A Merciless Year One

by Eva Brandt

  She shot forward, and all of a sudden, she was right there, in front of me, in my space. She pulled me into her arms, so close our breasts were pressing together. “You’re so beautiful,” she said. “Too beautiful to be human. You shouldn’t exist.”

  And she kissed me. My eyes widened as her lips crashed against mine.

  It was nothing like the kisses I’d shared with Sariel, Yeqon, and Azazel, and not because of her gender. Her embrace felt like a cage, and her power surged against my body, wriggling its way under my skin. At first, it was only uncomfortable, but within seconds, it became painful, almost excruciatingly so.

  In a panic, I lashed out and pushed her away, mustering every ounce of power I’d managed to gather while in The Celestial Realm. It worked and she staggered back, releasing me from her hold.

  “Don’t touch me,” I spat at her. “I don’t know what you think I’ve done, but I don’t feel that way toward you and if you do, that’s not my responsibility.”

  It was the wrong thing to do. Ariel’s lips twisted into a crooked, almost insane grin.

  “Thank you for saying that. You might not believe it, but I hated having to harm you in such a way. Another sign of your corruption.” She licked her lower lip, as if she was tasting our kiss one more time. “But I understand now that it was wrong of me to hesitate, even for a moment. Your soul must die.”

  As she spoke, her entire body started to glow and her voice shifted, echoing in my ears in a hundred different pitches. Her face flickered, as if she was more than one person. Light flashed around her, currents of power dancing over her body, crackling underneath her skin.

  On some level, I’d asked myself how she could have been the one to attack me. I hadn’t seen the person’s face, but I’d heard their voice and felt their touch. With Ariel being so familiar to me, I should have recognized her.

  But I’d forgotten something very important. Angels had more than one form. The various classes of celestial beings possessed different numbers of wings and faces, just like Lucifer did. Archangels were no different.

  The Ariel I’d known was only a part of what she was, and when she came at me again, it was her true form that attacked me. Her wings flashed so brightly their light blinded me, and as she grabbed my shoulder, my bones shattered like glass.

  I really did scream then, but if there was anyone nearby, they didn’t rush to my aid. Ariel shoved me down and flipped me around, pinning me to the ground, just like she had during her first attack.

  With the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the moment a blade of fire appeared in her hand. It didn’t take a genius to realize what she was planning to do with it. “No!” I sobbed. “Please, don’t! Not that! Anything but that! Kill me, but just… Don’t damn me.”

  I couldn’t be Lucifer’s slave. The mere thought was beyond repulsive. I’d rather die a million deaths before I allowed that to happen.

  “Don’t worry,” she said calmly. “You’ll be fine. Plenty of creatures have survived losing their wings. As I understand it, one of the current princes of Hell went through a similar process. I’m sure you’ll be great friends.”

  The idea didn’t appeal in the slightest. I tried to struggle, lashing out with my magic, willing her to let me go, screaming, and begging. But Ariel was much too powerful.

  In one single motion, the blade of fire went straight through my incipient wings. They were small and underdeveloped so she didn’t have to put too much effort into it at all. But the moment she cut them off, I felt the difference.

  The light I’d grown accustomed to—the warm, comforting power of The Celestial Realm—became suffocating and poisonous. I couldn’t breathe. The horrible pain emanating from my back encompassed every inch of my body, tearing my sense of self apart all over again.

  Dark memories flashed through my mind, images of fire, death, blood, and destruction. I screamed again, but this time, I couldn’t even hear myself make the sound. I was choking on my own blood and there was no escape.

  I tried to cling to what little I had left, to my hopes and dreams. I remembered Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon, seeing their smiles in my head. But with that image came the weight of Uriel’s words and the knowledge I could no longer deny.

  “You don’t love them.”

  “You’re a creature of deception.”

  “You don’t deserve your wings.”

  Maybe in the end, they were right. Maybe I was unworthy of this chance. The Grim Reaper might have been powerful, but anyone could make a mistake.

  That was the last thought I had before the fire and the blood completely engulfed my body. Ariel pushed me off the edge of the tower, and I fell into nothingness and shadow.

  * * *

  I didn’t know what I’d expected would happen to a damned soul. I hadn’t given it much thought, beyond the slavery to Lucifer thing, which was already horrible.

  Either way, I’d been pretty sure that it would involve humiliation, chains, fire, and brimstone. Nothing I’d seen in Sodom had changed my mind.

  And so, when I cracked my eyes open and saw I was in a dark cavern, I wasn’t really surprised. I slumped down onto the ground, waiting for the unavoidable moment when a demon would come to get me.

  It never happened. I just waited and waited, and soon, it became obvious that I was waiting for something that would never come.

  I wanted to just lie there and ignore the whole world. What was the point of getting up if everything I’d had left was gone?

  But a part of me still refused to give up so easily, and in the end, I did force myself to stand. My limbs felt heavy and my head was fuzzy, but I had to figure out what was going on.

  If nothing else, I owed it to my parents to try. Even if Uriel had been right about my feelings for my Watchers, my bond with my family was true. I had to believe that.

  My deal with the Grim Reaper had involved me staying at Watcher Academy and becoming a guardian angel. Now that I’d failed, he might very well change his mind too, which could kill my parents. I couldn’t allow that. I had to at least speak with him, to explain and ask him to give them another chance.

  And at the same time, I had to talk to my lovers. I needed to tell them I was sorry. I had to make them see that none of this was their fault. And selfishly, I wanted to say goodbye.

  It was easier said than done. As soon as I was on my feet, pain assaulted me and I almost fell over again. I whimpered and leaned against the cave wall. I didn’t dare to look at my back, because I knew what I’d find. But oh God, it hurt so much.

  Honestly, it shouldn’t have made such a big difference. The wings had been small and I’d only gotten them recently. But chopping them off hurt just as much as cutting off another limb, if not more.

  I felt as if I’d lost not just a part of my body, but an extension of my soul. A sensation of utter emptiness burned inside me, and I was cold, as if frostbite had taken the place of the horrible burn I’d experienced while in The Celestial Realm. And still, I remained standing.

  When I stopped feeling like I was about to throw up any moment now, I began to slowly make my way forward. Heading out of the cave and into a dark corridor, I picked a direction at random, because there was no sign of where I was actually supposed to go. My confusion reminded me of the black part of the Core and I shuddered. I half-expected Ariel to emerge from the shadows and attack me, just so that she could finish the job properly.

  But of course, Ariel didn’t show up, because I was no longer a threat to The Celestial Realm. I’d lost my wings, so my soul was damned. Come to think of it, my body wasn’t faring too well either. Without the spiritual energy that had put me back together, had I gone back to the state I’d been in before I’d died?

  It was a humbling thought to have and it scared me. But I didn’t give up. Come on, Delilah. You can do this. Fuck Ariel. Fuck everything. Just get out of here, one step at a time. You’re better than this.

  I didn’t excel at giving myself pep talks, and with the pain radiating from ever
y inch of my body, each step I took was torture. When I heard the sound of voices ahead, I thought I’d lost my mind and was imagining it.

  Blinking in confusion, I stopped again, leaning against the wall to catch my breath. I jerked in shock when I sensed the magic vibrating against my cheek. When had that happened? I hadn’t noticed at all.

  The magic wasn’t like the divine power I’d grown used to throughout the past couple of months. It had an entirely different feel. In fact, it reminded me a little of the energies my lovers had tried to use against the archangels.

  There was a demon here. But who was it and why had it not attacked me yet? Was I in The Infernal Realm or someplace else?

  Terrified, I shuffled forward, doing my best to remain completely silent. The closer I got, the clearer the voices became, until finally, I could distinguish the conversation.

  “No,” an unfamiliar man said. “What are you talking about? This is definitely the right ritual.”

  “I know that, boy, but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous,” a woman answered. “You might end up stirring forces you don’t want to touch.”

  “It’s a little too late to turn back, Fara.”

  “Maybe it is, for you, but I don’t have to support you. My interest lies with my son, you know that. And if this endangers Mikael…”

  “I doubt anything I do here can be more dangerous than the rituals we’ve already performed or the things he’s exposed to on a daily basis.” The man let out an exasperated sigh. “Why are we even having this conversation, Fara? You know as well as I do that we can’t just leave things the way they are.”

  “That’s fair enough, Cain, but I’m not sure bringing your mother back would be an improvement. She’s part of the reason why things went so badly the last time around. If you and the others hadn’t planned that crazy attack on Alyssa Michaelis…”

  My breath caught as I processed the woman’s words. Cain. With everything that had happened, I’d forgotten all about Sandalphon’s warning and the real reason we’d gone to Sodom.

  Apparently, for unknown reasons, I’d ended up in his lair when I’d fallen from The Celestial Realm. This was just great.

  Like the archangels had said, he was up to no good and trying to resurrect his mother. Should I be trying to stop him? Maybe. But I didn’t think I had a real chance. I didn’t know what abilities he might have, but he was as old as dirt, so he must have stopped being human too, at one point. And then, there was that strange woman, Fara, who was helping him. It would be two against one, when I was already badly injured. The battle would be lost before it even began.

  I could turn back and go the other way. This cave was likely in The Mortal Realm. There was a chance that Cain might leave after he was done with his ritual. That would have been the smartest thing to do.

  But I didn’t always make the smartest choices and today was no different. Instead of going back, I went forward, following the sound of the voices.

  In front of me, the corridor opened into another, even larger cave than the one I’d woken up in. I knelt behind a large rock and peeked around it. Cain and Fara were in the middle of the cave. Cain was crouching on the ground like me, focusing on a ritual circle that reminded me a little of the dead bodies I’d seen when the archangels had taken me along to investigate.

  Fara, on the other hand, was nothing more than a transparent dark shadow, hovering above Cain. A demonic symbiote, a voice whispered at the back of my mind.

  Okay, there was clearly no way I could fight them off. Waiting it was.

  “Look, Fara,” Cain was saying. “I’ll admit I’m biased when it comes to my family. My mother deserved better. She made one mistake—a single mistake—and she was doomed forever because of that. Lucifer fooled her and used her for his own purposes, and nobody even cares anymore.

  “Even so, I was willing to let things go until the opportunity to bring my mother back fell into my lap. And maybe it wasn’t the best possible choice, but it happened, and I’m not going to apologize for it. We have a bigger problem now.”

  “The girl.” Fara sighed. “Alyssa. Yes, I agree. I had hoped to save her, but she made her own choice.”

  “Your son loves her, Fara, and they have a child together, but how long will that relationship last? Alyssa Michaelis is the Vessel of Hope. She named her daughter that, for fuck’s sake. Hope. Nothing good is going to come of it.”

  “I agree, but Eve won’t be enough to fight Alyssa off, especially not now. And if you start something new by bringing your mother back when she’s out of control, we might end up with a different problem on our hands.”

  Cain fell silent, considering her words. Weirdly, I found myself empathizing with him. Eve’s fate had been unfair. I might not know all the details, but there was no justice in Lucifer being happy with a new family while Eve and her loved ones paid the price.

  “What would you have me do, Fara? I can’t just wait. Who should I turn to? The magic of The In-Between isn’t enough either. My mother might be the only chance. If she can extract the power of hope from Alyssa, we’ll have a real weapon and a way to defend ourselves.”

  “There’s just one problem with that. For it to happen, the girl would have to die. I agreed to help you, Cain, but remember my conditions.”

  Cain shot to his feet and threw his hands up in exasperation. “Your son isn’t on your side, Fara! Why can’t you understand that?”

  “It doesn’t matter to me. He’s still my son. And if I give up on him altogether, he’ll have no one to turn to—only the people who’ve already enslaved his heart.”

  “You already knew that when we first joined forces. What’s changed?”

  “Nothing. I’m just trying to make you see there might be another way. You could—”

  “Wait.”

  Cain cut Fara off mid-sentence, the one word so abrupt and icy it sent shivers down my spine. “There’s someone here.”

  Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I should have known they’d notice me eventually. Fuck. Fuck, this was bad.

  Fara extended her hands and the shadows in the caves deepened, as if they had a life of their own. Before I could try to make my escape, a monstrous hand grabbed my waist in a vise-like grip.

  The shadowy fist squeezed me so tightly that agony erupted over me once again, my injuries protesting the mistreatment. I screamed in a mix of pain and terror. “No! Let go of me!”

  Light erupted from my mid-section. The creature recoiled. Taking advantage of its distraction, I got up and rushed back the way I’d come.

  I knew better than to believe I would escape, but I still tried. This time, it was for nothing. And when I fell once again, under the bulk of a much heavier body, my thoughts went to my lovers. Please. Please save me.

  The Power of Death

  “Well, well. This is definitely not what I expected, but I’m not complaining. An angel, dropping by for an unexpected visit. We can use this, can’t we, Cain?”

  Behind me, Cain hummed thoughtfully. “She’s a very specific kind of angel, though. A wingless, fallen one. I wonder… What happened to you, beautiful?”

  I wasn’t inclined to answer him, not when the man had taken me captive. I currently lay on the ground in the cave, bound with heavy chains that made it impossible for me to move a muscle. The only silver lining I could see was the fact that I was on my stomach, not my back. I doubted they’d tied me up like this out of compassion. The angle made my hair fall in my eyes, which meant I couldn’t even see them. Between that and my inability to lift my head, I was helpless.

  “You do realize that considering this kind of damage, it’s a miracle you can still walk, right?” Cain asked. “Whoever chopped off your wings did quite a number on your spine.”

  I tried not to tense further, but I must have failed, because Cain gently petted my shoulder. “Hush, little one. You’re safe now.”

  His words chased away my anguish, turning it into anger. “Don’t patronize me. I’m not stupid and I’m not a child. I’m har
dly safe when I’m tied up in your dungeon.”

  “To be fair, child, you were spying on us,” Fara said. “And don’t be so extreme. This is hardly a dungeon. At most, it’s a ritual chamber.”

  “Fara, you’re making things worse,” Cain replied. “Now, sweet angel. Why don’t you tell us how you got here and who sent you? You reek of The Celestial Realm, that much I can tell. Were they the ones to sic you on us?”

  “I got here by accident,” I said honestly. “And it’s absurd to claim someone sicced me on you, when I’m so injured I can barely move.”

  “It could be a trap,” Fara mused. “You could be fooling us, luring us into thinking you’re harmless.”

  Her hand hovered over my spine and I cried out as I felt the tendrils of shadow nudging my injuries. They slid into me like needles, clawing at the still open wounds.

  Cain had said it was a miracle I could still walk. To me, it was a miracle that I could remain conscious while assaulted by such pain.

  I didn’t know how long it took for her to stop. It felt like an age, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, because I didn’t actually lose my sanity.

  Cain was the one to get in her way. “Fara, stop. Whatever reason she has for being here, we’re not going to find out by torturing her. Besides, we have other priorities. We need to finish the ritual. You said you had an idea.”

  With that, he pulled her aside, and I couldn’t hear them anymore. I slumped against the ground, wondering how in God’s name I was going to get out of this one. Then again, maybe that was the whole point. Azrael had said it best. There was no escaping death. I had been given a free pass, for a little while, but no longer.

  That stubborn part of me that had forced me upright was still there. Don’t give up. Don’t give up, Delilah. You lost once. You can’t lose again. You can beat Lucifer. You just have to survive this.