by Janet Albert
"Thanks, Doctor." Connie's eyes began to droop.
"Okay team, listen up," Miranda said, her mind already focused on the next task at hand. "Now we're going to do thrombolysis. Have either of you done it before?"
"I have," Lynn told her.
"Me too, quite a few times," Guy said.
"Fantastic," Miranda said. "Let's get started, shall we?" She wrote down the orders for everything she wanted them to do and as Guy went off to prepare the clot dissolving medication she told Lynn, "As soon as Guy gets back, I want you to get on the SeaMed system and contact a cardiologist at the hospital in case I run into any trouble during the procedure, will you?"
"Sure thing," Lynn said.
Miranda wrote some notes while they waited and when Guy returned, they started the procedure. To everyone's relief, it went smoothly without any complications and after it was over, Miranda finally had time to attend to some other important tasks. She had to call the captain and let him know what had happened. He would need to decide whether to transport Connie Miller to a hospital in Naples immediately or to keep her on board until the next morning when they docked there. Miranda guessed he would choose the first option providing they were close enough to land for the helicopter trip to be feasible.
About ten minutes later, Miranda returned. "The captain says we're close enough to Naples to have her air lifted by helicopter and taken to the nearest hospital.
He doesn't want to keep her on board until we get there tomorrow in case she gets into any trouble, so he's making the arrangements right now. I spoke to Toni and she's volunteered to go with her even though it's her day off. She'll get back on the ship tomorrow."
As soon as Miranda completed her sentence, a porter came through the door with a woman by his side. By the expression on the woman's face, Miranda knew right away who it was. She left the bedside and met her halfway. "I'm Doctor Ross. Are you Connie Miller's partner?" she asked as she offered her hand.
"Yes, I am." The woman shook Miranda's hand. "I've never been so scared in my life, Doctor." She glanced over at Connie. "What happened? How is she?"
"She's stable at the moment but it looks like she's had a heart attack."
"She had one a few years ago. I brought you a list of the medications she takes." She handed it to Miranda. "I had to stop at our cabin and get it from her suitcase."
Miranda read the list and asked a few more questions.
"She's not going to die is she, Doctor?" The woman covered her face with her hands and began to cry. "I'm sorry. I love her so much. She's my whole world. I don't have any family and I just couldn't bear to lose her...not now. Not like this. I wouldn't want to live without her. I wouldn't know how."
Miranda moved closer and put her arm around the woman's shoulders. "Hey...she's not out of the woods completely, but everything looks good right now and if it stays that way, she should be all right." Miranda knew better than to make any promises. The next two days would be crucial and she had no idea what they might bring. She explained everything they'd done for Connie since her arrival in the infirmary. "We're going to send her to a hospital in Naples. We don't want to keep her on the ship because if she gets into trouble they can handle it better in the hospital. We're just waiting for the helicopter to get here from the mainland."
"Can I go with her?"
"No. I'm afraid you can't ride in the helicopter because it's against regulations, but you can stay with her until she leaves. We'll be docking in Naples tomorrow and you can join her then. I'll make arrangements for someone to take you to the hospital as soon as we get there."
"Thank you. You're so kind. Connie and I have been together for twenty-five years. It's our anniversary. That's why we took this cruise...to celebrate. It took us three years to save the money." She took a tissue from her pocket, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "I can't let her see me crying like this. It would upset her too much."
"I'm sorry this had to happen. Sorry for you both."
"I want to thank all of you for everything you've done. I can't tell you how grateful we both are." She hugged Miranda.
Miranda hugged her back and then said, "That's what we're here for. I wish you both the best and I hope you get to go home soon. Now, why don't you go over and sit by her. I'll get you a chair."
"Thank you for treating me like her partner and not like someone who didn't matter. I was afraid I wouldn't be allowed to see her or be with her."
"Not in my clinic. I respect your relationship and I understand why you need to be with her. Now go over there. She needs you too."
Chapter Twelve
MIRANDA LEANED ON the railing of the Promenade deck and stared at the dazzling display of stars in the vast expanse of sky above her. Beams of moonlight brushed against the surface of the water, painting the tips of the black satin waves with liquid silver. Drawing in a long slow breath of the fresh invigorating air, she filled her lungs and held the air in before letting it leave, carrying out with it the stresses of the day. Now and then, voices from somewhere off in the distance drifted in and out of hearing range, but in essence, she was alone.
How did she get here, she wondered, so far away from everyone and everything she knew? In the last few years, her life had changed so drastically, she hardly recognized herself anymore. The night, the sky and the sea conspired to transport her back in time, to make her think about the things she'd rather forget. In the early stages of her relationship with Ellen, she'd wanted--no, she'd believed--that they would be together for the rest of their lives. They had each other, the predictability of their daily routine, and a circle of interesting friends. To Miranda, those mundane things were a source of peace and comfort. At the time, they mattered more to her than anything else and now, it was as if none of it had ever taken place. Remembering her life with Ellen filled her with shame. What had possessed her to hang around, hoping and waiting while Ellen made a complete fool out of her over and over again? What had made her choose to cry alone and suffer in silence instead of just getting out of a bad relationship? Knowing she had no answers, she closed her eyes and sighed.
"Hi, Miranda."
Miranda gasped and put her hand on her chest.
"I've startled you. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Miranda turned to find a face filled with tenderness looking back at her, those familiar soft blue eyes caressing her. "How did you find me?" she whispered.
"I stopped by the clinic and a little birdie told me you were up here."
"That little birdie's name wouldn't happen to be Lynn, would it?"
"Yeah, it would. How did you know?"
"I called the clinic about an hour ago and talked to her, so she's the only one who would have known where I was."
"And now, I know." Jamie moved an inch or two closer. "Did you come up here to get away from everything...and everybody?"
"I guess I needed to be somewhere where things felt insignificant."
"Well, this is the place for that." Jamie's gentle eyes never left Miranda's. She reached out with her hand as if she were about to touch Miranda, but then she pulled it back and tucked it by her side. "You look so tired."
"I am. It's been a hectic two days." Miranda sighed. "I'm done in and I'm nervous and edgy at the same time. I think it's a combination of stress, fatigue and too much coffee. I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn't." Miranda broke the eye contact and faced the water. Something happened to her when she looked into those warm eyes and the more she looked at Jamie, the more she wanted her to touch her.
"Maybe it's not sleep that you need."
Miranda turned and met Jamie's eyes again. "You're a wise woman, Jamie Jeffries, and you're more right than you know. The problem is, I don't know what I need."
"I wish..." Jamie swallowed hard and looked away for a moment.
"What? What do you wish?"
"Nothing. Never mind. What happened to Connie Miller?" Jamie asked. "Did she make out okay?"
Miranda nodded. "We sent her to the hospital by helico
pter."
"What happened to her?"
"She had a heart attack."
"I thought so. How do you think she'll do?"
"I think she'll be all right as long as she doesn't have any complications. She and her partner should be able to go home in about a week."
"They sure had a bad vacation." Jamie gripped the railing with both hands and faced the sea. "Boy was I ever nervous when she started having that pain in her chest. My heart was pounding and my hands shook like crazy."
"Anyone would feel that way." Miranda glanced at Jamie's hand resting on the railing and gently laid hers on top of it. She could see tears glistening in Jamie's eyes.
"Really? Do you get nervous too?" Jamie blinked rapidly a few times.
"Yes, of course I do. I've just learned to hide it well. Before she left, Connie asked me to thank you. She said you were very kind and she can't thank you enough for helping her. She told me she'd try to write when she got home, to thank you and let you know how things turned out."
Jamie turned her hand palm up and entwined her fingers with Miranda's. She turned toward her again. "Thanks for telling me that. It means a lot coming from you. You were so competent and so kind and I want you to know how much...how much I admire you. I watched you handle that whole situation. You were really something."
Miranda squeezed Jamie's hand. It had been a long time since she'd touched anyone or been touched by anyone, in this way. She had sensed that Jamie wanted to touch her and she wanted her to, but she didn't know what to do about it until now. In Jamie's eyes she saw everything she'd ever yearned for, everything she'd lost. "Thanks for the praise, Jamie, but that's what I do. I'm used to handling situations like that."
"I knew you'd say that." Jamie said quietly. "How was the rest of your day?"
"Way too busy. Getting someone air lifted off the ship is no easy task and there's a lot of paper work involved. We never had any kind of a break the entire day and then the evening clinic hours were busier than usual."
"That figures. Isn't that the way things go?"
"I tried to take a nap again after dinner, but I couldn't."
"You must have had a lot on your mind."
"Yep." Miranda let go of Jamie's hand and turned away from her. Feeling raw and defenseless, she squeezed her eyes shut to ward off the threat of tears. What was this power Jamie had over her? How did she always manage to rip her apart like this?
"Miranda? What's wrong?" Jamie placed her hand on Miranda's shoulder and turned her part way around. She studied her face for a moment or two and then she said, "Tell me how you feel."
Miranda turned to face Jamie, no more than an inch or two keeping them apart. In the tranquil silence, she swore she could hear their bodies humming like high tension wires. The pull of Jamie's body was almost more than she could resist. "Jamie..."
"Do you have any idea how much I want to hold you?"
"Jamie... please." Miranda surrendered and took that one last step that had kept her from being in Jamie's arms. A moan escaped unchecked as she remembered the warmth, the wonder of being held this way by a woman. She wrapped her arms around Jamie and pressed against her, letting Jamie seep into her pores and fill her empty spaces. Her lips touched the edge of Jamie's ear. "You feel so good, so damn good."
"So do you." Jamie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. For a long time, they held each other until at last Jamie leaned back enough to meet Miranda's eyes. She molded her hand to Miranda's cheek and stroked it with her thumb. "You look so beautiful in the moonlight and your eyes are as deep and dark as the night sea. You take my breath away and having you in my arms feels so right. Please tell me what's making you feel so bad."
"I was upset about that woman and her partner."
"Why? Were you worried she might die?" Jamie stroked her cheek.
"A little, but it was more than that." Miranda's eyes never strayed as she poured out her feelings. "Her partner was so distraught about the possibility of losing her. She told me how much she loved her and how empty her life would be without her. They went on the cruise to celebrate their twenty-fifth anniversary. I guess it moved me, how much they meant to each other." Miranda's voice quivered and hot tears trickled down her cheeks, coating the back of Jamie's hand.
"Don't you think that's possible?" Jamie wiped the tears away.
"I used to, but...I don't know anymore."
"Don't you think anyone could ever love you like that?"
"No, I don't," Miranda said, her voice almost inaudible.
"Who was she, Miranda? Because whoever she was, she didn't deserve you."
"You don't need to hear my sad story, Jamie, about my lost love, about how someone I loved hurt me. I don't want to talk about broken promises and forgotten dreams."
"And hearts that are shattered into a million pieces?"
"Something like that." Miranda became silent. She stared into Jamie's eyes and after a moment or two, she spoke again. "Look, I think I'm being overly emotional because I'm exhausted. I've been away from home for a long time and today has been a rough one, that's all. It's nothing a little rest wouldn't cure."
"Maybe so, but I know you're hurting."
"Jamie, don't. I..." In Jamie's face, Miranda saw something she hadn't seen before, something she didn't want to deal with, not here, not now. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears like a kettle drum in a symphony orchestra and she feared Jamie would hear it.
"Are you lonely, Miranda?" Jamie asked. "Because I think you are and now I am, more than ever."
"It's hard to believe someone like you could ever be lonely."
"Why? Because you think everyone wants me? Maybe I want a lot more than that and maybe I need the same things you need." Jamie tilted her head and leaned in.
"I'm sorry, Jamie." Miranda shifted and edged away enough to create some distance between them. She knew Jamie was about to kiss her and she longed to kiss Jamie so much it hurt, but she couldn't allow it to happen. She knew what that kiss would do to her and she also knew she'd never get over it.
Jamie turned to face the sea again. "It's a beautiful night."
"It is," Miranda whispered. She had an urgent, painful need to touch Jamie, but she had to get away from her before she did something she'd later regret. "Maybe I should go to my cabin and try to get some sleep. I'm about to fall over."
Jamie's hands gripped the railing and she moaned softly. "Okay. You probably should."
"Jamie? What's wrong? What are you thinking?" The look on Jamie's face was one of pure torture and Miranda didn't quite know what to do. She didn't want to do anything to hurt someone so nice, so tender.
"Nothing, I...nothing. I guess I'd like to know when I'm going to see you again and be with you again. I know we don't have a lot of time left and I was thinking about Marseille. I'm off that day and if you're free, how about one last trip ashore before the cruise ends?" Jamie let go of the railing and turned to meet Miranda's eyes.
Miranda wasn't sure if she saw moisture in Jamie's eyes or if it was just a reflection of the water. She knew she saw pain in them and it hurt to know she had caused it. "I'm off, but..." She was about to say no when she reconsidered. It made no sense to avoid her for the rest of the cruise. "Okay, but this time you're in charge of the day."
"It's a deal," Jamie replied. "I'm going to treat you to lunch, so make sure you get to the gym during the next couple of days."
"It sounds like we'll be skipping dinner again."
"Definitely. Shall I meet you in your cabin like last time?"
"That sounds good. Around eight okay?"
"I'll be there. So, I guess I'll see you then unless I see you in the gym."
"You probably will. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to turn in."
"You go ahead. I'll stay here for a while. I have some thinking to do."
"Goodnight, Jamie. Thanks for finding me and for being here."
"Goodnight, Miranda. Sleep well."
Leaving Jamie there alone took all the strength Mi
randa possessed, but she had to be strong. She had to go home. She had to leave Jamie behind. She just had to.
Chapter Thirteen
"JAMIE THIS IS spectacular." Jamie had hired a taxi to drive them high into the hills above the old harbor of Marseille to a place near the cathedral of Notre-Dame de la Garde. As they walked toward the cathedral, they paused by a low stone wall to enjoy the panoramic view of the oldest city in France. "It's magnificent from way up here."
"I thought this would be a good place to start." Jamie grinned.
"Let me take your picture," Miranda said, instructing Jamie to stand against the wall with the expanse of the harbor in the background. A passer-by saw what they were doing and graciously offered to take a picture of the two of them standing in the same place and after he left, they lingered there to admire the sights.
"What do you think?" Jamie asked.
"It's beautiful. I didn't expect Marseille to be this big."
"It's the second largest city in France. Greek sailors discovered it in 600 BC and until the nineteenth century, it was known as the gateway to the Mediterranean."
"It's also famous for the plague," Miranda added with a scowl.
"God, leave it to a doctor to point that out." Jamie laughed. "It's also famous for drug trafficking, crime, and gangsters. They filmed The French Connection here."
"They did? I didn't know that."
"Well, aren't you glad I told you?" Jamie grabbed Miranda's arm and pulled her closer. She pointed out the sights as she talked. "Look over there. Some of the old buildings around the port were built during the reign of Louis the Fourteenth. See over there? That's one of the forts he built and over there, that's the other one. It would seem logical that they were built to protect the harbor from invaders, but no, I read that he built them to keep an eye on his own people."
"That sounds about right. If I recall, he was quite paranoid and with good reason. His people were always plotting against him." Miranda jabbed Jamie's arm with her elbow. "Hey, this is fun. I can't wait to see where you take me next."