If You Cherish Me

by Ciara Knight

  He shook on Knox’s plan and felt a hint of relief at the fact he didn’t have to go to jail to help someone. A car pulled up behind them. “Guess I better move.”

  When he turned around, Felicia ran to him and threw her arms around his waist. “I was so worried.” A second later, she stood back and smacked him on the chest. “What were you thinking?”

  She was adorable when she scolded him. “I was thinking Lacey needed protection.”

  “Leave that to the police. You don’t have to save her. This town will protect her. She’s not on her own.”

  Declan shook his head. “I can’t comprehend that. When Stella’s father, Zach, hit my mother, the police did nothing, neighbors did nothing, and I did nothing.” He bowed his head in shame. “He looked at me and told me he owned my mother and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d just been released from jail, and I didn’t do what needed to be done out of fear of returning. I allowed that man to harm my own mother.”

  “No, you didn’t. You got him away from her.” Stella’s words shocked him. “You did what you could to protect your mother. I see that now. I don’t have to like it, but I can see it.”

  Felicia held tight to him. “You’re not alone now.”

  He felt the love pouring from her. The way she looked at him told him she believed him to be a man of honor. A man who could give her the world. But how could he, when he couldn’t even afford to give her flowers? “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not a member of this town and I never will be.” He took a step away from her. “Stella and Carissa and the rest of your friends were right to be leery of me. I can’t bring you what you want or what you deserve. I need to leave before you end up as heartbroken as Lacey is now.” Without another word or another glance in fear he’d collapse before he even made it to the truck, he slid into the driver’s seat.

  Before he could put the truck in gear, Felicia hopped into the passenger side. “Nope. You’re not leaving. Not now.” She put on her seat belt and sat forward. “You promised to help me, and I’m holding you to that. This is my busiest time of year. You want to shut me out romantically, fine, but you’re not leaving. You need the job as much as I need your help.”

  He gripped the steering wheel and willed himself to argue. “You have Lacey now. I assume she’ll be on time now that it’s over with that boy.”

  “Can she lift two bags of mulch at a time? Can she clear a field in a half a day? Can she make me smile?”

  He cringed at her last words. “I’m not the right man for you. I know you don’t like me saying I’m an ex-con, but now I know exactly what that means beyond the constant fear of being sent back. I changed during my time of incarceration. It hardened me in a way I can’t let go.”

  She didn’t touch him or use her feminine ways on him. She simply sat back and waited for him to drive. By the time they reached the square again, he’d already waffled on his intensions, but he knew he couldn’t keep himself in check, not when he’d grown so fond of Felicia. He needed to leave, and he needed to leave now.

  “By the way, your probation officer called, and I confirmed your employment. He says that’s a step in the right direction, and if you hold this job and make restitution, you’ll be able to remain a free man. If you lose this job and you can’t find another one, you’ll return to jail.”

  His mouth went dry. How could he leave if that meant returning to a cell? Yet, how could he stay if he was all worked up over Felicia and doing dumb things that would land him in jail? And there was Lacey… She was dangerous. A girl caught between infatuation and family could have devastating effects. The closer he got to Felicia, the more that girl would lash out at him in ways he couldn’t even imagine. She’d already threatened to send him to jail. “I can’t be with you.”

  She didn’t argue, she didn’t cry or protest, she only clasped her hands in her lap and said, “That’s fine. We’ll be boss and employee. And as my first order as your boss, you need to get us back to the house and finish that mulch by the end of the day.”

  The coldness in her voice disturbed him, but it’s what he needed. A clear boundary between them. His probation officer had been right. He had one mission in life, to follow the steps outlined in his parole. Still, when he went to see him tomorrow, he’d ask again if he knew of any other jobs he could take. It would be best for everyone, but for now, he’d return to the field and work through his wants and desires to protect Felicia from a life she didn’t deserve.

  Seventeen

  The afternoon rolled into evening, and Lacey had finally calmed. Nana looked tired, and Felicia worried she’d taken on too much for one day. “Lacey, you’re welcome to stay here tonight in the guest room. I know you’re eighteen, but I still want you to call your mother and tell her you’ll be here.”

  Lacey nodded, rose from the couch, and went to the guest room without a word.

  Felicia took the opportunity to sit by her grandmother. “I think you should go rest. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

  “You’re not going to grill me about my first marriage? I mean, I thought you for one would demand to know why I never told you.” Nana scooted sideways to face Felicia. “I know you don’t like secrets.”

  Felicia let out a quick exhale. “It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me. That’s your secret to keep. I’m only glad you were here to provide comfort to Lacey.”

  “I’m afraid that, despite my words, she’s not going to agree to press charges.”

  Felicia felt a lightning bolt of anger flash through her.

  Nana’s hand slid over hers. “Now, child. You’ve never been in this kind of situation, so don’t judge. Jason has manipulated Lacey into believing she can’t live without him. He’s destroyed her self-esteem, made sure he alienated her friends and family. Trust me, I know the type. Although I’ve never spoken about my first husband, he gave me one gift. He taught me how to believe in myself and that I could manage life no matter what. And I didn’t need anyone’s help.”

  “Is that why you’re so stubborn?” Felicia teased, not wanting to think about any man harming her grandmother.

  “Yes, and that’s why I’ve raised you to be independent. I never wanted an older man to sweep into your life when you were a teenager and convince you he was everything. Sometimes, I think I did too good of a job.” She tightened her grip on Felicia. “Tell me, how did things go with Declan?”

  Felicia collapsed back into the couch. “It didn’t. One minute he’s kissing me. The next he’s pushing me away.”

  “Kissing?” Nana said in a suggestive tone. “Now I’m intrigued.”

  “Relax. Apparently, it meant nothing to him. All he cares about is remaining strong, independent, and free. Don’t get me wrong. I understand. That’s why I’m giving him space. He needs to figure out his own life before he can invite anyone in. I’m not sure why I fell so hard so quickly.”

  “Because he’s the first man to ever turn your head and intrigue you. He’s your equal when it comes to caring for others. A man who sees the world like you, despite the harshness he’s witnessed.” Nana smiled in her I-know-you-better-than-anyone kind of way. “Most boys you dated would bend over backwards to win you over with things that didn’t have any meaning. They’d buy stuff like flowers, despite the fact you grew your own, but they were never really there for you. This man has done nothing but work to earn your respect. He might be poor financially, but he’s rich in heart. He’s demonstrated this by not only being the best worker you’ve ever known but also doing random acts of kindness—like cooking, even though he doesn’t have to. I thank God every day for that.” She winked.

  Felicia eyed the kitchen and then the clock. If Declan followed his same pattern today as the other days, he’d be in here to cook dinner in about five minutes, and that caused her pulse to quicken. “He said he’s doing that to earn room and board until he can afford his own food and to help pay electricity.”

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  Nana nodded toward the
door. “By the expression on your face, you’re hoping that’s someone special.” She leaned forward and hollered, her voice cracking from the strain. “Come in. Door’s unlocked.”

  Declan stepped inside with something in his hands. “I hope I’m not too early, but I have something for Nana.” He held out a rectangular object wrapped in brown paper.

  As if a child at a fourth birthday party, she ripped through the paper. “What is it?”

  “I made a functional stand for you to play cards. This way that pesky rubber band won’t break, and the cards won’t fall out and scatter all over the floor.”

  Were those tears in Nana’s eyes? Felicia looked between her grandmother and Declan—a bond had formed in such a short time. He’d managed to crack the surface of the most stubborn woman in town, getting her to play cards and eat with him in the room. That man had done more than she or any therapist had been able to accomplish.

  “Thank you, son. It’s beautiful. I’ll catch you after dinner for a game of Canasta. I’m feeling lucky tonight.” She set the wood slat with ten clamps on the table and then pushed to stand. Declan had her cane at her side before Felicia could move.

  Nana grabbed hold of the cane but looked back over her shoulder at Felicia. “Random acts of kindness. I rest my case.”

  In that moment, Felicia knew Declan was wrong about himself. Prison hadn’t hardened him. He was as soft inside as Fluffy’s fur. Now she just had to prove that to him.

  Declan escorted Nana to her room and then marched to the kitchen without a glance at Felicia. His determination to avoid her cut her to the core, but she understood why and needed to keep her emotions out of this if she spoke to him.

  Pans clanked and the stovetop clicked and then poofed with its flame.

  A twitter in her chest made her take another second before she approached to calm her anxiousness. She took two long breaths and then plastered on a nonchalant expression and relaxed shoulders before strutting into the kitchen. “Can I help with anything?”

  “No, I’m good, but thanks.” Declan took chicken out of the refrigerator and sliced it into chunks.

  “That was so nice of you to make that for Nana. It’s amazing to see how much she’s improved since you arrived.” Felicia casually stepped over to the counter by the refrigerator and hopped up so she would be in his path whenever he had to get something. “The therapists had all given up, releasing her from care until she was ready to work harder. They said her insurance wouldn’t cover any more since she’d plateaued.”

  “She’s the one who wanted to play cards. I didn’t do anything,” he said in a defensive tone.

  She closed her eyes and kept her cool, despite the fact she wanted to smack him in the back of the head. “Still, no one else could get her to even do anything. Do you know she talked about inviting people over to play cards? Maybe even taking a trip into town? That’s huge. That’s what you did.”

  He about-faced on her with a tight jaw, but his eyes softened the minute he focused on her. “Stop.”

  She raised her brows at him in an I-haven’t-got-a-clue-what-you’re-talking-about way. “What?”

  His gaze traveled the length of her and then back to her face before he ripped his attention away and settled on the food he was sautéing in the pan. “You know what. We agreed that we would keep things platonic between us if I were to stay.”

  “This is a platonic conversation. You’re the one who looks at me like you want more.” She hopped down from the counter and headed for the living room, realizing one conversation wouldn’t change things between them and she didn’t want to make him run.

  He turned, only a few inches from her, spatula in hand over the pan but his body toward her. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” He lifted his chin and took a breath that expanded his chest so far she couldn’t help but remember what he’d looked like earlier today shirtless.

  She concentrated on keeping her attention at chin height and above. Nana was wrong. It wasn’t just about his heart. She’d never been attracted to a man physically like this before. Yes, she’d found men handsome, but this man, the man standing a foot away, was more primal, more intriguing than anyone she’d ever met. “Apology accepted. Can I set the table at least?”

  He looked at her as if he’d found the gateway to heaven but he couldn’t reach it. “Sure, thanks,” he said in a hoarse, I-desire-you tone.

  She ripped herself away from a budding moment, knowing she had to keep things steady and smooth for now. Any indication that they couldn’t work together, she realized, would send him packing, and she couldn’t have him sacrifice his entire future because she couldn’t control her own romantic intentions. She’d never been so interested in a guy who wasn’t reciprocating the affection, but she knew he cared. He fought it, but he did. She had to cling to that.

  With a determination to remain cordial and light, she set the table and concentrated on the aroma of the food he was making. Pepper, garlic… What was that other scent? She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring the smell of…of…Declan.

  Her eyes shot open, and she saw him standing near her with a large plate of chicken in his hands. “The rice should be done in a minute.”

  The door creaked open, and she’d never been so thankful to have an interruption when Declan was close.

  Lacey entered the living room but stopped at the sight of Declan. “What is he doing here?”

  The room filled with prickly thorns, and she thought she’d end up bloodied and cut if she stood between them for too long. She took a deep breath and forced a calmness she didn’t feel. “Lacey, I love you. I want you to stay here for a while. You’ll work and live here until you’re back on your feet.”

  “Really?” Lacey threw her arms around Felicia, but Felicia nudged her a step away so she could finish. “I realize that you don’t care for Declan, and I can’t force you to see him as anything different than a threat to you—”

  “I’m not threatened.” She shot her chin so high, Felicia swore the girl’s neck would crack.

  “If you’re to take me up on my offer, you will be kind and keep the peace. I will not have anyone feel unwanted in my home. Do you understand?”

  Lacey nodded, but it wouldn’t take even an hour before Felicia regretted her offer. By the time dinner was over, she was tired of the snide remarks. By the time the week was over, she was done with the rude comments. At the end of two weeks, she’d had enough and swore she’d put a stop to the spoiled attitude. But on Monday of the third week, it came to a head.

  Felicia walked into the office with Declan after a long day of cutting, arranging, and delivering floral arrangements to a church, funeral home, and an anniversary party in Riverbend. Her temper was frayed. Especially since it had been twenty-one days, four hours, and twenty minutes since they’d kissed and twenty-one days, three hours, and ten minutes since he’d declared his firm position of remaining platonic. “Can I see the numbers for this month, please?” Felicia sat down at the oversize wooden desk that Declan had refurbished last week. The man never stopped working.

  Lacey huffed. “Why? Don’t you think I’m good at my job?”

  “Enough.” Felicia pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to release some of the tension from her poor, throbbing head. “I’m the owner of the company, and I asked to see the books.”

  Lacey shot up, opened a drawer and tossed papers onto the desk, but they blew all over the floor. “Here. I know Declan has you convinced I’m not good so he can replace me.”

  “Stop. I mean it. This ends now.” Felicia had never heard herself speak in such a harsh tone, but it was time. Time to stop being generous and expect a little cooperation in return. This girl didn’t seem to understand negotiations or working with others. This wasn’t the girl she’d hired three years ago.

  “Fine.” Lacey shot from the room, knocking her shoulder into Declan, who didn’t even budge.

  Felicia dropped her head into her hands and stayed there for several minutes, willing th
e world to slow down and stop beating her against the proverbial walls of life. Declan didn’t move, didn’t retreat, but didn’t advance either. He had been a human fly on the wall, watching everything and providing no opinion, for weeks.

  After a few minutes, Felicia found the energy to get off the stool and gather the papers. He was quickly at her side, kneeling on the floor to help. It was the closest he’d been to her in forever in the spot where they’d kissed. “Maybe I should go after her.”

  “No,” he said firmly but with no malice.

  She sat back on her heels. “Why not?”

  “Because you need to stop chasing and let her come around on her own. Besides, these aren’t even related to the finances of your business. That’s all on your computer.”

  Then he froze, like an ice statue in the middle of the Arctic, his expression turning even more thoughtful. “You can’t change someone. They have to change themselves.” His words sounded weighted, serious. “I’m working on something, Felicia.” He wilted, as if left in the heat too long, but reached out, grazing her pinky with his own. “I’m working on something for you. To make me worthy. I tried to remain distant, but I can’t deny how I feel about you, so my only option is to become the man you deserve.”

  Eighteen

  For another week, Declan applied for jobs every time he could find a minute to work in the office on Felicia’s computer. He’d put together his resume and reached out to a few colleagues in New York, asking about any work in Tennessee. To his relief there was a message from his college roommate.

  I believe you’re innocent. No way you were stealing money. Let me make some calls. I’m glad you finally reached out to me for help. Sorry I never came to visit. I should have.

  He didn’t want to allow the man’s words to give him hope or give him peace of mind that someone other than Felicia believed in his innocence. He’d fought so long to take the fall for his father. He’d never stopped fighting. He wanted to protect his mother and never let her know the truth, but they were all the two of them had left in the world. It was time to face her, even if she refused to see him. He needed to move forward and leave the past behind, but he couldn’t do that without reconciling with family. No, it was more than that… He’d always wanted to introduce the woman he cared about to his mother. He couldn’t do that, not now, not with his mother’s hatred toward him.