by Ruby Dixon
"Okay, well, that's horrifying," I breathe. I look over at U'dron. "What's going on?"
"They are hatching." He puts a hand atop my head for a moment, then drops to the rock next to me and sits down. "We had something similar back home. In the flower season, we would head to the beach at night on a full moon because it would come alive with small, hard-shelled creatures that would surge toward the waters, leaving behind their nests. They were good eating." He looks thoughtful. "Do you want me to grab a few for you? Are you hungry?"
I look at him in alarm. "God, no! I don't want to eat those things. One pinched the hell out of my butt." I'm actually glad it was just my butt and not a place nearby that's far, far more sensitive. The thought makes me shudder.
He leans over and tries to look at my butt. "Does it hurt? Should I check it for you?"
I shoot him a skeptical glance, only to see a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "You know, back home, if you have an injury, they say you can kiss it to make it better."
"I would be more than happy to do such a thing," he teases, his fangs flashing in the moonlight as he smiles.
I snort. "Sorry, but the mass of killer crabs has kinda ruined my mood." It feels like the universe is conspiring against us. Every time we go to kiss, something shitty happens. If I was the Raven I've pretended to be, I'd say we'd racked up some bad karma somewhere. Grumpy, I offer U'dron a corner of the blanket. "Are you cold? Want to share?"
"I have a better idea." U'dron puts an arm around my waist and hauls me into his lap. His legs are crossed, and he settles me into the cradle of them, letting me curl up against his chest. With that, he drapes the blanket atop both of us, over his shoulders and tucking it around me.
It's a cocoon of warmth, and I snuggle against his chest. "You're right. This is better. Thank you."
"I should be thanking those shell-creatures," he murmurs. "This way I get to hold you all night long."
My heart squeezes. Funny how I look at it as disappointing because we don't get to continue making out, whereas U'dron's just thrilled that we get to cuddle. Maybe I need a change of perspective. "That's an excellent point."
I lean against his chest and relax.
"You're a stripper?" Tia screeches in my ear.
I'm sitting near the main fire on the beach, and everyone's gathered for dinner. I can't taste the food. It's too hot, so I'm holding my bowl and waiting for it to cool off. I look over at Tia in surprise, and she's sitting with the others—Bridget, Sam, Steph, Flor, Willa…everyone's here. "What?"
"Angie told me you're a stripper," Tia exclaims.
I look over at Angie, who's whispering with Lauren and Veronica. Everyone seems to be staring at me, their expressions a mixture of horror and disgust. "I mean…it was just a job," I stammer. "I did it for money, because that's how I paid my bills."
"That's so disgusting!" Tia recoils.
"It's just stripping," I say lamely, but I can feel their revulsion boring into me. I stare down at my bowl. "I'm sorry for lying."
"Sorry isn't good enough," a new voice says, and it's R'jaal. He's got a firm look of displeasure on his face, and right behind him is U'dron. They have handcuffs, and as I watch, U'dron takes the bowl of food out of my hands and puts handcuffs on my wrists.
"You have been exiled," U'dron says. "You don't belong with the rest of us."
"U'dron, wait," I begin, whimpering. "I thought you liked me."
"That's before I knew how bad you were. You never said." He walks away, his clothing morphing into a prison uniform. As he leads me down the beach, I realize that my surroundings are no longer the ice planet. I'm in a women's prison, escorted by a guard. My beige uniform has my ID number branded across my chest, with the word "STRIPPER" underneath it in stencil. Even here, the strangers—the other prisoners—look at me with disgust.
"It was just a job," I protest again as U'dron leads me to my cell. It's exactly how I left it, four bunk beds in a gray, gray room with a sad little toilet hugging the wall. There's a few ripped out magazine pictures pasted by the bunks, and the top one has a Bible on it. It's so familiar I can practically smell the cafeteria nearby, and the faint scent of bleach in my clothes from the constant floor-scrubbing I have to do as my job.
"I don't want to be back here," I moan, holding my cuffed hands out. "I did my time. Please."
U'dron—still in prison guard uniform—gives me an ugly look. "This is the only place you belong. Now…strip."
I look down at my prison uniform. "But I'm wearing what I'm supposed to."
"You don't get clothes. Remember? You like taking them off too much. Now…strip." And he reaches out and tears my top off. I can hear the women nearby laughing. Gail's laughter blends in with that of the other prisoners. I hear Harlow, and Liz, and Nadine and Penny. Everyone's laughing as U'dron rips all of my clothing away from my body, leaving me bare.
"You should have said something. You lied to us all." U'dron's voice fades into the darkness, heavy with disdain and disappointment. "A liar is worse than anything…"
I wake up with a gasp, my limbs flailing. My hand connects with something hard and crunches. There's a grunt.
I stare at my surroundings, my heart pounding. I'm still warm and clasped in U'dron's arms, his legs under mine. The fur blanket covers both of us, and outside it, I can see the dim sunrise beginning to lighten the night sky with the first streaks of light. The ocean curls and surges against the beach. There's no movement on the beach, only a few tufted corpses of the furry crab-monster things that never quite made it to the water.
Even so, I'm utterly relieved that this is the sight in front of me.
I'm not in prison. I'm still here on the ice planet. No one knows my secret. Well, secrets, as in plural.
I look up at U'dron, and he rubs a spot on his jaw, grimacing. My hand throbs, and I suspect I just decked him in the face. "Sorry. Bad dream."
"Are you all right?"
What do I say to that? I had a nightmare because everyone called me on my lies and threw me back in prison? You looked at me with wretched disgust and made me feel like a worm? I know it's a dream, and even so…it bothers me. Is a liar truly worse than anything? Or is that just my brain trying to get me to confess to the others now that I've confessed to U'dron and he took it well?
I've enjoyed being away from camp the last few days, sadly enough, because I didn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Even though Juth tried to take me away and that wasn't fun, I've enjoyed being away with U'dron. Suddenly I'm so very tired of lying, of being quirky, always-happy Raven instead of the real me.
"What would you do if I told you that I was going to confess to everyone when we get back to camp?" I ask U'dron, keeping my voice mild despite the fact that my heart is hammering wildly in my chest. If he hates the idea, I won't do it.
He gazes down at me with an expression of surprise. "I thought you did not wish to share it?"
"I just realized I'm so tired of pretending," I sigh. "But if you think it's a bad idea—"
U'dron rubs my back, shaking his head at me. "No. I think it is a very good idea. I understand how tiring it can be to keep a secret."
He would. I burrow back down against him, pressing my cheek to his chest. "I'm scared, though. What if everyone hates me?"
"Then they do not know you like I do. You have a good heart." His hand strokes my tangled hair. "A spirit filled with music. And you are giving and kind. If they do not like you for these things but decide to be angry that you took your clothes off so you could eat, then they do not deserve you."
He makes it sound so simple.
17
RAVEN
My eyes prick with tears, which is silly. I don't cry. I didn't cry the day my mom threw me out, or the day I pled guilty in court. I didn't cry when I ended up here on this planet. I'm not a weeper. But…it's so nice to be understood. I swallow the knot in my throat and slide my arms around U'dron's waist. "You're the best. You know that?"
"I'rec might disagree."
He chuckles.
"I don't care what he thinks. Neither should you." Really, the way I'rec and the others have treated him kind of enrages me. On one hand, I understand how they are still going by the same rules we always have. When you lose almost everything in your life, you find comfort in the familiar. But the cluster of people on Icehome beach are all in this together. We can make our own world and discard the old ways that don't suit us anymore…ways that finger one person as “less” or another as born wrong.
Juth and Pak are people, just as much as U'dron is a full hunter.
But I guess being a former stripper and ex-con, I've got a big investment in old labels not mattering. Maybe the others don't agree.
"I'll keep your secret, U'dron," I tell him. "You don't have to worry about that."
"Perhaps I should share mine, too. If you are being brave and sharing yours."
"I didn't bring it up because I felt like we both needed to confess. I don't want you to feel like you have to. I just…feel like I do." Especially after that disturbing dream. I don't like the idea of telling everyone my secrets, but it'll have to come out eventually. I might as well get it over with. "Don't let me influence you."
"I will think on it." U'dron's expression is thoughtful. "I do not know if I'rec and the others will like if I confess. They have all kept the secret with me. They did not want the others to know I did not pass the proving. They did not wish for Shadow Cat to be seen as 'less' in the eyes of the others."
I get the feeling that keeping U'dron's secret was more out of their own pride than any feeling they have for U'dron, but maybe I'm being unfair. "If it's such a big deal, why don't they give you your own private proving?"
U'dron stares at me. "A private…proving?"
"Yeah." I wave a hand in the air. "Tell I'rec to be the Keeper of the Spear or something. He should like that. He likes being in charge of everything. Have a private ceremony and then you go off and do your thing. Come back when you finish your hunt. No one has to know except you guys…and me. Then you'll feel better about yourself."
His lips part and he gazes blankly at me. "I…did not consider that."
"It's called bouncing ideas off of one another," I tell him. He gives me such a proud look that it makes me uncomfortable. "I'm just throwing ideas out there. Trying to help."
"You are very wise and clever, and I will discuss this with the others when we return." He hesitates and then tightens his arms around me, squeezing me tight. "Thank you, R'ven. I am glad we talked about ideas. And confessing. Maybe…maybe my problem can be fixed without acknowledging that I am less in front of the others."
It must be a big deal, clan-wise. I guess I can see it. For a long time, the clans themselves had similar numbers. Lauren's mentioned that Strong Arm had five adult members but one died a few years ago and Z'hren's mother died recently. Tall Horn has four strong, and Shadow Cat does, too. The three clans have always been super competitive, and that hasn't changed much despite the fact that we're all living on the same beach together. Any time there's any sort of competition, the Shadow Cat stick together.
It can't help U'dron's feelings of failure.
I squeeze him back, enjoying the hug. "You talk to them when we get back. I won't say a thing about it. I swear. I'm good at keeping secrets."
"And…kissing."
I look up at him in surprise, even as his big hand rubs up and down my back. He's got a sleepy-eyed look on his face that speaks of arousal, and I can feel his hard morning wood pushing against my hip. Oh. That turned sexy quickly. Heat floods through me and I lick my lips. "You like the way I kiss?"
"More than anything." His gaze focuses on my mouth. "I like the way you tongue, too."
I chuckle. "It's all kissing. Just…different ways of doing it." I slide my hand down his chest, skimming my fingers over a nipple as I do so. "It's very early…how soon do we need to get started on our day? Or can we fool around for a bit?"
"What…are we fooling?"
That melts me like butter. "Fooling around is…touching. Kissing. Making each other feel good." I lean in and lick a stripe up the cords of his neck. "Unless you need all your strength for the raft?"
He groans, the sound full of hunger and aching need. "I have plenty of strength. Plenty."
"That's what I like to hear," I purr, scraping my teeth over his skin. I nuzzle at his throat, licking a spot and then sucking on it, feeling the need to mark him as mine before we return to camp. My hand slides down his chest until I hit his loincloth, and the hard, prodding length of his cock hits my fingertips. He's so damn big all over. God, I love that. It makes me clench deep inside, my body aching all over with sheer want.
I let him go with a little pop of the skin, and I'm pleased to see the mark I've left on his neck. It shows up brilliantly against his pale blue, and I kiss a spot next to it and attack him again. All the while, I stroke his cock with my hand. There's no finesse to any of this, no going slow, no choosing to take things easy. I just need to grab at this moment of happiness with him, to share a little hanky-panky under the blankets and remember what's good and right about the world.
U'dron is what's good and right. And I want to pleasure him and take some pleasure for myself.
"Touch me," I whisper to him. "Touch me like I touch you."
"Where?" he asks, voice raspy and aching.
"Anywhere you want. Anywhere that you like." I move my hand to the laces on his loincloth and tug them, untying it. He sucks in a breath when he realizes what I'm doing. "Can I touch you anywhere I like?"
"Always."
I love how raw he sounds, and I brush the loincloth aside and take his cock into my hand. He's scorching hot here, and the tip of him is wet already. I drag a fingertip through it, circling the head of his cock. "I love this," I whisper against his neck as I lean in to give him another love bite. "You're so big and thick. I've been dreaming about touching you."
He sucks in a hot breath. "You have?" His hand steals to my thigh and then creeps upward, moving under the tunic. "I thought I was the only one. I have thought about touching you ever since we first watched the stars together."
Ever since then? I'm touched and more than a little flattered. It's been weeks—months, probably—and he's never let on that he's been interested until now. He's far too good at keeping his own secrets, I decide, and I stroke my hand down his cock, learning him with a touch. He really is thick, almost as big around as my wrist, and the thought makes my mouth water. More than that, he's got all these fascinating ridges. And a spur. It's downright ridiculous in the best possible way. I've never been a religious woman, but it's like God is making up for dumping me on an ice planet by giving me a big sexy alien with a massive toy in his loincloth.
I'm pretty okay with that.
U'dron groans as I work him with my hand. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut, as if he needs to focus against the intense sensations. There's no poker face here, and I love that I can see just how much my touch affects him. "Should I…scout the beach one more time?" He jerks against my hand, thrusting his cock against my grip.
That seems like…an odd thing to say. "Uh, why?"
"In case Juth is…nearby…watching." He rocks against my hand.
His words make me pause. Part of me doesn't care that Juth is watching—after all, I've stripped for money, right? Hundreds have probably seen my tits. But having sex in front of someone else isn't the same thing, and it takes away the intimacy of the moment.
It's probably better if we wait to rejoin the tribe anyhow. If U'dron doesn't have second thoughts about me after I confess all my secrets, then I'll screw him three ways to Sunday and leave him begging for mercy. If he does have second thoughts then…no harm, I guess.
I mean, other than my heart, of course. But it's been broken a few times before. I'll survive. In the end, I have to be with someone that wants me as who I am, completely and utterly. So I lean forward and give him a chaste kiss. "We'll wait until we rejoin the others."
U'dron
nods, and the disappointment on his face is pretty gratifying, considering he just cockblocked himself. I expect him to pull away, but instead, he tugs me close and cuddles me, wrapping his big arms around me and holding me. It's…lovely. I sigh happily and snuggle down against him.
If we can't have sex, snuggling is almost as good.
18
RAVEN
The raft is a terrible, horrible idea.
I mean, it'd probably be good in the right hands. But in U'dron's hands and mine? It's a total disaster. The big guy is great at building a raft, but not so great when it comes to steering one. He digs the paddle in like he's attacking the water, and we end up going in circles for a while. To make matters worse, he's so big that the raft constantly feels like it's tipping in his direction and it doesn't take much to overbalance us.
After a few rough starts, we manage to get going, but I have to cling to my end of the small raft or I slide all the way back into U'dron's lap. Which is fine…except then it tips the whole thing and we have to start all over again.
"I am not very skilled with this," he admits after we dump into the icy water for the third time that day. He hauls me to shore, rubbing his hands on my wet arms to warm them. "I swam here instead of building a raft."
"Why don't we do that?" I ask, shivering.
"I worry it will be hard on you. That the creatures that live in the great water will look at you as a tasty treat."
He makes an excellent point. I don't want to be eaten, either. "Raft it is, then. But I want a paddle, too."
The fifth round seems to be the charm, and by the time we get going, the twin suns are up and their tepid light doesn't make the temperature seem so bad. U'dron figures out the paddle, and then we surge along in the water, just far enough out from the shore that we don't get pulled into the waves. I paddle along with him, though a lot of mine is just steering, and when he takes a break, I push a little harder to keep us moving. I'm so focused on keeping us going and not falling off the tilted, flimsy raft that I don't even notice that the day is getting late. Sure enough, though, when I look up, the skies are getting dark.