by Leigh Landry
Still. She would miss it. She would miss them. Right when she needed them most.
Her phone buzzed on the comforter, but she didn’t look at the notification. She knew who was texting her, and she didn’t plan on responding.
She did, however, need to let someone over there know she wasn’t planning to show up for rehearsal. But who to call?
Natalie was the obvious choice, except Natalie would immediately confront Eric. That was the last thing Kelsey needed right now. She didn’t want Eric to know she was leaving until she was already gone. She didn’t want anyone to try to talk her out of this.
Kelsey had known from the start that they would never work out. No matter how hard she and Eric tried, this just wasn’t something they could get past, and she couldn’t make him love her as much as he loved the idea of a full-blown family with her. If she was second-guessing his feelings for her now, when he was completely attentive and trying so hard to make things right, there was no way she could be confident in his feelings for her a year from now. Ten years from now.
If she stayed, she’d always be questioning their relationship. But being with him was so easy. She didn’t have the self-control to be around him and not be with him. Especially with her hormones all jumbled up and raging like this. So she had to leave. She had no other choice.
Her phone buzzed again. This time she flipped it over so she didn’t have to see the name and worried message.
Kelsey thought about her options some more. She liked Lauren and was pretty sure she would be understanding and helpful, but Kelsey didn’t know her well enough. Not well enough to plop her in the middle of this.
That left Robin.
She owed Robin this call. Even if Robin’s disappointment stung the way Kelsey knew it would, she didn’t have any other choice.
She picked up the phone and lingered for a moment over the last notification. Eric was worried. Of course he was worried. She was pregnant with his kid.
Her finger swiped the notification away, and she found Robin’s contact listing. Then she took a deep breath and made the call.
* * * * *
Eric woke his phone on the music stand for the fifth time. Six thirteen. He glanced at Kelsey’s practice kit with no Kelsey behind it, as if she might magically appear beside him if he looked just once more.
He’d told himself that everything was fine. That she needed time to process things. That eventually she’d remember all the ground they’d made up these last couple weeks. That she’d accept in her heart how sincere he was this time. That he was going to be there for her this time.
But he’d been wrong.
Robin raised an eyebrow at him, but all he could do was shrug in response. Lauren sat nearby, flipping through sheet music, with Natalie sitting near her, throwing random glares his way. He picked up his phone again, and this time he called her. No answer.
Great. Not only was she avoiding him at rehearsal and not responding to texts, but she was ignoring his calls, too.
Unless she wasn’t.
His heart sank. What if something was wrong? What if she was in an accident or she got sick or…
He called again. No answer.
“Take a breath, man.” Robin kept her gaze steady on him. “I’m sure she’s fine. Probably just running late. You don’t want her answering while she’s driving, do you?”
He put the phone down and took a deep breath. Robin was probably right. Maybe Kelsey took a late nap. Those hormones were giving her hell.
But wouldn’t she have texted to let them know she was running late?
Robin’s phone buzzed, and her face tensed when she looked at the screen.
“Is it Kelsey?” Eric asked.
“What?” Robin looked up, confused, then shook her head. “Festival stuff. Give me a sec.”
She stepped out of the building. Before the door fully shut behind her, Natalie stomped over in front of Eric with her guitar hung low and a scowl on her face.
“All right. What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
“Because if it isn’t me, you’re next in line, buddy.”
Eric sighed. She wasn’t wrong. “I didn’t do anything this time. I just can’t make up for what I did before.”
Natalie narrowed her eyes at him. “I thought things were going well with y’all.”
“I thought so, too.” He laughed a defeated laugh and rubbed the side of his face out of frustration. “Well enough that I proposed at lunch today.”
Natalie’s eyes grew wide. But not with shock or joy. With horror. “You what?”
“I told her I wanted to get married.” He ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth and shook his head. “She took it about as well as you are.”
Natalie smacked the side of his arm with the back of her hand. “You idiot.”
Eric rubbed his arm. “Okay, maybe she did take it better than this.”
With a roll of her eyes, Natalie said, “What’s the one thing she’s most afraid of?”
“Losing the baby.”
“Wrong.”
Eric still thought Natalie was the one who was wrong here, but he didn’t have any better answers right now, so he played along. “That I’ll leave her again.”
“She thinks everyone leaves her. Why’s she afraid you’ll leave her?”
“Because I’m an idiot.”
“That’s a given,” Natalie said. “Don’t worry, we have that in common. But why would you, an idiot, leave her?”
“I’m not going to.”
“She doesn’t know that.”
“I told her I wouldn’t. I proposed.”
“You’ve told her that before.” Natalie rested her hands on her guitar and sighed. “Why does she think you’d leave? Why did you leave before?”
“She and I talked about this. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she was already hurting.”
“Why?”
“Because she’d already lost the baby.”
“Bingo.”
His head spun. None of this made sense. He and Kelsey had been over this already. All of it. He’d told her why he’d pulled away. And he’d promised her he wouldn’t this time.
Natalie sighed. “When did you propose?”
“I told you, today.”
“Before or after she became a package deal?”
“After, but…” Eric’s back tensed and something snapped to attention. “Shit.”
“There you go.”
“She thinks I’m only marrying her because of the baby?”
Natalie shrugged. “I don’t know what she thinks right now. But I do know she was devastated that you left the moment she wasn’t a full family deal anymore.”
Eric closed his eyes. How could he have been so blind? She’d been so terrified every time he talked about the future. Their future. Their family. She was afraid he was more in love with a potential baby than he was with her.
Sure, he loved the idea of having a baby with Kelsey. Having a family with her. Forever with them. But he had forever plans for Kelsey before he even knew about her pregnancy.
Only she didn’t know that. All she had for evidence was his actions. And he’d handed her a pretty crappy track record.
Robin walked in, just as Natalie’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her back pocket and looked at it.
“I’m gonna need a minute as soon as she gets here,” he told Robin.
Robin frowned, but didn’t respond.
“You need more than a minute,” Natalie said. “Your girl is leaving.”
“Leaving?” He looked between Robin and Natalie. Then he glanced at Lauren, who put up her hands in defense and looked even more confused than him. “What are you talking about?”
“She knew I wouldn’t keep her damn secret, so she called Robin to tell her she’s not going to be at rehearsal. She’s leaving town. Made Robin promise not to tell you.”
Eric looked at Robin. “So you texted Natalie, knowing she’d
tell me.”
Robin shrugged. “I didn’t break a promise.” She walked across the rehearsal studio to stand in front of Eric. “I would only ever go behind that girl’s back if I thought it was best for her.” She poked a finger at his chest. “Don’t prove me wrong.”
Eric gave her a salute, and propped his bass against the wall behind him. “I’ll get this later.” Then he took Robin’s shoulders and bent to kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you. I promise I’ll fix this.”
And he would. Not for him. He’d made a mess of everything. Again.
But Kelsey deserved so much more. She shouldn’t have to leave because he’d made her feel unwanted. She belonged with these women more than he did.
“Good,” Robin said.
Eric turned to Natalie. “You can kick my ass if I don’t.”
“Count on it,” Nat said.
With that, Eric waved to Lauren, then hauled butt to his van. He had no idea what he was going to say when he got to Kelsey. No idea what to say that would make her stay. Or if it was even his place to ask her to. After all, it was his fault she was leaving. Heck, if she wanted, he’d be the one to leave. He just wanted her happy. And safe. Whatever that took.
Chapter 10
Kelsey zipped her duffel bag and lifted it from the bed. Despite her panic over how to take everything with her, she’d decided to pack light. She wouldn’t want to carry around a bunch of stuff later when she was hobbling around with a full belly.
If that’s how this all played out.
If necessary, she could buy bigger clothes at a secondhand store later. No point in taking more than this. If not, she’d be back in a few weeks.
A few weeks. Might as well be a lifetime. She had Natalie to watch her place until she decided how long she’d be gone, but either way she’d have to find another job. She loved working at the record store, but she knew better than to get attached, especially not to a job.
The band would find someone else for the festival. And, like Lauren had replaced Camille, that someone would probably stick around to replace Kelsey permanently. She would lose her job, her music, her friends…the only real family she’d ever known.
But she’d made her decision. No point dwelling on what she was losing. She’d learned long ago how to cut her losses. And when to do it.
She dropped the bag in the living room, then knelt beside the terrarium to view Michelangelo at eye level. “I’m going to be gone for a little while. Natalie and Cadence will come and take care of you, so don’t worry about that. You like Cadence. She’s sweet and quiet, and she thinks you’re the coolest little dude. Well, next to that kitten her mom’s boyfriend has.” Kelsey blinked back tears. “My point is, don’t make a big mess for them, okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”
She just couldn’t promise how long that would be. Everything was still so uncertain. All she was certain of was that she couldn’t stick around. Not when she was more attached to someone than they were to her.
And it was what was best for the band. She was the weak link right now, the agent of chaos that could bring the whole group down, and she couldn’t live with that.
Kelsey picked up her bag again and took one last look around her apartment. It wasn’t much, but it was hers. She’d had to grow up so fast and had been on her own for so long. This was the first place that had been strictly hers. No foster family. No random relatives. No roommate. All hers. She would miss it almost as much as she would miss Michelangelo.
She made it all the way to the front door, where she’d left a garbage bag to take to the dumpster on her way out, before she started crying. She slid to the floor beside the garbage, her bag of clothes on the other side of her, the strap still in her hand.
For the first time in her life, she didn’t want to leave. She just didn’t know how to stay.
A knock on the door startled her, and she choked back a sob. If she was quiet enough, maybe he’d go away.
“Kelsey.” Another knock. “Kel, I’m not leaving until I talk to you.” His voice was strained and even lower through the heavy door, and it carried with it a weight and pain that she hadn’t heard in so long. A weight and pain she’d wished she never had to hear again.
She held her breath to keep quiet. She held it as long as she could, but eventually she had to exhale. Another loud sob fell out.
“Kel, I can hear you.” His voice was softer now, less insistent. “I’m going to use my key. I just want to know that you’re okay.”
A moment later, his key rattled in the lock, and the door slowly opened. Eric poked his head in tentatively. His pale purple shirt collar was flipped awkwardly, and he wasn’t wearing a hat. When he looked down and saw Kelsey sitting on the floor, he closed the door and slid to the linoleum beside her.
“Let me guess,” she said through sniffles. “Robin snitched.” She should have known better. Although, out of any of them, she’d thought she could trust Robin not to break a promise.
“Not exactly.” He placed his keys on the floor, then pulled his long legs up and hugged his knees. “I was worried about you. You wouldn’t answer my calls.”
Kelsey gripped her bag strap tighter. “I need to do this.” Her voice was shaky as she tried to convince herself more than Eric.
“I’m not here to stop you. I’m just here to talk.”
“To talk me out of leaving?”
“I’d rather you stay. You shouldn’t have to run anymore.” He paused. “If it comes to that, I’ll leave. I’ll go wherever you want me to disappear to. I just want you safe and surrounded by people who love you. People you trust. Even if that isn’t me.”
She turned to look at him. His eyes were rimmed with red and swimming with sincerity, and she had no idea what to say. Of all the things she expected him to say to try to get her to stay, this wasn’t on that list.
“But you need to know one thing,” he added.
“What’s that?”
“I always intended to propose to you. Long before I knew you were pregnant. Before I even told you I wanted us to try a relationship again. Marrying you—building a life with you—was always the end goal.” He gently pried the bag strap from her and held both of her hands, his long piano-player fingers wrapping her safely in their grasp. His thumb grazed the ring still on her finger. “You didn’t take it off.”
She swallowed the lump forming in her throat and found the words to answer him. “I couldn’t.”
He squeezed her hands. “Kelsey, I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“Love was never the problem,” she said. “Babies can’t keep people together, Eric. They aren’t some kind of magical family glue. I’m living proof of that.”
“I know. It’s no secret I’d love to have a family with you.” He bent his head to rest his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. “But if that family ends up being just me and you, I will still consider myself the luckiest man on this planet.”
A tear slid from her eye and down her face. He wiped it away, but more tears followed.
Somehow she forced her throat to form words. “I believe you mean that. But I’m afraid I’ll never be enough for you.”
He lifted her hands and kissed her fingers. “You will always be enough for me. You have always been everything to me.” He paused, then continued. “I’m so sorry I ever led you to think otherwise. And I promise to spend the rest of my days showing you what you mean to me.” Another pause. “Even if that means I need to walk away from you, if you need space right now.”
She’d been an idiot. This man had been standing in front of her all this time, and she’d been too scared to see him for what he was now. For what he was offering her. All she could see were her own past and fears.
But he was here now. It wasn’t too late to make things right.
She squeezed his knee and leaned to meet his mouth. With her eyes closed, tightly blocking out the rest of the world along with her fears and doubts, she kept her mouth pressed against his, allowing herself
to embrace the love between them. She kissed him until she felt every hidden corner of her body and mind fill with warmth and love and confidence in Eric. Confidence that they could face anything together.
When she finally pulled back and looked at him again, she saw the man she loved staring back at her. His strength and hope. His promise.
She no longer felt like a scared little girl who needed to hide her heart and prepare to run. She had someone she trusted, someone who would face the shadows and monsters with her.
“Does that mean you’ll stay?” he asked.
She smiled. “Only if you stay with me.”
He gave her another soft, quick kiss. “Absolutely.”
- Epilogue -
Kelsey stared at the front of the brick house. Cars filled the driveway, covered the front lawn, and lined the side of the road. Eric’s mom always welcomed her whole flock for Easter, and this was the first time Kelsey had ever visited during a big holiday. They were about to be surrounded by more of Eric’s family in one place than Kelsey had ever seen before. Heck, she’d never seen that much of anyone’s family in one place before. Certainly not her own.
“Deep breaths,” Eric kidded as he walked around the van with two gigantic packs of bread rolls—the only food his mom would allow them to bring. “It’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Easy for you to say. You aren’t trying to hide a cantaloupe under your shirt.” She pulled at the bottom of the dressy tank and cardigan she’d borrowed from Natalie. While she wasn’t really showing yet, it still felt like all of her tops were too short already. Plus, even though Eric assured her that church-level attire wasn’t necessary, Kelsey knew her own wardrobe of graphic tees and faded jeans wouldn’t cut it on Easter Sunday. Eric wasn’t even wearing a hat today, because sure enough his mama would make him take it off the second he walked through that door. No hats indoors in her house on any day, much less on Easter.
Eric laughed. “First of all, I saw the sonogram. It isn’t even close to a cantaloupe yet.” He held up the bags of rolls. “Not even bread-roll-sized yet.”