TANGLED

by Simone Elise

  “Up,” he said and gestured with his hand for me to more. “Now.”

  I frowned. “What?”

  “Up. Now.”

  I did not understand why I had to stand. But doing as I was told, I pushed myself away from the table. Just as I stood, his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me down to his lap. Surprised by the sudden move, my arm wrapped around his neck automatically to catch myself. I heard Kyle scoff like it was unbelievable, but my attention was on Josh as he repositioned me.

  One of Josh’s hands stilled on my side, holding me in place and the other reached around me pulling his plate closer.

  “Start eating,” he said firmly, and his hand went to mine, which were locked around his neck. “Now, Soph.”

  I groaned. So this was why I was on his lap. “I am not eating your tea.” I even pouted a little. There was nothing wrong with me not eating. Nothing at all.

  “Just so happens I don’t feel like potatoes and mum has given me heaps. So you can either start eating them, or I’ll start feeding them to you.” He was serious right now, his tone, his expression deadly fucking serious. He didn’t care who was watching; he didn’t care who saw him feed me. He wasn’t backing down.

  I huffed. “Fine.” I turned on his lap and picked up the fork. “But just for this, Josh, I’m sleeping in the middle of the bed. With both electric blankets on.” I smirked a bit at my plan. I knew for a fact he thought the temperature I kept my blanket at was too hot.

  Then he did something I wasn’t expecting: he kissed my bare shoulder. I turned just slightly to look at him, and all I saw was pleasure. He was happy right now. Him getting me to eat made him happy.

  Louise and Jed got up and entered their own conversation. Seem attention was off Josh and me. They went into the kitchen talking about something. My eyes were glued to Josh.

  So was my attention.

  “Soph, you aren’t eating.” He nudged his head towards the plate. “Eat.”

  I sighed and turned my attention back to his plate. “You know I think your bed is more comfortable than mine.” I started to chop up the potato.

  “It is and from now on you are sleeping in it.”

  I wanted to laugh, but then I began to wonder whether he was serious.

  Kyle laughing caused my eyes to snap to off Josh and on to him. “So what are you going to do, Sophia, when you go to sleep in his bed one night and wake up to him and another woman?” Kyle’s eyes hardened with annoyance but also enjoyment.

  Kyle had taken what Josh said as fact, like I would be spending every night in Josh’s bed from now on. And if you looked at Josh’s expression, you might have thought that too. But I doubted very much that Josh was serious about me sleeping in his bed every night.

  Kyle was right, Josh did sleep with other women. I wasn’t having sex with Josh, we were only friends. Josh would need have sex at some point, so Kyle had a point. But I wasn’t about to gush over how awkward it would be if Josh kicked me out of his bed so he could have sex with another woman.

  Nope. I wasn’t doing that.

  I sighed causally. “Well, who knows, Kyle. I am in to the drugs and party scene now. Doesn’t sexual exploration come with that?” Seeing the shock on Kyle’s face was priceless and with that said I put the fork in my mouth and took the potato off it.

  Josh laughed and it hummed through my body as I sat on him. I think Josh had never seen his brother so fucking speechless. Ha. Take that, Kyle. For once he had nothing to say. I glanced at Kayla and her expression mirrored her boyfriend’s.

  Did Kyle really think he could put me in a position where I would feel awkward and he would control and know my feelings? Yeah, I think he did. I think in his world I was still his little Soph, the one that would shy away from an awkward situation or at the mention of sex.

  Seeing as he was in shock, I decided to use that to my advantage. I pointed my fork at him after swallowing my potato. “You know what you should do, Kyle, you should get tattoos. I know it goes against your whole golden boy image. But trust me, they turn girls on.” I looked at Kayla. “You always had a thing for tattoos, right?”

  They both just stared at me with mouths slightly open.

  I shrugged. “I never really liked them, until I saw Josh’s. And now I don’t even glance at a guy that doesn’t have them.” That was true now. I loved the work in tattoos. But I loved Josh’s tattoos the best. And I hadn’t even seen all of them.

  Kyle shook his head, snapping out of shock. “So you are telling me you stand for everything my brother does?” He looked at me like that was impossible. “You are actually saying that not one of his tattoos offend you? That you, Sophia, would accept his type of life?”

  I frowned, what the fuck was Kyle on about?

  “So you are saying that you would stand by him even though he is worthless criminal?” Kyle added, and just those words made my blood boil. “His life is going nowhere!”

  I had spent so long being hurt by Kyle I was never really mad at him. I never thought I deserved him in the first place. But for him to sit there and degrade another human being, especially his brother, had just sent my body into overdrive with hate towards him.

  I could not believe that the Kyle I knew would think so little of a person! Let alone his flesh and blood!

  I felt Josh’s hand go still on my back, and I didn’t need to see his expression. I already knew what Josh thought of himself, which wasn’t much. Josh was most likely thinking Kyle was painting his life with more color than he deserved.

  “Clearly you and I have a different understanding of worthlessness. I value Josh more than I value men like you—spineless, gutless shits that treat women like they are nothing but a sex symbol.” My glare hardened on Kyle, the lid on my temper gone. “Your life is the one going nowhere, do you know why that is?”

  He didn’t answer so I took the chance.

  “Because you will never have a woman that truly loves you for you in your life. You will have the degree, you will have the expensive car and house and successful career, but you know what else you will have? A wife who will never love you for you without those things, and who will care more about the dollars in the bank than about you.” I held Kyle’s eyes. I wasn’t finished. “Do you know what your brother will have?” I arched my eyebrows. “A woman who stands by his every decision, who loves the dark and the light side of him, and who won’t just fight for him but also beside him. He is going to have a woman that loves him for him. No matter what. He will have a family and he also will be there for his children, not working in a pointless corporate job. So remind me again, who will have the worthless life?”

  Just like that I shut Kyle down. I shut down everything he thought about himself. He really thought he was better than Josh. Well, he was wrong. Josh was so much better than him. Josh was the one that was going to have the great life. Josh was the one that would have the woman who loved him. Josh was more of a man than Kyle would ever be.

  Kyle just stared at me and then finally opened his mouth. “Well, at least now I know which brother you think more of.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not that at all, Kyle. It’s about which brother is more of a man.” I dropped my fork. “Maybe one day you will actually realize how much of an example your brother is. Until then, I guess your future is looking as bright and happy as a funeral march.”

  I didn’t feel one bit bad when I saw the hurt in Kyle’s eyes because only moments before he was trying to put that hurt in Josh’s. Yeah, I didn’t feel one bit bad as Kyle looked at me so hurt I thought he was close to tears, like my opinion really mattered to him. That me saying I thought Josh was going to have the better life didn’t just hurt him it shattered his heart.

  Well, if he didn’t like where his life was heading, I guess I had just given him an eye opener. Now he could do something about it.

  I hated it when people put others down because in their head they thought they were better. Just moments ago Kyle thought he was better than Josh. Why
? Because he judged value on material things. On what society thinks of you. And on the opinion of narrowed minded people.

  I took my eyes off Kyle and as I turned on Josh’s lap I saw his expression. He looked just as shocked as his brother, maybe even more. He had heard every word I had said, and I think he just didn’t know how to react. I knew Josh; he wouldn’t think that one word I had just said was possible of happening.

  But I knew different. I knew he would get all those things. Why? Because Josh had a good and pure heart and when he decided he was ready to open it up to a woman, she was going to be one hell of a lucky girl and she would be giving him all those things I’ve listed.

  Josh didn’t see it, but I did. And so would the woman that he let into his life.

  I put my hand on his cheek. “So where is this electric blanket? And I’m totally claiming the right side of the bed.” I smiled at him, hoping that he would snap out of just staring at me.

  The shock slowly disappeared from his eyes and the emotion painted in his eyes/ I had never seen before. Not in his eyes, or any man’s eyes. I didn’t know if it was amazement, hatred, love, or disappointment.

  I couldn’t help but grin. Truth was, Josh was going to have a great and successful life. Society might not approve of how he lives it, or how he earns money, but Josh would be happy, and that is all that mattered. Isn’t that what everyone wants, happiness?

  I opened my mouth, ready to pull him from this state, but my phone buzzed on the table. I reached for it. Then I saw him name and nearly rolled my eyes. He still wasn’t getting the whole silent treatment I was giving him. I unlocked my phone, opening up Bax’s message.

  Babe I’m so fucking sorry. Just tell me what I need to do to get u back.

  My eyes ran over Bax’s words a couple of times. I had blocked him out for over a week. I had told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, and yet he wasn’t ready to give up on me.

  I hit reply just as the phone was snatched out of my hands. I frowned and it took me a second to realize what had happened as I looked at Josh, my phone clenched in his hand, and an expression I did know—jealousy.

  “Um, Josh, you have my phone?” I was very calm about it, causal, like we were fooling around, when really he was being a control freak.

  He had given me reason after reason this morning why I shouldn’t go back to Bax. And all day I hadn’t reached out to Bax because I couldn’t get “what would Josh think” out of my head.

  I wondered what it would take for Josh to snap out of the state I put him in by me telling the truth to his brother about him, and the life he was going to have. But I hadn’t expected him to go straight into jealousy.

  It wasn’t like Bax would ever come in between our friendship. Maybe I needed to tell him that?

  “Josh, give me the phone,” I said calmly and put my hand out. “You and I had this discussion this morning. And we both know where we landed on the subject.”

  I was not going to rehash this morning fight with Josh in front of Kyle and Kayla and within earshot of his parents.

  “Nah. The answer to his question is nothing. You hear me, Soph? Nothing he can do.” Josh never told me off or talked to me like he was in control of my life or anything. Actually, Josh never cared what anyone did with their life as long as it didn’t impact his.

  So why the fuck did he just say that like, he didn’t just care, but I couldn’t argue with him?

  “Josh give me the phone.”

  “No.”

  I scoffed. I couldn’t believe it.

  That was when I heard Kyle laughing.

  I turned to look at him. “Why are you laughing? Something snap you out of the depressive life you are living?”

  “My brother has competition for you.” Kyle pointed a finger at Josh with a wide grin. “How does it feel, big brother, to finally meet a girl out of your league? Soph might think you are a better man than me, but you still aren’t man enough to have her.” Kyle looked at me with hope. What the hell was wrong with him?

  “Josh, give me the phone. Don’t you have somewhere you need to be tonight anyway?” I reminded him of the busy night he did have planned this morning.

  “Yeah, that was until I realized something.” He kept clenching my phone, so tightly I was waiting for the screen to start to crack.

  “Let me guess, Soph is more important than another night on the piss at the strip clubs?” Kyle piped into the conversation.

  I turned and threw a glare at Kyle. “Shut up, Kyle. We all know I’m not important enough to stop anyone’s plans. I’m nobody, remember? I’m not the woman you drop plans for. I’m not the woman you do anything for. You said I was a nobody, and you were right.” I turned my attention back on to Josh. “Now give me the phone.”

  Josh’s eyes hardened and well off me “See what you fucking did?” Josh yelled across the table at his brother. “You happy with yourself?”

  Josh completely ignored me. Instead, he started yelling at Kyle. “You are fucking toxic. I meant it when I said you stay out of her life. That means no talking to her.” Josh was yelling and even his parent’s looked up from the kitchen to see what the problem was.

  Kyle narrowed his eyes at Josh. “You can’t ban me from talking to Soph! She was mine to begin with!”

  “There you go again, forgetting that you are in her past not future!”

  “And there you go again, hoping to be in her future!” Kyle snapped back at Josh just as quickly. “Soph and I will always have more than whatever fucked up relationship you have with her.”

  “Oh for Christ Sake!” I roared and slapped Josh’s arm off me and got up. “You both are acting like I matter! I don’t!” I never yelled, but here I was screaming at them “So stop fighting! You are brothers!” God, I wasn’t worth an argument. “I don’t have one fucking idea why you two want to compete on who will know me better when we all know there is nothing about me that anyone would want!”

  I didn’t get it. I didn’t get what they were talking about when they were saying futures and pasts and shit. I wasn’t in anyone’s future because I wasn’t worth a second glance. I wasn’t even worth a first glance. I was a nobody. No one important. And as much as I went on about everyone contributing to the world, I knew my mark wouldn’t be great, inspiring, or deep. It would be a scratch.

  “Sophia dear, are you ok?” Louise said from the kitchen.

  No. I wasn’t ok. But I didn’t need Louise’s pity.

  I forced myself to take a steady breath and turned to face Kyle and Josh’s parents. “Thanks for dinner, Louise and Jed. I’m heading out now.” And with that said, I walked behind Josh’s chair and through the house.

  Bax wasn’t a guy that would love or respect me. I knew that. But I also knew I wasn’t worth being loved and respected. Sex. That was all I was getting from Bax and that was all he was able to give me. And while I had sex with him, it filled some need inside me. It gave me all I needed.

  I picked up my keys for my car from the foyer table and opened the front door and closed it swiftly behind me.

  Josh and Kyle would make up. They were brothers. I don’t know why they were suddenly thinking I was a rag doll in between them. I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth a fight.

  Kyle would get a trophy wife. Maybe Kayla.

  And Josh would find the love of his life.

  And when they both did that, they would realize how pointless it was to fight with each other, especially over me.

  As soon as I was not living in the same house as them, they would forget all about me.

  I was walking down the garden path when I heard the front door close.

  “Soph!”

  I picked up my speed.

  “Soph!”

  I just pressed the button to unlock my car and my lights flashed. I opened the driver’s side door and then Josh’s hand went to the corner and shut it.

  I wanted to groan. Couldn’t he just let me leave? His hand was still on the door and he was trapping me between the car and
him. I could feel his strong body behind me, pressing into my back. I was breathing sharply and trying my best, my very best, to not show how upset I was.

  “Sweetheart, please turn around?”

  I crossed my arms and kept my back to him. I would not turn around. Then his hand went off the door and I took my opportunity. I uncrossed my arms and my hand went to the door handle, and just as I opened it his hand forced it shut again.

  I huffed frustrated.

  “Sweetheart, I’m not letting you go to him.” Josh’s words were firm, yet soft, which made me frown and I turned around.

  “Why?” I looked up at him, and he was just staring down at me, again with a tint in his eyes that confused me.

  He took a step towards me, closing the small gap between us. I took one back.

  “Because.”

  “That’s not a reason.”

  “I’m not going to be the one that drives you into his arms.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You aren’t.”

  “You are going to him right now because of me.” Josh pulled his hand off the car and his hand went to my side, he dipped his head. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

  Josh never said sorry. He didn’t believe in the word sorry. So I knew right now he was only saying it cause he didn’t know what else to say.

  I shook my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t say sorry when you don’t mean it.”

  “I do mean it.”

  I scoffed and couldn’t help myself. I pushed him firmly back. “Piss off, Josh.”

  Josh grabbed my hands, trapping each one in one of his strong hands. “Sweetheart. I mean it. I’m sorry. Now please don’t run from me.” I heard the change in his words, pain crept into them. Like me leaving would hurt him.

  I stopped and looked at the situation. Josh was standing here saying sorry. He never said sorry. He was standing here stopping me from going to a man that Josh thought wasn’t worth my time.

  He didn’t want me to run from him. He thought he was driving me into another man’s arms. What was he scared of? Why did him thinking he was driving me to another man bother him so?