by Ruby Dixon
My arms are tired as hell, and all of me aches. I dig my paddle into the water and glance back at U'dron over my shoulder. He looks the same as ever, as sturdy and strong, and like he could keep going on for hours. Years, even. "Should we get to the shore and make a fire?" I ask, trying to keep the fatigue out of my voice. I don't want him to think I'm a wimp. "Or a shelter?"
"We will keep going," he says, and I want to cry like the pathetic dork I am. He reaches over and touches my shoulder, as if sensing just how done I am. "I recognize this stretch of beach. We are not far. Rest. I will take us the rest of the way."
I settle my paddle over my crossed legs. "I'll rest, but just for a little while. If you can keep going, I can, too."
He chuckles at that. "Humans are not built the same as the sakh. If you can keep up, I will be very impressed."
Mmm, that sounds like a challenge and one I'd normally try to take him up on, except for the fact that I've been paddling all day and I'm wiped. I bank it mentally for later and scan the shore instead. U'dron says it looks familiar to him, but to me, it's just more jumbled rocks and forbidding, uninviting shoreline with a backdrop of equally uninviting mountains. It's not a comfortable, cozy beach here in Icehome. Everything looks as if it was newly churned from the sea, and the waves are violent against the sharp, jagged rocks. Hawaii, it's not.
I guess it could be worse, but…not by much.
I turn my head to say so to U'dron, when I catch a glimpse of something out on the water, farther out than we are. Frowning, I swivel my entire body as much as I dare and look behind me. There's a flash of blue against the deep green sea, but it disappears in an instant. "I think I saw something."
U'dron grunts acknowledgement. "Juth, most likely."
"You think he's following us?" I contort myself a little more, trying to see, and end up falling onto my back, my head landing in U'dron's crossed legs. The raft rocks and tips, and for an alarming moment, I think I've gone and capsized us again. U'dron puts a hand on my shoulder, going still, and then I let out a breath of relief when we stay afloat. "Sorry."
He gives me a crooked smile. "Perhaps you stay like that for now."
"Pssh. You're just saying that because you want my head in your lap." I carefully poke his leg, gazing up at him.
"I say that because I have no desire to fish us both out of the sea after dark." He gestures at the cliffs. "And we are passing a particularly unpleasant spot of beach with nowhere to land."
"Point taken." I look over at the beach (carefully, carefully) and notice there's really no sand right here, just cliffs that push right up to the edge of the water and meet it. I think about U'dron, and how he must have swum alongside this as he looked for me, and my heart swells with appreciation. "Thank you for coming for me."
"I will always come for you," he says gravely, casting a smile down at me. With my head in his lap, my view is mostly of his chin and nose, but I still like looking at him. "And you are right," he adds after a moment. "Juth is following us. He has been for some time."
"But why?"
He shrugs, his muscles flexing as he digs his paddle into the water again. "Our camp is rich with resources—food, fur…women. He will see what he can steal for himself and his son to make their lives easier."
"I wish they'd let us help them."
"I wish that, too." U'dron glances back, then keeps paddling. "But it will take more than a fur to overcome a lifetime of distrust. He will scout out our camp and watch us for a while. And he will come looking for the things I have promised in exchange for you."
I huff. "You're still going to give him all that stuff?"
"I said I would." He glances down at me. "Juth will expect me to, and so I shall. I will set up a place near camp and leave them for him. He will know they are from me, and he will see that I am a hunter of my word. Perhaps eventually he will come and barter for more and more."
"And eventually might just stay?"
"Eventually," U'dron says, smiling. "There are many reasons to stay, after all."
"Oh?"
He nods wisely, his paddle moving in time with his arms. "Their names are S'teph and B'shit, and F'lor, and—"
I chuckle, smacking his knee. "And Raven?"
"No," he tells me, his expression serious. "She is taken."
My heart squeezes with a secret thrill at that.
19
RAVEN
I must have dozed off at some point, my head still cradled in his lap, because U'dron touches my shoulder to rouse me, and when I sit up, it's completely dark. He immediately jumps into the water, shocking me awake, and then I see it—a distant campfire.
We're home. Thank god. I'm smiling even as utter weariness surges through my body. Seeing the encampment has made me realize just how exhausted I am, and I'm looking forward to going back to my comfortable nest of furs and blankets, and sleeping until the metaphorical ice cows come home.
"Hold on," U'dron tells me, and he tugs the raft toward the shore, wading through the roiling waters. When we scrape onto the sand, he holds out a hand, and I take it. My legs ache from being tucked into the same position all day and I wobble toward him. His expression changes to one of concern. "Are you all right?"
"I'm just tired," I say, forcing a smile to my face.
"You are cold, too." He frowns at me, then puts a hand under my chin. "Your lips are almost the same color as my skin."
"They're not supposed to be that shade," I joke. "It's fine. Just lead me to the fire."
U'dron's frown deepens. He glances at the distant fire that seems much farther up the beach than I originally thought. No one has come to greet us yet—they're too far away to notice that we've arrived. He shakes his head and then bends over. It takes me a moment to realize what he's doing. His arm goes behind my knees and then he hefts me into his arms, honeymoon-style. Oh. "I can walk," I protest. "Really."
"Let me take care of you, R'ven. Has no one ever taken care of you before that you must fight everything?" He looks down at me with amusement.
No, no one has, actually. I've been the only person I could ever depend on all my life. It's a sobering feeling to realize that he's looking out for me, too. "Okay," I say softly. "Thank you." I tuck my head against his chest…and immediately fall asleep again.
The next thing I know, I hear the chatter of excited voices drifting through my dreams.
"She is fine," U'dron says in a polite but determined voice. "She just needs to sleep. She will talk to all in the morning."
Oh. I struggle to wake up, but my eyelids feel so damn heavy and U'dron's big body is so warm to snuggle against. I yawn, trying to crack an eye open. Veronica's concerned face appears through my lashes, as does Sam's. Behind them, I can see many others, and it sounds vaguely as if the entire tribe is out here.
A hand touches my ankle. "She's just tired," Veronica tells the others. "It's all good."
"Let her sleep," Raahosh says, his voice sharp. "She can answer all your questions in the morning."
"I'll go unroll her blankets for her in the cave," Sam volunteers.
"Do not bother. She is sleeping in my hut tonight."
"Is that okay with her?" Liz's voice is sharp, cutting through my sleepiness. I manage to give a tired thumbs-up, and I hear Liz laugh. "Okay, fine then. See you two in the morning. Get some sleep."
U'dron murmurs something, the low rumble of his chest soothing against my cheek. I let out a little sigh and drift back into dreams, warm and cared for and adored.
20
U'DRON
R'ven's form is light in my arms as I carry her to my hut. It is good to be back, to see the relieved faces of the gathered peoples. There is the scent of food in the air, which makes my stomach growl, but I ignore it. R'ven is cold and tired, and I want to get her comfortable. She is my priority.
The healer walks with me for a little ways, her hand on R'ven's ankle before she nods approvingly and then touches my arm. She nods again. "You're both good." Then she waddles off to join h
er mate, and it seems like her belly is bigger every time I see her. Her mate quickly takes her under his arm and escorts her away, and I am struck by envy. I want what they have.
But…now I have R'ven. And that is even better.
The inside of my hut is cold, my breath puffing as I gently set the sleeping female down in my furs. They are cold, too, and she whimpers in distress the moment my body leaves hers. I strip her damp tunic off of her, but she still shivers. It is no hardship to climb into the furs next to her and warm her—and them—with my larger form. When she settles into a deeper sleep, I leave her and build up the fire. Once it is crackling and warm, I dig through my things, pulling out a few warm tunics for R'ven to wear in the morning. My stomach growls and I remember I have not eaten anything since yesterday. R'ven will be hungry, too. Perhaps I should go see if there is some food still left by the fire.
I glance over at the sleeping female. Her pale mane is a tangle around her face, her cheek cupped in her hand as she sleeps, open-mouthed and as relaxed as a kit. She feels safe with me, I realize, and hot pleasure washes over me at the thought. She knows I will take care of her, no matter what happens. I reach over and brush my fingers against her smooth brow, unable to resist touching her.
R'ven makes a soft noise in her sleep and instinctively turns toward my touch, and that possessive feeling steals over me once more. This female is mine. Juth will not take her from me. I'rec will not keep her from me. She is mine. I alone know the truths she has chosen to share with me, and she knows my secrets and still looks at me with a welcoming smile and touched me with greedy hands.
Suddenly, I am eager for her to awaken so we can touch again. I think about her hand on my cock and how good it felt. She is not shy about pleasure, my R'ven, and I am hungry to experience more of it with her. I want to taste her all over, I want to hear her sighs when I caress her…and I want to sleep with her in my arms every night. Once, I was utterly focused on resonance. I wanted nothing more than a resonance mate because it would make me a “true” hunter in the eyes of my entire clan and everyone else. Now, though, I find I am reluctant for such a thing to happen…unless it is with R'ven.
I do not want anyone else. Ever.
I watch her for a moment more and then rise. The moment I leave my hut, though, I am surprised to see A'tam waiting there, two bowls of food in his hands. He grins at me, standing up from the edge of my hut's platform. "I thought you might be hungry."
I put a finger to my lips, indicating quiet. "R'ven sleeps."
He grunts, handing me the bowls. "She will sleep through anything if she slept through that chatter earlier. Eat. I brought a little of everything."
One bowl is a hot stew with savory chunks of root and thick pieces of meat. The other bowl is a dry seed mix with raw roots and a few of the bitter nuts that grow here, along with a piece of dried fruit and a strip of jerky. It will hold better, so I save this for R'ven and tuck into the stew. "Where are the others?" I ask between bites.
He knows I mean I'rec and O'jek, and his grin is rueful. "Oh, they are coming. They will have much to say to you." His gaze becomes guarded. "Did you resonate to her?"
"No."
A'tam nods. "Too bad."
I clench my jaw, saying nothing. Too bad, because that means I cannot take her as a mate? Even A'tam, my closest friend, will not see me as a true hunter because I did not pass the proving? I think of all the things R'ven has said to me. How Juth is a person just like any other, and I am just as capable a hunter as anyone else. Rules that we make for ourselves do not matter. We are in a new place. We can make new rules…and no one is keeping me from my female. "She is mine. I do not care what the others think." When A'tam says nothing to that, I fish a chunk of meat out of my bowl and cast him a look. "What news of B'shit?"
He sighs heavily, running a hand down his face. "What news? No news. She still hates me. I thought we were getting somewhere…but then D'see arrived and she has turned cold to me."
"She does not like that you spend so much time with D'see. Any fool can see that." Any fool except A'tam, apparently.
A'tam waves a hand, dismissing my concerns. "D'see is just a friend. And she says if we spend a lot of time together, it will make B'shit jealous…which it is."
"Yes, but instead of driving her into your arms, it is driving her away. Perhaps it is time to re-think this strategy." I tip the bowl to my lips, downing the last bits of food. "Thank you for bringing this. I did not realize how hungry I was until just now." My stomach still growls, but I carefully ignore the other bowl of food. That is for R'ven. I will not take food from her mouth to fill my own belly.
"Of course." He slaps me on the shoulder. "You are a good friend. Plus…I wanted to hear all about you and this female. I had hoped for your sake that it was resonance."
"It does not matter," I point out. His face falls a little, and he looks uncomfortable. In his eyes, I am a rule breaker.
"What does not matter?" a new voice calls out, and I turn to see I'rec and O'jek approaching. Both are carrying bowls of food, and I want to laugh out of relief. Some things change, but every member of a clan knows that a full belly is important. I take the bowl that O'jek offers silently to me and begin to eat. "We were speaking of resonance," I tell them between bites.
I'rec nods slowly. "So it was resonance between you and the female. That is how you found her."
"No." I continue eating. "I followed her scent trail."
His eyes widen and I can tell he is impressed. Does he think I am a fool, then? That I cannot follow a scent? "You must have been very determined," I'rec says in a tone that indicates he does not quite believe what he is hearing. "How did you know where she ran away to?"
"She did not run away. She was taken. I knew this the moment I went after her."
“Taken? By who?” I’rec frowns.
“Someone of the outcast clan. I will explain more later.”
“They are alive?”
“Some of them.” I will say no more.
O’jek crosses his arms over his chest. “And how did you know?"
“Know what?”
“That she did not run?” He is openly skeptical.
"Because I know her." I shrug. "I knew she would not leave without saying something."
I'rec narrows his eyes at me. "You know her so well then? And yet it was not resonance?" He exchanges a look with O'jek.
My heart swells with bitterness. I know what he is implying. He is easing into the topic of R'ven and my relationship with her. He wants to be a friend, but his mantle as leader tells him that he must confront me on the fact that I break our rules. Why can he not let it go for just one night? But I suppose it is not to be. I know I'rec—I could disappear for a full turn of the moon and he would not worry over me, assuming I was competent enough to take care of myself. He blusters a lot, but he also means well enough. Being a leader is difficult, especially of such a small, fragmented clan.
But I have had enough, and I will not let him come between myself and R'ven. "Say it plainly, brother, or do not say it at all." I keep eating, my tone mild, so he does not see my anger.
Judging from his expression, this is not the answer he expects from me. Surprise is etched on his stern face, and his tail flicks back and forth with irritation. "You know what I refer to."
"I do." I find it amusing he will not say it, as if it will shame his tongue to admit it. "And I have decided I do not care." When all three of them stare at me in shock, I continue. "I did not pass the proving, this is true. But I have hunted and fished and tracked for years now. I found R'ven based on a scent trail. I provide food for the camp and contribute every day. Our old rules stated that I am not worthy until I pass the proving, but I think they are wrong. There is no proving to pass anymore, so how can I be held to it?"
I'rec begins to pace, his entire body one taut line of irritation. "So you will just discard the rules of our ancestors because they do not suit you? Do you wish to count yourself as Strong Arm, then? Or Tall
Horn? Because the old rules no longer suit?"
I roll my eyes at his dramatic statements. "Of course not. But I am also tired of not being enough. Not being worthy. I am not going to spend my days with no mate, hiding my secret shame because there are no proving grounds for me to conquer. R'ven has my heart, and I have hers. It does not matter if we resonate or not. I am going to be with her…and if it bothers you, then you should take up the spear and assign me a proving quest. You know I will pass it."
I'rec stops in his frenzied pacing and studies me. He rubs his chin fur, thinking. "Perhaps you are right. A new proving quest that only the four of us know about. You can do it, and return, and the other clans need not be any wiser."
O'jek nods. "It is a good plan."
Once, I would have agreed with them, but now I just find the clan rivalry tiresome. I think of Juth, and his small son Pak, and how hard they have been working to survive. How they must have struggled every day in this strange, cold new world with no fire and no clan to lean on…and this after the first death of the Great Smoking Mountain. No one ever thought to see if outcast clan survived. We assumed they were all dead, but they must have gone on for a while, because Pak is young enough to be born several turns of the seasons after the first death of the mountain. And yet, through all of this, Juth has survived.
The clan rivalries feel very small and petty in comparison.
"A new proving," I'rec murmurs. He pounds a fist against his flattened palm. "Yes, I like this. We will meet in the morning and begin the ceremony—"
I hold up a hand. "Not tomorrow. It will have to be the day after." When I'rec gives me an incredulous look, I continue. "There are promises I have made that must be kept first, and I will take care of R'ven when she wakes up. She…" I stop myself before I say more. They are R'ven's secrets to keep or to share. "She has things she wishes to speak to the whole tribe about, and I will be there to support her. There is a lot to speak of." It is not just her past, but Juth and Pak, too.