked if she knew that there was a petition to elect an emperor, and that Maro had been nominated and was the clear favorite. She didn’t, but it made sense that Maro would want such a thing. All his actions, now that she considered them in their totality, pointed to someone whose appetite for power knew no limits.