Boom. Boom. Boom.
“Christ.” Jim grimaced as he got up and opened the door. The cruel summer sun blinded him, a voice shrieked loud and familiar. “Worst proposal ever!” Kelly screamed.
“What?” Jim’s eyes finally adjusted to see Kelly in her jogging gear, already sweaty and red in the face.
“Is that all you can say? What! You sent it and I want an explanation.” Jim grasped at blocked memories, but they refused to reveal themselves. “Now!” she demanded.
“Proposal?” he asked.
She handed him the phone. He blinked away his blurry vision and saw a text bubble with his name above it. “You are Shepherd and annoying, but I want to marry you.”
“Oh,” he said. “Shit.”
Kelly yanked her phone out of his hand then read the text aloud emphasising every word even the typos. Knowing full well an apology wasn’t going to improve the situation, Jim kept quiet.
“So? You’re not going to explain this?”
“I drank quite a bit last night.”
“Oh really? I couldn’t tell. What did you mean, shepherd and annoying?” He shrugged. “And this—I want to marry you? Was that supposed to be cute?”
Jim rubbed his tired eyes. A sharp object on his finger scratched his forehead. “Ow!” he winced.
“Well, come on?” Kelly demanded.
Looking down, there staring at him was a familiar sparkling ring on his pinky finger. He looked at Kelly and she looked down at the ring, her expression one of complete disbelief.
Kelly snatched it and held it up in the sunlight. “You weren’t joking?” she queried then smiled in amazement, her mood changing instantly. “Oh Jim, what am I going to do with you?” Like a jumping spider she leapt upon him, squeezing him in a bear hug.
Jim shrugged, too stunned to speak. Kelly slid the ring on her finger and shook her head. “It’s beautiful.” Then she kissed him quickly before pulling away. “Worst proposal ever,” she said affectionately this time.
Jim stood in a daze, unable to keep up with the rapid events that had just transpired. This had been what he wanted, hadn’t it? At least she wasn’t yelling and he could go back to sleep.
“Who should we tell first? What type of wedding do you want? Oh God, this is so exciting!”
Sleep it seemed, would have to wait.
*****
Jim gave up trying to contribute to the conversation as Kelly had begun debating with herself as to whether a football-themed wedding was tacky or a sign of true passion, instead he busied himself trying to put the house back in order. Books, DVDs, clothes had been thrown to the ground in order to find that stupid ring. Cupboards lay bare, crap that had been carefully crammed into them only days before was now sprawled across the floor. Slowly, bit by bit, he re-stuffed each cupboard listening to Kelly go on and on. Part of him still hoped he would wake up, but the longer she talked the more his head ached and the more certain he became this was no dream. Especially when he heard keys turn in the front door, it sprang open and his heart stopped.
Chapter 16
Hels walked in purposefully. She eyed Jim immediately and was about to say something when Kelly ninja jumped out of nowhere.
“Helena! Guess what?”
Hels stepped back in surprise. She couldn’t miss the ring Kelly was shoving in her face. Her eyes widened. “Oh,” was all she could say. She looked up at Jim, her eyes hardening. “I’m so happy for you both.” She sounded anything but happy.
“I know, isn’t he just the sweetest?”
Jim busied himself tidying. He couldn’t face Hels’ demonic stare. “How? When did this happen?” she asked.
“He proposed in this ridiculous message last night he sent me. He said I was a shepherd or something and that he wanted to marry me. I thought he was joking so, this morning I came over and he gave me this.”
Jim winced visibly as Kelly played back the story. He wanted to clarify that he couldn’t remember sending any such message, why would he call her a shepherd, and that he hadn’t given her the ring, she had torn it off him like a viper attacking a mongoose. But he kept his thoughts in his head and his head in the cupboard. It was better than facing Hels’ wrath.
“Can I see that message?” Hels asked in the tone that he knew was laced with arsenic. Why was she so angry with him anyway? She knew he liked Kelly, it wasn’t like couples didn’t get engaged all the time. A few moments later and Hels burst into hysterics, her laughter filling the house. “That’s so romantic,” she managed between gasps. Kelly joined in and laughed uproariously too.
Jim popped his head out, indignant that they were laughing at him. “It’s not my finest moment, but I can be romantic.” The two girls look at each other and broke into further hysterics. His face darkened and he left the room. This was beyond crazy. He could not even remember messaging Kelly or finding the ring. He hadn’t known it was on his little finger until Kelly had ripped it off. And Hels, bloody Hels, it was so good she was back to her usual pain in the arse self, but why did it always have to be at his expense.
Jim headed straight out into the back garden and slumped onto the steps. He rubbed his head trying to dull the ache. The door swung open behind him. “Well Casanova, it seems like you’re all set,” Hels teased.
He shook his head and groaned.
“What’s the matter, big night? Looks like you were busy.” She didn’t look angry anymore. In fact, she wore a smirk that was much, much more unnerving.
“I guess,” he admitted. “Why are you so happy? Enjoying my misery?”
“Misery? But Jim, this is such a happy day for you and Kelly.”
Her overenthusiasm made him clench his teeth. “I can’t even remember messaging her,” he confessed. “I can’t even remember trashing the house or finding the ring. I didn’t even know…” He took the force from his voice and whispered, “I didn’t even know I had the ring in my hand, she just took it.” Hels tried to look serious, for a moment she was quiet, but then she covered her face and shrieked with laughter. He could see her try to get control of herself, but every time she looked at him she started again.
Eventually Hels said, “Do you even remember talking to me on the phone last night?”
He looked up at her then, his sour expression shifting to one of curiosity, “What? When?”
“Or messaging me?”
“What did I say?” he demanded.
“You said, actually, no, it doesn’t matter now.” She lost her smile.
“What does that mean? What about the message?”
“It was a bit mean.”
He stood up forgetting aches and pains, both physical and emotional and moved straight to her. “Oh shit, Hels, I’m so sorry. I am sure I didn’t mean it.”
“No, you did, only… I wonder.” She paused, a big smile stretching across her face.
“Oh, Jim, you are such an idiot.”
“Sorry,” he grinned apologetically. He did not know why she smiled, but her smile was infectious, and he took it as a sign of her forgiveness, which he was grateful for.
“Tell me something Jim, do you find me stupid and annoying?” she scanned his eyes intently. She did this when she wanted the truth. She needn’t bother, for this was one honesty he would gladly share.
“Come on Hels, you know you are by far the most annoying person I’ve ever met. Why?”
She scrunched up one eye and asked, “Really? More annoying than Kelly?” She looked at the house momentarily then looked back to him.
“A hundred Kellys wouldn’t be as annoying as you, not even a thousand.”
Hels nodded and went to go back into the house. She stopped him before they re-entered the house. “Hey,” she whispered. It was nice standing so close to her, he tried not to get distracted and focused on her words. “I think you’re really annoying too. I’m going to keep staying at Mum and Dad’s for a bit. When you’ve sorted all this mess out, well, you know where to find me.”
He didn’t understand a lot
of what she said, but felt her earnest gaze upon him. He nodded and gave her a wink to which she rolled her eyes. “And it’s a big mess,” she added as she walked through the laundry tiptoeing over bottles, old rags and various cleaning products.
Chapter 17
Helena knew it would take Jim a while, knew he had got himself stuck and only he could get himself out. As much as she cared for him, as much as she wanted to tell him what to do, she knew he would have to work it out for himself. She had understood the mess he had found himself in, perhaps better than he did. She remembered the drunken phone call and his message, she now understood what he had done and his catastrophic mistake. It still made her smile. How could it not? On so many levels she knew how she felt about him and now, she knew he felt the same. As odd as it sounded, for now, that was enough. She didn’t know what to do with that knowledge; she didn’t know how to act or where to go from here. She hoped it wouldn’t take Jim long to get his way out of his engagement and find his way to her. Helena’s heart beat faster at the thought. Would he kiss her? Could she just kiss him? Just walk right up to him and grab him. Why not?
As days passed, she avoided any correspondence from work and busied herself in her dad’s mechanic shop, just as she had done in her teen years. After years of truck driving, it was so good to get her hands dirty again. Being an old-fashioned mechanic, most of her father’s jobs involved working with older cars and restoring them. Some parts no longer existed and he would recreate what he could with his welding equipment. It was a thorough science which required much patience and ingenuity. There was nothing better than the sound of an old motor coming back to life. Forget the Bible, this was where real miracles happened. Her father’s company was good too. He didn’t talk much and when he did, it was practical. No stupid melodrama like with Jim. No, just good old-fashioned, “Pass me the quarter-inch wrench” or “Take that out” or “Let’s have a beer”.
He had groaned as her phone had ‘dinged’ throughout the first morning so Helena learnt to put it on silent. It was only Jim anyway, often with nothing to say, but saying it anyway. His contact was comforting, yet frustrating too. She wished he would get drunk again, so she could know what was really going on with him. He still hadn’t ended things with Kelly.
Helena supposed he had wussed out at the last minute. Helena was the kind of person who ripped off a Band-Aid in one quick tear, but Jim obviously preferred a slow, gradual removal. Painful, painful Jim. That’s what he was. It hurt her too, of course, but she knew the truth. He didn’t love Kelly, he loved her. It would only be a matter of time.
“You’re very quiet these days,” her dad said one afternoon. She looked at him, leaving her latest fantasy of kissing Jim in the back seat of the old Chevy they were fixing. Sure, it would be tight, but she would welcome the close contact.
“I guess.”
He opened the garage bar fridge and held up a beer suggestively. She nodded her assent and he handed one over.
“Everything okay?”
She nodded, twisting the lid off and taking a swig. He continued.
“Will you go back?”
Helena froze, unsure of what he meant: go back to work or go back to Jim?
He shrugged, “Your mum told me they were giving you a hard time.” Helena exhaled, grateful that it wasn’t the former. He continued, “But it’s just not like you to let anyone push you around.”
She couldn’t face him when she spoke, just stared at the cascading bubbles in her beer bottle. She nodded. It was not like her, yet here she was. “I was okay,” she said after a long pause. “When I first started there, I liked giving it to some of those idiots,” she smiled. “It was like being here with Mike and Brett. But then I met this guy.” Her father went pale, he never liked romance talk. “And I liked him, and I tried dating him, you know like a real girl would, but things got weird.”
Her dad raised his eyebrows in question.
“Just weird, okay? I thought he was different than the others. And he was, just worse. He said things about me at work. Bad stuff. The others believed him, or wanted to believe him. It’s disgusting.”
“Do you really care what they think?”
“No, not really. I don’t know why it got to me? Lately, I’ve been feeling different about everything.”
He looked at her for an elaboration, but she could only shrug her shoulders. “I don’t know. I’m different. I’ve not been myself since…”
“Since what?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly finishing the rest of her beer. “I think I need a shower.” She went to put the beer in the bin, but he stood in her way.
“Helena, what’s going on with you?” Concern was written in his eyes. She looked away before he could see her weakness. “You don’t have to be strong all the time you know,” he added.
She shook her head, “I doubt it. You’ve never been weak. You’re always in control. That is how I want to be.”
“I’ve been weak plenty of times, it’s your mother who makes me strong.”
“Yeah right,” Helena snorted. “I’ve seen how she drives you crazy.”
Her father looked at her in confusion, “She never weakens me. When you were born, when you three were born, I felt as strong as an ox. Just like when I married your mother. She is my greatest strength.”
She was unconvinced, “So why do I feel so weak, why am I letting everything get to me? I’m not strong; I’m a wreck.”
He smiled, “Is this boy trouble?”
She’d walked right into that one. She shook her head hoping she wouldn’t have to actually lie. He put a hand on her shoulder and pulled Helena into a hug. She felt the tears come, as though of their own accord, as she clung to her father. “This is ridiculous,” she said to herself as she pulled away, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
“No,” he said. “There is nothing ridiculous about it. You’re young, why does everything have to be so…” He searched for the words that wouldn’t come.
“So what?” she said apprehensively. She couldn’t deal with her father’s disapproval right now.
“So clear. It’s like you want to know everything before it happens. You can’t control everything, Helena.” She nodded vaguely. He had a point. He continued, “When I was your age, I was an apprentice mechanic. When I met your mother, I was living in a garage and had no money. It took years to get married and get a place of our own, but we figured it out together. There was no easy plan, things just took time, and you know what? We had a ball. Just being young and having each other was enough. But you, you want to skip all that. It’s okay to be scared.” He wasn’t teasing her, she knew that, but she could never admit to being scared, not to him. She shook her head. He smirked, “It’s nice to think you got your stubbornness from me, but now I see you got it from your mum. Good luck to your fella.”
“I don’t have a fella!”
He laughed, “I can think of someone.”
“Who?” she challenged, knowing full well whom he meant.
He wouldn’t answer and only said, “Let’s go, I don’t want to be late for dinner.”
Helena simmered as they turned and exited the garage. Why did it seem that her father already knew her feelings for Jim when she herself had only recently realised them? Was she that obvious? Had she always been that obvious? She didn’t know. What Helena did know was that the jerk hadn’t called or come to see her in days and she was running out of patience.
Chapter 18
Helena could accept that Jim was a little slow about things. She could understand his sensitivity towards others, she could even permit him longer with Kelly if it meant there was a clean break at the end, but what she could not and would not abide was being ignored. It had been almost two weeks since she had seen Jim, dishevelled and hungover. Two weeks since she had figured out that Jim loved her and realised she loved him. The feelings were powerful, all-encompassing, from hair ends to toenails, her whole being ached for him. Her ears wanted to hear his voice, he
r fingers wanted to touch his, her eyes wanted to see him, all of him, and her lips wanted desperately to be pressed up against his again, and this time there would be no pulling away. Every part of her body willed her to be with him and the only thing stopping her was him. Jim was not answering her calls; his messages had become shorter and more disinterested. Even when she tried to joke, he offered little or no response, no emoji. The last text she received was two days ago. She had told him about burning her fingers on a fan belt and he responded with ‘you okay?’ to which she texted back ‘fine’, then asked how he was. Nothing, no response, not even a smiley face. She had sent seven more texts since then with no success. She tried jokes, questions and then finally raving mad threats and abuse. She wished there was a way to delete sent messages from other people’s phones. She had begun ringing him, only to get his message bank, which she filled with her growing frustration.
A thought occurred to her one afternoon, was Jim getting back at her for not telling him about when she’d had a meltdown? Was the teacher trying to teach her a lesson? She doubted it. It wasn’t like Jim to be manipulative or spiteful. Even as a kid, he had always been the one to broker peace whenever they had a falling out, even when it was completely her fault. Another, uglier thought played in her mind—Jim with Kelly eloping and laughing at how stupid and immature Helena was, how he didn’t really care about her at all. Her hypothetical thinking put her in a foul mood, one that her dad didn’t appreciate.
“You’ve got lightning in your eyes and thunderbolts coming out of your arse. For Christ’s sake, go see him.”
She was too mad to play dumb. “He doesn’t want to see me,” Helena said, hacking into an old MG’s head gasket with a wrench.
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