by Ruby Monroe
“It’s Betsy, the receptionist at Doctor Martin’s office. I have good news for you. Your tests came back, and I’m happy to tell you you’re clear.”
“Thank you! That really is good news, Betsy.” Fortunately, she didn’t have herpes. This was the best news.
Nevertheless, the herpes incident was the proverbial last straw. She knew she must be stronger than ever. She had to make positive plans. In fact, she wrote up a timeline, just so she would know that her exit was on schedule.
Again she met with her attorney. He called it follow-up and didn’t charge her. Ruby understood that she was a case he was keeping pretty close tabs on. Also, she had told him she didn’t have much money of her own. She, like a good wife and at Jason’s insistence, had always put all of her money into the family pot. Well, not always. She was determined to not let this little hurdle deter her, not this time. Jason didn’t know that when she got a raise, overtime, or bonus money, she deposited it in her secret bank account.
The first snowfall was delightful. Children made snowballs the size of tennis balls for their annual snowball fight. It was now officially winter, regardless of what the calendar said.
For Ruby, winter meant something different this year. Her plan, according to her schedule, was to leave Jason and have a fresh start with the New Year. Enough was enough. In her mind, she’d already had way too much to deal with in her young life. He had stolen her youth. He had made her life a living hell. She was older now, and hopefully, she was also wiser. She definitely earned good money and was convinced that she could support herself. She deposited her latest raise into her secret bank account, aka her escape fund.
Ruby knew she was strong and a fighter. She was determined to succeed. Be brave, she told herself, or suffer another year of abuse and the pain of loneliness. Which is it going to be? Come on, make up your mind. You must be strong and determined.
When Jason finally woke on this particular Saturday morning, he sauntered into the kitchen for his usual massive weekend breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and fried leftover spaghetti—all prepared and served to him, the man of the house, by Ruby. His appreciation was shown with little more than a grunt; definitely not “thanks.” This was her job, and she was expected to make him breakfast. After all, he was the main breadwinner. Of course, she also brought in a healthy amount of money as well. She handed over her whole paycheque, which wasn’t too shabby, just like she was expected to. This she had come to regret.
Finally, she was committed and determined to follow her plan. She was suffocating. She didn’t like the feeling of being trapped in this marriage. Her life was an absolute nightmare. She carefully read their large weekend newspaper but spent most of her time perusing the classified ads, looking for rental apartments that she could afford.
No more procrastinating. She knew what she had to do. No time like the present. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, mustered up more courage and then blurted out, “Jason, I’m leaving, and I want a divorce.”
“Yeah, and what are you going to live on? You’re going nowhere,” he snarled as he turned his attention back to the sports section.
“I am really going to leave you this time. I have had it. Enough is enough.” She stood firm in her conviction, on the outside. Internally, her stomach was doing summersaults.
Once again, he glared at her and then raised himself from his chair. With his hands firmly planted on his hips in his most intimidating stance, he spat, “Use your head, stupid. You know I will kill you if you ever try to leave. At the very least ruin you, so no one else will ever want you.”
Ruby was adamant. She had decided she would rather die than live any longer with the monster she married.
“I don’t care anymore. You don’t frighten me. I’m leaving you,” she stated with the strongest commitment and bravest posture she could present. Inside she trembled with fear. I think I’m going to throw up. Ruby ran to the powder room with her hand tightly clasped over her mouth.
“Sure, now you’re being smart.” Jason took her sudden exodus from the kitchen as a sign that she had decided to not pursue the divorce threat.
What was she doing? He had promised to kill her on several occasions when she told him that she wanted to divorce him. Each and every time, he threatened to kill her and the kids. Previously, she had backed down, as she thought that she just couldn’t let that happen. She always believed she needed to find another way out of this hell. Not this time. Her determination did not waver. She was leaving. Death would be better than the cruelty she had endured for so many years now. She called his bluff.
About ten minutes later, Ruby returned to the kitchen. She stood with firmly planted feet and stated, “This time I will not back down. No, Jason, I am leaving.”
“I will kill you. Trust me.”
Ruby left his threat of doing her harm hanging in the air.
Why would anyone with half a brain allow such abuse to happen to them, and for so long? She could hear them in her head. She knew these labels might currently describe her, but deep down none of them defined her.
She had become withdrawn. Never again would she be able to share intimate feelings. Jason had taught her that her inner feelings and fears would always be used against her. He deprived her of ever having an open friendship with anyone due to his betrayal and badgering. This destroyed many aspects of her life and interfered with or affected every relationship thereafter.
Chapter 23
1978: Married Twenty-Two Years
A few weeks later, once again, she was on her way to meet George for a drink. She smiled. It was good to feel happy. She had forgotten what it felt like to feel so cheerful. She didn’t like lying to Jason, but it was simpler than the truth. By now, she wasn’t really certain what the truth was or how deep her developing feelings were for George right now. She did like him. At the thought of seeing him again, she got those old familiar twinges. They caused her to fidget in her car seat. By now she was well aware of what horny felt like. She was horny.
George had called her into his office earlier that day and asked if she would meet him this evening, same place and same time. When she drove into the parking lot of the now familiar Howard Johnson’s, she was excited but cautious. She wondered, What am I doing here?
Ruby visualized George’s infectious smile. She felt like his curly dark brown hair was begging her to run her fingers through it. She had heard around the office that George was somewhat of a party boy. Boy? Yes. After all, he was ten years younger than her. It was easy for her to check his age, as she had access to his personnel file. She also noticed that his marital status had been recently changed to “separated.”
They both broke into broad smiles when she arrived at the booth. She slid across the bench seat and made herself comfortable. The dim romantic lighting hid a multitude of sins in this older worn-out lounge. She decided that she probably wouldn’t stay if the bright lights were on and actually showed the soiled carpet beneath her feet.
He flashed his beautiful welcoming smile and moved a glass closer to Ruby. “Here. I assumed white wine for you?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“No, thank you for accepting another invitation, I really wanted to see you again.”
Coyly, Ruby agreed. “Me too.”
“Are you okay?
“Yes. I am now. Seeing you is the high point of my day.”
“What, if anything, have you done about your divorce?”
“I’m embarrassed to say nothing. That doesn’t mean that I won’t.”
She knew he had an agenda, even though he kept his motivation to himself. Ruby read people for a living. It didn’t take a genius to interpret his goal. She also noted that George would not be a good poker player. He blushed far too easily.
Ruby felt the sexual tension between them. She became aroused at the very suggestion of having sex, which she anticipated would be wil
d and explosive. Careful, Ruby. Don’t get taken in. It’s far too soon, she told herself. I must change the subject to something safer.
She returned his welcoming smile and then cautiously asked, “How are things going with Tammy? Is she adjusting okay? I assume you found a nice place to stay?”
“Yes, but I’ve been very lonely. I don’t like these arrangements at all. I do have visitation every other weekend and alternate Wednesday evenings. To be honest, that’s really not good enough, but it’s way better than no visitation rights at all,” he added.
She saw that his face captured the immensity of his pain.
“I know this really is shared custody, but I want more,” he added.
“You can probably renegotiate, as you both are working parents, and you said your wife works out of town several days each month.”
“But why am I being punished when it was her who had the affair, not me? I was always faithful to her. Sure, I joke around, but that’s all it ever was—just innocent flirting.”
“George, sometimes life just isn’t fair,” Ruby responded. He couldn’t know that her comment was based on deep-seated feelings founded on her own life experiences.
“I did rent an apartment down near the lake,” he enthusiastically shared, displaying a playful smile. “I don’t have too much furniture yet, though. I need to buy more stuff—at least a sofa bed or something along that line.” He hesitated and looked down at the table as if he was planning the rest of his sentence. “My ex told me last weekend that she will not let Tammy continue to stay over if the next time she brings her over there isn’t a better place for her to sleep. Right now, the only place is on the mattress—my bed. She was quite emphatic that Tammy can’t sleep with me, her dad. She says that it’s just too creepy.”
Then he coyly smiled. “Would you like to see my place?” he asked with a definite twinkle in his eye.
Ruby thought, This is the perfect time to ask the big question—or, some might say, deal with the elephant in the room. “George, do you know how old I am?”
“No, and I don’t care. You’re a great gal, and I like you a lot. You might not like what I’m about to say, so I’ll preface it by telling you I mean it with the utmost respect and admiration. Please accept it as a compliment. You have a maturity level that I’m not used to. Women my age and younger are so giddy, superficial and always flaunting their sexuality, as if that is a good basis to start a relationship. Maybe a one-night stand, but certainly not a relationship. I do not want a continuous string of one-night stands. I want a real relationship that will last for a while. That quickie, ‘let’s jump into the sack,’ one-night-stand mindset is a turnoff for me. You, on the other hand, are a very sexy person. For me, you ooze sexuality from every pore,” he said, pleading his case.
Ruby thought, George, you have no idea what I would like for you or me in bed. You really turn me on. I would so love to show you how I make love.
“Thank you,” she said. “Those comments make me feel good about myself. That isn’t something I have experienced very often, especially these days. My self-esteem is low these days. I don’t want to mislead you, but I do want to set the record straight. I am a full ten years older than you.” It was important to Ruby that she make sure she wasn’t misrepresenting herself in any way. She knew that it was rare at this time for women to be involved with a younger man with this big of an age gap. She let this information settle before speaking again. “I hope that I’m not assuming something that was not in your invitation to see your apartment.”
“Made. I admit it,” he said and coyly grinned.
It was her turn to bashfully smile and nod her head in the affirmative.
“I did have exactly that specific idea in mind,” he added. “I’m definitely physically attracted to you.”
I can’t let you know how much we agree on in that department. Ruby was inwardly fighting to resist him and avoid making a big mistake.
“Your age is immaterial to me,” he went on. “I just thought, if you’re alone and I’m alone, why not spend time together?” he said with that familiar sparkle in his eye and a big wide grin that displayed as much sincerity as he could muster.
“George, I’m flattered, but I’m not free to see anyone. I need to take care of my personal business first. I don’t want to ever be accused of leaving Jason for you. I want to leave Jason for me. This is very important for me. I need to get out of my marriage first. I do not want any distractions, like you. I’m afraid that if we entered into a sexual relationship, feelings would just get muddled. If that happened, it wouldn’t work out for either one of us. I think I would feel like I was settling for something that I was not actually free to have.”
She continued, “If you’re still available when I’m legally free, then we can do whatever we want, but let’s not spoil our friendship with the one-night-stand passion and sex thing. I want something more for us. Most importantly, I also want a life without abuse.”
One thing Ruby had learned from her little sexual fling with Ron Battle was that she wanted more, especially from George.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” he said. “Maturity and sincerity, all in one beautiful package.”
She so wanted to be with him, to feel his hot breath on her face, neck and breasts. Her nipples were hardening just thinking about him licking them. Oh, she was feeling so very, very horny right now. She yearned for him to gently fondle and caress her aching aroused body with his beautiful soft hands. Stop! Get a hold of yourself, girl. Right now, she knew that she must put those thoughts in the back of her mind for another time. She did not want or need this complication right now.
They talked for another hour, and then they walked out of their favourite meeting place together. When they stopped at their cars to say good night, he reached over and gathered her into his strong muscular arms and gave her the most deliciously satisfying hug she had ever experienced. “Ruby I don’t know what you have been through, but I can tell you that I would never treat you badly. I promise.”
That was it. Now she had the strength and motivation to proceed with the divorce. She really wanted to be with George, but she had to put her plans into action and clean up her situation first.
Chapter 24
1978 – Late Summer
Ruby was now totally committed to her plan. The first step of her strategy was to each week take ten dollars from her allotted grocery money and put it safely away in a newly opened bank account in her name only. Unfortunately, Jason caught on to that plan too quickly.
Next, she shopped with the plan to return approximately ten dollars of her grocery purchases each week and keep the refund. She also offered to do chores for their neighbours, like watching their children in the evening or if they had an appointment during the day on the weekend and needed a sitter. This plan worked. She earned good money and put every cent into her new personal and secret bank account at a different bank than the one they used as a family. She was physically exhausted, but finally, she succeeded in outsmarting him.
By mid-December, she had stashed away—counting her raises, bonuses and other sources—nearly two thousand dollars for a deposit on an apartment. Now, with the desire to leave on her timetable, she scoured the rental ads every day looking for leases that she could afford and were in good areas of the city. Once she left, she would be able to keep all of her salary. That thought alone gave her a mental boost. Based on her calculation, she chose three apartments in her price range and in an area close enough to work but not too close.
Ruby made appointments with the superintendents of each building for the following Tuesday right after work. She carefully inspected each rental, looking for well-kept buildings with amenities, as there was no room in her budget for a fitness club.
She was successful and very pleased with herself. Ruby was delighted with the third apartment she viewed. The building was clean and freshly pai
nted. The layout of the rooms appealed to her decor logic. The kitchen appeared to be old but scrubbed clean. This apartment also had an extra bedroom should Matt or Joey decide to visit and stay over. Ruby gave the superintendent a cheque for both first and last month’s rent. With her hand shaking from excitement, she signed the lease.
She drove home giddy with anticipation of her new home. After twenty-plus years, she was finally going to be free. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to contain her ecstatic mood once she got home. Then she remembered she had to compartmentalize, and that is how she hoped to keep her secret from Jason.
Gradually, without causing too much attention, whenever she was home alone, she started to pack cartons on the sly. She hid packed boxes under beds, in closets under clothes and beneath stuff stored in the garage. Due to necessity, she had to be very creative.
Unfortunately, Jason got suspicious. A week before Christmas, he confronted her. “What are you doing?” he asked, grabbing her arm tightly. “I’ve noticed some changes and things in different places. Why do you think that’s happening?” He didn’t want to hear her lie or tell him a story; he was pretty sure he already knew. “You’re packing because your moving, aren’t you?”
“Look, I don’t want any trouble, please,” she responded in a quiet monotone voice. The last thing she wanted was to set him into one of his rages.
“I noticed there’s a weird calmness about you and a willingness to jump to my every demand. Let me remind you, I will not let you go. You are not leaving me. I promise. I will kill you if you ever try to leave me.”
“Jason, I cannot continue to live here with your abuse. I’m afraid to say or do anything for fear of setting you off on one of your rampages. I would leave for my own sanity.” She was outwardly still calm, but inside she felt her stomach twist. She was resigned to the possible outcome. Her death was not an unwelcome solution. It was not the one she wanted, but she had to challenge him. Call his bluff.