So Close to Home

by Galen Surlak-Ramsey

  “Yeah, I had a similar experience.”

  Jack lifted his arm and looked it over once more. “Still, I guess I can’t be too mad,” he said. “He gave me enough to save your sorry butt.”

  “My dirty, bloody butt,” I said, looking at all the new and old stains my clothes bore. “Well, regardless of you getting some upgrades and what that might mean, there’s one thing that’s for certain.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Never doubt the power of the belly rub,” I said. “Haven’t had my ashidasashi for more than a couple minutes, and he’s already saved my bacon from a ravenous flying monster.”

  “Ahem.”

  I turned at the sound of Tolby’s voice and shot him an impish grin. “You’ll always be my furry knight in uber armor, don’t worry.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “And for the record, you don’t have your pet anymore, either.”

  “I don’t?” I said, looking around. Sadly, everywhere my gaze fell, the ashidasashi wasn’t to be seen. “Where’d he run off to?”

  Tolby shrugged. “As I said before, he could be anywhere.”

  “Damn. I really liked him, too,” I said. “Well, I hope he comes back soon, if for no other reason than for the want of belly rubs. We’ve got a mutually beneficial relationship going on with those you know.”

  “Do you now?” Jack asked.

  “Duh. He gets pampered. We get good luck. Doesn’t get any better than that, does it?”

  With that and my hand still pressing against my makeshift bandage, I walked around the body of the dead monster so I could see what tried to eat me. Large, gray bumps covered its leathery skin, and from its corpse wafted a peppery smell. Its face looked like a cross between a pig and a wolf, almost like it was one that had gotten stuck changing into the other. Like a frozen werewolf. Werepig? Pigwolf? Whatever.

  Its mouth was filled mostly with large, round teeth that looked exceptionally good at crunching anything from wood to rocks to bones, but it also had a set of canines that no doubt ripped apart prey with ease. Couple that with the pair of ape-like arms bulging with muscles and a lower half that was basically one humungous python tail, I was really, really glad he didn’t manage to have me for dinner.

  “What is this thing, anyway?” I asked.

  “A radakkan,” Yseri said, joining me at my side and inspecting the kill. “An apex predator that originally started out on the planet Xin but eventually wound up on several nearby systems as well.”

  “At least now we know what sector we’re in on the star map,” said Jainon.

  “Now we only need to know when,” Tolby added.

  The three Kibnali started talking amongst themselves, hoping to figure out the answer to that last bit. As they did, I walked around to the beast’s front and squatted. I’m not sure why. I suppose I wanted a good look at what tried to kill me. “Welp, mister apex monster,” I said. “Next time you try and make a meal out of me, you should probably make sure my friends aren’t around.”

  “He wasn’t trying to eat you,” Jainon said.

  I looked up, confused. “He wasn’t?”

  “No, he was trying to mate with you. You can tell because of the orange stripe on his back.”

  My face scrunched with revulsion. “Eww. Gross. I think I liked it better when I was going to be a snack.”

  “Probably something you’d want to keep out of your autobiography,” Jack said with a chuckle. “Not exactly a flattering moment if that happened.”

  “Yeah,” I said, voice trailing. My mind ran with his comment far longer than it should have. Or maybe, it ran with it as far as it should have, because once it was done tossing it around, I had a glorious idea, one that would give me renewed purpose in life—which was something I desperately needed, because for the last few days, all my life centered around was not dying. And let’s face it, that’s a pretty crappy way to go on living. “You know what? I think I will write a book about it.”

  Jack laughed. Hard. I couldn’t help but feel a little silly when he did. “About what? Being dry-humped by a flying tentacle? I mean, to each their own, but I didn’t think you were the kind of girl to get into that.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  Jack perked. “You are?”

  “Maybe,” I said, as dead-faced as I could manage. In all honesty, it wasn’t my thing. As Jack said, to each their own, but making out with a giant octopus never appealed to me. I could go for getting tied up every now and again, but the line gets drawn at all things squirmy. That said, I couldn’t help but mess with him. “Do you want to watch?”

  “I…”

  I smiled, trying tap into my sultry, vixen side, but since I’ve practiced that about as much as I practiced the oboe that had been thrust upon me at the ripe age of seven and abandoned one week later, said look came out like a train wreck.

  “Very funny,” Jack said, shaking his head.

  I folded my arms and grinned. “Dakota, one. Jack, zero,” I said. “Anyway, I will write about mister horny flying tentacle thing, because I’m going to write about everything.”

  “Everything?”

  “Yes, everything,” I said. “Think about all we’ve seen and done in such a short period of time. All that deserves to be told, and those stories will undoubtedly propel me into the upper tier of xenoarchaeologists.”

  “I’m pretty sure coming back with Progenitor tech will do that,” Tolby pointed out.

  “I know, but that just means the demand for my books will be even more so,” I said, now getting lost in the fantasy. “I’ve always wanted to be an author. I could do book signings. Book tours. Be wined and dined to come on to the top shows across the Milky Way. Swim in oceans of letters from adoring fans. All that good stuff. And with the archive cube at our fingertips, we’ll have an unending supply of info to draw from and locations to visit. This is going to be great.”

  “I don’t suppose you have a name for this monumental work of yours?”

  “No, but it’ll come to me,” I said. “The title’s not that important.”

  Jack smirked. “You think so?”

  “I know so…Why? What do you think?”

  “If you want it to sell, it’s got to have a snappy title. My aunt and uncle had a publishing house. They’d talk your ear off if you said a title didn’t matter.”

  “Well, I’ll think of something,” I said. “How about Dakota’s Guide to the Galaxy? It could be better selling than Fifty Shades of Plasma and more controversial than Potato, Potahto. No, wait. That sounds stupid. Well, maybe not stupid, but too limiting.”

  Jack cocked his head. “Say again?”

  “Too limiting,” I repeated. “I’m not going to limit myself to the Milky Way. So maybe Dakota’s Guide to the Universe? Nah, too bland. Webways for Dummies? Oh, I know! WYDDTT!”

  “W-D-D—”

  “No, W-Y-D-D-T-T,” I said slowly. “Whatever You Do, Don’t Touch That. I can already think of my first article.”

  “This should be good.”

  “Mm-hmm,” I said with a nod. “The Nodari scout stands almost three meters tall, and despite their fearsome appearance, they are the life of any party, utilizing a variety of bio-weapons to rend, slice, poison, dissolve, and vaporize friends and enemies alike. Just kidding, they have no friends, and definitely earn a solid eight out of ten on the Dakota-Don’t-Touch-O-Meter.”

  Tolby grinned. “Addenda, judicious use of deadly force, including orbital airstrikes, is highly recommended when encountered.”

  “Love it!” I said, beaming. “We could also have a cuddly section for things you want to touch, as well as things to eat. Oh! Oh! And rate exciting things to see or do with icons of the Super Vortex.”

  Jack’s brow furrowed, and even before he asked the question, I realized he had no idea what I was talking about. “The what?”

  “The Super Vortex,” I repeated. “It’s only the biggest, fastest, most amazing water slide in the entire Milky Way. Twelve miles of high-trust tubing, more barre
l rolls than a ten-minute dogfight, and a waterfall drop at the end that’s given more than one person a coronary. It’s awesome. We should go once we get out of here.”

  “Count me in. I’ve always had a thing for water parks,” he said. “In fact, count me in on any ride you want to go on, except for teacups. Never been able to stomach those.”

  “Me either,” I said. “They make me puke.”

  A deep thrum came from a distance, interrupting our conversation and my daydreaming, much to my annoyance. We all spun around to find an oblong ship with delta wings and a nose that bristled with guns like a porcupine bristled with quills headed our way.

  “Please tell me those are your friends,” I said.

  “That’s a Kibnali ship,” Tolby said, though his voice didn’t sound reassuring. “Whether those inside are friends or not has yet to be seen.”

  Chapter Three

  Physical

  Tolby leaped at Jack, nearly barreling me over in the process. My feline buddy grabbed him by the back of the neck and pushed him to the ground. “Stay down if you want to live,” he growled.

  “What the hell’s going on?” Jack said, trying to get to his feet.

  Tolby put his foot on Jack’s back and kept him from rising. “The Kibnali who are coming do not know you. Thus, you must present as an expendable servant of the Empress and her Empire—a Chetarin. Nothing more. If you value your life, you will remain in that station until we can convince them of your worth.”

  Jack glared and motioned at me. “Then why is she still standing?”

  “Because I have these,” I said, pointing to the ritual scars that I bore on my cheeks. I figured those were good enough to show off, and I didn’t need to give him a shot of the ones I had on my chest, too. “And don’t take it too personally. I had to be one, too.”

  The ship floated over the coliseum’s walls, blowing sand in every direction. I shielded my eyes as the tiny grains whipped over my face and into my hair. A cone of blue light shot out from a sensor array under its chin and swept over us several times. After a few seconds, the light ceased, and the ship landed with a heavy thud about forty meters away. I could feel the reverberations of its touchdown through the soles of my feet.

  The ship’s engines groaned as they cut out, and then with a high-pitched whine, a ramp dropped from its belly and out came a single Kibnali. His black fur absorbed the light to such an unnatural degree he looked more like a nightmare aberration than a giant panther. Over his body he wore white armor with thin plates and a flexible mesh covering the joints. While the armor looked similar to that I’d seen back at the museum, though not as designed for frontline combat, he did sport something incredibly unique: a highly articulate, mechanical claw that sprouted from his back and hung arched over his left shoulder like a scorpion tail ready to strike.

  “They only sent one for us?” I whispered to Tolby as the Kibnali began to walk toward us. “Is that good?”

  “Probably not,” he said.

  “How’s that?”

  “Because it means they don’t know what to make of you,” he replied. “Or rather, how dangerous you are.”

  “So he’s the sacrificial lamb?”

  “Something like that,” he said. “It also means he’s probably the eyes and ears of whoever is aiming a mini-nuke at our heads.”

  “Holy snort,” I said. “You’re serious? That’s kind of overkill.”

  “That’s kind of Kibnali,” he said. “In fact, it’s probably best that you don’t speak at all during these introductions.”

  “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Let’s not kid ourselves,” I said, shooting him an incredulous look.

  Tolby sighed. “Try, at least.”

  Our mini conversation ended when Yseri stepped forward and halted the new arrival’s approach by placing herself between us and him. Or rather, Empress and him. “Who is this being who walks among us?” she asked. “What instrument are you of the Empress?”

  The Kibnali straightened and laughed, his mechanical arm bouncing around as if it, too, joined in whatever unspoken joke there was. “I am Okabe, head of research, and chief advisor to Goshun Yamakato, governor of Kumet.”

  “Kumet?” Jainon repeated, joining her sister at her side. “We’re on the planet Kumet?”

  Okabe’s face lit up, and his tail swished behind him with all the energy of a mechanical drum-beating bunny on a never-ending quest to march around the galaxy. “You don’t know where you are, do you?”

  “Now I do,” Jainon said with a laugh. She spun around and squeezed Yseri tight. “This is fantastic news! I had always wanted to come here. We can go see the Lost Temples of Panpap and go cave diving in the Demon’s Claw.”

  “Interesting, but not unexpected,” Okabe said, seeming as if he’d only half heard Jainon at best. “Well, not unexpected after anomaly analysis. Still, very pleased work will be vindicated. Call me crazy, will they? Ha!”

  Yseri cleared her throat and grabbed Okabe’s attention. “You sound as if you were expecting us.”

  “Anticipated and predicted. Progenitor technology is everywhere,” he said as he gestured to the structure around us. “Tell me, do you know what year it is?”

  “We were hoping you could tell us.”

  Okabe grinned. “Second month of 5811, day nine of week six, something anyone but a wayward time traveler would know.”

  “It’s 5811? Thank the gods,” Jainon said with a huge sigh of relief. “We’ve got two years until—”

  When Jainon cut herself off, Okabe tilted his head to the side. “Until?”

  Jainon didn’t reply, nor did she look like she could. The rest of my buddies looked tongue-tied as well. Okabe, however, didn’t press for details. In fact, I was shocked how understanding he was.

  “Future paradox concerns,” he said with a grim look. “Understandable, and something to explore later, perhaps. My initial theory on the Progenitors’ fate was tied to a paradox backlash. Seemed probable, if not inevitable, for a species so ingrained with time travel.”

  “What do you know of the Progenitors?” Tolby asked.

  “Little, sadly. Existence has only been confirmed for less than a year, but now, all that’s changed.” At that point, he whipped out a handheld device and used it to scan me in a similar manner as his ship had done moments ago. “Incredible,” he said, staring at the device. “Absolutely incredible.”

  “What is?” Tolby asked.

  “Your tiny, furless creatures,” he said, nodding toward Jack and me. “I must insist on an inspection before you are allowed in the city.”

  Jainon, Yseri, and even Tolby differed to Empress for the reply, which she promptly gave. “Of course, but beware, she has claws.”

  “Noted,” Okabe said as he took a few quick steps over to me. For nearly a minute, he walked around me, studying every facet, all the while making quiet notes to himself. “I wonder, can it understand us?”

  At this point, I was tired of being treated like a lab rat. “It has a name, and it’s Dakota,” I said. “And yes, I can understand you.”

  Okabe nearly jumped out of his armor with delight. “It speaks our language! But how?” Before I could react, he hoisted me up in the air with one hand and then used the other to manhandle my head. “It bears the ritual scars of induction to the Kibnali Guard,” he said. In a flash, he grabbed my shirt and pulled, getting a nice shot of my chest in the process. “And it has been given honors, too. A Ralakai. Impressive.”

  “Thanks?” I said, unsure how to respond, but all the same hoping he’d then decide to put me down.

  He didn’t.

  Okabe went on giving me the closeup work-up. “Adequate predatory eyes. Weak jaw. Poor incisors. Ears, malformed and likely rudimentary at best. Nasal cavity, practically nonexistent—poor thing probably can’t even smell itself.”

  “Which is a good thing,” Yseri said with a smirk.

  Okabe chuckled and continued. “Muscular structure underdeveloped. Tail, missing—�
��

  “Hey! Hands off my ass!” I interrupted, squirming in his grip.

  “Will to fight greatly surpasses biological ability,” he went on, still probing all around my legs and abs while also sounding impressed. “But yet, it possesses unparalleled technological implants across its arm and neck. Must consider if it’s a joke?”

  “She is no joke,” Tolby growled.

  “Apologizes,” Okabe said to Tolby, giving a slight bow. “I did not mean to insult your pet. I only found the contrast between its biological advancement and its technological ones peculiar. Why would Progenitors bestow their gifts on such a rudimentary being? Why would Empress give such honors as well?”

  My eyes darted over to Empress as I wasn’t sure how to respond given we’d come from the future, and our Empress wasn’t even the actual Empress, technically speaking, but a decoy.

  “Her honors come from the future,” Empress said. “We’ll be happy to discuss the details with Goshun Yamakato and the current Empress.”

  “Fascinating,” Okabe said, taking a closer look at my scars. “I’m eager to know the particulars of her awards myself, and I can’t wait to hear how mighty our empire has grown.”

  “Can we stop with the physical?” I asked. “My feet are getting tired of not touching the ground.

  “A moment longer,” Okabe replied, going back to his prods. A few along my ribs made me laugh. The squeeze on my ass—again—made me drop my brow. But when his paw found its way to my front and jammed itself up against my groin, that’s when the feces hit the proverbial rotary oscillating device.

  Out of pure reflex, I telekinetically punched Okabe square in the chest. Guess it was a good thing he had that armor on, because he went flying back with a thunderous crack.

  To my surprise, Okabe took to his feet without complaint. His eyes looked at me, then down at the spiderweb of cracks that had spread across his chest plate, and then back to me again. “Incredible,” he said, shaking his head before suddenly straightening. He put a paw over one ear and spoke to someone unseen. “No. Things are fine. Stand down.”

  Tolby visibly tensed along with the others. “I told you.”