The Phoenix of Altria
Page 15
Eldertits was practically useless with her large axe fighting against enemies that were smaller than it, and Minty decided that hiding behind Elaria was a better idea than fighting back, though, to be fair to the little otter, I didn't see him being much help either.
Graard was even more useless than Tits as the goblin warrior batted at the plants with a spiked club that never failed to miss them. Iasz was the only one who seemed to be having any impact at all. The little battlemage was quickly tossing ball after ball of fire at them and had cleared out most of the ones near him. Hey, he's useful for something besides translating Goblin after all.
"Tits," I yelled across the room to her, "try this."
I threw the torch that I was holding toward the barbarian who looked over at me and smiled. She truly loved battle. Even when she was losing, she was having the time of her life.
Summoning a mana potion from my inventory, I was just about to lift it up to my lips when an almighty squeak came from the direction of Elaria. My hand froze still clutching the open vial, and I stared, unable to move.
I saw the torch fly the last few feet and smack Tits right in the face before it fell harmlessly to the ground at her feet. She and Elaria were both frozen, but the plants still moved, several closing in on us and latching on.
Pain shot through my legs and arms as I felt the plants tear into me, and I exclaimed, "Shit, that hurts."
Well, I tried to say that, but nothing came out. Actually, for that matter, everything in the chamber suddenly went silent, which seemed a little odd. I didn't figure out exactly what happened until I saw, out of the corner of my eyes, a little otter darting around the plants.
Minty must have panicked, and in doing so used his new ability, Deafening Squeak. Unfortunately for him and for us, the squeak didn't work on the plants, probably because they didn't have any discernible ears. Even worse, it stunned every member of our party outside of the little otter, which left us completely vulnerable.
Looking at my status effects, I saw I still had thirty-three seconds left before the stunned effect went away. Next, I looked at my health and saw it was decreasing at a rate of about 4 HP per second. I would still be alive when I lost the status effect, but only just.
Really, I should have been mad at Minty, but I just couldn't bring myself to get upset at a small creature who was just trying to defend itself. Minty had no way of knowing his squeak would fail to stop the plants and leave all of us exposed.
I was the second one to come out of the stunned effect after Iasz. Quickly, I lifted up the blue mana potion and drank it in one gulp. After this, I decided to fire fireballs at point-blank range at the two bulbs clinging to me. Briefly, I considered using my Fist of the Phoenix Flame, but I didn't want to use that much mana, and I knew a fireball was enough to kill one of these things.
The two bulbs quickly vanished after I hit them, and I sighed with relief. Turning, I saw Iasz removing the little vampire bulbs from Graard. Looking at the other three, I checked all of their health bars, and seeing that Rondo was the lowest, I moved over towards the rogue.
"Don't move," I said to the rogue who was still stunned, just in case the stunned effect wore off before I was able to blast off the little parasites.
I started with the one on the left and moved my way right. All together Rondo had three on him, and none of them put up much of a fight from point-blank range. That was the primary reason I moved over to him rather than trying to shoot them off of him from across the room.
After I removed them from Rondo, I moved over to Elaria, who unfortunately had started to move around and tried to cut them off with a dagger.
"Elaria, hold still," I said, summoning a fireball. "I won't be able to hit them if you keep moving so much."
Hearing what I said, she stopped and stood still while I blasted the two leeches off of her.
"Thank you, Ryland," she said as I turned towards Eldertits, who managed to not only start moving, but picked up the torch on the ground and used it to remove the three bulbs latched onto her.
After this, she moved over toward the wall and began lighting the creeper vines on fire. While she moved around doing this, Iasz and myself focused on the bulbs and managed to keep them away from the rest of the party. In no time at all, Tits managed to light the entire wall on fire which brought on a whole new problem.
That problem being that the room wasn't ventilated very well, and smoke was now beginning to bounce off of the ceiling and fill the room in which we stood. Using the top of my shirt I covered my nose and mouth.
"We need to move," I yelled at the others, coughing a little at the end. "Tits, I think you've burned enough of them.
Elaria charged through the new tunnel first, followed by Minty. I ran after them and quickly realized that none of us could see anything without the torch that Tits now carried. Quickly, I summoned a fireball and used it as a poor light source as we moved down the tunnel.
Thankfully, Tits was fast and quickly caught up with us. This tunnel went on for several more feet before we came to another chamber with a closed door on the other side of it. Light could be seen spilling out from underneath the door.
"What are the odds the priest is on the other side of that door?" Rondo asked breathing heavily.
"Pretty good," I said, taking a step towards it.
"Wait," Rondo said, causing me to stop in my tracks.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"We need to heal and recover our mana in case there's another fight in there," Rondo answered.
"Oh, good call," I said, charging up Cure.
We ended up spending the next several minutes having me go around casting Cure on everyone a couple of times. After this, I received several notifications.
Congratulations Elaria has defeated level 7 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 71 XP.
Congratulations Rondo has defeated level 6 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 5 blood saproling! You have earned 53 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 6 blood saproling! You have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 7 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 71 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 5 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 53 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 6 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 8 blood saproling! You have earned 80 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 6 blood saproling! You have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 5 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 53 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 7 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 71 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 6 blood saproling! You have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 5 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 53 XP.
Congratulations you have defeated level 6 blood saproling! You have earned 62 XP.
Congratulations Iasz has defeated level 7 blood saproling! As a party member, you have earned 71 XP.
Congratulations, Fireball has reached Level 5!
Range: 39 feet → 42 feet
Damage: 4 - 9 hit points and 25% chance to inflict burn → 5 - 10 hit points and 30% chance to inflict burn
MP Cost: 11 → 13
Congratulations, Cure has reached Level 3!
Range: 6 feet → 7 feet
Charge Time: 4.8 seconds → 4.6 seconds
HP Recovery: 35% of max HP will be recovered over 18 seconds on the target of the spell → 40% of max HP will be recovered over 16 seconds on the target of the spell.
MP Cost: 18 → 21
Congratulations you have reached level 1 in Dual Casting!
Dual Casting allows you to cast multiple spells at once. At level 1, the following is appli
ed while Dual Casting:
-18% spell power in both hands
-18% accuracy in main hand
-45% accuracy in offhand
+18% spell charge time
Well now, this was a nice surprise. I gained a pretty solid chunk of experience from the annoying plants, but better than that, I leveled up two spells and a skill called Dual Casting. I should have been placing skill points into this skill, but as I forgot about it, I'd have to wait until I gained more skill points.
Setting aside my happiness at the gains, I focused on the task at hand. The priest could be on the other side of that door, but then again, we could be walking into more monsters, and I didn't want to fall into the same planty trap twice.
"Are you all ready?" I asked, moving up next to the door.
"Yeah, now I think we're ready," Rondo said, moving up next to me. "Open it, but don't go in until we're fairly certain it's safe."
Reaching for the door, I slowly pushed it open revealing a surprisingly well-furnished room with a desk, a couple of chairs, and a bed. It also revealed a naked Loren on top of the bed behind a bent over Rurir who had his robes hiked up. Loren was pumping the younger man from behind but froze when he saw the two of us in the doorway.
"Aw hell, come on man," Rondo yelled at the priest., startling me. "This is some seriously sick pedophilic faggy shit."
"How old is that kid again?" I asked in a whisper to Rondo.
"Probably not old enough," he answered loudly, not taking his eyes off of the priest, and when Loren started to pull out added, "Don't you dare pull out, ain't nobody want to see your dick."
"Oh, I wanna see his dick," Tits said, running up and pushing us into the room. "Mmm, this is some hot boy love."
"This is disgusting," Rondo spat, looking away from the pair.
"Hey, Loren and Rurir," I said awkwardly, "Just out of curiosity, how old are you Rurir?"
"I'm eighteen," Rurir mumbled looking away from me.
"Well, not a pedophile then," I said. "I assume this is consensual?"
Both Loren and Rurir nodded their heads in agreement, and I smiled at Rondo who scowled and said, "Still some sick shit. He's just another priest showing a young boy some Popsicles in the basement. Where's your Popsicles father? Bend over, and I'll show you, my child. It's fucking disgusting, and it's not natural."
"Jesus, Rondo," Tits said loudly. "Could you be any more homophobic? It's just one man destroying another man's asshole with his penis. It's really such a beautiful thing. You just need to sit down and watch as the balls slap back and forth."
"I can't unsee this," Rondo muttered. "I think I'm going to go wait outside before I get sick."
Rondo stomped out of the room, letting Elaria come inside in his place. The ranger laughed out loud when she saw the priest still frozen in mid-hump behind the other man.
"Well, now that he's gone, you two can continue," Eldertits said winking at them. "We'll just be standing here, watching."
"You know, I think I've lost my mood," Loren said, quickly pulling out of Rurir and hiding his penis with his hands.
After a moment, the priest reequipped some clothes, and Rurir changed his position and covered himself up.
"I actually tried to come back just to apologize for falling asleep earlier. I've never been much of a church-going person, to be honest," I said after another awkward silence settled in.
"I appreciate that," Loren said stiffly, "but how did you get past my garden?"
"Your garden?" I asked, thinking of the room with all the blood saprolings in it. "It wasn't full of vampire plants by chance, was it?"
"Yes, I have cultivated an excellent batch of blood saprolings," Loren responded. "They are growing so quickly, it is truly a blessing from Ilethian."
"Well, they were," Eldertits responded while I tried to think of something to say. "We sort of burned the lot when they attacked us."
"You did what?" Loren shouted, jumping to his feet off of the bed.
"We burned them," I said sighing. "They attacked us, and we had to defend ourselves or they would have killed us."
He gritted his teeth and growled, "Why didn't you just feed them something small, like that large rat you brought with you."
"He's not a rat," Elaria snapped in response to this. "I would sooner feed them you than let those foul plants eat Minty."
Loren ran his hands over his head and sighed, "You've fallen asleep during my service, interrupted my time with Rurir, and now I find out you've destroyed my garden. What do you people want from me?"
"You mean found your secret butt sex dungeon where you lure unsuspecting altar boys," Rondo, who was evidently listening, called from outside the door. "Besides who the fuck keeps creepy vampire plants in a church basement anyway? Just some creepy faggot pedophile."
Rondo made an excellent point about the plants, even if he was being a judgmental prick about Loren being gay. What was the point of keeping a bunch of man-eating plants in your basement?
As if to answer my question, Loren said, "All plants that grow are a gift from Ilethian, even the ones that you may find less than desirable. Those blood saprolings aren't evil. Unless plants are altered by some sentient being, they can never be evil or good for that matter."
"That's exactly what an evil buttfucker would say to justify himself," Rondo yelled back. "I bet you're responsible for all the missing people, too. You probably lured them down to your dungeon, used them, and then fed them to those plants when you were done with them."
Loren began with, "I did no -" but was quickly cut off by Rurir.
"Loren is innocent. He hasn't kidnapped anyone. The two of us have been having consensual relations, and I would gladly do it in the full view of and with the blessing of Ilethian himself."
That finally shut up Rondo, who was acting like a real prick for the first time since I met him. I never knew the man had such an issue with gay people, but I suppose everyone has their issues.
"If you're not responsible for the disappearances, then what can you tell us about them?" I asked, trying to get this conversation back on track and away from yelling insults through a doorway.
Loren shrugged and said, "Honestly, I know as much about it as you, probably less. Most of those that went missing were regulars in my temple, so I'm very concerned about them. And as a member of this community, I obviously worry that someone else is going to go missing, but I haven't a clue who is taking them or why. If I knew that, I'd have told the mayor, and hopefully, we'd have brought those people home."
To my ears, he sounded sincere as he said this, but maybe he was a pretty good liar. Still, the points I placed in Sense Motive gave me some confidence.
"What about you, Rurir?" I asked the younger man. "Can you tell us anything about the disappearances? Something about the victims? Anything? Even the smallest detail might help."
He sat on the bed, clearly in deep thought for almost a minute before saying, "It's probably nothing, but I think I remember seeing Lilith Franklin a night or two before her disappearance. I ran into her down by the docks. She bumped into me and looked to be in a hurry. She apologized almost without looking at me and then hurried up the street and into one of the houses."
"Okay, do you remember which house she went into?" I asked in response.
"No, all of the houses and buildings down by the dock look pretty similar," Rurir said shaking his head. "I remember I followed after her, but the door was closing by the time I got closer to her. I think something was carved into the door, but I can't remember. Honestly, at the time, I didn't think a whole lot of it. I just figured she was late for an appointment of some sort."
"Well, that still might be useful to us. Thank you," I said to the young man.
"Is that all?" Loren asked impatiently. "Because if you are finished, would you please leave us in peace?"
"Oh sure, so you can get back to putting your penis where it doesn't belong," Rondo yelled through the doorway. "What, were you hard the entire time you were wors
hiping your god, because as soon as that service ended, you bolted down here for some fresh fucking asshole."
"Not helping," I yelled back at Rondo, finally getting annoyed with him. "Yes, that's all Loren, we'll just see ourselves out."
Leaving the room, I glared at Rondo who gave me a look in response that said, "What's your problem?"
"Why'd you have to be such a dick?" I asked Rondo, still irritated.
"You're seriously okay with that?" Rondo asked incredulously. "You wanted to see all that penis?"
"Well, I could have gone without seeing all that penis, but they are consenting adults, and they can do what they want," I replied, putting air quotes around all that penis.
"Two dudes just shouldn't be doing that, it's disgusting," Rondo muttered.
Eldertits, who I hadn't noticed walk up behind us, chimed in with, "maybe to you, but to some of us it was like walking downstairs on Christmas morning."
Chapter 11: The Investigation Continues
"Tits, what the hell is this?" Rondo asked slamming a piece of paper down on the table. "Why would you send me this in a private message?"
Pulling his hand back, I could see that a crudely drawn penis with both balls and veins was on the paper.
"I would have thought that was obvious," Tits said with her standard mischievous grin, "It's a dick pic. You made it very clear that you were into this sort of thing, so I've begun spreading the news around town that you would love to receive unsolicited dick pics from anyone willing to sit down and draw an approximation of what their penis looks like."
I burst out laughing, which caused Rondo to turn his glare on me.
"Sorry, Rondo," I said trying to stifle my laughter, "but that's actually pretty clever."
Rondo let out a long-suffering sigh and sat down at the table next to Elaria, who was trying to hide an amused look herself.