Return to Crutcher Mountain (Cedar Hollow Series Book 2)

by Clayton, Melinda

  “Not a problem; consider it done. Have fun on the walk. I believe the topic today is ‘The Healthy Expression of Feelings.’ You might enjoy it.” She looked down, busying herself with the papers on her desk in an attempt to hide a smile.

  “Good God, you people never give up.” Damn therapists. I let myself out.

  Chapter 14: Robby

  Well it’s me Robby again. I finally got some good sleep last night because I am on the top bunk and now when Anthony rocks the bed will not fall down on me. We had pancakes for breakfast and now we are going to go on a walk in the woods. Mr. Paul said that while we are on the walk we will stop sometimes and talk about what we are feeling. That’s pretty cool I guess unless I am feeling something I don’t want to tell people and then I won’t tell them and they can’t make me. Ha!

  I hear a door close and I look up and see Ms. McIntosh coming out of Dr. Wright’s office. She is zipping up her jacket and I wonder if she is going on the walk with us. She comes over to stand with us and she is! I like Ms. McIntosh and I can tell that Marcus does too because he is going crazy banging on his chair and laughing.

  Mr. Paul tells us the safety rules and then he gets behind Marcus’ chair and Ms. Janice gets behind Stacey’s chair and we start down the trail. Mr. Paul is talking about the birds and the sky and stuff but I don’t really listen to that because how am I supposed to hear the birds if I am listening to him talking? Duh! I like Mr. Paul but sometimes he talks too much.

  I am walking beside Stacey’s chair because I am still in love with Stacey. I like Ms. McIntosh too but she is way too old to be in love with. Stacey smiles at me and then Ms. Janice tells us all to gather around crisscross applesauce. That means we have to sit on the ground with our legs bent up and listen to something Important.

  Ms. Janice talks about the different kinds of feelings we all have like sadness and anger and happiness. Then she goes around the group asking everyone how they feel Right Now and then she talks about that for a minute. She is going to ask me how I feel and I am going to tell her that I feel great. It is a nice day and Stacey smiled at me and Ms. McIntosh came on the walk with us and Joseph said he is going to ask his mom if I can come visit him when we all go back home.

  I want to go visit Joseph because he’s a cool kid and he said he has a mom and a dad and a sister. I only have a mom but sometimes I don’t have her. I used to go live with Grandpa when I didn’t have a mom but when he died I had to get a caseworker. Her name is Mrs. Cortes and her job is to find me a Foster Family. That means they aren’t really my family but they pretend to be for a while.

  She found me one Foster Family and they were okay but they already have too many kids so I can’t go back there. I don’t know who I will go live with now. I have an uncle who lives a long way away and he would let me live with him but my aunt doesn’t want me. Maybe I can live with Joseph except I don’t think I want a sister.

  Mrs. Cortes said not to worry and that she will find a place for me. She said, “Robby, you’re a great kid and there will be plenty of people who want to make you a part of their family.” I hope she is right but I think maybe she doesn’t know I have Down Syndrome because if she did she would know that sometimes people don’t want kids with Down Syndrome.

  “Robby, what are you feeling right now, in this moment?” It is Ms. Janice and now it is my turn to answer the question but I’m not feeling great anymore. I don’t want to tell her because if I do Mr. Paul will want to meet with me for a Breakthrough so I just look down at the ground and I don’t say anything.

  “Robby? Can you tell us what you’re feeling?” But I’m not going to so I just keep looking down until she says, “Okay. Robby doesn’t feel like sharing right now so we’ll move on.” For some reason that makes me want to cry.

  Then I feel a hand on my head and I know it is Ms. McIntosh because it is exactly the way it felt when she put her hand on my head last night and I can smell her and she still smells good. I am still looking at the ground but my heart stops hurting as much but I want to cry even more and that’s weird. She just stands there that way and she doesn’t ask me questions or stare at me and I like that. Then it is time to stand up and walk some more but I don’t feel like it so I don’t get up.

  “Robby, it’s time to walk some more.” That is Mr. Paul but I don’t care because I don’t want to walk and talk about stupid feelings so I don’t get up and he can’t make me. Ha!

  “It’s okay,” Ms. McIntosh says. “I’ll stay with him.” So Mr. Paul and Ms. Janice and everybody else all leave down the trail and it is just me and Ms. McIntosh and I think oh great now she’s going to try to make me have a Breakthrough but she doesn’t. She just sits down on the ground next to me and doesn’t say anything for a long time so I look at her and she smiles at me and then she winks like Grandpa used to do and for some reason that makes me smile at her.

  Then she asks me, “Are you ready to meet up with the others?” But I don’t know if I am or not.

  “I don’t want to talk about stupid feelings,” I tell her and I think she will tell me it’s good to talk about feelings but she doesn’t. She nods at me and says, “Yeah, I don’t want to talk about stupid feelings, either.” I did not think she would say that because that is not what Grownups are supposed to say. Grownups are supposed to tell you feelings are not stupid.

  Maybe she doesn’t know what she is supposed to say so I tell her what Mr. Paul always tells me. “You have to talk about feelings. If you don’t they build up and make you unhappy.”

  She looks at me and she is surprised. “But I thought feelings were stupid,” she says and I can’t believe a Grownup is talking this way so I tell her what else Mr. Paul always says.

  “Mr. Paul says talking about feelings is good for you.”

  She looks at me for a minute and then she says, “Why do you think it might be good for you?”

  I think about that. “Mr. Paul says keeping feelings inside makes you lonely. He says when you share feelings then you don’t feel all alone.”

  “Ahh,” she says. I don’t know what ahh means. Then she says, “Do you feel alone?”

  “Well, duh!” I tell her, and I am starting to think maybe she is Lower Functioning than I am because I am having to explain it all to her. “I am alone. My Grandpa died and I don’t have a place to live.” Sheesh!

  Then she says, “Hmmm.” I don’t know what hmmm means either. She is a very confusing lady. She is nice but she is confusing. “That must be scary,” she says. “Being all alone like that, I mean.”

  “I am not scared!” I don’t mean to yell but I do because I am not scared and that is the truth. I am not a scaredy baby. “I am sad that I don’t have a family and I miss my Grandpa.”

  “Oh,” she says. She doesn’t look mad at me for yelling. “That makes sense. I’m sad sometimes because I don’t have a family, either.”

  That is weird to me because she does have a family so I wonder what she means but then she says, “And sometimes, I’m even mad that I don’t have a family.”

  Boy do I know what she means about that and I tell her, “Yeah, I’m mad, too! Sometimes I’m really, really mad because Grandpa died and my mom is gone and I’m just a kid. Sometimes I want to hit things I get so mad. I get really mad.”

  “Wow,” she says. “You sound really mad. What do you hit?”

  “Yeah I am really mad!” I am happy that she doesn’t tell me not to get mad. Grownups always tell me not to get mad but I do it anyway. “I hit my pillow when I get really, really mad.”

  “A pillow, huh? That sounds like a good plan. That way you can get the mad out but not hurt anything. What do you do when you’re sad?”

  “I cry or I just sit and be quiet.”

  “Hmmm,” she says again and I still don’t know what hmmm means but I think it must not be a bad thing. Then she says, “Yeah, crying can be good. It can get the sad out.” I nod at her because she is right. She is right about being sad and about being mad and that makes me feel
happy. Maybe she isn’t too Low Functioning.

  We stop talking for a while and then she stands up and says, “Well, if we’re not going to talk about stupid feelings, let’s stand up and walk. I’m too old to sit on the ground for such a long time.” She rubs her back and makes a funny face at me and I laugh.

  I get up because I don’t feel sad or mad right now and I’m ready to finish the walk with everybody else and I’m happy that maybe I taught Ms. McIntosh some things today. She is very nice but I can’t believe she didn’t know that feelings are good for you.

  Chapter 15

  Robby and I caught up to the group just as the walk was nearly over. I sent him on ahead and signaled to Paul, who stepped aside so I could fill him in on my conversation with Robby.

  He whistled softly. “Nice job, Jessie. If you ever want a career change....”

  I snorted. “Sure, Paul. Physician heal thyself right here in the flesh.”

  He laughed before jogging to catch up to the group. I took my time, enjoying the trail for the second time that day. It never failed to amaze me, the way the mountain changed depending on the time of day. The early morning had been cold and misty, but the fog had burned off leaving a clear blue sky, and the brilliant reds and yellows of the changing leaves were breathtaking. So enamored was I with the tree tops that I nearly ran over Corinne. Had she not laughed that tinkling laugh of hers, I surely would have.

  “Corinne! What on earth are you doing here?” I caught my balance against a tree.

  “Craftin’, of course. It’s Wednesday.” She reached out a hand to steady me.

  “You’ve lost me.”

  That tinkling laugh again. “I come on Wednesdays to run a craft group with the kids. I came early today hopin’ we could share some lunch. Nora said I’d find you on the trail.”

  “I had no idea you volunteered here! When did you start and what made you decide to do it?” I took her arm as we exited the trail.

  “I started as soon as it opened. I got my background check done right away and asked Nora about volunteerin’. She was happy to have me.” Corinne smiled, her blue eyes dancing, and lightly squeezed my arm. “It keeps me young. And you would have known about it if you kept in better touch. I took Wednesdays and Valerie took Thursdays.”

  “Valerie? Poindexter?”

  “The very one. She does story hour with the children Thursday evenin’s.”

  Valerie Burnett Poindexter had been the librarian in Cedar Hollow since I was a girl. Having originally come to Cedar Hollow for an internship to satisfy requirements for her degree program at Marshall University, she’d fallen in love with the village and never left. Her husband was the town’s dentist, the first and only dentist Cedar Hollow had ever had.

  “Hurry, now. Goodness, honey, you’d think with those long legs you could walk a little faster. We have to go back to the car to get the food and the boys. They can’t come on campus, you know, because they haven’t been cleared.”

  I stopped in my tracks. “What boys?”

  Corinne pulled at my arm impatiently. “John and Michael, of course. Come on, honey, craftin’ starts in less than an hour. We can eat out in the gazebo by the drive. The boys are settin’ the food out for us.” She tugged me forward again.

  “John is here?”

  “He sure is. I was so glad to see him! And that Michael seems like a nice fellow, too.”

  “Michael is here.” I could hardly believe my ears. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be angry, the entire situation was so preposterous. “Corinne, what have you done?”

  “I’ll have you know I didn’t do a thing.” She shot me a reproachful look. “My son called me yesterday after you left and told me he and his friend was comin’ to town, and here they are. There’s nothin’ wrong with that and I, for one, am mighty glad to see them. I thought it would be nice if we all had us a little picnic up here on the mountain before I go to work with the children. Isn’t that a nice idea?”

  Sure enough, there they were, standing in the gazebo. They were both dressed casually in jeans and hiking boots, resembling nothing so much as middle-aged choir boys ready to camp out and sing Kumbaya. They looked up as we approached, and John came forward and enveloped me in a hug.

  “Nice boots,” I managed to say. “Growlers?” I asked, knowing John’s taste for expensive footwear.

  He released me and shook his head. “Danners.”

  Of course. Nothing but the best for John. “You went shoe shopping without me,” I accused.

  “You ran off without me,” John retorted. Touché.

  I turned to face Michael, who seemed afraid to approach me. “Fancy seeing you here,” was all I managed to come up with. As lame as it was, it was fitting. In my wildest dreams I’d never expected to see Michael Bell outside Billy May’s cabin on Crutcher Mountain. The dissonance was jarring.

  He stepped towards me cautiously. “I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said. “When you wouldn’t take my calls, I called John. He was worried about you, too. So, we decided....”

  “You decided to crash my party,” I finished for him. “I’m not sure exactly what either of you think you can do here,” I said. “And you certainly can’t stay here.”

  “They’re stayin’ with me, of course,” Corinne answered for them. “And I don’t think they plan on doin’ anythin’, honey. They just wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay. They’re flyin’ back out Friday evenin’.”

  She took a Tupperware container of what looked like fried chicken out of a cooler. “Now sit down here and eat and quit bein’ stubborn. It’s a beautiful day and we’re goin’ to enjoy it. Tell me what you’ve found out about the goin’s on up here.”

  At the age of forty-seven I had no more idea how to argue with Corinne than I had at the age of thirteen, so I sat down and did as I was told. Besides, the food was delicious and as Corinne had pointed out, it was a beautiful day. Surprisingly, I found myself happy to see them, Michael included. I filled them in on my conversation with Nora earlier that morning, leaving out the part about Virgil’s accusations. I needed to talk to Corinne in private about that.

  Michael listened intently, saying little. I imagined the whole scenario was overwhelming for him. In the space of thirty minutes he learned more about my history than he had the entire six months we’d known each other. John, on the other hand, interrupted every couple of minutes with a question or a comment, particularly when I voiced my suspicions regarding the Huffmans.

  “I see why you’re suspicious, Jessie, but how could they be involved? Weren’t they fingerprinted before being offered their positions?”

  I nodded, swallowing a bite of Corinne’s fabulous potato salad. “They were, but criminal history doesn’t always follow a person across state lines. Most agencies—this one included—do a state check but not a federal one. Federal checks are expensive, and as you know, with the ongoing budget cuts, agencies just don’t have the resources. If a potential employee has a clean state record reaching back seven or more years, that’s often accepted. Some state checks include a national check for sexual offenses or terrorist actions, but that leaves out a lot.”

  John reached for the thermos of sweet tea. “So you’re saying it’s possible the Huffmans have some sort of old criminal record in another state. If they’ve kept their noses clean here for the last several years, they could pass a background check with flying colors and no one would be the wiser.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Then the obvious question,” he said, filling Corinne’s glass as well, “is how long have they lived in West Virginia?”

  “I don’t know. That’s what I’d been on my way to ask Nora when she hit me with everything else.”

  “Speakin’ of everythin’ else,” Corinne broke in, “I heard about Virgil runnin’ his mouth off down at the diner. Kay told me about it.”

  I handed her the platter of biscuits. “Do you know him? Nora said he knew Roy.” I glanced over at Michael. Unless John had b
een telling tales out of school, and I didn’t believe he would, Michael didn’t know that part of my past. I had no intention of telling him.

  “They worked in the mine together.” Corinne waved away the biscuits. “He was a good bit younger than Roy. Must’ve been somewhere in his twenties back when Roy disappeared.” She looked hard at me, a silent communication. “There was that group of ’em, you know. Played poker together and caused trouble for everyone else. Could be you saw him back then but wouldn’t know him now, it’s been so long, and Lord knows he hasn’t aged well. Corn whiskey’ll do that to you.”

  So Virgil may very well have been one of the drunken, nasty men I waited on during Roy’s poker nights, pouring shots and emptying ashtrays when I should have been tucked into bed, visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. Isn’t that how the rhyme goes? Not in my childhood. I shivered in the shade of the gazebo.

  “Well,” Corinne pushed back her plate and stood, “I’ve got to get to work with these children. Boys, I believe you can handle the clean up. Jessie, why don’t you help me carry my craftin’ supplies in.”

  I followed Corinne to her car where she handed me several bags of multi-colored yarn, construction paper, and other assorted art supplies. As we left the men packing leftovers at the gazebo, Corinne gripped my arm.

  “I also heard what else he’s been tellin’ people,” she said. “About that night.” She searched my face for a reaction. Apparently satisfied that I could handle whatever she had to say, she continued. “He don’t know nothin’, Jessie. There ain’t nothin’ to know. He’s just spewin’ out hate, that’s all. Besides, ain’t nobody left but me and Darryl and Eugene, and what’re they goin’ to do to us? Throw us in jail? Chances are we’d die of old age before it ever got that far.” She held up her hand to stop me from speaking.

  “The mine shaft is filled in and we’re just a bunch of old people, one foot already on the other side. Virgil’s just causin’ trouble, tryin’ to get the attention off himself. I don’t know if he’s the one behind all this, but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.”