by M. E. Carter
“I’m not calling the cops,” I announce for the umpteenth time myself.
Paul throws his hands in the air, obviously exasperated that I won’t get on board with his ideas. “And why not?”
“I already told you why but no one likes my answer.”
“That’s because it’s ludicrous.”
Kiersten, who is wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket to ward off the chill of the day, puts her hand on his arm to calm him. “What he means is we heard you, we just don’t understand.”
I shrug. “That’s because none of you have been in a relationship like that before. While I was in it, I couldn’t really see some of his triggers but now that I have some distance, it’s a lot clearer. And I’m not going to put someone else in harm’s way for no reason. I don’t want to be that person.”
Paul takes a step forward to start ranting again, but Kiersten pulls him back. “Then why don’t you give us some ideas on how to handle this situation.”
I stand up and brush the dirt off my rear, pulling my hoodie up on my head and approaching the group now that they’ve finally asked for my input. “Like I keep saying, we keep doing what we’re doing, which for the record, I still think is excessive…”
Paul tries to interrupt but I hold up my hand and continue. “… but with Jeremy around, I’ll at least concede to being escorted everywhere for a while.”
“Well, we’re tightening up security,” Paul demands. “And Kade can’t escort you anymore. He can’t defend you. He’s too small.”
I punch him on the arm, which causes no pain to him whatsoever, and shoot him a glare. “That was so rude Paul.”
“It’s true though.”
“It is not. But you sure are being a bully right now and I’m going to pull you off my security detail if you don’t quit.”
“No, he’s right,” Kade interjects, looking dejectedly at his hands as he leans on his elbows. “I can’t protect you. You’d just end up getting hurt around me.”
I rush over and sit next to him. “Kade don’t listen to Paul. He’s being overly cautious and ridiculous. Besides, if Jeremy wants to hurt me, he’s not going to throw a punch in the middle of the street. That would be stupid. No one can stop him if he’s really that determined.”
“Frankie could,” Paul grumbles making me whip my head up and glare at him again. I know Kade is having a hard enough time of it without Paul’s continual reminders that my boyfriend isn’t a professional athlete like the rest of them.
Or at least I think he’s my boyfriend. We didn’t get that far before everything hit the fan again.
“She’s right, Paul.” Heath fidgets with his glass of dark liquor, making the ice cubes clink together. “If he shows up with a gun, there’s nothing any of us can do except pray the cops get there in time.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Paul growls, hands on his hips.
“It’s not about making you feel better,” Annika interjects. “It’s about making Nicole feel better. She’s the person we have to concentrate on.” Annika turns to me. “What do you want to do?”
I smile gratefully at her. She’s the first person to actually ask me that and demand that everyone else listen.
“Ideally, I’d love for this to all go away.”
“I know.” And she really does. Of that, I have no doubt. “But we have to be realistic, too.”
“Look,” I lean on my own elbows and look everyone in the eye, one by one. “I don’t mind having someone drive me to and from school. I mean, I’d love to go on my own just because I’m tired of being afraid and I never seem to have any alone time anymore. But until he’s sentenced, I know that Jeremy’s a loose cannon, and being on my own isn’t smart.”
“I don’t understand why he’s even in town,” Lauren says, stretching out her legs on the lounger she’s sitting on. “Isn’t he supposed to stay in the county he was arrested in or something?”
“From what I was told, he requested to come back here since he has a job or whatever.” It wasn’t the explanation I had wanted from the DA when I’d asked about it, but I understood that if a judge orders it, it doesn’t matter what I want.
“Where is he working?” Heath asks.
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”
“That would be good information to know.” Paul’s tone still sounds angry.
“With the way you keep pacing and are barely holding it together, I’d argue it’s better you don’t know.”
He narrows his eyes at my retort, but I narrow them right back. I love Paul, but the man needs a Xanax or something.
“Do you really think that’s going to be enough, though, Nicole?” Lauren’s question diverts the conversation back to where it needs to be. “Right up to the trial was almost harder on Annika than any other time. Hell, Heath was sleeping on an air mattress in front of their bedroom door even with Jaxon in her bed so she could sleep at night.”
“My back still hurts from that damn thing.” Heath flashes Annika a quick wink so she knows he’s kidding.
“I get what you’re saying, Lauren but it’s not the same thing,” Annika replies. “I had no idea who had assaulted me. I never saw his face so it could have been anyone who walked by. That messed with my brain a lot. Nicole knows what Jeremy looks like. We all do. We know what the threat looks like and who we have our eyes open for.
“Plus, my attack happened when I was drugged so any dream-like state freaked me out. I was afraid to be unconscious at all and to wake up and find it had happened again. Nicole isn’t battling that semi-conscious fear.”
“Speaking of, did your nightmares finally go away?” Kiersten asks, sitting down across from me. For the first time, my mind feels more at ease—like they’re all finally listening and including me in on the conversation.
“Not totally. But Annika’s right. Her situation and mine are totally different. No one’s experience of any kind of abuse is exactly the same and no one’s reactions are identical either. You can’t just decide what is going to be best for me without my input. It doesn’t work that way.”
“You’re right,” Kiersten says apologetically. “We just get really upset and want to do whatever it takes to protect you.”
I grab her hand and squeeze. “And I love you for that. Even you Paul, despite the smoke coming out of your ears.” He doesn’t look amused at my comment but at least he’s not pacing anymore. “Don’t make it worse by not letting me have any freedom either. I’m finally feeling more like myself again. I don’t want to lose that.”
“I’m sorry. We both are, aren’t we Paul?” Kiersten looks up at him, using her mom glare, one eyebrow higher than the other.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, too. And I’m sorry Kade,” he offers. “I wasn’t trying to be a dick. It’s just… she’s my sister.”
“No apology necessary. I’d probably feel the same way about Lucy even though she’s really Jaxon’s sister.” I smile at Kade and bump his shoulder, hoping to reassure him that none of the crap Paul has been spewing has made me question him for one second.
“So, it’s settled then,” Heath announces. “We’ll continue to escort Nicole to and from school…”
“For now,” I interrupt.
“For now,” Heath adds with a nod of recognition my way. “And when she goes back to work, we’ll do a rotation then as well.”
“For the time being,” I interject again. “Seriously, y’all. You can’t do this forever. If Jeremy doesn’t get any jail time, this could last for a really long time. There’s no reason for that.”
“We’ll see on that part,” Paul demands. “I can do this the rest of my life.”
“No, you can’t. You have a family.”
“Which you are part of.”
“Your child is going to need you sometimes, too. Paul.” He finally looks at me. Really looks at me. “I love you. And I love that you consider me your sister. I’ve always wanted a big brother. But this isn’t healthy. You have to stop.”
He looks do
wn at the ground, his lips firmly pressed together. “I hear ya.”
“Do you?”
He nods, reluctant to recognize I’m right but setting aside his pride anyway. “Yeah. You are a strong, independent woman or some crap like that and I have to let you decide what’s good for you.”
“Exactly. Thank you.”
Lauren claps her hands together. “Now that it’s all sorted out, can we please fire up the grill? I’m starving.” For as small as she is, that woman eats all the time.
“On it, my love.” Heath jumps up and drops a kiss onto her lips as he walks by, probably as grateful to have finished this conversation as I am.
“I’m going to grab some water,” Kade says to me and pats my knee before walking into the house.
“He’s been awfully quiet,” Annika whispers to me. “I know he’s not a huge talker, but even for him, he’s acting weird.”
I noticed it too and my gut says something is wrong.
“I know. I’ll be right back.”
Everyone ignores me as I follow after him, too busy giving Heath their orders. I approach Kade in the kitchen. He’s nowhere near the fridge or the water he said he was getting and the vibe I’m feeling isn’t a good one. My heart rate picks up as a sense of foreboding takes over.
“Are you okay?”
He doesn’t turn around instead, inhaling deeply before he answers.
“Yep.”
I take a step forward, wanting to put my arms around him but somehow knowing that’s not the right thing to do in this moment. “Is this about what Paul said? He’s just being a jerk because he’s overprotective. Ignore him like I do.”
“No. He’s right.”
This isn’t good. If he’s siding with Paul’s crazy rants, what will that mean for us?
“He is not,” I argue, a sense of desperation beginning to take over. “You heard Heath. Nothing can stop Jeremy if he’s really determined to hurt me.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
I’ve finally had enough of talking to his back so I step in front of him and lean down a bit to force him to make eye contact with me since he’s still looking at the floor.
“Kade, nothing is going to happen to me. Not when you’re around or even when you’re not. But either way, I like it when you’re with me.” I take another step forward. “I like being with you. You make me happy and make me feel like everything is going to be okay.”
I reach out to take his hand but he pulls back. “You need to move out.”
I flinch back from the shock of his words. “What?”
“Yeah. You have to go. My um… my roommate decided to move in and he needs his room back.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re lying to me.”
“Nope. He texted me that he and his girlfriend broke up and since he’s been paying his portion of the rent all this time so his parents didn’t find out...” He waves his phone in my direction as if that’s proof enough. It’s not.
“Show me,” I demand, not willing to play this stupid game with him. But God, if he’s going to do something drastic like this, I want proof it’s for a good reason and not because Paul has a tendency to get singularly focused and forget the damage his words can do if he’s not thinking straight.
Kade doesn’t bite, though. He throws his hands up in the air instead. “Dammit, Nicole. It doesn’t matter if you believe me. It’s my apartment. I’m telling you to move out.”
I feel I’ve been punched in the gut as all the breath in my lungs leaves me. “But I… I don’t want to move back into the bar apartment.” And not just because I like living with him. The thought of going back there, of being alone there, makes my stomach hurt.
“I know.” I swear there is a hint of sadness in his voice. “That’s why you’re going to move in with your sister.”
“Kade,” I plead taking another step forward but he backs up again.
“No.” He squares his shoulders and I know he’s not going to back down. It’s over. Whatever we had, whatever relationship we were building is gone. “I need you to leave. I don’t want you there. It’s too much. Too hard on me. I need out.”
I bite down on my lip, trying not to let the tears that have suddenly filled my eyes fall.
“I work tonight so that’ll be a good time to come get your stuff.” He glances up at me for a split second, his eyes dull with a complete lack of emotion. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you later.”
Kade turns and walks out the door, not looking back as he leaves me and my shattered heart in a giant mess in the kitchen.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kade
The sound of Tammy’s tray dropping on the counter makes me jump. I bite back a snarky comment, knowing my bad mood has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the pathetic state of my love life. For once I finally started to have one, only for it to get cut off by a raging maniac that can’t leave the woman I love alone.
“What crawled up your patootie and died,” Tammy asks, as if I’m going to share my heartache with her.
“Nothing.”
“Now you’ve reverted to lying. You don’t have to tell me, but don’t pretend you’re all sunshine and roses today either.”
“I’ve never pretended that.”
“Good thing. You have a terrible poker face.”
She’s goading me but I won’t bite. I have no energy for it. I just want to do my job, go home, and mindlessly play some Red Dead Renegade in story mode so no one bothers me until I pass out from exhaustion. Conversation isn’t part of that list.
“That’s why I don’t play cards. What do you need, Tammy? Another apple pie for Dwayne?”
“Nope. He’s in full-on hustle mode today.” She gestures over her shoulder with her thumb, I assume at the pool table. “He wants a water, please. But Liam asked for whatever IPA is on tap tonight.”
“Liam’s here?” Interesting. I haven’t seen him in weeks. I wonder where he’s been. Not enough to inquire, though.
“You really aren’t paying attention, are you? He’s been here for over an hour.”
I shrug nonchalantly and grab a fresh mug for his drink. “I guess I thought they had an away game or something.”
“They did.” She leans in and lowers her voice as if she has insider information. Knowing her, she might. Not that I care right now. “He’s been side-lined because of an injury. Hoping to get back on the road next week. Seriously, how do you work in a sports bar and not know these things?”
“You know this wasn’t always a sports bar,” I say as I put the IPA on her tray.
“Embrace the change, kid.”
“Says the woman who refuses to use the new computer system to put in orders and payout tabs.”
She scowls at me. “That’s different. There ain’t nothing wrong with talkin’ to a person to place an order. This is why you kids don’t have any social skills. You’re always on your computers.”
“I have social skills.”
She cocks her head back and gives me a pointed look. “Is that what you call being in a huff all night? Your social skills?”
“That’s called being in a bad mood. Not the same thing.”
“Both ways make my life harder.”
I place the bottle of water on her tray. “Don’t you have some drinks to deliver?”
She picks it up and walks away grumbling about moody teenagers. Jokes on her. I’m in my twenties.
Turning back to the customers at the bar, I see Heath waiting patiently. I sigh knowing he’s probably here to have another conversation I don’t want to have. Best to get it over with so I can move on with my life.
I place my hands on the counter, prepping myself. “What can I get you, Heath?”
“An explanation.”
“We don’t serve that here.”
Heath taps the counter and stares at me, but I don’t look away. I’m not in the mood to discuss Nicole or Jeremy or what might have been the biggest mistake I’ve e
ver made. And I’m certainly not going to discuss it at work.
Finally, he caves and looks away first. “I can see you’re going to be a tougher opponent than I gave you credit for.” He tries for some humor but it falls flat on me. “Okay then. Do you know how to make that Sazerac thing Paul makes me?”
“Yup.” I begin grabbing everything I need, thankful it’s not a hard drink to make which means this conversation will hopefully be short-lived.
I’m sure the silence feels awkward on his end, but I’m too amped up to feel anything except frustration.
“You don’t even want to know how she was after you left?”
And maybe a little bit of guilt for leaving things the way I did.
I keep my eyes on the sugar cubes I’m muddling but yield to him this time. “How was she?”
“A mess, man.”
I add some ice cubes and the liquor, still refusing to look at him. “That wasn’t my intent.”
“I figured. But the question is, what was your intent? Because she won’t say anything except you need the room back in your apartment…”
“That’s right.”
“… which we both know is bullshit.”
Finally fed up, I slam my hands down on the counter. “What do you want from me? I can’t protect her. There’s a…a… a madman on the loose and there’s nothing I can do.”
“So, kicking her out was the way to go?”
“You heard Paul. I can’t help her.” I go back to my work, rolling some absinthe around in another chilled glass, more as a way to keep myself occupied than because I care if his thirst gets quenched right now. “The most used muscles on my whole body are my thumbs from playing video games. I’m not fast. I’m a little on the chunky side and would probably get knocked out with one punch. Where does that leave her, huh? Vulnerable. I can’t put her in that position. No matter how much it hurts her or me I won’t do that to her.”
Heath rubs his cheek thoughtfully before responding at all. “You gonna finish making my drink or keep rolling that around while you spew more crap at me?”