by Janet Albert
"No."
"Okay then, but I need you to be clear about one thing. I don't want anything from you and I promise I won't throw myself at you again. I can't imagine what got into me on the ship."
"I understand."
"Good. Give me your phone number and I'll call you."
"Okay. I'll write my cell phone number down and bring it to you before you leave. I have to get a piece of paper and a pen first. I'll give you my home phone number, too."
"Fine, you do that. I'm not leaving any time soon." Jamie got up and walked away.
Miranda's eyes followed Jamie as she rejoined the group of women she'd been talking to earlier. She watched as Jamie claimed her rightful position next to Lilly. She watched as Jamie wrapped her arm around Lilly's waist. She watched as Jamie pressed the side of her body against Lilly's and she watched with moist eyes as Jamie leaned in to whisper words meant only for Lilly to hear.
Less than a minute later, Miranda stopped watching and reached a hand up to wipe a burning tear from her cheek.
Chapter Seventeen
"BEFORE TOMMY GETS home, tell me all about this Jamie Jeffries," Valerie said. "You wouldn't tell me one single thing on the phone this week and you insisted on talking to me in person, so start talking."
"There's nothing more to tell. I met her on the ship, we spent some time together and then we went our separate ways. That's all." Miranda had just arrived at her sister's for their usual Friday evening dinner, almost a week after Eve's party. She'd managed to avoid answering her sister's inevitable questions when they'd talked on the phone during the week all the while knowing that eventually, she would have to tell her about Jamie. She'd told Val that she was too tired to talk, that she had laundry to do or reading to catch up on and now she'd run out of excuses.
"That's all? And she bought you that expensive necklace because you were just a casual acquaintance, nobody special? Have I got that right?" Valerie scrunched her face up. "You cannot be serious."
"Okay, it was a little more than that. We really liked each other."
"Really liked each other?" Valerie rolled her eyes heavenward. "Miranda, you're too much. Do you fool yourself as much as you try to fool me?"
"More, I think." Miranda was backed up against the wall with no where to go so to speak and she knew it. She'd have to say more if her sister was ever going to leave her alone. "Look, we kissed and that's it, I swear to God. She told me she was falling in love with me the night before I left the ship." Seeing the skepticism on her sister's face, she elaborated. "What was I supposed to do? I was finished working for the cruise line and she still had over two months to go. It was all too much for me and too fast and I didn't think it would work out."
"So you panicked?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"Now that makes more sense. Why on earth did you think it wouldn't work out?"
"For one thing, she lived in Baltimore."
"So? For God's sake, Miranda, we live in the twenty-first century. We have cars, you know and public transportation and paved roads and all of that. She's nice and she's very, very attractive, so what is your problem, exactly?" Valerie shook her head.
"I don't have a problem."
"You most certainly do." Valerie took a deep breath and sighed deeply. "I don't understand you at all. It would make sense if you didn't like her, but I saw how you looked at her, how you acted around her. Why would you run away from a woman like her?"
"Well, she's too good looking and..."
"That's a good one," Valerie interrupted, shaking her head again.
"Will you stop shaking your head and let me finish? I don't know if she can be trusted. She's too flirtatious, too attractive and she's too, she's too..."
"Too what? Too wonderful? Too gorgeous? Too sexy?"
"Too much trouble. Women like her are too much trouble."
"Wait a minute. Back up. How can she be too good looking? I certainly wouldn't mind looking at her every day," Valerie said. "So explain something to me..."
"Explain what?" Miranda could almost hear her sister's wheels spinning and by the expression on her face she knew Val had already put two and two together and had come up with the sum total of whatever she'd been trying to avoid telling her. Fooling her was just about impossible. So was hiding the truth.
"Never mind. You don't need to explain a thing. This is all making sense to me now. She reminds you of Ellen, doesn't she?"
"Yes, she does. When Ellen and I first met, I thought she was the best thing going. I loved to show her off and I loved the way people envied me. Little did I know she was a lying, cheating, superficial..." Miranda bit her lip, sucked in a deep breath and exhaled loudly, something that sounded more like a groan. "I feel so ashamed when I think about how I let her hurt me over and over again, Val...so ashamed."
"Listen, Sis. I know what she did to you and I can understand how you feel, but it still doesn't mean this woman is anything like her."
"The rational part of me knows that, but I can't allow myself to take a chance like that again. It hurt too much and I'm not sure I could live through that a second time."
"I worry about you, honey. You're such a great catch and I hate to see you so alone all the time. Tommy and I are your only link to sanity and that's not saying much." She laughed. "Don't you ever get lonely? Don't you miss being close to someone and the, you know...the rest of it?"
"You mean sex? Can't you just say sex?"
"Not only can I say sex, I can spell it, too, so quit trying to distract me and answer my question. Don't you miss having sex?"
"No, well maybe...okay, sometimes. I have plenty to keep me occupied, you know. I have my work and my new house." Her words rang false, even to her own ears. Who am I kidding? I miss the sex. I miss it something awful.
"That's a bunch of crap and you know it."
"Thanks a lot, Val. You don't understand. Jamie and I met on a cruise ship. That's no place to meet someone. Besides, I wasn't sure how I felt about her at the time and I thought we wouldn't have anything in common once we got home."
"Boy, you thought of every reason in the book not to give her a chance. Come to think of it, you always think way too much."
"That's funny. Jamie said the same thing about me at Eve's party."
"Well, she's right." Valerie pointed to her head and then to her heart as she said, "You need to get out of your head and listen to your heart once in a while. I want you to tell me how you feel about her."
"She's nice and intelligent and just for the record, I think she's gorgeous, too, but most of all I enjoy her. She's fun and..."
"Stop, Miranda. I asked you how you feel about her."
"I can't answer that." This time, her words were the pure, unmitigated truth and she struggled to hide a sudden tidal wave of emotions. She had feelings for Jamie, all right, strong feelings. If only she knew how to define them and what to do about them.
Valerie dropped the subject of feelings and assumed a more sympathetic stance. "We spent ten days in Barcelona and you never told me about her. Now that I think about it, I thought something was bothering you. I never saw you so preoccupied and out of sorts."
"I was," Miranda admitted.
"But when I asked you, you said nothing was wrong. I just assumed you were tired and having trouble adjusting to being off the ship."
"I was." Miranda's voice was barely audible. She rubbed her eyes.
"Look, I'm not trying to upset you. I love you. I just think you should figure out how you feel about her, especially now that she lives here." Valerie moved closer and put her arm over Miranda's shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Wasn't she hurt when you left her? She must have been."
"Please don't remind me. It's not something I'm proud of. She gave me her address and phone number and I never even tried to get in touch with her. Not once."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I honestly don't know. I thought about it every day." Mi
randa rested her head on Valerie's chest.
"At Eve's party, did she say she wanted to see you?"
"She did." Miranda picked her head up and looked at Valerie. She took her sister's hand in hers. "But she also said it would be strictly casual between us. I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and who can blame her? She called me yesterday and she wants to get together a week from Saturday."
"Please tell me you're going." Valerie squeezed her hand.
"I'm going." The corners of Miranda's mouth lifted just a little.
"Excellent. Where are you going?"
"I'm meeting her at her apartment and she's taking me to dinner."
"Wonderful. Where are you going?"
"To one of the restaurants in the Adams Morgan section where she lives. She says it's one of her favorites."
"That sounds like fun. They have loads of good restaurants there. You should take her some flowers. Stop by the shop before you go and I'll fix you a nice fresh bouquet."
"I will. Thanks."
"I want you to have a good time and I want to hear all about it."
"I'll tell you about it, I promise. You'll never leave me alone until I do." Miranda felt better and she laughed a little for the first time since they'd started talking.
"I know I've told you this before, many times, but I'm going to say it again. You need to forget about Ellen. She's out of your life forever, thank God, and she's not worth thinking about. She's not worth ruining your life over, either. She's ruined enough of it already and you shouldn't let her ruin any more. You need to move on."
"You know what? I agree completely and I think it's time I did."
Chapter Eighteen
MIRANDA PUSHED THE buzzer next to the name "Jeffries" and once inside the downstairs door, she climbed the stairs to the third floor. With her hand poised in the air, she paused in front of Jamie's door, her heart banging away in her chest while she gathered the courage to knock. She'll think I got lost on the way up and she'll think I'm crazy if she sees how nervous I am-- crazier than she already thinks I am.
When the door swung open, Miranda lost what little composure she had managed to muster up. Jamie wore a pair of faded jeans and a long-sleeved blue chambray shirt with the cuffs rolled up a few turns. The sight of her made Miranda halt in the doorframe, unable to move. The memory of how Jamie had looked in her jeans that day in Athens, came rushing back to her and she felt her body respond all over again as if no time had passed. Her eyes met Jamie's and she wondered how Jamie had found a shirt the exact same shade of blue as her eyes--a blue suspended between sea and sky. After what seemed like forever, she tore her eyes away from Jamie's and stared at the thin sliver chain she wore around her neck.
"Well, don't just stand there, come in," Jamie said with a tinge of amusement.
Miranda practically leaped into Jamie's apartment as if someone had pushed her from behind. "Here, I brought these for you." She handed Jamie a generous bunch of fresh flowers and a white gift box tied up with a gold ribbon.
"For me? You shouldn't have." Jamie beamed.
"I wanted to." Apparently, Valerie's suggestion had been a good one, judging by the pleasure on Jamie's face and the span of her smile.
Jamie gently laid the flowers down on a table still encased in their paper wrapper and opened her gift.
Carefully, she lifted a glass vase from the box and held it up to the light, twisting it back and forth to admire the swirling patterns of red, blue, purple and green imbedded in the glass. "How pretty. Look how it reflects the light. Thank you so much."
"I'm glad you like it. A vase is the kind of thing you never have when you need it so I brought you one for the flowers in case you didn't have one. It's not the kind of thing you buy for yourself." Miranda cringed inside as she heard herself babble on. Her speech sounded stressed and forced, her vocal tones a smidgen too high. In the emergency room, she was known for having nerves of steel in the most frenzied situations and the ability to relate to all kinds of people in all kinds of tense circumstances, but in the presence of Jamie, she was reduced to an incompetent, quivering mass. Just then, she realized Jamie was talking to her.
"...so true and you're right. I don't have a vase. Come keep me company while I put these in some water." Jamie picked up the flowers and started walking.
"There's a packet of powder stapled to the wrapping. You dissolve it in the water and it helps them live longer," Miranda said as she followed her into the kitchen. For God's sake, she knows that. Doesn't everyone?
Jamie turned and smiled. "There usually is." She went to the sink, filled the vase and put the flowers in, taking great care to arrange them. "There, how do they look?"
"They look beautiful. I'm glad you like them."
"I'll never forget how beautiful they are or that they were a gift from you."
"Thanks." Miranda made a show of looking around. "This is a nice place."
"You think so? I looked at a few places, but I liked this one because it was spacious and bright and the kitchen and bathroom had just been remodeled. The landlord let me paint some of the rooms, which was nice of him. I hate it when the entire apartment is off-white. It makes me feel like I'm living inside of a shoebox."
"Well, I like the colors you chose. They're very warm and inviting."
"Thanks again." Jamie picked the vase of flowers up with both hands. "Follow me. I want to put these in my bedroom where I can see them later." Jamie led the way to her bedroom and set the vase of flowers on a round table by the window.
"I love your bedroom," Miranda said. "It feels very serene and relaxing." The room had a lingering scent in the air like a candle or some incense had recently been burned.
"That's what I was going for. It's an important room and it's important to feel good in your bedroom, don't you think?" Jamie stopped and took the time to look Miranda over carefully. "You look really nice and I noticed that you're wearing the perfume again."
"I wear it a lot." Miranda felt her face grow warm. "You look nice, too."
Jamie moved closer until she stood in front of Miranda. "You're wearing the necklace." She lifted the gold pendant from Miranda's neck and held it in her fingers. "I love it." With great care, she placed the necklace where she'd found it and then moved back a step or two, putting more distance between them.
"I love it, too. I'm assuming you didn't buy it when we were there together because you wouldn't have bought it then, would you?"
"No, you're right, I didn't. I bought the perfume when we were in Marseille together, because I had feelings for you by then, but no, not the necklace."
"So, how did you manage to get back to the shop in Athens?"
"When the ship made a stop in Athens on the next cruise, I had a split shift, so I went back to the shop and bought it. Thank God it was still there. By then, I had feelings for you and I had to buy it. I just had to."
"I've never forgotten that day in Athens, or any of the other wonderful days we spent ashore together." Miranda swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat.
"You could have fooled me."
"Jamie, I never forgot anything. I'm sorry if I made you think I had." Miranda closed her eyes, briefly. "The necklace is so special. Every time I wear it, people admire it and ask me who the figure represents, but I tell them I don't know."
"Well, you don't have to say that anymore because I asked about it in the shop and they let me talk to the artist who designed it."
"I'm so glad you did that. What did the artist say?"
"She said the figure is the Greek goddess of the sea, Amphitrite, and the story goes something like this: Poseidon, the god of the sea, fell madly in love with Amphitrite when he saw her dancing with her sisters on an island. He wanted to marry her, but she turned him down, telling him she'd rather remain a virgin. Anyway, she tried to hide from him in the far reaches of the Atlantic Ocean, but Poseidon was desperate to have her, so he sent his dolphin to look for her and when the dolphin found her, he carried her to
Poseidon on his back and she consented to marry him. As a reward, Poseidon granted his dolphin a permanent place in heaven as the constellation, Delphinus."
"I like that story. It's about persistence, isn't it?"
"You mean when you want someone that bad, you should never give up?"
"Yes. I believe that," Miranda said softly.
Jamie opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but instead, she just stood there staring at Miranda with those dreamy blue eyes. After a few moments, she said, "So, are you ready to go? I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry."
"I'm hungry, too. Let's go." Miranda felt convinced that she'd destroyed any feelings Jamie had once had for her. Jamie seemed detached and guarded. She no longer touched her in those little opportunistic ways, the way you do when you ache to touch someone. And Miranda couldn't find even a flicker of the fire and the passion that had once sizzled in Jamie's eyes. She reminded herself that this was what she'd wanted all along, wasn't it? So why wasn't she happy and why did it hurt so much?
"I thought we'd walk to the restaurant. It's not far and it's a nice evening. By the time we find a parking space we'll be farther away than we are now."
"That's fine with me. I like to walk."
TEN MINUTES LATER they strolled down Eighteenth Street, the main drag of one of DC's funkiest neighborhoods and the pulse of its vibrant night life. Besides being known as a hub of diversity and political activism as well as a Mecca for the arts, the Adams Morgan section boasted the largest display of expressive art in the city in the form of colorful, evocative murals painted on its twentieth century row houses and buildings.
After descending a few steps, they entered a popular café. "We're just in time for our reservation," Jamie declared as they stepped inside.
"I've been wanting to eat here. I read about it in the newspaper," Miranda told Jamie. Although the street outside had been boisterous and jam-packed with people, the inside of the restaurant felt like a peaceful oasis. In the center of the room, a large fountain washed away some of Miranda's tension with the soothing sounds of gently rippling water. "It's so nice and quiet in here."