The Shelf

by Helly Acton

  I love you, my star girl. I am watching you every day and wishing you luck in this exciting time of your life. I will be waiting for you with open arms when you return in six days.

  God bless you,

  Your Papa xxx

  Flick folds up the letter as Jackie stands and goes over to the glass doors. The reflection in the window gives away her glistening cheeks. Amy wonders if Jackie has thought of her mother since being in here. Could she be watching her, wherever she is? Would she know that Jackie is her daughter?

  ‘Papa Adu, what a legend! I want him to be my papa!’ Adam interrupts. ‘Don’t get jealous, Dad, I love you too. Now, Flick or Gemma, Flick or Gemma, Flick or Gemma … Gemma! Amy, you choose!’

  Amy sighs loudly.

  ‘Gemma, are you happy for me to read out your letter?’ Amy asks.

  ‘Sure. I know what this is going to be about, I’ve heard it enough times.’ Gemma rolls her eyes.

  Darling Gem Squash,

  We couldn’t be prouder of you. For having the guts to stay on the show and for everything you’ve achieved in the last year with your Instagram business.

  So far, Gemma’s showing little emotion.

  We miss you so much, Gemma, and it’s not just since being on the show. We miss the old you, too.

  She sighs again. ‘Here we go.’

  The Gemma you used to be. The Gemma who looked at us when we talked to her, the Gemma who left her phone in her bag at Sunday lunch, the Gemma who would join in the conversation like you used to. Family time was so important to you, Gem, and I know it still is. I think you’ve got caught in a trap and you’re struggling to find balance. But we can help you. We just want what’s best for you, all of us, including Jason.

  Gemma’s lip is starting to shake.

  Do you know he told us he was putting you on the show? He wanted to know if we thought it was a good idea. We were behind him all the way. He’s such a good lad, Gemma. Please don’t be hard on him. He pushed you away to get you back, not because he doesn’t love you anymore. You are still the same Gemma we have always loved. An amazing friend. Strong, kind and supportive. But also the life and soul of everything. It’s wonderful to see the real you shine again. Instead of the top of your head as you stare into your hands.

  Jason loves you. We all love you. We can’t wait to welcome you home. Maureen’s organised a street party!

  Love Mum xxx

  ‘That’s lovely, Gem,’ Amy says, as she hands her the letter.

  Gemma folds it in half and smooths the paper seam she’s created as she looks into her lap, deep in thought.

  ‘I know they have a point,’ she says softly. ‘But they don’t understand the pressure I’m under. I know it’s easy to take the piss out of people like me, but you try posting something new three fucking times a day. Or replying to every single comment, when there are hundreds and hundreds. And God help me if I ever miss one.’

  What was a wobbly voice is starting to get defensive.

  ‘You OK, Gem Squash?’ Jackie asks, smiling and moving back to the sofa.

  ‘Ha ha. And yeah, I’m fine. I’ll figure it out.’

  ‘Now, last but not least,’ shouts Adam. ‘Jackie, can you open Flick’s letter and tell us who it’s from, please!’

  ‘I’m sure it’s from Simon,’ Flick says as Jackie opens the letter. ‘He always writes me little love letters and leaves them on my dressing table.’

  Jackie skims to the bottom of the letter.

  ‘Nope, sorry, love. It’s from someone called Emma.’

  ‘Oh. My old surgery partner. We went to uni together. That’s very … sweet,’ she says, staring at the letter. ‘Perhaps Simon’s busy.’

  ‘Oooooh, Simon’s in for a tongue-lashing later, isn’t he, audience?’ Adam shouts. ‘OK, Jackie. Crack on.’

  Dear Flick,

  We were so shocked to see you on the show when the first episode aired. Simon had warned us, but we still couldn’t believe our eyes. You look incredible, but then I wouldn’t expect anything less. Everyone at the surgery is supporting you fully and we’ll be voting you into the final and out as The Keeper. All the kids miss you, too!

  Flick, you are the hardest worker I know, and are nothing less than exceptional at everything you put your mind to. I’m not surprised you’ve won almost every task. You’ve always been top of the class. You deserve this, Flick. You deserve to be recognised and rewarded for your hard work. It’s time you were truly appreciated for your commitment, and I’m not just talking about the show. Sometimes I think Simon doesn’t know how lucky he is. I’m going to get in trouble for saying that!

  We’re all thinking of you, and everyone sends their love.

  Emma x

  Flick, who has remained calm and composed throughout the reading, takes her letter from Jackie and walks into the garden, leaving the others in silence on the sofa.

  ‘Hope she’s all right,’ mumbles Gemma.

  ‘Yeah.’ Jackie sighs. ‘I thought those letters would make us feel better.’

  ‘Well. Not long to go now, guys,’ Amy says.

  Sarah’s words have given Amy a kick. She wants to see this through. She wants to be the brave, honest and fucking real person she described in her letter.

  ‘Thanks for watching, everyone!’ Adam shouts, waving at the screen. ‘And don’t forget to tune in tomorrow, for what will be our housemates’ hardest challenge yet! I guarantee there will be shouting, tears and shards of broken hearts scattered all over the floor.’

  All three of them sigh at once.

  Thirty-Four

  ‘Ugh, I’m too tired for this,’ mutters Jackie, the next morning. She’s lying on the carpet in her pyjamas, looking half asleep. ‘I had such a terrible night’s sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking of my dad and wondering if he’s really OK.’

  ‘I couldn’t stop thinking of bits of my bleeding heart all over the floor,’ Amy replies. ‘I mean, this show is horrific, but it isn’t an actual horror show. At least, I hope not.’

  The housemates are eating their breakfast on the sofa. On the coffee table are four pieces of card each with a name on, and four felt tip pens. The screen flickers on and the show’s intro starts.

  ‘HOUSEMATES!’ shouts Adam Andrews.

  Jackie puts a cushion over her head and groans.

  ‘How are we all today? Jackie – looking tip-top, I see!’

  She puts a middle finger up at the cameras, without moving the pillow.

  ‘OK, ladies, so today you’ll be facing one of your hardest challenges yet. Well, I would struggle, wouldn’t you, Doctor?’ he says, turning to Dr Hicks on the sofa.

  ‘Certainly, Adam. This challenge is all about having the courage to be direct. I’m afraid it’s going to be deeply uncomfortable, and I doubt the housemates are going to like it.’

  ‘This sounds mysterious!’ says Gemma, sitting down.

  ‘How are you feeling this morning, Gemma?’ asks Flick.

  ‘Yeah, I’m OK. Still feel a bit iffy.’ She sighs and leans back on the sofa. Amy notices Flick staring at her.

  They turn back to the TV to carry on listening to Dr Hicks.

  ‘Is he still talking?’ mutters Flick.

  ‘… And that’s why I think this challenge could reap some very surprising results indeed,’ Dr Hicks concludes.

  Adam and the audience stay silent.

  ‘I’m finished,’ he says, looking around, confused.

  ‘Oh, right, sorry,’ Adam says, standing up for the audience. ‘Let’s hear it for the Doc! A man of many shades of brown and even more long words,’ he says, turning his back on him and pretending to snore, making the audience laugh.

  ‘Oi, leave Dr Hicks alone!’ Gemma raises her voice.

  ‘If it weren’t for him, I’d have walked in the first week,’ Amy adds.

  The rest nod in agreement.

  ‘All right, housemates and viewers. We have a big surprise for you all today. It’s called Truth Hurts.’ Adam walks into the audien
ce and signals to someone seated to get off their chair. He steals the seat, as members of the audience behind him wave and make crude hand signals.

  ‘So, who wants to know what the surprise is?’ he shouts. ‘Do you want to know what the surprise is?’ he asks the teenage girl sitting next to him, who nods excitedly. ‘And do you want to know what the surprise is?’ he asks the young man in front of her, who gives a thumbs up. ‘And do you want to know what the surprise is?’ He points at the cameras.

  ‘Get on with it, you moron!’ shouts Jackie.

  ‘Well, everyone, the surprise is …’ There’s a drum roll, and a hush falls on the crowd.

  ‘… that it’s time for the housemates to vote each other out!’ Adam yells over the audience’s screams, as he covers his hand with his mouth.

  ‘That’s right, housemates. Today is all about being honest with each other. No more pretending to like someone when you hate them. No more hiding behind sweetness and smiles. No more Ms Nice Girls.’

  ‘But I don’t hate anyone.’ Gemma looks around. ‘Believe me, if I did hate any of you, you’d know.’

  ‘So, ladies, I’m sure you’re dying to find out how it works. Here’s the deal. You have one hour to decide who you want to vote off the show. Mark your choice on the card in front of you and pop it in the Chat Room postbox when you’re done. When your name is called, stand up and explain yourself! And remember, no discussing the votes!’

  The housemates turn and look at each other in horror.

  Adam shakes his head and puts his hand on his hip. ‘We’re just awful, aren’t we?’

  In the shower, Amy tries to keep her thoughts rational as she decides who to vote for and why.

  Flick.

  Jackie.

  Gemma.

  She can’t bear the thought of Flick going back to that selfish bastard, Simon. And her story has touched a nerve with Amy, who’s desperate to convince her to leave him and be happily single like she is now. But is Flick’s happiness really any of her business, or responsibility? She didn’t sign up to be Amy’s project. Perhaps only Flick can rescue herself.

  Then there’s Gemma, the resident ray of sunshine. Without her, the house would be much gloomier. If Amy were ruthless, she’d vote for her. Gemma’s her biggest competition on The Tracker, after all. But Gemma has only been lovely to Amy since they first arrived. She couldn’t do that to her.

  Last is Jackie, the housemates’ biggest champion. The housemate who is desperate for money to help her dad, to sue her firm and to right the wrongs of the world. She’s also the housemate who hates it here the most. And she does seem to seriously miss her dad. Would Amy be doing her a favour by voting her out? She’ll earn money from the publicity when she leaves, like she said, and she could still achieve all the things she’s set out to do. It might not be a million pounds, but it might be enough.

  ‘Housemates, you have five minutes before you have to cast your vote. Please return to the living room.’

  Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. This is it, she thinks, as she jumps out of the shower in a panic. You’re going to lose a friend, no matter what you decide.

  Back in the living room and waiting for the show to start again, the housemates stare at some of the tweets pinging up on The Wall.

  @wandawoman I’d vote Jackie! All she brings is a big batch of angry #theshelf

  @bustaboy Gemma, you need to get your ass back to the gym girl! #justhavinalaugh #theshelf

  ‘Ha! That’s my mate, Buster! Cheeky sod.’ Gemma laughs as she stands up, looks down at her stomach and blows out.

  The TV flickers on and the show begins.

  ‘Welcome back, everyone!’ shouts Adam into a handheld mic, facing the camera on stage wearing a T-shirt that says TEAM GEMMA on the front.

  ‘Yay!’ yells Gemma at the screen with her hands in the air.

  ‘Is he allowed to do that?’ asks Flick.

  Adam drops the mic onto the sofa and takes off his T-shirt off to reveal another shirt underneath that says TEAM JACKIE. The audience laugh.

  ‘So, as I was saying,’ Adam says before he pauses and does the same thing again. This time it’s a TEAM FLICK shirt.

  ‘For fuck’s sake,’ says Jackie. ‘Why does he have to draw it out every single time?’

  ‘Sorry, this one’s rubbing me up the wrong way, actually,’ he says, and the audience laugh. The final shirt is a TEAM AMY.

  ‘I just can’t decide, viewers, I’m stumped. But luckily it’s not up to me. So, let’s hand over to the housemates! First up to explain who they’d vote off The Shelf is Jackie!’

  He takes Jackie’s card from a producer, opens it and raises his eyebrows.

  ‘Well, ladies and gents, no real surprise here. Jackie wants Flick out! Jackie, tell us why.’

  Jackie stands up confidently. ‘I’m really sorry, Flick. I loved our dinner together and I was so glad we had that time to get to know each other and work out our differences. I made this choice simply because we are so different and we always will be. I know that you’re The Keeper, based on the show’s ideals, but I’m against these ideals in the first place. I’d rather The Keeper wasn’t someone like you. I want to prove the producers wrong, and I want to show everyone watching. I want The Keeper to be someone they never expected it to be. I hope you can understand.’

  Flick nods, reaches over and squeezes Jackie’s hand.

  The audience erupt in a frenzy, some cheering, some booing.

  ‘Aaaaah, how touching!’ Adam laughs. ‘Thank you, Jackie, we’ve heard you loud and clear. That’s one vote for Flick! Speak of the devil … Flick! Please stand up and tell us why you want to see …’

  He reads the card with raised eyebrows.

  ‘… Amy out of the house!’

  Amy doesn’t move an inch as she carries on staring at the screen in shock, watching from the corner of her eye as Flick stands up, smooths out her skirt out and coughs. How could Flick vote for her after their heart-to-heart this morning? Amy feels sick, realising she’s made a terrible mistake with her vote.

  ‘It isn’t personal, it’s strategic. I’m sorry, Amy, but you are at the top of The Tracker. What choice do I have but to pick you? Of course I want to win the competition. We should all want to win this competition, otherwise what are we doing here?’

  ‘Oooh, that’s cold! Amy, it’s your turn. Let’s hope you’ve chosen Flick, or this could be super awkward!’

  He opens the card and his face drops.

  ‘You chose …’

  Amy buries her face in her knees. She needs to find the nearest hole.

  ‘Jackie?’ He looks up, confused.

  Gemma gasps. ‘Amy!’

  Amy can’t bear to look at Jackie as she straightens up, but she knows she deserves a proper explanation. She turns round and looks Jackie in the eye. And when she does, she sees Jackie has welled up.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Jackie. You know I love you so much,’ she says, her voice breaking. ‘And that’s exactly why I chose you. I want you to be happy, and you aren’t happy here. You hate every task, you object to every challenge and you don’t participate properly. And that’s fine because it’s your choice, but I genuinely thought you might be delighted to leave. To be reunited with your dad. Can you see where I’m coming from? Even just a little bit?’

  ‘The girl has got a point,’ Adam interrupts.

  ‘Aren’t you forgetting about our pact?’ Jackie speaks quietly, staring at her. ‘I mean, I know this is a competition, but I thought we were in this together.’

  Jackie and Amy, the first two housemates. A new and improved #Jamy, as they’d laughed about the other day. There’s bile in Amy’s throat and beads of sweat on her hairline. Ten minutes ago, this speech made complete sense in her head. She was even stupid enough to think Jackie would be grateful.

  It should have been Flick. It should have been Flick. It should have been Flick.

  ‘We are in this together, Jackie. Please don’t think I don’t support you. I gen
uinely chose you thinking you wouldn’t mind leaving. You can carry on the good work out there. Gemma and I can carry on the good work in here. I promise we can do that for you.’

  ‘Well, lucky me,’ Jackie says, staring at the screen.

  ‘Uh, no, you can’t,’ says Adam, looking at the next card.

  ‘What?’ Amy replies.

  ‘In five minutes, there will be no more Amy and Gemma.’

  She turns to Gemma, frowning. Gemma must have voted for her. She sits back down on the sofa and folds herself into her lap.

  Amy’s show is over.

  Thirty-Five

  Gemma stands up and moves in front of the screen. ‘You can carry on the good cause, Amy. It’s me who can’t.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ asks Jackie.

  ‘I’m the one who’s leaving. And because I’m choosing to leave, your votes are invalid. They mean nothing. You’re all staying.’

  ‘Gemma, why? You don’t have to do this!’ Jackie stands up and grabs her arm. ‘We’ve only got a few days left – I need you in here. Don’t leave me alone with them!’

  Harsh, but fair in the circumstances.

  Gemma smiles. ‘Jacks, I’m afraid there is someone who needs me more out there.’

  ‘Jason? He’s a grown man, he’ll be fine! It’s a week, for fuck’s sake, what’s he crying about?’

  ‘There’ll be a lot more tears in eight months, I can tell you.’

  ‘Oh my God, you’re pregnant,’ Amy whispers. ‘Aren’t you? Gemma, are you pregnant?’

  Gemma looks at the three of them and nods, clutching her stomach.

  Amy and Jackie shoot off the sofa and smother Gemma in hugs and kisses. Congratulations fill the air and the tension of a few minutes ago is forgotten for now, as well as the millions of viewers who are probably going mad.