Swine and Punishment (Bought-the-Farm Mystery 7)

by Ellen Riggs

  “Thanks for coming on short notice, everyone,” I said. “I need your help.”

  My sisters groaned—every last one of them.

  “Don’t make us search for that pig,” Violet said. “I’m allergic to winter.”

  “And I’m so clumsy,” Iris said. “I might break an arm and not be able to cut hair.”

  “Our team could use more bodies,” I said. “But if Poppy joins every day, I’ll let the rest of you off the hook.”

  “Why target me?” Poppy said. “I work hard on the farm as it is.”

  “I pay well over the going rate for farmhands,” I said. “But you might get a better deal over at Faraway Farm. They’ve got budget.”

  She looked at me quickly. Like the rest of the Galloway Girls, her eyes were hazel and her once colorful hair was dark brown. Our features, height and weight varied but the family resemblance was indisputable. Under the similar surface, however, we were very different. Poppy had always been sparky and rebellious. As a teen, she’d been downright mean, at least to me, the youngest. A few years of nationwide couch surfing while bouncing from one menial job to the next had eventually brought her home with a better attitude. She was still the sister most likely to set a family fire, just to see tempers flare.

  After evaluating me for a second, she said, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She didn’t realize I had literally thousands of HR interactions to help me read her expression and posture. Her incredibly long lashes—the best in our lineup—dropped over her eyes.

  “I heard you like hanging out with the crew,” I said. “And from the money they want to throw at Keats and me, you’d probably cash in over there. Plus it’s an easy gig, with only a handful of animals.”

  Daisy put down her spray bottle and rested rubber gloves on her hips. “Ivy. As much as I hate to agree with the best mom in the world, you’re being rather wily here. Certainly opaque. What’s your beef with Poppy?”

  As the eldest and de facto matriarch, Daisy normally solved all family disputes. Or at least did her best. It was a full-time job and she had her own fractious kids to wrangle.

  “Pops,” I said, “Let me ask you this. Are you aware that the TV network basically hijacked my life story to create this show? And that after failing to enlist me to consult, they’re now trying to twist my arm to step into a dead woman’s shoes?”

  She shrugged, a master of defiance. “I don’t see it the way you do. They recognized a great story and tried to get your support. It’s just business.”

  There was a sudden stabbing pain in my chest as I realized how easily she’d throw me to the dogs. Not that I liked that metaphor. The dog shoving his ears under my dangling hand deserved better. Jilly squeezed my arm to remind me that whatever my blood family did, she was my true family.

  “What am I missing here?” Daisy said, forehead furrowing. “I can’t run interference if I don’t know what’s going on.”

  I took a moment to summon my cool, HR smile. “Poppy is seeing Ray Faux, the cameraman who not only let me wade into a freezing pond after his boss yesterday, but filmed it.”

  “I’m sure Ray didn’t film it,” Poppy said. “He told me he tried to help.”

  “He filmed it,” I said. “I’ve seen proof. There were two camera angles and the footage had been edited into a sweet montage for the network.”

  Poppy’s face turned bright red. That was an extremely rare phenomenon as she was typically more shameless than Mom.

  “How did you see that?” Asher said.

  “Like I said, they’re trying to recruit me. As if seeing myself wading in there while my dog wailed his heart out on the bank would inspire me. And why would I ever want to work with people who wouldn’t help? That’s not my idea of a team.”

  Poppy glared at me, knowing I was lumping her in with the crew. “Ray could have lost his job, and he needs it.”

  At that moment all eyes turned to her. On her. Five sets of hazel, Asher’s blue and Jilly’s green. Even Keats sat up on his haunches to treat her to a dose of eerie blue eye. Only Percy was missing in action. The ferrets held greater allure than a fractious family meeting.

  Daisy walked around the counter and crossed her arms with yellow rubber showing at each elbow. “Poppy, exactly whose side are you on?”

  “There’s no need to take sides,” Poppy said, sliding down in her chair like a sullen teen. “I’m on everyone’s team.”

  “You’re on Team Poppy, apparently,” I said, and Jilly pinched my arm.

  Mom turned slowly and carefully on the stool. There was a lightness about her today that came from not being on the hot seat herself. But after watching Poppy for a few seconds, she said, “Have you fallen for this Raymond? He’s only been in town a week or two. That’s not how this should go, Poppy. Where’s your rotation?”

  We all groaned except Jilly.

  “I’ve known him for a more than a month,” Poppy said. “We met at The Tipsy Grape when they were here scouting.”

  “You’ve known about this show for a month and didn’t tell me?” I felt even more violated and Keats whined.

  “I didn’t know what the show was about, I swear,” Poppy said. “I just knew they were considering some reality thing and he made me promise not to say anything. You know what this town is like. People would have gotten in the way.”

  My heart still hurt and part of me wanted to believe the worst. But the clinical HR expert also saw that Poppy’s long lashes were up and she met my eyes. Ray had deceived her, it seemed, more than she had deceived me.

  “But you found out before the rest of us and still didn’t share,” Daisy said. Her brows furrowed in motherly disappointment, probably as much at her own failings as at Poppy’s. There had only been so much attention to go around when we were kids and Poppy had come up short, too.

  “By then I was embarrassed,” she said. “I felt like I should have known. Ray was always asking me questions about my family, especially Ivy.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep a torrent of hot words from spilling out. Jilly helped by squeezing my arm harder, and then speaking for me. “What did you tell him?”

  “Not much. That’s why he kept asking.” She gave me a defiant look. “I’m not a complete idiot. Have any of you ever gotten anything out of me I didn’t want to share?”

  “Good point,” Daisy said, glancing at me. “Complete chunks of Poppy’s history are missing and I have asked.”

  “See? Ray didn’t hear anything from me that wasn’t already in the public domain. Like the news or your social media following.”

  Mom tried again. “Are you serious about this young man, Poppy?”

  The lashes came down again and it seemed like a herculean effort to raise them before answering. “No. I mean, I had hopes there for a second. He’s cute. And probably the nicest guy I’ve dated.”

  “Darling, you set the bar too low,” Mom said. “Some of your boyfriends have been—” She fanned imaginary stink away from her face. “Dubious. One’s in jail now.”

  “Two,” Poppy volunteered. “Best place for them. I thought Ray was a huge upgrade. It’s hard to meet nice men in this town.”

  Iris and Violet chimed in with their agreement.

  “It’s really not,” Mom said. “I mean in Clover Grove proper, perhaps it is. At least at your age. Most of my dates are already through their first marriage. You just need to cast your net a little wider and set your standards much higher.”

  Poppy shifted in obvious misery at hearing dating advice from Mom. “It’s okay. I will not be trying again anytime soon.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Pops,” I said. “You and Ray still have a future to explore.”

  “What?” Her mouth dropped open and her arms fell to her sides. I took some pleasure in that because it was very hard to shock Poppy, let alone make her show it. “I never want to see him again. He rolled camera on you instead of helping you yesterday. I’m… I’m ashamed over being easy to fool. I thou
ght my creepometer had improved.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself, darling,” Mom said. “I married your father and that set you a terrible example.”

  Asher spoke at last. “Can we not go there?”

  “Let’s not go there,” Jilly quickly agreed. “Poppy, we’ve all been fooled in romance before. Every last one of us. Show of hands?”

  All hands rose. Daisy’s was the first and she met my eyes, because I knew exactly how much she’d been fooled in the past. But I matched her quickly. When I was still in college and on the rebound from Kellan, I’d dated a string of losers before accepting no one could compare. Redirecting all my energy from romance into my career had turned me into the perfect company drone.

  “Pops, we need someone on the inside now,” I said. “You’ve shown in the past that you’re a highly capable actor. So I’m asking you now to act for me.”

  She dug her palms into her eyes. “There’s a word for what you’re asking me to do.”

  “All I’m asking you to do is have a few dates. Let him do the talking.”

  “Be sweet and receptive,” Mom said. “And feminine. He’ll never know, trust me.”

  “I—I can’t,” Poppy said. “He duped me.”

  “Not necessarily,” Jilly said. “I bet he thinks highly of you because you haven’t cracked under his pressure to share family intel.”

  Poppy sat a little straighter. “Do you think?”

  “I do,” Jilly said. “But let me give you a full report after dinner tomorrow. I am going to cook a fabulous meal for him. A real lip-loosener. Let’s see what’s behind that camera.”

  “I don’t like this,” Asher said. “The chief won’t, either.”

  “That’s why you’re not invited,” Jilly said. “Police officers zip lips that a good meal might open.” Her tone said his resistance was futile. “We’ll save you some leftovers, though.”

  “Poppy, you can do this,” I said. “I have complete faith in you. Just watch Jilly and me and follow our lead. We have powers of fakery only a decade in corporate life can give.”

  Mom slipped down from her stool. “That’s not something to brag about, Ivy.”

  “Sure it is. You’re probably not far wrong about my being wily. Cunning and crafty.” I got up, too. “And cagey.”

  “Darling, you do realize these words also apply to your pig?” Mom said.

  “Could be worse.” I followed Keats to the door, where Percy was already waiting. “Wilma’s one tough cookie. I’ll use her as my role model.”

  “Again, set the bar higher,” Mom said. “All of you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I sent Mom back to the farm with Poppy so that Jilly and I could make a pitstop.

  “For the record, I feel very uneasy about this,” she said, as I turned under the Faraway Farm sign. “These people would have let you drown and made money off the footage.”

  “You know the old saying… keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

  “Care to share the goal so that I can play my part well?”

  “Goal number one is to see if Byron came home. I’m more worried about him than Wilma.” Keats mumbled a response from Jilly’s lap that suggested I didn’t need to be too concerned about either of them. “Good to know, buddy,” I said. “Then we’ll focus on goal number two, which is getting a read on everyone. I wasn’t at the top of my game yesterday and if Keats and Percy gave me any signs, I missed them.”

  “How about goals number three, four and five?” Jilly asked. “Because I bet you’ve got them.”

  “I just want to learn whatever we can about Vivian. If we can prove someone on the crew is implicated, the show will have to leave town, right?”

  She nodded. “If the killer’s unrelated, they’ll stay and exploit the drama.”

  “I still think they set Wilma free on purpose and worry we won’t be safe until they’re gone for good.” Keats whined his agreement. “See? We’re targets. So while I am trying to help solve the crime, like the mayor asked, our goals are different.”

  Jilly smoothed her hair and pulled on her hat. Like magic, all doubt disappeared. She really was a master of the HR mask. I hoped she was right that my “face game” was just as strong. These days I felt like my powers flickered on and off like a faulty lightbulb.

  Becky came out the front door before I’d even turned off the ignition. Her face was a mask, too. Someone had taken the same training we had.

  “Change of heart?” she said, as Jilly and I followed Keats and Percy up the walk.

  The dog stood at the bottom of the stairs and took her measure. I’d hoped for a clear sign of guilt but his posture only registered the contempt he felt for plenty of lousy people. His ears flattened but his ruff and tail didn’t rise. However much I wanted her to be “the one,” Keats didn’t believe she was. It was possible that she was a terrific actor. Even so, he’d pick up clues.

  “Yes,” I said, simply. “The mayor asked me to consider the network’s offer. So… I’m considering. This seemed like a good place to start doing that. Considering.”

  “Do you always repeat words like that?” she asked. “It makes for boring television. Maybe the network will reconsider considering you.”

  I offered a bright smile. “Then we’d all be happy.”

  “Except the mayor,” Jilly said. “Who is our most important consideration, no?”

  “Yes,” I said. “We are responsible citizens here in Clover Grove. So the mayor’s wish is our command.”

  Becky’s fingers twitched in her pocket and I knew she was texting the team. Moments later, Ray and Eric came out with cameras rolling.

  I turned up the volume on my smile and Jilly did the same.

  “Ladies,” Becky said. “Those smiles are too much. It’s reality TV. Look natural.”

  “This is natural. For us,” I said. “Now, you’re probably going to need warmer clothes. I noticed I wasn’t the only one shivering yesterday.”

  “Why would we need warmer clothes?” she asked. “Chief Harper told us to stay here.”

  “But that didn’t stop you from coming to my place yesterday. So I’m here to invite you to join our search for Wilma and Byron. Unless the dog has come home, of course.”

  “I don’t think he’s back,” she said.

  “You don’t think so?”

  She gave an impatient flick of her fingers. “We’ve got far bigger things to worry about than a runaway dog, Ivy.”

  Keats’ tail did a dead drop on that statement, taking Becky’s ratings with it.

  “I understand that Vivian’s passing is a lot to process,” I said. “The case is in good hands with Chief Harper. We can’t do anything to help her now, but there are animals wandering loose in the bush in winter. Them we can help.”

  The hand rose again, signaling the guys to stop shooting. “It’s a lost cause. This whole show is a lost cause.”

  I glanced at Jilly and shrugged. “You’re counting me out too soon, Becky. Let’s get out in the bush and drum up some good footage. See what the network thinks.”

  “Worth a try,” Ray said, nudging Becky’s shoulder. “Isn’t it?”

  “I guess,” she said. “While we get ready, why don’t you run down to the barn and see if everything’s still alive?”

  “Be glad to,” I said, through clenched teeth. Jilly hauled me around the house and when we were fully out of earshot I added, “I can stand everything else, but the contempt for animals hits me right here.” I thumped my chest. “I don’t know if I can follow through without doing something drastic.”

  “We can and we will,” Jilly said. “For the animals.”

  I feared the worst when we arrived at the little barn. Had anyone bothered to feed and water the livestock? Clean out their stalls? I would not hesitate to have the Rescue Mafia extract them if there was one bleat of suffering.

  It turned out I’d worried for nothing. The white sheep, goat, horse and hens all looked as healthy and as happy as
they could in a small pen in winter. In fact, the only change was that they looked a little dirtier and more like real livestock.

  The Charlie clone farm assistant came out of the barn and smiled. “Hey ladies.”

  “Hi there.” I saw the name “Chess Cochrane” stitched into his jacket with the Faraway Farm logo. “Chess, I’m Ivy and this is Jilly. We’re going out to search for my missing pig and wondered if Byron had come home.”

  His sad expression said it all. “That poor dog. He’s so mild mannered I never expected him to bolt. They shouldn’t have had him out there in the bush when he doesn’t know which end is up. I’ve put up posters all over Clover Grove and beyond but there hasn’t been a single call.”

  I sighed. “No one’s paying attention, I’m afraid.”

  “Everyone is thinking about Vivian,” he said. “That’s understandable. But the dog—and your pig—are still alive. They deserve to be found.”

  “Exactly what I just told Becky. Would you like to come out to help us search?”

  He shook his head. “My place is here. I’m the new Byron until the old one comes back. I hope you find him. I miss the big fella.”

  “We’ll bring him back. He has a great coat of fur and my friends are practically experts.”

  “Would you mind keeping me posted?” he said.

  “Of course,” I said. “Thank you for caring about these animals.”

  “It’s my job,” he said. “I’d do it for free though. This goat is a hoot. I got my hands full being her playmate till Byron comes back.”

  “What more can you tell me about the dog?” I asked. “Anything that might help me find him.”

  The old man dodged just in time to avoid a head butt from the goat. “Well, he has more patience than any dog I’ve ever met. He may have looked low energy, just lying around and letting the goat jump on him. But one day something was in the bush and let me tell you, he grew two sizes. And the growl… I almost had to scoop up after myself.” He laughed and we joined him. “Whatever it was took the hint and left. But I figured I’d been duly warned to watch my step. I have no doubt he’d put me in my place if he didn’t like my work.”