Those Who Prey

by Jennifer Moffett

He sits up and takes a breath. He wipes his eyes with his T-shirt and looks out the window. “No. This is something else.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It isn’t like in Boston. It’s something Boston doesn’t like to talk about. More and more people were practicing after the Africa mission. Some saw it as a miracle.”

  “Practicing what?”

  “The rituals. Those who practice them are part of what they call the Remnant.”

  I search his face for answers, but now I’m not even sure I want to know. A strange sensation is taking over, like that feeling in a lucid dream when you suddenly become aware you’re dreaming yet you’re still stuck in that world, trapped in your own imagination. I stand to pace. Rituals? The Remnant? What in the hell is he talking about?

  “I think it started in Florida. When we all came back to the United States, Will spent the entire summer there under medical care and worked with the church where Ben grew up. The one where the Kingdom first started.”

  “Did Ben know Kara?” I ask, turning to see his reaction. Josh’s eyes flinch when I say her name out loud. Our new reality repeats in my head: Josh was with Kara. They both kept it from me. Kara is gone.

  “They grew up together, but they’ve always hated each other.” Josh drinks again.

  “Why?”

  “I’ve never gotten a straight answer on that. I know Kara’s mom left the church for a while after Africa. She was re-baptized by Will in Florida and he convinced her to let Kara come to Italy.”

  I sit quietly. Of course he was close enough to Kara to know this fact firsthand. Did she let Josh tell her what to do? I listen to him babble while playing the kind friend, trying to measure his words against what Kara told me. I take the bottle out of his hand and tilt back another drink. The bourbon doesn’t even burn this time.

  “Meredith stayed in Boston to coordinate the missions, but Will wanted to stay behind in Florida. As far as I can tell, she actually ran everything. When he finally came back to Boston, something changed. They were always with their disciples, separately. It’s almost as if they were training them for different missions.”

  Meredith had seemed so far away that day at the volleyball game, like she was sad just talking about how they met.

  “Do you think they were having problems?”

  “I’ve heard things. I have no idea if they were actually true.”

  “What things?”

  “I heard she wanted a divorce, and I think he did too, but the Leader wouldn’t allow it.”

  “Why?”

  “Divorce is against the Kingdom’s strict policy. And even if it wasn’t, they would never do anything to jeopardize their position in the Kingdom. Plus, she wouldn’t be allowed to lead without him. Women can’t be sector leaders without a husband.”

  I think of Meredith’s friendliness at the Castle and her confident mission speech after church when Will couldn’t be there. Students were so drawn to her. She had so much more charisma than Will, who just seemed angry and erratic, especially here.

  “I got the sense the Leader’s attitude toward Will shifted after the incident in Africa. Will came back from Africa completely changed. As if nothing could touch him. Like he was the one chosen to lead. But he was also very sick. He had to have continual blood transfusions due to the snake bite. And I also heard …” Josh’s voice trails off. He takes another drink of bourbon and looks out the window, where the sun sinks into the horizon. It casts a warm glow over the picturesque landscape, a stark contrast to the ugly nightmare we’re both trapped inside.

  I watch Josh stare out the window. I want to scream, to demand an immediate explanation. I can hear the edge in my voice, even though I’m trying to sound calm. “Heard what?”

  Josh’s eyes don’t leave the window. Why won’t he look at me? “I heard he was keeping venomous snakes in their house,” he finally says.

  “What?” My mouth falls open. Poisonous snakes are the last things I’d ever imagine finding in their pristine home.

  “That was where Meredith drew the line,” he continues. “She said she would not allow anyone to put her life in danger, or Rachel’s life, not even him. But the Leader somehow convinced her it would be okay.”

  “Why in the world would he do that?” Now I’m the one staring outside, grasping for normalcy, desperate to make sense of this bizarre information.

  But nothing makes sense anymore. And I’m terrified it never will.

  “The Leader claims he laid hands on Will in Africa, and the locals thought it was a miracle. No one there had ever heard of a survivor after a black mamba bite,” Josh explains. “Kara’s mother was a nurse and knew otherwise—antivenom, meds, even blood transfusions, all the things they kept secret behind the scenes. After that their ministry multiplied faster than all of the other ministries put together, and Will came to believe he was chosen to survive, chosen directly by God. Not healed by the Leader.”

  My rational thoughts spin off into the ether—far beyond anything I can grasp as reality. I look at Josh’s bottle, which is almost gone. His eyes are swollen and his hair completely disheveled, but I can still see the charming boy that interrupted my reading of Henry James that first day. “You realize how completely crazy this all sounds,” I say.

  Josh looks at me and I want to curl up in his arms, as if that would somehow make this all okay. I cannot let myself feel this way about him. “Why would anyone stay with a church that believes drinking venom is part of God’s plan?” I ask, looking at him for a plausible answer.

  He looks into my eyes with a tormented expression. “It eradicates the sin. Like a cure.”

  And that’s when the flow of information shuts down. He looks so distraught, and all I want to do is make things right for both of us. None of this matters anymore because we are leaving on this train hurling us far away from these people. “What were we thinking?” I ask, sitting beside him in shock. “What was I thinking?”

  Josh moves closer and wraps his arms around me. I’m overcome with a sudden sense of calm until I look into his eyes. They have that same unfamiliar look from that first moment when he saw me on the platform, almost like he doesn’t recognize me. His fingers slide into my hair just above the back of my neck. I start to pull away, but I don’t want to.

  “It’s gonna be okay. This is all my fault. And I’m going to get you away from them. Trust me,” he murmurs, just before his mouth covers mine.

  The weight of his torso feels inevitable and somehow comforting, even though I’m pinned underneath him. I shouldn’t be kissing him after everything that’s happened, but it just feels so damn good to do something normal. But I am not her.

  “Josh …”

  His mouth is on my ear, down my neck, over my mouth again, refusing to disconnect. Nothing matters to me anymore except this. One hand tugs at the buttons on my shorts while the other is in my hair, pulling with an urgency, as if grabbing hold of something he can never get back.

  “I’m not her.” I say it out loud.

  He raises himself up on his elbow and traces my face with his finger. “I know,” he says. I’m the one crying now. He backs away and settles beside me, his arm around my waist as if making sure nothing could pull me away from him until we both fall asleep.

  * * *

  I wake up to an empty compartment. The train is stopped. As I sit up, a wave of nausea hits. The stale bourbon creeps up my throat; I will it back down. I yank the window shade closed and collapse across the row of seats, afraid he left me. Then I see Josh’s green backpack wedged under the seat. He’s coming back.

  I lock the door to change clothes. Kara’s Walkman falls out as I’m grabbing a T-shirt from my bag. I couldn’t bring myself to listen to it in Paris, yet it still felt wrong to throw it away. Her mix tapes were so special to her. I even left them in the Tampax box—her clever way of hiding them from the Kingdom. I throw on clean clothes, unlock the door, and press play. A roaring static muffles everything out. Then a distant voice starts t
alking.

  My heart lurches when I realize it’s Heather’s voice.

  “This is it. Your final step to salvation. I know this is scary, Em, but I have to know your exact sins in order to help determine your spiritual weaknesses and assist you on the path to righteousness.” Pause. “Emily? You are going to have to be completely honest with me here. I have to know specifically what you’ve struggled with so you can come to grips with your sins. It’s the only way to become closer to God.”

  “Okay.”

  I cringe at the sound of my voice. What is this?

  “On number three, for example—”

  Josh taps my shoulder, and I jump out of my seat. He’s holding a croissant and a cup. I hit the stop button.

  “Hey, watch the coffee,” he says. “What’re you listening to?” He leans in and kisses my cheek as he hands me the hot cup, then steps back to look at me. “Is something wrong?”

  “You just scared me,” I whisper. Trying to think fast, I hand the coffee back to him. I try to clear my throat. “Would you mind getting me some water? I don’t feel so good.”

  “Sure,” he says. “I’ll be right back.” He looks at me with concern one more time before going down the hall. I watch until he disappears into the next train car.

  I open the Walkman. The tape is labeled SL EG. I cram the headphones into my bag and rip open the box of other tapes, every one labeled SL with other interns’ initials. A chill runs through me when I see it: SL JS. People are flooding the hallway of the train, and without even thinking I grab my bag, push through travelers, and run down the metal steps, nearly tripping on my way down. I hear the loud ding-dong signaling a departure followed by announcements in Italian just as I move into the safety of the crowd on the platform.

  When I turn to look back, Josh’s train is leaving the station.

  I run to the schedule board to find the next train to Florence.

  Like Mother, Like Daughter

  The villa is dark and still.

  I can hear my own breath as I wait and watch the door and the closed window for signs of movement. I let time pass as the stars move and the sky seems to expand into a vast unknown and scary place. A sudden wave of homesickness hits me. I long for my bedroom back home. For Tamara’s music in the next room. For Patti’s voice that mingles with my dad’s at the foot of the stairs in our kitchen. I want to crawl into the back of my closet and hug my knees and close out the rest of the world, but the idea seems like an impossibility under this ominous sky.

  As soon as I hear them singing in the main villa, I stand up and quickly rush to the door. I slowly turn the knob and my heart leaps into my throat when it opens without any further effort. I decide against turning on the light, just in case someone looks out the window at the villa. I hold my hands out, pressing into the darkness for familiar objects. The bunk beds must have been moved. I can still hear the interns singing in the villa and my eyes begin to well as I remember the feeling I used to get when I was with them in the circle, all of us singing together. Lifting up our voices.

  “Looking for this?” Meredith says as she flips on the light.

  I gasp so hard that it feels like my heart has stopped.

  I turn to look at her, her friendly expression catching me off guard.

  “Oh, sweetie. We’ve been so worried about you,” Meredith says, tilting her head. She sounds genuinely concerned. Maybe I can still play this off.

  “I’m sorry about running off. I just … wanted to make things right,” I finally choke out. I glance around the room where the beds have been pushed to one side against the closed window. Boxes and bags and stacks of papers are strewn in the corners and on the bunk beds, as if someone moved the entire office into this building.

  “Josh has been beside himself with worry,” she says.

  “Josh is here?” I blurt out.

  Meredith’s smile doesn’t falter. “Of course he is. Right up there.” She motions to the villa. “Where else would he be? He and Ben have taken over to lead the mission in a new direction, since my husband became ill. And Josh just knew you’d come back. He said you seem truly broken. I knew Kara’s sins had nothing to do with you.”

  She steps toward me, and I step back instinctively, positioning myself closer to the door. There is no way possible way that Josh could have beat me back here. She’s lying.

  “Emily,” she says, her brow furrowing in overacted concern. “Why are you upset with me? I’ve always been one of the few people to care about you. Heather would have stabbed you in the back in a heartbeat if it had meant she could be here on this mission. Too many students take the competitive road in Boston, and it makes our groups no different than a nest of angry hornets. You were always my favorite disciple—always so sweet and kind to others.”

  Her button-down blouse shifts as she reaches out to touch my shoulder, and I see my mother’s necklace glinting from her collarbone.

  My entire arm goes limp. “Where did you get that?”

  Tracing the charms with her fingers, she says, “They found it the night you left. I recognized it and was keeping it safe for you. I knew you’d come back.”

  “That’s my mother’s,” I growl. My fists clench at my sides. The Kingdom has already taken so much from me; I won’t let them have anything else. Meredith reaches behind her neck and unlatches it. “Here,” she says, holding it in front of her. “Turn around. I’ll clasp it for you.”

  I hesitate. The necklace dangles between us. Could it really be this easy? Meredith was never a part of this mess. She just got here. Maybe … maybe she’s actually here to help. A mixture of desperation and confusion prompts me to follow her suggestion.

  “Oh, sweetheart.” She brushes my hair to the side in a maternal gesture. “I know you must miss her so much, even after all these years.” This time I catch it—the lack of sympathy that doesn’t match her comforting words. And as I realize I’ve never spoken to Meredith about my mother, a surge of anger overrides any other emotion.

  The second the necklace is secured around my neck I step away and face her. “Did Heather talk to you about my mother?”

  “Honey, Heather talked to me about everything.”

  “That doesn’t mean you know anything. Not really. You know nothing about me.”

  Meredith stands casually, making no move to stop me. “That actually couldn’t be further from the truth,” she says. “It’s amazing what a little digging can do.”

  I take a step away from her, jabbing my fingernails into my palms so hard it hurts.

  “I also found out the truth about your mother.” Her tone is casual. “And I know she didn’t drown accidentally.”

  My feet feel concreted into this spot. My heart constricts.

  Meredith closes the space between us and touches my arm.

  “I’m sure you’ve had the same thoughts about killing yourself, and your friend Kara must have too, considering. Poor thing. You must have that effect on people.”

  Her words are a punch to the gut.

  “Or maybe you got upset with Kara …,” she trails off. “You know I heard Josh used to be very fond of her. Even with her questionable upbringing. Like mother, like daughter, as they say.”

  My hands are shaking uncontrollably. My mind won’t stop reliving the moment I found Kara. This time, I see a person at the edge of the pool. Was it that night? It was so dark. Someone sitting on a pool chair staring into the water, but the pool lights weren’t on. Maybe I didn’t find her until the next morning. Maybe I was hallucinating. Could the snake venom they gave me do that? My thoughts spin. I can’t tell which way is up, what was real and imagined.

  “There’s only one thing I know for sure,” Meredith says right up in my face. “Your mother isn’t in heaven because those who commit suicide can only burn in the flames of hell.”

  In an instant my confusion disappears, leaving a distilled rage. It materializes through my entire body as I push myself into her as hard as I can. She falls back and her head hits th
e corner of the bunk bed so hard I can hear the crack. The sound of her groan disappears into the night as I race out the door and into the vineyard, and I run and run until I get to the safety of town, to the train station, to the locker with my bag, on another train away from here.

  Sacred Confession

  Tamara answers the phone: “Emily. Where in the hell are you?”

  “I have to talk to Dad.”

  “He isn’t here,” she says. “But he wants to talk to you. He’s really pissed off, Em.”

  My entire body tenses with frustration.

  “Tamara, I need you to find him.”

  “He isn’t here. They’re out and about, so he’ll have to call you back. What’s your number there?”

  “I don’t know. I’m traveling,” I say, looking around at the train station, not even sure where I am. As soon as I reached a safe distance from Florence, I jumped off during a stop to use a pay phone.

  “He’s been really angry about not having a contact number that works. No one ever answers the number the director gave him,” Tamara says.

  Director? He spoke to Will?

  “Then we tried to ask your school contact about it, and they said the phone lines are unreliable.”

  “School contact?” My grip on the phone tightens.

  “Yeah. They came by the house earlier this week. Mom spoke to them.”

  Holy shit. “They came to the house? What did they say?”

  “I don’t know, but they were best friends with Patti by the end. She was excited about all the museums you’re seeing.”

  “What were their names?”

  “I don’t know. Listen. Dad can tell you. He should be back any minute.” Her tone shifts to concern. “Emily?” She pauses. “Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Everything—”

  Tamara cuts me off. “Dad just walked in.”

  “Emily!” The sound of his voice makes my heart leap, but I immediately recognize the questioning tone. I wish he were here so I could explain. “Give me just a second so I can pick up on the other line.” I hear mumbling, a succession of clicks, and then his voice. “Where are you right now? I need a better way to reach you, hon. That damn phone number you gave us never connects.”