Committed: A Short Story

by N. Primak

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  There they were, playing footsy underneath the cafeteria table, holding hands and smiling at one another. As if they were innocent. As if they weren't sitting at the same table where Layla had once sat. Robert knew that Leon had already recovered from her death, but he did not think Leon would have the balls to hold Tia's hand in the exact same spot where he had once held Layla's. The worst part was that Robert had actually trusted Tia.

  Not anymore.

  He could imagine Layla writhing in her grave at the injustice of it all. Leon's cruelty was unforgivable. How could Leon just sit there and smile as though he had nothing to do with Layla's suicide?

  Robert remembered all the times he had watched Leon and Layla from a distance.

  The one that stood out most in his memory was when Layla had packed Leon a lunch, but he chose to eat the cafeteria food instead. Robert remembered seeing Layla after school that day, crying and feeding what she had prepared to the birds.

  Layla had always been compassionate, and every time Leon flunked a test or got into a fistfight she was there, cradling his head in her arms as though he were a baby.

  When Robert would hang out with her on the few occasions where she could spare the time, she would tell him about all of Leon's problems and how he was so patient and strong for dealing with them every day. Robert quickly got sick of hearing these stories, but he could never blame Layla for her innocent adoration.

  Since childhood, Layla had always been one to care for others. Even back in elementary school;(?) Robert remembered once twisting his ankle on the playground and being crippled for a week. Layla would sit on the bench with him and they would talk about all the fun times they would have once his ankle healed.

  Unfortunately, those fun times never came because that was when Layla met her first boyfriend.

  His name was Michael, and he was a hulking douche bag on the football team. Robert was astonished when he first saw them together. He had tried to convince Layla that Michael was a terrible guy for her, but Layla had been convinced that Robert was jealous. She had admired Michael's strength and told Robert repeated stories about how kind he was to his teammates. Only his teammates.

  That entire year Layla barely paid any attention to Robert. The only time he could ever talk to her was after school at the football games, where she would always be in the front row cheering Michael on. It made Robert nauseous.

  When Michael dumped her, Layla didn't come to school for a week. Robert remembered it well, because every day he would cross his fingers, hoping to hear Layla's voice when the teacher called her name during attendance.

  Finally, Robert had gathered the courage to go to her house. He had never expected Layla to answer the door.

  Robert had refused to leave until he was convinced that Layla would come to school the next day. Layla cried in his lap and told him all the cruel things Michael said to her before he dumped her, and how she didn't understand what she did wrong. No matter how many times Robert reassured her, Layla still believed that she was to blame.

  Then there was Leon. Robert remembered how Layla first fell in love with him. It was at the hockey game where Leon made three goals. After the game Layla wouldn't stop talking about how smoothly Leon skated across the rink, and how he had almost single handedly given the school a victory.

  Robert should have known back then that it was bad news, but it was too late by the time she started following Leon around school and complimenting him every chance she got. Everyone knew that Leon had no interest in her, since he complained to almost everyone about her nasty habit of following him. Robert hated every moment of Layla's infatuation and tried to remind her of the incident with Michael, but it was no use. He had been pushed to the sidelines again.

  If he hadn't let himself get pushed away, if he had been more forceful and tried to expose the horrors of Leon's personality, Robert knew he could have saved her. Instead, Robert let her dive headfirst into another obsession: Leon.

  As Robert stared at the man from across the cafeteria, he hated him even more. He remembered how there wasn't even a hint of redemption on the bastard's face after it happened. Just for that Robert wanted to feel Leon's warm blood on his hands.

  He wanted Leon to apologize in front of Layla's grave, because everything was his fault. Robert could not imagine a future without Layla. Just the image of Layla's face, rotting and cold in her coffin, was enough to give him nightmares for a millennium.

  Layla had died because of Leon. Yet just across the room Leon was treating Tia so tenderly, like a baby chickadee. Robert thought that Tia would at least understand his anger with Leon, but instead she just took advantage of Layla's death to be Leon's new girlfriend. It was sickening.

  Robert knew he was the only one who could avenge Layla's death. The only one who saw Leon for who he really was. Robert would prove to God and to anyone else who was watching that he would be loyal to Layla till the very end.

  If she had only seen what he was willing to do for her, she would never have chosen Leon. Robert believed that to the deepest pits of his soul.

  If he didn't have Layla's name carved on his heart Robert may have even fallen into the lull of high school life once more. Watching students laugh, walking across the cafeteria with their friends, one would have never even guessed that a classmate had died less than a month ago. Robert tried to pick up his fork, but his hand was shaking with rage. Everyone was so eager to forget, but ignorance couldn't change things back.

  One day, when someone close to them died, they would realize how difficult it was.

  There was no way Robert would be lulled back into the apathy that was high school life. The presence of Leon alone would guarantee that. The memory of Layla would always weigh him down. He would never be able to rest easy knowing that Leon, the man who had ruined Layla, was living happily with Robert's ex-friend.

  He glared at Leon and Tia out of the corner of his eye. They were just leaving the cafeteria, probably to find a quiet spot where they could make out.

  Robert didn't notice when they suddenly changed course and started walking back towards him.

  “Robert.”

  He couldn't hear Tia over the crunching sound of the stale carrot in his mouth. Tia and Leon exchanged glances. Then Leon tapped him on the shoulder.

  “We need to talk, Robert.”

  The expression on Robert's face when he saw them resembled that of someone who had just awoke from a coma. Leon's face was feet from his own, his broad jaw clenched as though he would rather eat nails than speak to Robert. The young man had spiky bleach blonde hair and disinterested eyes.

  Tia was holding his hand and looking determined. She must have put him up to it.

  Robert tried to talk but instead choked on the carrot and began to cough. “I have nothing to-,” he gasped out, still coughing, “say to you.”

  “Really? Your parents seem to think otherwise. So does Tia. Everyone keeps telling me that you think it's my fault Layla is dead.”

  Robert tried to get up, but Leon put his muscular arm out, blocking Robert's path. Some of the students nearby were starting to look their way.

  “Were you planning to run away?” Leon laughed. “Are you scared of me, Robert?”

  Robert tried to look into his enemy’s eyes, but got caught up staring in disgust at Leon's thick neck. Robert could hardly bear Leon's presence so close to him. He bit his lip and stayed silent.

  “Hello? Robert?” Leon waved his other hand in Robert's face and turned to Tia. “Has he gone mute or something?”

  Tia shook her head in response and looked fearfully at Robert as though he were a time bomb.

  “Fine, Robert. You know, I'll make this easier for you. You don't even have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you that you're wrong about me. Layla's death wasn't my fault, and I don't appreciate you blaming me for it. I need you to promise me you'll stop doing that.”

  Robert tried to focus on Leon's fac
e and what he was saying, but all he could think about was Layla. He remembered how soft her cheeks were. Robert only got to touch them once, when they were six. Layla had been crying after her cat died. It only took a brief stroke against her skin to wipe away the tears, but he never forgot that sensation. From that day forward he had vowed to himself that he would not let Layla cry. It was too sad to see Layla cry.

  Staring into the face of Leon was like staring into the face of his own failure. How many times had Leon made Layla cry? He didn't remember the last time she had smiled while she was dating him. There was a never-ending string of incidents.

  Leon had not moved an inch, but Robert knew that he could make no promises to him. Not with the memories running through his head. Robert shook his head frantically and closed his eyes, but the image of Layla was burned into his retinas. He thought that he could touch her thick black hair.

  Robert heard Leon's voice as if it was through a megaphone. “You really feel so strongly about it, huh? Why are you such an asshole, Robert?” When Robert didn't respond, Leon's voice grew steadily louder and his words started coming out faster. “Do you really feel the need to make this harder for everyone? Holding onto her memory and blaming me for everything that happened isn't going to bring her back. I know what's really eating you up inside. You feel guilty because you couldn't save her. You can't live with yourself.”

  There was a silence where Robert tried to control his rising temper. “That's not true.” The mirage of Layla was beginning to dissipate. Her bark brown eyes were replaced with piercing blue and her long dark hair became light and short. Then her neck started to bulge and her jaw grew until Robert realized his eyes were wide open again. He hated everything he saw.

  “Oh, really? Then what is true? That I'm a bad guy? That I was beating Layla and insulting her until she committed suicide? Don't you think her parents would have had me in jail by now if that were the case? Don't you think someone else would be on your side if there was even a smallest chance you were right?” Leon crossed his arms and stared down at him.

  “That's because nobody knew Layla the way I did!” Robert shouted back, unable to restrain himself. He stared at the tile floor, hoping that maybe Leon would walk away. Every word coming out of his mouth made Robert want to punch him in the face. But he knew that once he made that move, there would be no going back.

  “Do you really think so? You think you knew her better than her parents did?”

  Robert opened his mouth to respond, but Leon continued talking. “Because even they admitted that Layla was always troubled. She was in and out of therapy every week. Every little thing would send her into a depression.”

  More excuses. Robert didn't want to hear them. “Don't you dare speak about Layla that way.”

  “I don't know how you could have forgotten if you were so close to her.” Leon paused, as Tia was pulling on his sleeve.

  “Leon, stop. You're going to make him angry. He's not ready to listen yet.” She whispered into his ear, although Leon was standing so close to him now that Robert could hear everything she said.

  “No, Tia.” Leon pulled away from her. “He's never going to be ready, and someone has to tell him. Robert, just admit to yourself that you're doing all of this because you feel guilty about Layla.”

  Robert concentrated on Leon, willing everyone else out of existence. It was the only way he could properly focus. Finally, it was just the two of them in a black room together. It was the only way he could tell Leon everything that he thought of him. What everyone secretly knew but only Robert was brave enough to say. “You just can't stand that someone knows the truth. I heard all the horrible things you said to Layla. I saw all the times you made her cry. She would have never committed suicide if it weren’t for you. You're a murderer”

  “Say that one more time and I will just have to beat the sense into you.” Leon's voice was threatening and low.

  Robert blood was pulsing so loud in his ears that he could barely hear himself think. Yet he felt ready. “You're a murderer.”

  As Robert said these words he pulled out the small pocketknife hidden in his back pocket. When Leon's fist lunged into his face he thrust the blade forward, anticipating for Leon to lean into it. What he didn't anticipate was that Tia would protect him. She fell straight into Robert's lap and on top of the blade. The young woman gasped and sank to the floor, clutching the hilt.

  Then there were screams. Leon's came first, full of rage. He shoved Robert off his chair and began beating and kicking him.

  “You're the murderer, Robert. You better fucking pray that Tia makes it, or I'll make sure you serve a life sentence in prison! I'll never forgive you for this!”

  Robert could barely feel Leon’s attacks. If anything, his punches were pleasantly warm. The screams of his fellow classmates echoed like distant bells in his ears. Everything seemed suddenly meaningless, as though he had been fighting a losing battle from the beginning. As though everything had fallen into place exactly the way it was supposed to, and he should just accept it. Robert welcomed the indifferent darkness with a smile. He hoped that he would never wake up.

  **~~**

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