Who the fuck knows how long I would’ve kept doing that same thing if Kaylee hadn’t tripped me on my next pass.
I caught myself before I fell and glared at her.
“You’re overreacting,” she said. “You were just saying the other day that you were getting tired of keeping this secret.”
My hands stabbed through my hair. “She was supposed to find out from me! I promised I’d tell her.”
“Then tell her now.”
“Fuck!” I yelled at the ceiling. “You don’t understand. I was already on thin ice and she hates liars. She’s not going to forgive me for this.”
“I’m sure once you talk to her that—”
My phone buzzed, and since Kaylee was holding onto it, she saw the message first.
Her mouth formed a silent O. She glanced up at me, trepidation clear as day as she carefully extended the phone, treating it like a bomb that might go off at any minute. Or maybe that was me.
Did she hear the ticking too?
Biting my tongue, I checked the screen.
Renata: What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do? I just got back in the dorm and found Emily absolutely fucking wasted. And I don’t mean fun-wasted either. She’s on the floor bawling her eyes out, so I’ll ask again. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do. You. Bastard?
Before I could process the agony that shredded through my chest, another text came through.
Renata: U know what? Nvm. U don’t get to do this again. If I see ur face, ur fuking ded, LaCock. Understand? Ded.
“I have to go,” I mumbled, shoving my phone in my pocket on autopilot.
My feet carried me to the door before I remembered the reason I’d come in the first place. I turned to Kaylee who was watching me fall apart with pity. I’d never seen that look directed at me before. It was a new experience for the board.
Along with having my entire life implode as I faced the fact that I very well might’ve just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.
“I had a run-in with our neighbors over in Thornwood,” I told her. “Is there a reason why your name came up?”
There were lots of answers I expected.
This could’ve been someone else making moves in the background like I thought initially. Our families had created their fair share of enemies over the years. Sure, it had been a while since one reared their ugly head, but that didn’t mean they weren’t out there, biding their time.
What better disaster to use against us than the same situation that nearly pitted family against family years ago? To say the Stones had been displeased about what happened to their daughter would be the understatement of the century.
Then I considered the chance that someone over in Thornwood knew more than they should. It was a possibility, and while I mulled over it once more—a waste of effort given how scattered my thoughts were—she answered.
Kaylee smiled at me, but her teeth were on display.
“Because I’m tired of being the girl in the tower,” she said.
My gut clenched. Not as tight as it should have. Her statement lacked impact.
Oh, it sounded serious as fuck to be sure.
But I didn’t have time to check the metaphorical lid on the cookie jar when I was trying to keep the house from burning down. Priorities.
“What does that mean for us?” I asked.
“Right now?” She shrugged. “Nothing. Handle what you need to. I’m not going anywhere just yet.”
It was the yet that hovered over my neck, fangs in the dark ready to chomp down.
But it didn’t stop me from walking out the door anyway.
38
Ambrose
Total time elapsed to get from downtown to the campus: fast as fuck.
I didn’t let off the gas until I reached the girls’ dorm, making one hell of an entrance as my tires squealed loud enough to wake the whole damn college.
The night sky was littered with stars as I jumped out, rounded the car, and subsequently came to a screeching stop once again. No tires were burned in the process this time, but I couldn’t say for sure about the heels of my shoes.
If there’d been any question that shit was about to go from bad to worse, it vanished into thin air when I spotted the other Tarots sitting calmly in the gazebo on the front lawn, watching me.
Baron’s glasses caught the light, hiding his eyes from view.
Chrom was shaking his head.
Erik rose to lean against the wooden railing when he saw me. He wasn’t smoking.
What are the odds that they’re here to help me out of this mess I created?
Judging by their silence as I approached, I’d have better luck playing the lottery.
“None of you have anything better to do?”
It was the wrong thing to start with. I knew it before the words escaped, but I couldn’t stop them.
They had every right to be pissed with me. They now had undeniable proof that I’d been lying to all of them for years. That wasn’t something that could be swept under the rug, even if I took the time to explain things.
Which I wasn’t getting ready to do right now.
My girl was in that building, feeling hurt and betrayed. I needed to fix this before it caused a rift we wouldn’t recover from. I couldn’t do that if I had to try and recap years of buried history.
The only reason I hadn’t walked by them was because I knew them better than that. Not a chance in hell they’d let me go by and ignore them, otherwise what would be the point of sitting here waiting for me to arrive?
They wanted to corner me and talk? Fine. But if they tried to keep me here too long, they wouldn’t like what happened.
Baron broke the uneasy silence. “So, she isn’t dead. Would that have been so hard to admit when I asked before?”
I rolled my head on my shoulders. “Since none of you were supposed to know...yes, it would’ve been.”
“You’ve done a lot of fucked up shit, Ro.” Chrom lunged to his feet and over the gazebo railing in one smooth move until he towered over me, looming all in my space. “I’ve been a part of a lot of it, and I’ve helped you clean up some of it. But this...” He shook his head, and the disappointment in his eyes was worse than the threat of him. “How could you do that to her? She was one of us. I thought that was supposed to count for something.”
See how they paint you as the villain. This is why they never needed to know.
I clenched my teeth, shaking my head to clear those thoughts. If only it were so easy. Hadn’t this been my fear from the moment I traversed that mountainside with a bloody, crying Kaylee in my arms?
Erik stopped on Chrom’s right. Baron took the left.
Everything we’d done, and they looked at me like I was a monster.
Sadly, they weren’t completely wrong. It took a monster to tell the lies I’d told. To agree to the things I’d agreed to. To look my brothers in everything but blood in the eye day after day while giving them nothing to go on other than my demands.
I was a monster alright, just not in the capacity that they thought.
Sadder than that? It might be too late for it to matter.
I never saw the blow to my jaw coming.
My head snapped to the side, copper exploding on my tongue as my knees trembled and tried to give out. The thought of Emily so close by kept me on my feet, but it was a close thing. I wiped my mouth and faced them, blinking at Baron’s raised fist ready to whip forward once more.
“That was for lying to us,” he said. “You deserve worse.”
I flexed my jaw, popping it into place. “Fair. So, what are you waiting for?”
Chrom groaned. “For a smart guy, you can be a complete fucking idiot sometimes. We’re waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and come clean. Why are you so intent on letting us believe you would’ve hurt Kaylee when that’s so clearly bullshit?”
Wait. What?
“But you just said—”
“I know what I said.” Chrom rubbed at his temple.
“But you’re not listening. Whatever happened wasn’t intentional. I know that for a fact.”
My eyes narrowed. “What makes you so sure?”
“Because you’re an arrogant cock sucker,” Erik said.
“And an unrelenting asshole,” Baron added.
“But you’re not a slimy piece of shit that could hurt a girl like that and live with himself afterward,” Chrom finished.
Emotion clogged my throat and I fought through it. This wasn’t the time to turn into a sap and ask for a group hug. They were still pissed, and rightfully so.
“Maybe you had a reason for stashing her away,” Chrom said. “That’s an explanation we’re going to be expecting. And soon. Selling us on why you didn’t think we should be involved?” He whistled. “I have to say, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Also, don’t even think about tossing any orders our way anytime soon. You pissed all over that privilege. Hope it was worth it.”
He stepped away, giving me space. The other two followed suit. My frown deepened.
“That’s it?” I asked. “One punch and a lecture?”
“You poor bastard.” Erik flashed a malicious grin, tipping his head towards the dorm. “You have no idea what’s waiting for you in there.”
My chest constricted, and my voice emerged on a low hush. “How is she?”
He scoffed. “You think she was in the mood to talk to anyone? Especially me of all people? She’s not good, man. I can tell you that much easily.”
I stabbed my fingers through my hair for the millionth time since I’d left Kaylee’s. It probably looked like I’d gotten in a fight with a blow-dryer and lost, but that hardly seemed important at the moment. Nothing did other than making things right.
“I just need a chance to explain,” I told him.
Erik perched his lips. “Go for it, but I’m telling you now it won’t matter.”
“And you expect me not to try?”
“No, I’m just giving you fair warning. Of all the dumbass things you could’ve done, you broke her faith in you. It doesn’t matter if what you have to say makes perfect sense, because she’s not going to trust a word that comes out of your mouth.”
A pickaxe pounded the inside of my skull. “You’re telling me there’s no hope.”
“I’m telling you Rome wasn’t built in a day,” he said. “I know there’s nothing that can stop you from going in there, but you need to be ready. She’s hurting, and she’s going to take it out on you. Survive it and live to fight another day. This shit is gonna be war.”
I turned to Chrom and Baron. “You two are on the same page?”
Baron adjusted his glasses. “Personally, I don’t think she’ll ever talk to you again. Feelings turn people into idiots, including you.”
“I agree with Erik,” Chrom said.
Damn it.
I was counting on him being the one to give me some hope to hold onto. That maybe, just maybe, Emily would forgive me once I said my piece.
In the event of that hypothetical scenario playing out, I fully expected her to give me shit for a long ass time, but that would be better than being without her.
Glancing at the building once more, a long sigh spilled from my mouth. This had to be what it felt like to march towards the gallows back in the day. To see that figure waiting with his black hood and the axe with your name on it.
“None of you should ever give pep talks,” I said.
Erik chuckled. “No reason for us to lie to you. Not when she’s about to tear you down so much worse than we ever could with our fists. I’ve got a date tonight, anyway. I wasn’t trying to show up with busted knuckles.”
“Handle your shit,” Chrom told me, eyes narrowing. “Call us when you’re ready to explain and not a moment before or else I might really kick your ass.”
They walked away and I watched them climb into Chrom’s Escalade that was parked over by the other dorms. Sneaky bastards. No wonder I hadn’t noticed they were here when I pulled up.
Then they were gone, and it was time to face the music.
When I strolled through the front door, the RA at the front desk spoke without looking up from the phone her head was buried in. “I guess even the Tarots aren’t as invincible as they like to think.”
I paused at the desk, just long enough for her to look up and go pale beneath the scowl I leveled her with. “Do I know you?”
She swallowed. “No.”
“Keep it that way. Mind your fucking business.”
Her head bobbed slowly. I went by without another word. With any luck, the threat of my retribution would keep her from realizing I wasn’t supposed to be in here.
It took too long and not long enough to reach their room. I knocked lightly and stepped in when the door opened a few inches. The first thing I noticed was the row of shots on the kitchen counter. The second thing I noticed was Renata scowling at the empty bottle of Vodka she was holding.
“How much was in there?” I asked.
“Just...don’t talk to me,” she said. “Emily is in her room, probably passed the fuck out at this point. If you were smart, you’d leave her alone for...oh, I don’t know, the next three years, maybe?”
“Assume I’m not smart.”
Her fingers flexed around the bottle. I tensed in preparation for it to come sailing at my head, but she put it down.
“Didn’t I say don’t talk to me? I already know you’re not smart. If you were, you wouldn’t have done anything to risk what you two had. Just go. I don’t want to have you thrown out, but I will if I have to keep looking at you.”
I didn’t doubt her for a second. The only daughter to Antonio Fontana—the former Tarot of Strength—Renata had a healthy dose of power at her fingertips. The rest of us were lucky she didn’t flex it more often, and I had no intention of this being what pushed her over the edge.
I gave her a clipped nod and ducked into the hall.
Emily’s door was open, and I didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one. She was on the bed, facing away from me, completely still. When I walked in, before I even made a noise, she sat up and glanced at me over her shoulder. Only for a moment.
That moment was long enough.
Her puffy face?
The redness around her nose?
The exhaustion that dulled sky-blue eyes like a cloud had covered them?
Those were bad fucking signs.
And the worst one came when she turned away from me without a word.
I closed the door behind me and debated my approach. More than anything, I wanted to climb up there with her. Take her in my arms. Kiss her neck the way that made her squirm and giggle.
I’d do anything to make that happen. Give anything.
She wanted all the secrets that stained my soul? They were hers.
She wanted me to burn her old school to the ground for treating her poorly? I’d take pleasure in lighting the match.
She wanted me to leave her the fuck alone and never speak to her again?
That was going to be a bit trickier, because I had no intention of being done with this girl.
Not when my heart beat for her.
Not when earning her smiles was my greatest reward.
Not when I looked at her and saw a future well-worth slicing myself open and bleeding out just on the hope that it would come to fruition.
“I love you, Emily Brennan.” My lips formed the soundless words as I spoke to her back.
Soon, I wanted to lace my fingers with hers and say them to her loud and true. But that wouldn’t be tonight. Even on the off chance it might help—which was unlikely as it was—I refused to lessen their importance by using my feelings as a scapegoat.
Buckling down on my restraint, I sat on the floor and pressed my back to the door. Sitting there with the vanilla and sugar smell of her in my nose made me mourn the coming loss that much more. And there weren’t any noises in the room to distract me, just my own sharp breathing and the unending silence she’d met my appear
ance with.
My mouth opened and closed a dozen times as I tried to figure out what I could possibly say. When nothing stood out, I settled for, “I’m sorry.”
No response. Not so much as a shrug.
I tried again. “You have to know that what happened with Kaylee was an accident. No one meant for that to happen, especially not me. She was— She is my friend. I never wanted to see her get hurt, Em. Never.”
Rubbing at my chest didn’t stop the vice from crushing my heart, but I did it anyway.
“I was a kid. A dumb kid that grew up thinking he was invincible because the people around me were. For my whole life, the Tarots have been these titanic forces that could do anything without consequence or regret. I allowed myself to think that applied to me, even though I’d done nothing to earn it.” My throat closed and I had to force the words through it. “We were playing on the mountain like we had a hundred times before. It was supposed to just be another dumb bet to—”
“You’re wasting your breath,” she said in a tone I’d never heard before.
Cold.
Flat.
Utterly lacking any semblance of emotion.
Too late, whispered the fracture in my chest. Too. Fucking. Late.
Before I’d known anything about this girl, I knew she was unafraid of expressing her feelings and opinions. Who else would give someone they’d never met a lecture on how to eat a specific food? It was unheard of.
Yet that’s exactly what she’d done.
For that same girl to talk to me without a speck of interest? It didn’t bode well, to say the least.
“Em...” I tried, not sure where to go from here.
What good would my confession do if she wasn’t listening? I was talking to a brick wall. Except this wall was decorated in spikes that guarded a heart I hadn’t been careful enough with. And it was so much worse that I had no one to blame but myself.
This was avoidable.
If only I hadn’t been a fucking coward.
“I’m trying to sleep,” she said. “You can let yourself out.”
I rasped, “I’m not going anywhere,” as I stared at her back.
“Then have fun on the floor, but shut up. I’ve got a headache, and your meaningless words are making it worse.”
Defiant Prince: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Black Rose University Book 1) Page 36