The Christmas Ball

by Lily Seabrooke

  “Do you think a—a lesbian has any right to be talking about what Jesus would love?”

  I picked up the coffee, raised an eyebrow at her. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Anyway, merry Christmas Eve, Gina. I’m going to go give Alice her coffee now, and in case you’re wondering, I’m going to tell her I love her.”

  “You think you can just do whatever you want? Is that it?” Gina sneered. “This is your last chance, to both of you. I want her to apologize to me and swear to end—this, between you two, before tomorrow. Or your Christmas will be a lot different.”

  I nudged open the door with my foot. “Charming,” I said, stepping out of the kitchen, and towards the stairs.

  And of course, who would be waiting other than Seth, leaning against the banister at the bottom of the stairs, looking at me with that stupid smug, greasy face.

  “Hi, Seth,” I said. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

  “Well?” he said. “Any second thoughts now?”

  I laughed. “Hey, Seth, sweetheart. Do you realize I have two hot drinks right now?”

  He paled, backing up the stairs. I followed him up the stairs, and he backed up faster. “Hey—stop it,” he said. “You wouldn’t—”

  “Hey, it’s cold outside. Nothing like a nice hot drink to warm up.”

  “Wait, wait,” he wheezed, taking the steps up two at a time backwards before he tripped, fell on his butt right there on the stairs. “Shit, stop it, you sick bitch!”

  I laughed, standing over him with two cups of extremely hot liquid. “Oh, I’m sick? And you’re just the nice guy who wants to see two people kicked out of their families because you couldn’t bag a hot girl? Well, that makes sense to me.”

  He scrabbled up, away from me, and just about full-on sprinted up the stairs. I couldn’t keep from laughing watching him go.

  No, I wasn’t about to hospitalize him with hot coffee. I just wished I could watch someone else do it.

  Alice was awake when I got back to the room, only barely. She sat up, blinking at me through bleary eyes. “What was all that yelling?”

  “Seth just about wet himself trying to get away from me.” I set down the mugs. “I love you.”

  She blinked. “Uh-oh. Starting a conversation with ‘I love you’ usually means it’s going to be a rough conversation.”

  I shook my head, climbing into bed with her. “I just told Gina I was going to come up here and tell you I love you. And besides, I do.”

  She sighed. “Aunt Gina got on your case now?”

  I relayed my kitchen incident, and she slumped against me, groaning.

  “She’s such an asshole.”

  “Hard to believe she’s related to the most wonderful woman in the world.”

  “God, you’re so sweet. Especially for the time of day.”

  “You bring out the best in me.” I kissed the top of her head. “So… did I say the right thing? I hope I didn’t throw you under the bus.”

  “I’m actually really happy.” She snuggled up against me, small and warm and perfect. “The Lisette who knows what I’m willing to sacrifice and fights on that same ground is a long way grown from the Lisette who thought she had to break up to protect me from the world.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I winced. “Not my proudest moment.”

  “Do you think your parents will do the same thing to you?”

  I shrugged, feeling lightheaded thinking we were even talking about this. Alice was facing up against losing her family and her education support, all to be with me. And I felt weirdly okay with that. Maybe because I was okay with the other way around. “Who knows? Probably. Let’s just see what happens tomorrow.”

  “I’m so glad it’s you I’m walking into a storm with,” she laughed, snuggling up against me. “I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  She scowled. “Oh, are we doing that? Is this middle school? Well, I love you as much as you love me plus one. So there.”

  “I love you as much as you love me plus two.”

  “That’s a null solution set.”

  I laughed, ruffling her hair. “Sure. I’m just going to pretend I know what that means, but only because I think it’s cute when you get nerdy.”

  Walking into a storm together.

  I was fine with that.

  A very merry Christmas.

  Chapter 23

  Alice

  I woke up on Christmas morning in the arms of the woman I loved, after the most beautiful Christmas Eve of my life, staying up late around the fire laughing and playing games with relatives whose names I could never have remembered, drinking hot cocoa, and underneath the blanket we were always sharing, holding Lisette’s hand, sneaking little pinches on her fingertips.

  When I’d gone to sleep, I’d whispered, “Let’s see if Santa brings anything nice this year.”

  And Lisette, the love of my life, had the nerve to say, “I don’t think Santa is real, sweetheart.”

  “Spoilsport,” I mumbled.

  But when I woke up, I realized what Santa had brought me was comfort, and the ability to breathe in my own skin. I woke up knowing today, my parents were going to find out about me, and Lisette faced the same situation, and even in the worst-case scenario? I’d get to live loud and proud as who I was, and love Lisette with all my heart.

  I knew it was still coming—she’d have to do it after the ball so she didn’t ruin her event. But when I’d woken up, I knew I’d passed the point of no return, and that finality was Santa’s gift to me.

  Not that Santa was real. But I wasn’t spoilsport enough to bring that up.

  When Lisette woke up, I kissed her forehead.

  “Merry Christmas, Lisette.”

  She ran her hands through my hair, still blinking awake, and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Alice.”

  It was going to be an exciting Christmas, I could already tell.

  By the time we got dressed and left the room, there were kids running around, little feet scampering around the manor, and all the early-morning merry Christmas wishes drifted through the halls, joining the low Christmas music that played from the ballroom.

  And Lisette and I waltzed right on into the ballroom hand-in-hand, because what did we even have to lose? When I saw my parents across the room in their pajamas, they looked at me and beamed widely, and I couldn’t help wondering if they’d still be smiling like that when they found out the truth. For now, all I saw was my dad looking at his last dancer daughter like he couldn’t be prouder in his life.

  We didn’t get into the ballroom for very long before we were swamped with hugs. A couple from relatives, sure, but mostly from the kids, a torrent of them wishing me and Lisette a merry Christmas, and I knelt and hugged all of them back, wishing each of them a merry Christmas back—all by name, of course, because even though I couldn’t remember half my cousins’ names, I could never forget the equal parts amazing and nightmarish kids I’d spent this winter break with.

  Coffee went out for everyone, coffee and the breakfast pastries, but the kids couldn’t seem to go through the pastries fast enough to save their lives—the enemy, breakfast, standing between them and presents. Lisette and I sat side-by-side at the table to eat, and yes we kept gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes, because who was going to complain about us now?

  The answer was Aunt Gina. And of course she was there, looking at me like I was a murderer. I made sure to give her a sweet smile every time I wasn’t trying to tell Lisette one of I love you so much it brings the galaxy together or I wish I could rip your clothes off right now with my eyes, but either way, Aunt Gina didn’t say a word. Not yet. Not until the ball was over.

  Of course, when you had this many people, there was an obscene number of presents. And when breakfast finished and we sat around the tree, Lisette next to me, my head on her shoulder and my hand in hers, a dozen kids around us—I realized a ridiculous number of them were addressed to Alice and Lisette or the other way around.

  As the pile stacked up ar
ound us grew, I couldn’t help but marvel at how we few individual gifts we got. Apparently we were already married, in the eyes of the kids. Even my dad left a present addressed to the both of us.

  And just to top it all off, literally, Henry dropped a present addressed Alice and Lisette on top of the pile, and I swear to god the dork winked at me.

  I gestured at him, and as if that wasn’t cheeky enough, he mouthed the word love at me, and I wanted to slap him and hug him at the same time. Somehow I managed to suppress my laughter.

  It was a bittersweet kind of thing, opening the presents and watching the kids open presents from us, too. It was a hundred little things I didn’t need but I’d treasure for life, especially knowing after this I wouldn’t have any connection to this family. That this was all just my goodbye ceremony, but no one knew that but me, Lisette, and Aunt Gina.

  And I mean, by the time I got to the last present, from Rhys and Rose, I might have been tearing up. And when I opened it up, tore away the wrapping paper and opened the box inside, I pulled out a ten-year calendar, and I really lost it.

  A ten-year calendar. For both of us. Dammit, Rhys was clever. And after this, I wouldn’t be her aunt anymore. Even as long as Lisette and I were together for every one of these three thousand six hundred some days, Rhys wouldn’t see them.

  I broke down crying, and Lisette pulled me into a tight hug. Rhys was next to hug me, and then Rose, and then half a dozen more of the girls lining up, each one breaking my heart a little more.

  It was once presents were over and kids ran off to play with their new toys as much as they could before the ball, once the room filtered down to the quiet peace left behind, once the bustle was gone that Lisette helped me to my feet and led me out of the room by the hand to go prepare for the ball.

  There were still soft conversations, laughter and merry Christmas wishes, people hugging and holding hands, but I couldn’t bear any of that. The last thing I wanted was to connect with the family I was about to leave.

  Once we were back in the bedroom, Lisette kissed my forehead, held me close. “How are you holding up?” she whispered.

  “God, I’m going to miss those kids.”

  “I am, too. I am, too.”

  “All their gifts were to both of us!” I laughed weakly through the tears. “They think we’re married! And Rhys… god, Rhys is a blessing. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.”

  “I’m sorry it has to be like this…” She stroked my hair, and I sniffled into her chest.

  “It’s just as hard for you,” I said. “I know.”

  “I’m hanging in there,” she whispered. “I love you so much.”

  I cried for a good solid minute into her chest before I managed the words enough to say, “I love you, too.”

  ∞∞∞

  The ball was gorgeous, of course. Magnificent, sparkling, every inch of it polished, everyone in suits and gowns—I’d forgotten just how much of a spectacle it was.

  Part of me still panicked when my dad showed up next to me in his suit, even though I knew Aunt Gina hadn’t said anything yet. He put a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with eyes sparkling, and said, “Alice, I’m so proud of you. It’s been so wonderful having you back for this. I’m so proud to call you my daughter. And Lisette…”

  He turned to Lisette, who stood up straighter, and before she could say anything, he pulled her into a hug.

  “You’re a part of the family, too, you know that, Lisette? You’ve been so good for Alice. She’s been a new person since she met you again. It’s so good to have you.”

  I swallowed. Lisette fidgeted a little, but she hugged him back. “Thanks, Mr. Rich… er, Derek.”

  I figured he’d probably feel weird about doing this once he found out we were girlfriends. “You know, Dad, you don’t have to talk about me like I’m not standing right next to you.”

  He stepped back from Lisette and grinned at me. “My little baby girl’s the last dancer now. You know, when I was your age, we were still doing this then—I dreamed of having the last dance. But this is much better. I can’t wait to see you dance with that man. Harry?”

  “Henry,” I said.

  “Oh, yes. Well. You’ve found a friend and that’s what counts.”

  Right. A really good friend, so good a friend I didn’t even need a man. That was what this was.

  “Well,” he said, his hand on my shoulder again, “I’d better go sit down. Can’t let your mother think I’m avoiding the dance with her. Need to get ready for the song, too. Oh, Alice, you’d better make sure you kiss this time. I want to make sure we do the song after the dance this time.”

  I shuffled. “Right. Yeah… well, we’ll be getting to our seats, too.”

  Yeah. I mean, usually it was just a quick kiss on the cheek, but that was more than I wanted to do with Henry, especially when Lisette was going to be right there. Sometimes there were full-blown kisses, but you had to be prepared to get married if you did that in front of everyone. I’d probably see if I could just swing a kiss on the hand or something.

  Every last person here was in a suit or gown, but the focus was on me and Lisette, in my green and her red gown, and on Henry and Seth in their neat tuxedos. The last dancers.

  And being last dancers meant we spent the whole time sitting off to the side, watching as the music played, again and again, and couples got up and danced to it, a wave of sparkling dances. Everything so choreographed, everything so beautiful. I wasn’t big on these kinds of events, but somehow, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see it again made it different.

  I sat to one side with Lisette, holding her hand tightly as the line of people sitting with me rose, danced, and returned exhilarated and laughing, glowing with a light I couldn’t describe, and watching it all, I felt tears nip at the corners of my eyes.

  I looked across the room, to where all the boys sat in their line, too. Where Henry and Seth sat right across from us. Henry winked, and Seth scowled, and I couldn’t keep myself from laughing.

  Lisette squeezed my hand, leaned in close to whisper. “I’ll remember this forever,” she said.

  I nodded. I would, too. The moment we threw everything aside for one another. Were we being ridiculous? Well… yeah. But I wasn’t going to regret it. I knew that perfectly well.

  I knew my cue. So did we all. Lisette, Seth, Henry and I all stood up at the same time, on the same note, and my heart fluttered in my chest as I walked across the room to them. There was no one else left up, the entire floor to just the four of us. Every pair of eyes was on us. I saw my siblings beaming, my parents tearing up, and all the kids lit up. Probably expecting me to dance with Lisette.

  That’d be funny.

  There wasn’t a sound in the world as we walked towards one another, Lisette by my side. My heart pounded. After this, I’d have to face what I’d hidden from for ten years.

  I walked across the room to Henry, stopped in front of him, and smiled at him weirdly. He returned the look, offered his hand. Next to me, I saw Seth offering a hand to Lisette.

  Just like that first day here. When he’d had the nerve to grab Lisette’s hand and kiss it. But not even that—the same as ten years ago, when I’d had to watch Lisette walk up and take Seth’s hand and dance with him, and the way he kissed her then, I’d felt my stomach swim with jealousy.

  I’d asked her then if I could have a last dance with her. And she’d taken it the wrong way, but I’d still meant every word of it.

  I wanted to dance with Lisette. And I still did now.

  After everything he’d done, Seth didn’t deserve a dance with Lisette. And that’s when I felt resolve firm inside me.

  I turned away from Henry, to Lisette instead, and I offered her my hand.

  I think everyone in the room stopped, drawing in a breath at once. Henry’s expression turned into the biggest grin I think I’d ever seen, and Seth’s jaw dropped about to the floor.

  Lisette looked away from Seth, over to me, and her eyes sparkled
. I’d been terrified for a second how she’d react, the one who was willing to do anything to keep anyone from finding out, but as soon as she looked at me I knew she felt the same way I did.

  “Let me be your last dance, Lisette,” I said.

  She beamed. “I would love nothing better, Alice.”

  She took my hand, lay her other hand on my hip. I heard Seth choke on a word.

  There was a pause, and I really expected someone to come running onto the floor after us, yelling, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong! But sure enough, the music started, and my feet carried me through the dance, Lisette leading.

  My heart soared as we took the first few steps. I felt like I was flying, moving in Lisette’s arms with everyone watching. The same dream I’d had ten years ago.

  I saw Henry shrug and offer his hand to Seth, who slapped it away and stormed off. Henry went laughing back to his seat, and it was only me and Lisette left dancing on the floor.

  And god, was it beautiful.

  I stared up into her eyes, doing the same dance we’d done a hundred times already, but it felt more powerful than all of them combined. The music flowed through us, and every step was a recital of our last moments in this family.

  The music swelled higher, and we spun around the floor, never taking our eyes off each other’s. Lisette smiled at me in that soft, adoring way she did when we were awake late at night together, and I fell into her eyes, let everything that we were embrace me.

  It was the moment to leave my family behind altogether. But it was the most beautiful moment of my life.

  And as the music swelled to its conclusion, and we went through the last steps, I spun around, ended the last step, and found myself in Lisette’s arms as the music faded away.

  And this time, I didn’t cause anywhere near the same I don’t wanna kiss you commotion I caused last time.

  I kissed Lisette. Then and there, in front of everyone, square on the lips.