Matter of Time: A Workplace Romance

by M. E. Carter

  I shake my head and begin straining all the liquid into the new glass so I can hurry up and hand it over to him, ready to walk away. Damn him for choosing a drink that has so many steps to it.

  He takes a slow breath before speaking again. “It always baffles me when a man pushes the woman he loves aside because of his own pride.”

  I can’t help the eye roll as I finally place the drink in front of him. “It’s not about pride. It’s about safety.”

  “Nope. Not buying it.” He takes a slow sip of his drink while I clean up. It’s not slow enough for me to finish and move on, unfortunately. “Nicole’s right you know. If he has a gun, even Frankie can’t stop him. No one can. And yet, she wants to be with you no matter what.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” I say through my teeth.

  “Seems to me it should be the most important matter of it all.”

  I drop my head back, frustrated that I can’t get him to understand. “Don’t you get it? I’m not good enough for her. She needs someone who doesn’t just protect her but can provide for her and take her to fancy dinners and give her gifts of jewelry. She’s worth so much more than I am. She deserves so much better than me.”

  And I’m not the only one who knows it, I think to myself. I keep those words inside, though.

  Heath stares at me thoughtfully. “Sounds like you’re less worried about protecting her and more worried about not deserving her.”

  “What?” I put the liquor away with a little more force than I probably should. “That’s not what I said.”

  His chuckle is low and slow. I don’t like it. Makes me feel like he’s got some sort of ace up his sleeve I’m not going to enjoy finding out about.

  “We’ve all done it. Me, Jaxon, even Paul. Pushed away the woman we loved because of some random excuse that’s really a way to protect ourselves from getting hurt.”

  Now he’s just getting on my nerves.

  “You don’t think it hurt to make her move out? I hate going home to an empty apartment. But it’s not about me. It’s about what she needs. The end.”

  “You forget I’m Jaxon’s best friend. I was there when you showed up on our dorm room doorstep all those years ago and I was in the room when the DNA test came back.” Shit. I knew I wasn’t going to like this. “I know you were raised without anyone paying attention to you and that jacked with your head. But Kade, that doesn’t have anything to do with you. That has everything to do with them. Even your mother.” He holds his hands up defensively when he sees I want to respond. “I don’t mean any disrespect by saying that but I know how distant she is and that’s her issue. The way I see it, she’s the one who missed out on your life, not vice versa. But Nicole sees you and wants you exactly the way you are. You really want to push her away like that?”

  “She wants me now. When she’s afraid and doesn’t want to be alone. That’s why it’s better for her to be with her sister. She’ll start to realize I was just filling a void for her.”

  It hurts to say those words out loud, but it’s the truth. Better that I figure that out now than a year from now. A heart can only break as badly as it’s been used, right?

  Heath quickly drains his glass and places it on the counter, ready to retort, but Frankie approaches and claps him on the back first.

  “What are you doing at the bar, man? We gettin’ a table?” Frankie asks with a smile. It’s no wonder he’s happy. This is the first time I’ve seen him here for some fun instead of to provide protection in a while.

  Heath fist bumps his teammate and gestures his head in greeting at Alex who is talking with someone else across the way. “Yeah. I’m just chatting with Kade while I wait for you losers who could have been here on time if you didn’t have your head up your ass.”

  Frankie smooths down his shirt and looks around the room. “At least we made it. I’m grabbing my booth before someone takes it.”

  “I’ll meet you over there in a second.”

  “Cool. What’s up, Kade?” Frankie says quickly and then jogs over to his favorite table. His overwhelming preference for that one spot would be humorous if I wasn’t in such a bad mood. Still, I feel like maybe I’ve been too hard on Heath since he walked in and maybe I need to address it.

  “So, you didn’t just come here to lecture me?”

  “Nah. I already had plans with the guys. Can’t blame me for tracking you down while I’m here though.” He pushes up from the stool to join his friends. “Think about what I said. Nicole is the sweetest and you’re never going to get another chance with a woman like her. Don’t let some deep-seated mommy issues scare you away from the best thing that ever happened to you.”

  With that he joins his buddies for a night of camaraderie while I’m behind the bar, replaying his words over and over in my head.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Nicole

  “What time do you have to leave for class?” Kiersten asks as she plops down next to me on the fancy new sofa Paul got her a few weeks ago. It’s a dark shade of green and soft enough that I want to take a nap on it one of these days. That is if I could get Carson to move over and not stay suctioned to me while he watches Paw Patrol.

  “About five-thirty.”

  “Do you know who is driving you?”

  I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. It should be Kade taking me to class today but now that he’s done with me I neither know nor care who will take his place. Someone else can decide. “I’m sure Paul will let me know at some point.”

  “Nic, you know Paul didn’t mean those things he said, right? He’s just really scared for you.” She puts her arm around my shoulder and tries to tug me close, which is almost impossible to do with Carson clinging to me on the other side.

  “I know that.” My words come out more like a whisper.

  “I don’t think you do. I think… how do I explain this.” She goes quiet for a few seconds, likely trying to find words she can use with little ears sitting so close. “I think being there when Jaxon found Annika after she was attacked has stayed with Paul more than he even admits sometimes.”

  “You think?” I’d never thought about that. I was so into Annika’s side of the story, I’d never stopped to think about Paul’s.

  Kiersten nods, recognizing my surprise. “Haven’t you noticed the signs in the ladies’ restroom?”

  I think for a second. “Which ones? The ones that show us how to wash our hands the right way?”

  “Ha! No. Although I’m always shocked that people don’t already know how to clean their hands.” I nod in agreement because seriously. It’s like the number one thing they’ve been teaching Carson at daycare. He corrects us when we don’t count to twenty regularly. “No, I’m talking about the Angela signs.”

  Now I know what she’s talking about. “The ones that say, ‘If you feel you are in danger, come to the bar and ask for Angela. We’ll help keep you safe.’”

  “Those are them. I don’t think Paul’s ever forgiven himself for not having a system in place at the club he and Jax used to work at. Or maybe they did but they didn’t have signs or something. I don’t know. Anyway, that’s why it’s part of the new employee orientation. He’s a little hypervigilant with safety. Especially when it comes to you.” She shakes my shoulders slightly, trying to lighten up the situation. It doesn’t work.

  “That’s understandable. Commendable even. Except none of it gives Paul the right to insult Kade the way he did. Did you see the look on Kade’s face? Like he was… worthless.” My body deflates as I think about how beat-down Kade looked. I wanted to run over to him and tell him he’s the best person I’ve ever known. That he’s the most handsome, fun, loving, perfect person in my life, but I was afraid if I was as over the top as Paul, but in the opposite way, it would embarrass Kade even more. So, I kept my mouth shut. And now I have regrets.

  “Paul knows that. And we had a long talk about it last night.”

  “You did?”

  “We did. He plans on apolog
izing to Kade tonight. Maybe give him a raise or something. I don’t know. For what it’s worth, he feels really bad about the whole thing and doesn’t want you and Kade to break up.”

  I scoff.

  “Seriously,” she continues. “Paul is always going to have a bit of a protective streak over you. When he finally got over his own insecurities, he decided to take this patriarch of the family thing to a whole different level. Combine that with the Annika issues and with the fact that the first time he met you, you had a broken wrist. It makes a perfect storm of emotion.”

  I grimace. I had forgotten the first time we met was right after I had gotten back from the hospital and my face still looked like I’d been in a massive car accident.

  “But he likes Kade. And he likes Kade with you. Even if he gives you shit about it.”

  “That’s a bad word, mama,” Carson says absent-mindedly, still staring at the screen. I’ll never understand how little kids can always pick out the one word or topic they shouldn’t when they’re so deeply engrossed in cartoons.

  “You’re right sweetie. Thanks for that,” Kiersten says with a chuckle before addressing me again. “So, what are you going to do about Kade anyway?”

  “What is there to do? He kicked me out. As much as I love him—”

  Kiersten gasps. “You love him? That’s so much more than I thought.”

  “Well yeah,” I say like her reaction is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. “How could I not? He’s just… amazing. No one has ever looked at me like he does. Like he’d give up his own happiness for me. Like nothing else in the world matters except…” I pause as it hits me. “… me and my well-being. Oh, Kiersten.”

  I look at my sister with tears in my eyes. “He didn’t kick me out. He sacrificed his happiness for my well-being.”

  She smiles sympathetically. “It appears that he did. And I have to say, I didn’t see that coming. Not one bit. I thought he was just being kind of a whiny brat, to be honest.”

  “Kiersten!” I reprimand with a laugh. “How can you say that?”

  She tries to shrug but can’t in this position, so she removes her arm from around my shoulder. “I guess I’ve dated a few too many people. Most of them are, in fact, whiny brats when their feelings get hurt. It was a reasonable assumption.”

  “Except it was the wrong one and now I really don’t know what to do.”

  “Normally I’d say wait for him to come to his senses so you don’t look desperate, but I don’t think that’s the right course of action this time.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No.” She draws her knees to her chest and rests her cheek on her knee. “I think Kade is always going to try to sacrifice his own happiness for you. So, this may be a case of always making sure he knows how happy you are with him.”

  I bite my lip as the different options in front of me play out. “Maybe I should go over there and demand he listens when I tell him I love him.”

  “You are the one who said everyone has different reactions to bad situations.”

  She’s right. I did. Only I was talking about Faith’s reaction to abuse, not Kade’s reaction to being emasculated in front of all our friends. Still, it’s not like he grew up with stability and parents who reminded him regularly he was loved. So how would he know how deeply I feel for him if I never told him in those exact words?

  I stare at the TV again as I think through his schedule and where he’ll be right now. His classes should be over and the bar doesn’t open for a few hours. He’s probably at home playing Red Dead Redemption.

  I think I know what I have to do, but it still makes me nervous. “Do you want to go with me to his apartment?”

  Kiersten laughs lightly. “Oh, we’re still not letting you out of our sight in public so of course I’m going.”

  I pat her on the leg, feeling a sudden burst of excitement. “Let me go get dressed first.”

  I head into Carson’s room where I’ve been crashing, much to his delight. The three a.m. wake-up calls as he climbs in the twin bed with me isn’t as much fun for me as it is for him. It might take a few minutes to get the bags under my eyes in control.

  As I riffle through my suitcase to find something clean and decent to wear, I hear my phone. I don’t recognize the number but I know that area code well and know better than to send it to voicemail.

  Taking a deep breath, I swipe to answer. “Hello?”

  “Hello is this Nicole Willoughby?”

  “Yes.” I sink down onto the small bed, my legs suddenly unable to hold me up anymore.

  “My name is Reginald Thurston. I’m the Assistant District attorney in charge of your case against Jeremy Letterman. I wanted to update you real quick so you know what’s happening.”

  I take a deep, centering breath. “Okay. I’m ready.”

  “It’s finally over Ms. Willoughby. He’s going to jail.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Kade

  “Okay, guys. The trick to doing a proper pushup is to make sure your form is correct.” The guy on my television is buff and tan and trying not to sound condescending, but I can’t help wondering how much he can bench, which isn’t good for my focus or my ego. I have a goal here. I need to stay on track.

  I squint my eyes again, trying to see past the masculine blob to what he’s doing and compare it to what position I’m in. Sadly, I can’t really see his form without my glasses on, but I can’t wear them to exercise without them falling off either, as I get sweaty. And I really don’t want to get one of those bands to hold them on my head. This is humiliating enough.

  “When you push up onto your toes, suck in your stomach, like you’re trying to get your belly button to touch your spine.”

  I do what he says and suck in. I’m not sure my stomach actually moves much but it’s a start.

  “At the same time,” he emphasizes, “Squeeze your butt just a little so your hips tilt forward.”

  I move my hips forward and back, trying to figure out what the hell he’s talking about.

  “You ready? Let’s try it. We’re in what’s called a plank position. You’re going to feel it all over your body but I want you to concentrate on feeling it in your shoulders. Got it?”

  “Oh yeah,” I pant out. “I feel it.”

  “Now slowly lower yourself to the ground and push back up. Stay in this plank position. The only movement should be the bend in your arms.”

  I make it to the bottom and grunt as I push myself back up. I let my stomach go long ago and no idea if my butt ever squeezed at all, but I make it. I have to pant a few times before trying again. Down is easier this time, but coming back up is significantly harder.

  “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!” I yell as I push, elated when I make it to the top even if I’m not sure what my form looks like.

  “What are you doing?”

  I scramble to my feet as soon as I hear her voice, embarrassed to have been caught.

  “Working out.” I grab my glasses off the coffee table and put them on quickly.

  When I can finally see Nicole, I notice the confusion written all over her face. “But… why?”

  I sniff and push my scraggly hair off my forehead. “You know, to get muscles and to like, get fit. Cause I’m a man.”

  She comes closer and I can’t help noticing her beautiful blue eyes. They’re one of the things I love most about her. I can always tell her mood by how bright they are. Right now, they look happy. That’s exactly how I wanted them to look when I made her move in with Kiersten and Paul. I’m glad it worked.

  “Kade, you don’t need to get fit. You’re perfect the way you are.”

  “Don’t push it today, gentlemen,” the guy on the TV yells. “Just do five. We’ll build up as we go. Remember, this is called Pushups for Beginners for a reason.”

  Mortified that she now knows I’m basically subscribing to a Workout for Dummies channel, I snatch the remote off the couch and shut everything off. I feel the heat rising on my face as my cheeks turn red
.

  “Are you doing this for me?” she asks quietly.

  Hands on my hips, I keep my gaze focused on the floor. I want her to know I’m trying to be the man she needs. That I want more than anything to be good enough for her. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do enough push-ups to even be able to buck up to a random person and intimidate them if they want to hit on her. So, I don’t answer her question, instead deflecting.

  “How did you get here? Don’t you have security detail following you?”

  “Kiersten brought me.” Nicole winds around the couch and sits down patting the cushion next to hers. I leave that one in between us and opt for the furthest away seat instead. If I get close enough to smell her shampoo, I’ll cave and it’s too important to keep her safe. Besides, I don’t smell like any form of shampoo at all after working out. Just one more thing to be embarrassed about around her.

  “Doesn’t sound very safe to be driving around like that.”

  “You’re right. Riding in a car is one of the unsafest things any of us could do these days. Car accidents are everywhere.”

  I know she’s trying to make me smile, but it makes my frown deeper instead.

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know. But I’m trying to put it into perspective.”

  “By trying to convince me that the possibility of a car wreck is at all the same as a guy we know is trying to target you and harm you purposely?”

  “No.” She leans in, adding strength to her words. “By reminding you that there are no guarantees on any of our safety. Ever. That’s the point I keep trying to make with everyone.” She throws her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t want to live with this fear hanging over my head anymore. I want to live my life to the fullest. Does that mean there will be some risks involved? Of course. But it’s worth it to me and I’m tired of everyone else deciding how my life is going to go.”

  “I thought we sorted all that out a couple of days ago at the meeting.”

  “They did,” she emphasizes. “You didn’t.”

  Surprised, I finally look up at her and see calm all over her face. “What do you mean?”