Family by Design

by Callie Endicott

  Richard snorted. “It’s no insult to tell a woman she’s attractive. But Olivia had nothing on that sweet little number you were just with. I never forget a beautiful woman. She’s the model who got her face messed up a few years ago, right? Wouldn’t know it to look at her.”

  “Leave Rachel out of this.”

  “Hey, it’s no skin off my nose if you want a trophy wife. Your mother divorced me a few months ago, so I’m looking for one myself.”

  Simon shook his head. He’d heard enough. “Karen isn’t my mother, but she’s a decent woman, and I’m glad she’s free of you.”

  “I loved Karen. I gave her everything she wanted,” Richard spit, suddenly looking enraged. “How dare she leave me?”

  “Seriously? She wanted a philandering husband who forced her to adopt the child he’d fathered with another woman? Oh, yeah, that’s every woman’s dream of a loving spouse.”

  If possible, Richard looked angrier. “You’re forgetting that I took you out of a crappy three-bedroom ranch house and gave you a mansion to live in. I could have left you where I found you.”

  “I wish you had,” Simon returned with quiet intensity. “My foster parents were good people who cared about me. The only reason you dragged me out of there was from a deluded idea of dynasty, to get a son to carry on your name. Except maybe now with Karen gone and old age creeping up your neck, you’re hoping to find someone who cares, so you won’t die alone with only strangers to take care of you.”

  Richard seemed to shrink, to instantly become an old man.

  “There...there’s nothing wrong with wanting my son in my life,” he mumbled.

  “Go home,” Simon told him. “It takes more than genetics or a legal document to make someone a father.”

  “What about my granddaughter?”

  Richard sounded almost desperate, but Simon hardened his resolve.

  “It’s Livvie I’m thinking about. She’s loving and innocent and I can’t take the chance you’d hurt her, the way you hurt my mother and the rest of us.”

  He turned and walked into the Carthage.

  On the second floor Simon tapped on Rachel’s door. She opened it after a moment and put a finger to her lips.

  “Come in. Livvie’s asleep. She dropped off, practically the minute she sat in front of the television. I know you try to limit how much TV she watches, but—”

  “It’s fine. I’ve started easing up on it, anyway. Now that she’s going to school, she keeps hearing about television programs the other kids are watching. It obviously made her feel left out and different.”

  “I suppose child rearing is a constant balancing act.”

  Simon wanted to pull Rachel close and let her warmth drive away the chill inside. Seeing Richard had been completely unexpected, and was all the worse because Livvie and Rachel were there to witness it.

  “I’m sorry.” Simon kept his voice low as they went into the kitchen, close enough to keep an eye on Livvie, and far enough away to talk quietly. “There’s no excuse for Richard. He thought we were involved, and he still hit on you. Can you believe that?”

  Rachel put a kettle onto the stove and turned on the burner. “You have nothing to apologize for, though if I’d kicked him the way he deserved, you might have enjoyed seeing him writhe on the ground. Believe me, I was tempted.”

  A chuckle escaped Simon’s tight chest. “That would have been something to watch. As it turns out, Karen finally divorced him. He’s in his midseventies now and I figure he’s starting to wonder who will be there when age catches up. He should have paid more attention to that bumper sticker—‘Be nice to your kids, they pick your nursing home.’”

  “Don’t worry about him. He’ll have lawyers, accountants and household staff,” Rachel said promptly. “Probably a revolving set, since I can’t see anyone putting up with his garbage for long. Would you like a cup of tea?”

  “Sure.”

  He watched her supple movements as she took a tin of loose-leaf tea from the cupboard. Soon they were sitting at the breakfast bar. Simon tapped the handle of his steaming cup, still brooding.

  “I don’t know why I let Richard get to me, but I told him to leave and not come back. Things might be different if it was just me, but I can’t take the chance he’d hurt Livvie.”

  “He gets to you because of the what-ifs,” Rachel said softly. “What if he’d supported your mother after getting her pregnant? What if he’d become a better person, and that’s why he brought you home? What if he didn’t see people as commodities, to be bought and sold and leered at? But the sad truth is, there’s something vital, something good, missing inside him.”

  “What if I’m missing the same thing?” Simon asked.

  Rachel put her hand over his. “You aren’t,” she whispered. “You really aren’t.”

  Simon just hoped it was true.

  * * *

  MATT HAD LOVED it when Gemma started regularly stopping by the studio to say hi or so they could have lunch together. She was still on vacation from her job as a nanny and he’d miss seeing her as often when she returned to work.

  But even if they eventually ended up getting married, she couldn’t spend her days popping in on him. She’d get her degree and do other things, like teaching or becoming a voice-over star.

  Her frequents visits had led Sherrie and Tara to tease him about his “new girlfriend.” He didn’t mind. “Pride goes before a fall” was a proverb his grandfather often quoted, but it was just as true now as when it had been first coined. Gemma was too special to let his pride get in the way of something amazing.

  He kept thinking about Gemma’s assertion that he judged people unfairly by the way they acted around him. It was uncomfortably close to the truth. He had put people at a distance, including his own family.

  Was it because he’d felt sorry for himself, thinking they couldn’t understand what it was like to be blind?

  Possibly.

  What he’d forgotten was that nobody could fully grasp how someone else felt. It was a simple, universal truth.

  Gemma had reminded him that perspective was important. It might take a while to let go of his expectations, but there would be freedom in it, too.

  “Hey, it’s me,” said Gemma’s voice, breaking him out of his reverie. “Tara told me you didn’t have anyone in the live studio.”

  “Yeah, my last recording session is done for the day.” Matt put his hand up and she caught it. “Want to go get dinner?”

  “Maybe I could fix something for us at your place.”

  An automatic refusal sprang to his mouth, but he choked it down. There was nothing unusual about a woman wanting to prepare a meal for her boyfriend, and since Gemma lived in the Kesslers’ condo, it was only logical to offer to do it at his apartment.

  “Sure, unless you’d rather eat out.”

  “You may wish we’d eaten out,” she said, half laughing. “I’m not much in the kitchen, but I can make scrambled eggs and Mickey Mouse pancakes like no other nanny in Seattle. I hope you like basic breakfast food. That’s my specialty.”

  Matt got up, a grin growing on his face. “I’m a fair cook, but my fridge is bare. Let’s go to the grocery store, and I’ll fix dinner for you.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “Great. Pepper, come.” Pepper promptly scrambled out from under the table.

  Underlying the offer to prepare dinner was the knowledge Gemma would be driving. Until now they’d eaten at restaurants or the deli near the studio. Insisting on a taxi or taking the access van would be absurd, so he took hold of the golden retriever’s harness and turned to Gemma.

  “How large is the back seat of your car? Pepper is a pretty big girl.”

  “It’s a four-door, so she should fit. With your long legs, you may be more uncomfortable than she is. Mr. Kessler bought it for me when we came back to Sea
ttle so I could drive Livvie to school and back. He offered to get me a car in New York, but the traffic is so frenetic, I couldn’t imagine driving there.”

  “He sounds like a decent employer.”

  “Some people don’t like him, but he’s been nice to me. I didn’t want to leave Washington, but he was devastated when his wife died and I couldn’t say no, mostly because I couldn’t abandon Livvie.”

  Matt wondered if it was too soon in their relationship to ask whether Gemma wanted a family. He hadn’t thought much about children. Now he felt the time might be right. Still, the biggest question might be how she’d feel about having kids with a man who couldn’t even drive them to school or the doctor’s office.

  * * *

  GEMMA SAW MATT’S mouth flatten and knew something was churning inside his head.

  “What’s bothering you?” she asked. “If you don’t want to eat at home, we can grab a sandwich or something.”

  “It isn’t that. I was just thinking what a big responsibility it is to have children.”

  “Oh. Sure. But somebody has to do it or the human race will die out.”

  “Does that mean you want a family?”

  She bit the inside of her lip. It was still difficult for her to speak her mind. “If I say yes, will that scare you away?”

  “I’m more worried about scaring you away.”

  A warm confidence filled her. “Don’t you think if that could happen, it would have already? I’m like the cowardly lion who found its courage. You aren’t getting rid of me easily.”

  Matt chuckled and pulled her close for a kiss. “I’m glad. Okay, I’ll say it first. I’d love to have kids. But I’m also aware that it wouldn’t be easy.”

  “Nothing worthwhile is easy. So we’re on the same page when it comes to having a family. Can we get on the same page for dinner? ’Cause I’m hungry.” She kept her tone light. Neither one of them was ready for a commitment, though her heart was screaming for more than just a casual relationship with Matt.

  “Sure. How about steak and salad? That’s fast and simple.”

  “It sounds perfect. Let’s go.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  SIMON DIDN’T EXPECT to hear from Richard again, but after some reflection, he asked his executive assistant to try locating Karen’s contact information. If anyone could find a way to get the info he wanted, it was Fiona.

  He and Rachel had talked for hours after the ugly scene in front of the Carthage, and it had been her suggestion that he check on Karen. Simon wanted to believe he would have done it without being prompted, but he couldn’t be certain.

  “I found the number,” Fiona said the next day, bringing in a sheet of paper. “She’s going by her maiden name, Truit, and lives in Tucson.”

  “Thanks, Fiona.”

  He debated for an hour before picking up his cell phone. He wouldn’t blame Karen if she ducked his call, but to his surprise, she answered on the second ring.

  “Is that really you, Simon?” She sounded incredulous.

  “Yeah, I just learned about the divorce a couple of days ago. Good for you. It couldn’t have been easy.”

  “I simply... I simply couldn’t stay with him any longer. How are you and Livvie? I wanted to get in touch when you lost Olivia, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know if you’d take a call from me.”

  The warmth and regret in Karen’s voice sent shock waves through Simon. He’d always seen her as cool and remote, but maybe that was the only way she’d been able to survive.

  “We’re doing well. We moved to New York for a couple of years, then returned to the Seattle area.”

  “Please don’t think I was prying, but I used to visit the Liv’ing Creations website, just to feel in touch with your life. When Livvie was born, your wife posted the most beautiful picture of her...the one where she’s sleeping and has all that coppery hair. I printed a copy to keep. She’s so beautiful.”

  Simon’s throat ached with emotions he hadn’t realized he was holding back. “Thanks. I’ll send more pictures if you’d like.”

  “I’d love that. I’ll frame them and... Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to tell people she’s my granddaughter. I realize I don’t have any right, but...”

  An echo of his own words rang in his ears as her voice trailed off. Karen isn’t my mother. Maybe not, despite the legalities involved, but with time they might become friends or even something closer. And he was touched that she considered herself Livvie’s grandmother.

  “That would be nice,” he said. “Have you taken up golfing down there in Arizona?”

  “Mostly I’m soaking up the sun and peace. I finally feel free. I should have left Richard years ago.”

  “Be careful,” Simon warned. “He showed up here this week and he’s still angry about the divorce.”

  “He can’t do anything to me now, he’s already done it all.” Karen’s laugh was tinged with bitterness. “And if he violates the restraining order I got, he’ll be in big trouble. Please don’t let him have anything to do with you or Livvie. I wasted my life hoping he’d change and it isn’t going to happen.”

  “Not a chance,” Simon promised. “How about giving me your address?” He wrote it down and then made sure she had his cell and home number.

  “Thanks. If you’re ever near Tucson...” Karen said hesitantly, “I’m easy to find.”

  “The same goes for you and Seattle. Let’s keep in touch.”

  “That would mean so much. Take care.”

  “You, too. Bye, Karen.”

  He disconnected and pinched the bridge of his nose. A few weeks ago he wouldn’t have believed he could have a heartfelt conversation with Karen, much less one that ended with promises to stay in contact. While he’d never disliked her, she was a part of his life that he’d rather forget.

  Except now he’d met Rachel, and she’d made him a better man than he’d ever thought he could be.

  Rachel.

  Simon closed his eyes and inhaled, imagining the faint, sweet scent of gardenias surrounding him...then waited for the guilt to follow.

  It didn’t.

  Liv would have liked Rachel and she would have been exasperated he wasn’t following his heart. He’d loved Liv and nothing would diminish that, but Rachel was his soul and the air he breathed. He loved her beyond anything he could have imagined possible. The question was whether she could ever feel the same about him.

  At least he didn’t have to worry how Livvie would react. She adored Rachel. Simon pulled out the plastic ring his daughter had given him, a keepsake she kept in her treasure box. He didn’t know where the ring had come from originally, but she’d given him explicit instructions about what to do with it and now was the time to follow those directions.

  But first he needed to do a little shopping.

  * * *

  “YOU’RE GLOWING,” RACHEL said to Gemma when she came by Moonlight Ventures on Friday afternoon.

  “I don’t know about glowing, but, uh, well, Matt and I are dating and it’s starting to get serious. The other day he even brought up the question of how I feel about having kids.”

  A pang went through Rachel. She was happy for the other woman, but wished things were going as well for her.

  The morning after Simon’s father had shown up, Simon had driven her to Moonlight Ventures, where she had left her car. When he’d asked if she had plans for the weekend, she had told him that her family was expecting her on Saturday and Sunday.

  He had simply nodded without offering the reason he’d asked, or what his own plans might be.

  Inviting Simon and Livvie to the Clarion family Sunday meal had been on the tip of Rachel’s tongue, but she’d resisted. The state of their relationship defied definition. They weren’t romantically involved. They had a business connection, but it seemed inadequate to define the ba
lance of their relationship as “friendship.” Maybe it seemed inadequate because her feelings went far beyond the platonic bond she shared with Logan and Adam.

  She focused on Gemma. “Then Matt no longer resists the idea of a girlfriend.” Rachel kept her voice light.

  “Not after we hashed it out. Anyhow, it’s been great. We still have rough moments, but I guess that’s to be expected in any relationship.”

  “I’m glad you both can talk about it.”

  The acknowledgment was ironic. Rachel had thought she was past the angst of her accident, yet she’d been intensely self-conscious when Richard Kessler had stared at her face. In his case she was certain he’d been looking for scars. After all, it wouldn’t do to leer at a woman he didn’t think was good enough for him.

  Richard’s behavior had been a reminder that she’d let the accident and her ex-husband influence her perspective on love and marriage. Simon had made her see the truth, whether she’d wanted to or not. And she was still giving her injuries too much power over what she did, including where she lived. The Carthage was nice and had the view of the lake, but what she really wanted was a true country home. There were gardening services even out in Kilterton, where she’d grown up, so it wouldn’t be impossible.

  Rachel shook herself and looked at Gemma. “Have you decided to search for voice work?” she asked, wondering if that was part of the reason for her visit to the agency.

  “I’m curious about it,” Gemma admitted. “I finished reading the novel and Matt told me the publisher now wants to sell the audio version, too. They also want me to record other books for them. I don’t want to hold anyone up for big money, but I also want to be sure the legalities are covered.”

  “I understand. Let me give you a copy of the standard contract with Moonlight Ventures. You can read it and decide if you want the agency to be your representative.”

  An uncertain expression crossed Gemma’s face.

  Rachel leaned forward. “If you’d prefer one of the other partners to represent you since we’re friends, I wouldn’t be offend—”