Out of Silence

by Ruby Monroe

  With disgust and hatred smeared all over his face like a mask, he sneered at her and said, “You stupid bitch. I didn’t think that you were smart enough to pass. You just don’t get it, do you?”

  Even though she never did go for the nurse’s training, just being accepted into the program gave her a huge psychological lift. She felt validated. She had been told so often that she was stupid, an idiot, a dumb bitch and more—but she now had been affirmed. She wasn’t stupid after all.

  Chapter 20

  1978: Changes and Motivation

  A couple of months later, Ruby was recruited away from her company to a new position at CCK, a manufacturer of creams and lotions, plus several other products used in the health-care industry. During her first week on the job, her boss, Mr. Wilson, gave her a recruitment assignment. She would be working with a bright young manager named George.

  The two of them immediately hit it off. Ruby sensed that her office demeanour and looks pleased him. She liked him too. They became friendly business associates, often chatting and joking around during coffee breaks and lunches in the cafeteria.

  She enjoyed his amusing, light-hearted and positive approach to problems. He always had an optimistic solution for any negative situation. She was drawn to him because he was different and a pleasing contrast to her husband’s personality.

  The first person she met on her way to the office on the second week at her new job was George. He had quickly become her escape from reality. He made her laugh no matter how deflated she felt inside her head. They flirted, joked and verbally teased each other. Smiling was easy when he was around. He made her feel like an attractive, fun person. If she was having a bad day and needed to bolster her self-esteem, she dropped by George’s office.

  That day, George sneaked up behind her and whispered close to her face, “Drop by my office later this morning. I have something I want to tell you.”

  Midmorning, after her coffee break, she stopped by George’s office. The open-concept floor plan meant his office was really a managerial-size cubicle. In her position as human resources manager, she often met with managers to discuss their staffing issues. Therefore, stopping by George’s office was normal.

  She hesitated at the doorway, waiting for some direction from George, such as “wait,” “come back later,” or “have a seat.” She could see that George seemed to be in a very serious telephone discussion with someone. He looked up and acknowledged her presence.

  George had mentioned previously that he liked her friendly smile, the way she wore her short dark blonde hair and her blue eyes, as they were such a contrast to his large brown eyes. Ruby had cut her hair short just before starting her current position. Her slender body was more a result of not eating correctly or lack of appetite due to depression than a workout plan, but nonetheless, George had complimented her on her choices in business suits that revealed her slim curvy body.

  George spoke into the receiver, again and again shrugging his shoulders in response to the person at the other end of the line. Ruby, studying George’s face, saw him look directly at her. He gave her a big grin that exaggerated his cute dimples.

  He then motioned to her to come in and sit down. With his hand over the mouthpiece, he said in a hushed voice. “Please sit. I won’t be long.”

  Ruby parked herself in one the straight-backed visitor chairs. She was curious to hear what the intrigue was all about.

  “Hello. Yes, I can do that. Tomorrow at three o’clock works for me. Thanks! See you then.” He hung up the phone, put his hands together with fingers entwined and sadly looked across his desk. He appeared to be crushed, like he had stumbled across a serious problem, been given bad news, or had a shock.

  She didn’t know what to expect. She waited patiently for him to tell her. She saw the hurt in his eyes. Keeping her voice to just above a whisper, she asked, “What’s wrong, George? Why are you so upset?”

  “That was my lawyer. My wife left me on the weekend. Worst of all, she took our daughter, Tammy.” He held back tears.

  She observed that he was desperately trying to maintain his composure—mostly, she thought, because he was not ready to share his trauma with his staff and coworkers. When he looked up at her, she saw pools of tears filling his eyes. Those tears were in a holding pattern, just waiting to flood down his cheeks.

  Filled with empathy, she said, “I’m so sorry, George. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need time off? I’m sure you could use some personal time to deal with your very difficult situation. Maybe find a place to live?”

  “Thanks. I did have the weekend to lick my wounds. I think I’m all cried out for now, anyway. I would like to ask a favour of you, though. As a friend, would you have a drink with me after work today?”

  Silence hung over them like a blanket. Finally, she raised her eyebrows, expressing her surprise at the request. It was beyond the realm of their normal business relationship. Ruby hesitated for a moment and then said, “I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. Maybe you should explain your agenda for a meeting after hours.”

  He assured her, “I just want to talk. This sounds selfish, but I would like to use you as a sounding board. I know you’ll be impartial and keep everything I say strictly confidential, plus you are the best listener I know.” He gave her a sheepish grin, hoping she would agree to the meeting.

  “Okay, but I want to be very clear that we’ll just be talking,” Ruby stated, setting the ground rules and making sure she wasn’t setting herself up for trouble.

  “Thank you. I really appreciate you taking your personal time to be my friend. I thought we could meet at the Howard Johnson’s bar near Ridley College around five o’clock. You agree that would be a good location?”

  “You’ve spent some time planning this meeting.”

  “I’ve rehearsed how and what to say many times since Saturday.”

  “Why there?”

  “It’s at least a thirty-minute drive from work. We’re not likely to meet or see anyone from work down in that area,” George explained, taking charge of the situation. “Will you agree that the Howard Johnson’s would be a good location?”

  “Yes, that’s a good location for a clandestine meeting. I can easily get to the highway and home quickly.”

  Walking back to her office, she admonished herself. Ruby what are you doing? You know you’re vulnerable right now. George is such a hunk. She needed to stay focused. She wondered how this innocent conversation and meeting for drinks would impact their friendship and her marriage.

  Chapter 21

  1978: Plans Coming

  Together—or Disrupted?

  Ruby went about her daily routine—calculating pensions and benefits and interviewing prospective employees. The interviews were great, as they helped keep her mind off her own personal issues. These duties required more intense concentration than the clerical duties. Her thoughts occasionally wandered onto personal subjects, such as George, divorce, lawyers and what she planned to do about each one of them.

  She stopped at the receptionist desk where Shirley—an overweight, smartly dressed middle-aged woman with shoulder-length brown hair and hazel eyes—sat at her semicircular antique desk ready to greet guests. Ruby asked, “Shirley, I know that you live here in Markham just a couple of blocks away. Do you know offhand the name of a local family law solicitor? I prefer to make an appointment with someone who’s known and can be recommended.”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. He was my divorce lawyer last year. He was great and very understanding,” Shirley offered as she searched her personal address book for his listing. Shirley handed Ruby a yellow sticky note with his name and phone number written in pen. “Call him and tell him I referred you. He’s great. I got to keep my kids. I think you will like him too.”

  Ruby accepted the sticky note, read the information, smiled and said, “Thank
s so much. You’re a lifesaver.”

  Inconspicuously as possible, she returned to her office and quietly closed the door. She didn’t want an audience the one time she conducted personal business during working hours.

  She took a moment to think of what she wanted to say before dialling the number. This was a major step for her, but she also thought a conversation with a lawyer was past due. Ruby gathered her thoughts and courage and then dialled the lawyer’s number.

  A receptionist answered the phone and announced in a very polite but businesslike tone, “Hello. Mr. Brown’s office, family law specialists.”

  “Hi,” said Ruby. “My name is Ruby Monroe. Our receptionist and a client of yours, Shirley Brant, referred me. I would like to book an appointment with Mr. Brown.” Ruby hesitated, took a deep breath and then continued, “I think an appointment sooner rather than later would be best, if possible. I need to do this before I lose my nerve.”

  “I could slot you in this afternoon at 3:00 p.m. if that works for you, Ruby. For a new potential client, Mr. Brown offers one free consultation, so for today’s visit there will be no charge.”

  “That’s perfect. I’ll see you at 3:00 p.m. Thanks.” This was great, as she wouldn’t need to spend any of her secret stash of money while investigating her options. Convinced that she’d only get one chance to make this move, she had no doubt that she must do it right the first time.

  At 3:00 p.m. sharp, Ruby, with some reservations, entered the office of Mr. Brown, family law solicitor. It was located in a newer strip mall, but on the inside the attorney’s offices looked serious and distinguished, with heavy wooden furniture and panel walls lined with legal books.

  “Hello, Ruby. I’m Eric Brown,” the solicitor said, offering his hand and shaking Ruby’s. Eric was an elderly seasoned lawyer with green eyes, white hair and a slight build. Ruby wasn’t sure if he was even five feet tall, as her five-foot-six-inch frame seemed to tower over him.

  “Hello. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” Ruby exhaled and took a deep breath before continuing. “I have to remind myself to breath.” Her apprehension was obvious. “I want to leave my husband and felt the need to get some legal advice,” Ruby blurted out as her voice quivered from built-up tension regarding her concern about the details she anticipated he would request and she would have to share, plus the advice he would give her. Right now, just making eye contact was very difficult. Being both nervous and embarrassed didn’t help.

  He paused, looked directly at Ruby and said, “I understand what you’re asking is what do you need to know before you divorce your husband. Is that right?”

  “Yes,” she nervously responded as she squeezed her hands so hard she left fingerprints on the back of her other hand. She fidgeted in the oversized wooden chair.

  “How long have you been married?”

  “Almost twenty years.”

  “Do you have any children together?”

  “Two boys. They no longer live at home.”

  During her free consultation, Mr. Brown gave her some tips on things she must get in order if she didn’t want to lose everything to her husband. “First, I suggest that you obtain copies of your mortgage and status of payments, plus the balance. Secondly, make up a list of payments that you regularly make—credit card statements, your husband’s pay stubs, bank statements and any other documents that would help when a settlement is discussed.”

  “I think I can get that information, though some may be difficult.”

  “Ruby, I don’t know the circumstances, so I will tell you that if you leave the family home, you would be seen as abandoning the marriage, therefore putting yourself in jeopardy and in a negative position for the divorce process and custody of any children.” He offered this advice as a warning to a very timid Ruby, who he saw wringing her hands and nervously squirming in the chair directly across from him.

  Hearing these comments convinced Ruby to make the decision to divulge more details. “I must leave him because he is extremely abusive. The abusive behaviour and threats to kill me and my children make it impossible to continue to live in that house. Yet I’m terrified of leaving. He will kill me one day, either intentionally or because of an orchestrated accident, like being thrown down a flight of stairs or something like that. He’s a monster.”

  Ruby paused to breathe and wipe her eyes. “Why can’t I get away from him? Why?” she said, bringing more tears to her eyes. She had rushed through the information because of her shame and humiliation. Just saying it out loud to a stranger for the first time made her uncomfortable. She wondered, Why should he believe me?

  “Wait a minute. You’re telling me you’re leaving due to his abusive behaviour?” he asked with wide eyes and a look of both compassion and determination on his face. “You definitely have my attention, and my advice to you in this situation is very different.”

  “Yes. I just can’t take it anymore,” she told him. “I have to get out. Neither one of our sons lives at home; they couldn’t take it any longer. I need some advice about the house. We are both on the deed. We still have a small mortgage and owe a little money on credit cards.”

  “Take your time and try to relax. Breathe, Ruby, breathe,” the lawyer calmly encouraged.

  She took a couple of deep breaths. Feeling more relaxed now, she revealed Jason’s threats. “Whenever I talk about leaving him, he threatens me. He says that he will kill me and the children. He says he will never allow me to leave him. Quite frankly, if it was just me, I would take the chance. But how does a mother put her children’s lives on the line too?”

  The concern for her situation showed on Mr. Brown’s face. His body language told of his alarm, as he immediately sat up straight. He put his arms on the desk and leaned forward. “This alters my first advice for you. You still need the information. But I have some questions that you must consider also.” He paused to make sure she was paying attention. “Have you ever called the police after one of these beatings?”

  “No,” she said in a whisper.

  “Have you ever been treated in a hospital or by a doctor?”

  “No.” Once again, she spoke in a soft embarrassed tone.

  “Have you made a complaint about the abuse to anyone—police, your family doctor or a friend?”

  “No. You don’t understand. That would send him into a rage, and I would likely be in for a very severe beating,” she whispered again. She was worried. She realized that she was at a disadvantage for not reporting him previously. “How does one prove abuse if there is no evidence of abuse?”

  “Did you know that you could go to one of the women’s shelters? No questions asked,” he informed her. He looked very troubled now.

  Ruby hesitated before answering. Defensively, she responded, “I have heard of those shelters, but I don’t think I qualify for them. I have a management job. Don’t you need to be a charity case to be allowed into a shelter? Besides, he would never let me go.”

  “Who wouldn’t let you go?” he asked.

  “My husband. He would hunt me down. He would kill me.” Ruby was crying now. Tears were rolling down her face. She reached for a tissue. She was feeling more helpless than when she walked through his door. Ruby hoped that she had made it very clear how she felt about taking this major step toward freedom.

  “Call the police. They will help you get away. If he causes any problems, they will arrest him,” the lawyer continued.

  “No. Heavens no. I just couldn’t do that. It would be just too humiliating,” she replied with her eyes closed, shaking her head. She shuddered at the very thought of calling the police or even telling her doctor the secret of her dysfunctional marriage. “I’m so embarrassed that I have been subjected to the mental and physical abuse for so long and done nothing about it.” She paused to catch her breath. “I have been told so often that all of this abuse was my fault. I just wasn’t a good enough
mother and wife. I honestly believe it must be my fault.”

  “Why do you continue to say no to my suggestions? You seem to be constantly putting roadblocks up. I understand that it will take a lot of guts to actually tell someone who can protect you about your situation. But these are not reasons to keep your secret.”

  “I know, but I’m so afraid of him.”

  “Ruby, just how long has this been going on?”

  “I am so ashamed … for most of our married life, almost twenty-two years.” She paused. “I’m not going to ever get away from him, am I?”

  “Yes, you will. You just need to be very careful—actually, cautious. Gather documents. Take photos of your bruises. My advice is that you not let him know you’re doing this. Also, you must tell someone about the danger you are faced with, like the police, your doctor, or a trusted male friend.”

  “Okay. I think I can do that.” She wasn’t sure, but she felt like this man had just given her more hope of freedom than she ever thought she was entitled to.

  “Ruby, with these new facts you’ve just revealed, it’s imperative that you positively make sure that you have everything legally documented to protect yourself. Photos of your injuries are best. You know what they say—a picture is worth a thousand words. Plus, it is difficult to deny physical evidence when you have a doctor’s report and a photo. I also think it’s time for you to confide in a friend or family member, just in case he gets more violent. I hope this doesn’t happen, but he wouldn’t be the first violent husband who followed through on his murderous threat.”

  “Oh,” she sighed. “I don’t know. I’ve been silent for so long. Won’t people wonder why now?”

  “No. Close friends can be good for you right now,” he said, encouraging her to let her inner circle of friends into her secret world. “Make sure the friend or family member knows about his threat to kill you. Next time he starts to hit you, tell your husband that you have told someone about his threats.”