Better Off Divorced

by Marianne Hansen

  “That had crap results for you,” Paul said. He took a drink of chocolate milk. He didn’t wipe his mouth, so he had a milk mustache. He looked too young to ask such serious questions.

  “I’m sure I’ll be burned again. People are tricky. How do you handle it?” I motioned to Simon.

  I wanted to hear his opinion. I wanted to hear how he was able to stay with me for the last couple of years with John and Trudy in the picture. They’d show up at birthday parties and act insulted they weren’t invited. They even came to the DMV the day Paul took his driving test and demanded to take him out to dinner afterwards. He’d had a math test the next day and wasn’t planning on doing any celebrating until that Saturday. After Paul said no, John told me he couldn’t pay for half of James’s Tae Kwon Do lessons. Simon had helped me with that payment. Simon had helped with a few fees the kids had. He paid for Paul and Tyler’s track sweats and uniforms the last two years.

  John and Trudy would show up at the meets, sit in front of us and make out or snuggle. I didn’t understand what the point was to that. I got it when we first divorced and they wanted to rub their relationship in my face, but they became worse when I started to bring Simon.

  Simon had seen all of this. Generally, he laughed it off, but then there were times, like today, when it got to be too much. Occasionally, when we both had had too much, we would go for a run. We ran so often, we even signed up for local half-marathons. We would watch the stupid things they did and then increase our miles each week. I lost five pounds due to their ridiculousness.

  I had to put up with it, but Simon didn’t. He chose to because he chose me. Generally, they didn’t really talk to him much, and he often went running because I was upset. Still, it wasn’t easy. I don’t know how many times he sat down and comforted me after a nasty conversation with John. Simon contradicted everything John said to me. John would tell me everything was my fault, and Simon would let me know it wasn’t. John would try to cover his back when he forgot to tell me something, like when his day off switched, and Simon helped me document everything in a spreadsheet that we showed John. It wasn’t readable, but John didn’t try to lie to me as much after that.

  I knew Simon loved me, but there were times when I needed to hear it again. After this week, even after the perfect proposal, I wanted to hear what he thought.

  Simon finished his chocolate milk. “It’s going to happen in business as well. You trust people in every aspect of life and sometimes they fail you. The good thing is that more times than not people meet your expectations. Most people are good and even the ones who aren’t often don’t realize it. I don’t think your dad realizes what he’s doing half the time. He doesn’t know what to do with a son who is his own person and who makes his own decisions.”

  Simon rubbed his hand through his hair and let out a long, slow breath. “Look. I’m not sure if I should say what I'm about to…” He looked over at me. I couldn’t help him because I had no idea what he was going to say. I nodded because I trusted him.

  “I’ve never known your dad to act on his own. He seems to react to things more than act on them, and that will always cause people problems. Even when he left your mom, it was a reaction to Trudy rather than an action on his own. When people act, they don’t need excuses for what they do. When people react, they do. Your dad has excuses for everything, even things that don’t need excuses. I know I don’t have my own kids, but I still think parents shouldn’t react to their kids. They should make purposeful decisions. This isn’t possible all the time, but it should be a goal. Your dad doesn’t even realize it should be a goal. He’s had a pretty decent life so far by reacting, so there’s no reason for him to change. I don’t think he understands the difference between acting and reacting. You do. That means you can see the difference with him, and you can better understand him. Every child gets to the point where they see their parents as humans. Most people wait until college to have that awakening. You need to have it now if you’re going to have any sort of a relationship with your dad.”

  Paul stared at Simon, and then at me. He finished off his chocolate milk. This time, he wiped the mustache off of his face. “I have to think about this.”

  “Fair enough,” Simon said.

  “I’m not sure I want to spend the energy understanding my dad. He should be the adult here.” Paul pushed his glass farther away.

  “You’re right,” replied Simon. “But that’s not what we have.”

  Paul leaned back in his chair. “I’ll try and say hi to him next time I see him. I’m not promising anything else.”

  “We’re not asking anything else,” I said. “We aren’t even asking for that. It’s up to you. We just don’t want you to feel any regret later. Relationships with parents are tricky.”

  “My relationship with you isn’t tricky.”

  I put my hand over his. “I’m glad you can say that.”

  He pulled his hand out. “Don’t cry, Mom. I’m not making any lasting declarations here or anything.”

  “I’m not going to cry, you puking ill-nurtured lout. I’m just glad you feel like you can talk with me and Simon. Is that okay?”

  He got up and put his chair in. “Yeah. That’s okay. I’m going to go see if anyone wants to hang out.”

  “Where are Tyler and James?”

  “James is next door at Mindy’s and Tyler is playing PlayStation, I think.” He walked out of the room.

  I put my hand on Simon’s. He didn’t pull his away. “That was pretty amazing what you said to him. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at it that way, but you’re right. John has always reacted. He did propose to me, though.”

  “It was probably a reaction to something. He thought he was getting old or you were the perfect woman to fit in with his family or he thought you were perfect arm candy.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  He put his arm around me. “You are perfect arm candy.”

  “Feminists around the world are dying a little inside.”

  “That's okay,” Simon said. “I’ll let you beat John up next time we see him so it’ll all even out.”

  19

  Simon and I decided to get ready and then run around town picking up the meat and cheese. Simon was tying his tie when he turned to me and said, “What if we elope next month?”

  I stopped applying mascara and looked at him through the mirror. “What?”

  He continued getting dressed. “Let’s elope. We haven’t had a chance to pick a date. I don’t really care who comes, so I say we take the boys and head to Hawaii.”

  “When?”

  “School ends in a couple of weeks. I could take two weeks off. Are the boys in any camps or anything?” He walked to the mirror to straighten his tie. I bet he was purposely continuing to get dressed just to show me up.

  “You want to get married in a couple weeks?” I looked down at my yellow, short-sleeved dress and decided it would not work for a wedding dress.

  “It would probably be three or four weeks, but why not?”

  “Hawaii?”

  “I had thought Mexico, but I figure it’ll will be too hard to get John’s permission. Hawaii would be a lot of fun. We could have a luau after we get married.”

  I walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed. I picked up my shoes. “The boys would love that. But would we want to take them? Wouldn’t the rest of the trip essentially be our honeymoon?”

  Simon walked out of the bathroom and sat next to me on the bed. “We could have a family vacation first and then go on a honeymoon in August.”

  “That’s not how it’s normally done.”

  “We’re not in a normal situation.”

  “I’d still have to tell John. He may have something to say about James.” A thought occurred to me, but I held it in.

  "If Hawaii doesn’t work, we’ll get married in Florida and spend a week in Walt Disney World. Then we can honeymoon in Hawaii.”

  "Maybe. John might put up a stink if he thinks it’s bec
ause we’re getting married, but I don’t think he’d suspect Disney World.” I put my hand on his knee. “Are you sure about this? This is a big deal.” My eyes unfocused as I thought. “I wonder if we could get married at the resort.” I refocused on Simon. “You aren’t doing this because of what’s going on with John, are you?”

  “He wasn’t on my mind. Marrying you was.”

  “Really?”

  “I promise.” He smiled. “Disney World?”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll have Theresa call and find out the details.”

  “I’m sure your secretary will love planning our wedding.”

  “I haven’t given her much to do lately. She has to earn her keep somehow.”

  “I’ll call John tomorrow and talk to him about James's vacation.”

  “Tell him you want two weeks. Let’s make it a huge vacation. We've never had a family vacation, and this is a great reason to celebrate. Disney World and Universal Studios. That way there’ll be roller coasters for Paul and Tyler and Mickey Mouse for James.”

  “I don’t have the funds to help much with this. Especially if John does go through with the whole court thing.”

  Simon straightened his tie then pushed me down on the bed. “It’ll be my wedding present to you.” He knelt over me.

  “I was going to get you a tie,” I said as I loosened his.

  He automatically reached to straighten it, but I grabbed his hand and kissed him long and hard.

  “We could start the honeymoon right now,” he said.

  “I wish we could. I’d much rather honeymoon than go to this stupid reunion.”

  We rolled around on the bed for a few minutes before I heard James come home. He called for me. Simon and I looked at each other and then at the clock. We had two hours. We both jumped up and hurried back to the bathroom to straighten up.

  I yelled for James to come upstairs. Simon had on a black suit with a yellow tie that matched my dress. He was always in a suit, but there was something about wearing a tie that matched my dress that made this suit look different. My dress had a scooped neck and a dropped waist with a flared skirt. It was dressy enough to look good next to Simon, but it was comfy enough that I could easily run around carrying large quantities of meat and cheese. I paired it with black kitten heels. I wanted to wear stilettos, but I wanted to be able to walk as well. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail with a small braid as James walked in. I grabbed lipstick and gloss, threw them into my purse and asked Simon if I was presentable. He looked at me and said yes. I loved that he always looked at me before he answered. John would yell yes from the other room.

  James sat on my bed and kicked his legs. I looked at him for a moment. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he found out we were going to Disney World.

  I put a jacket on and asked James how I could help him.

  “Would it be okay if I stayed at Mindy's tonight?” He grasped his hands together to add to his pleading.

  “Call her mom on my cell and hand it to me so I can talk with her,” I said.

  I was touching up my mascara when he came back with my phone. “She’s right here.”

  I took the phone. Mindy’s mom and I coordinated our schedules and before we hung up, James was running to his room to get his pajamas. Simon came up behind me and gave me a hug. “It’s obviously destiny that we spend tonight alone. Maybe we could have everyone sleep somewhere else and we could have a nice, quiet evening at home instead of a hotel. Which sounds better?”

  I couldn’t imagine anything better than coming home, putting a fire on, and snuggling with Simon. And maybe doing a few other things as well.

  I looked at Simon for a full second and then yelled for Tyler and James to meet me in the kitchen. Simon walked down with me.

  “What do you want?” Tyler asked as he flipped his hair back.

  “I want you to get a haircut, but I’ll settle for you going to a friend's home tonight.”

  Tyler ignored the hair comment. “I was thinking about it, but I hadn’t said anything.”

  Paul nudged him with his shoulder. “I think she wants to be alone with Simon.”

  “You’re kicking us out of our home for a night alone with a guy you barely know?” Tyler asked.

  “Nooo,” I drew the word out, trying to come up with a good reason for them to spend the night at friends. “I just haven’t made anything for dinner because I’ve been so busy, and I know how important three-square meals a day are for you two.”

  “You never cook on Saturday,””Tyler said.

  “And only Simon makes homemade food,” Paul said. “You need a Shakespearean list for good excuses to get rid of your kids.”

  “I’m not getting rid of you,” I said.

  “I am,” Simon said. He headed toward the kitchen. “I’m okay with you knowing that.”

  “I told you life would be different once they got engaged,” Paul said.

  “Where's James?” Tyler looked around. “Did you already get rid of him?”

  “No.” Paul looped his arm around Tyler's neck. “Don’t you see what’s happened? Her favorite child is spending the night somewhere, so now she wants to get rid of her other two.” He turned to me. “Don’t worry, Mother. We can find another place to sleep tonight. Our car is comfy.”

  “Shut up,” I said. “I’d feel bad if you didn't already spend half of your weekends at friends’ homes.”

  “Nice try, Mom,” Paul said. “We know when we're not wanted.”

  I laughed. “I want to know where you’re going to spend the night, though. I have to approve them, and I’ll be checking your phones’ GPS to make sure you’re where you said you'd be.”

  “That’s the mom we know and love,” Paul said. “Ninety percent chance we'll both be at Tom’s.”

  I nodded a few times. “Will your shoes be tied when you go there?” I tried to sound very motherly.

  Paul looked down at his sneakers. “Probably not. And Tyler’s hair will probably stay the same length too.”

  “I’m going to go start the car,” Simon said, pushing his glasses up. “You boys only have two more minutes to give your mom a hard time, then we have to go.”

  Paul pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “It's okay. We’re okay, Mom. We know you used to love us and accept us for who we are. I just hope you remember this night when we want you to leave so we can spend time with our girlfriends.”

  “Snowballs chance in hell,” I said. “But nice try.” I walked to the garage and yelled out, “You have to call me by seven and tell me your plans. Otherwise you’re cuddling with Simon and me in front of the fire tonight.”

  The last thing I heard before we left the house were two of my boys gagging in the living room.

  20

  We got to the deli and Cindy brought out the platters. She wore her deli apron, along with a bandana in her hair. Her mother’s scarf was on her left wrist again. There were four large platters filled with triangular shaped meats. It looked perfect.

  I commented to Cindy how good it looked.

  “There was a little hiccup, though,” Cindy said. “You asked for a meat selection and we had an order mishap. You have a selection of ham, turkey, and pastrami. There’s more pastrami than the other two. I’ve given you a discount.”

  “You didn’t have to do that but thank you.”

  Simon and I each grabbed a platter and headed out to the car. We went back in and took the last two platters.

  “Are you coming tonight?” I looked at my watch.

  “Yeah. I live above here, so I only need forty-five minutes or so to dress and get going. It’s not really my thing to spend too much time getting ready. I haven’t decided yet if I care what I look like. Whatever I look like at the end of forty-five minutes is what I’ll look like.” She noticed my dress. “I like what you have on. That looks nice and comfy. Can you get it in young stores like Forever 21 or Express?”

  I grinned grimly. “I got it at a boutique.”

 
She nodded a couple of times and turned to Simon. “Do you have a brother or anyone who’d be free to be my date tonight?”

  Simon shook his head. “I’m sorry. I have an older brother, but he lives in England. He’s also decided that he’ll be single until he’s earned his fifth million or he turns sixty-five. Whichever comes last.”

  “No friends, huh?” Cindy asked. She sounded sad for Simon even though she was the one asking for a last-minute date.

  “None I would feel comfortable setting up with someone as kind and sweet as you.” He coughed into his hand to hide a smile.

  The bells above the door jingled and we all turned to the door.

  John walked in.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said under my breath to Simon. I turned back to Cindy. “Please tell me that guy is a regular.”

  Cindy squinted at him.

  I watched John stand in front of a picture of Cindy’s family on the red and white striped wall. He didn’t fit among any representations of domesticity. This was a cute family deli. I’d been picturing John and Trudy living in a bad ‘70s sitcom—if there had been a ‘70s sitcom about a pimp and his overly made up hooker girlfriend.

  “Why are you here?”

  “You look nice, Grace.”

  I stared at him.

  “I came to get a sandwich. Paul told me that he loved this place.”

  “Paul doesn’t talk to you.”

  “What’s he doing here?” John asked, peering at Simon.

  I glanced down at the trays Simon and I were holding and back up at John. I was at a loss for words, and in desperate need of a Diet Coke. Or something stronger.

  Cindy looked between the three of us. “What sandwich do you want?”

  “Do you two want anything?” asked John.

  I looked down at our platters and then up at him again. My astonishment at his question must have shown because Cindy snickered. Simon didn't look amused at all.

  “I think I’m good.”

  “I guess a roast beef on wheat, then,” John said. “And whatever comes on it.”