My heart flutters at their encounter. For a jock, he really knows how to be a gentleman when he wants to impress someone. As soon as my step-dad walks away, I gesture for Holden to follow me – leading him upstairs. As soon as the two of us are in my bedroom, I shut and lock the door.
“Well, your mother is… pleasant.”
I snort. “Yeah, she’s a real prize.”
I lay on my bed, pulling him down with me and cuddling into his chest – breathing in the smell of him like I need it to live. He runs his fingers loosely through my hair.
“Your dad didn’t seem too bad though.” He says carefully.
“Step-dad.” I correct him. “My dad ran out on my mom and I when I was three - but yeah, John’s okay.”
I think he can tell this isn’t a topic I like to talk about, because he places a kiss on my head before changing the subject. The two of us lie in my bed, talking about everything we’ve missed out on by being apart. He tells me how he met Jo’s boyfriend, and that he and Brandon intimidated the shit out of him. It doesn’t surprise me. Josephine is only a year younger, but she’s still their little sister.
When I notice it’s 11:58, I turn on the TV and switch the channel to the New Year’s celebrations in Times Square. I sit on the edge of my bed, causing Holden to scoot down behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. Once they start counting down from ten, he gets my attention.
“Kayleigh?” The nervousness is evident in his voice.
I turn my head slightly to hear him better. “Yeah?”
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
Chapter Twenty Three
I wake in the morning, almost thinking I dreamt Holden’s arrival the night before. When I roll over and see him asleep in my bed, I smile. Reaching over, I grab my phone to check the time, finding a text from my mother.
Life Giver: When you and your friend wake up, John would like us to all have breakfast together.
The idea of having breakfast with her is a nightmare, but after John defended us last night, it’s the least I could do. I place my phone back down on my nightstand and cuddle into Holden, causing him to stir.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” He says, voice laced with sleep.
“Morning.”
I press my lips against his. He kisses me back, humming contently.
“I missed you so much.” He whispers.
“I missed you too.” I reply. “As much as I would like to stay in bed all day, we have to get up.”
I stand, wearing only my underwear, and walk over to my closet to find something to wear. He props himself up one arm, letting his eyes gaze over my body.
“You’re so beautiful.” He remarks with such sincerity in his tone. I can’t help the blush that covers my cheeks.
By the time the two of us get dressed, I can smell breakfast cooking from downstairs. John must be making French toast. He knows it’s my favorite. If I only eat a little, I should still be able to stay under my calorie limit.
Holden and I make our way down, saying good morning to both John and my mom and taking a seat at the kitchen table.
“So, Holden, how do you and Kayleigh know each other?” My mother asks.
“We met at school.” He answers. “We had the same sociology class last semester.”
She hums in acknowledgement as I glare, mentally willing her to stop talking. Thankfully, John finishes cooking and serves breakfast. Holden and I thank him as we each take a bite. It’s mouthwatering.
“This is delicious, sir.” Holden compliments.
John smiles politely. “Please, son, call me John.” Holden grins happily. “Do you two have any plans before your flight tomorrow?”
I nod, finishing chewing before I respond. “We’re going over to Emily’s.”
Holden looks at me, surprised by what I have planned. I hadn’t gotten a chance to mention it to him yet, too wrapped up in the surprise of him being here. Still, I’m excited to see her. She’s been my best friend since we were seven.
“Well, that sounds fun.” John says, making conversation. “Will you be staying here tonight, Holden?”
He looks a little uncomfortable. “Well, I’d like to, but I have no problem getting a hotel room if you’d rather.”
“Nonsense.” John waves dismissively. “You’re always welcome.”
Holden smiles triumphantly. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
John begins to question Holden, asking about hockey and Holden’s fraternity – trying to get to know him better. Apparently, John used to be a member of a frat while he was in college. When Holden starts to tell him the story of how him and I got into a prank war with Caleb and Jason, I break into laughter.
“Wow, Kayleigh, I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile since you got here.” My mom remarks before turning her attention to Holden. “You must make her very happy.”
I smile at him as he looks at me with warmth and fondness in his eyes. He puts his hand over mine and squeezes lightly.
“Well, I try to. Your daughter is amazing and deserves the best.”
WE ARRIVE AT EMILY’S shortly after 1pm. Her mom immediately hugs me, having not seen me since before I left for university. I return the sentiment. She’s been more of a mother to me than the one I have. At one point, when I was younger, her parents were going to let me move in. Unfortunately, my mom said no. It was more important for her to pretend like she was mother of the year.
After talking to Emily’s mom for a little longer, and introducing her to Holden, we head upstairs to my best friend’s room. I knock once before opening the door and peeking my head in.
“Em?”
She stands up from her bed and walks toward me. “Since when do you knock?”
Once I see she’s decent, I open the door and step in, pulling Holden along with me. Her eyebrows raise as she looks from me to him and back again.
“Emily, this is Holden – my boyfriend.”
As they say hello to each other, I bask in the way that sounded coming from my mouth. It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. The thought causes a wide grin to spread across my face.
Emily hugs me tightly, telling me how much she missed me. You see, her and I had originally planned to go to college together. We had the whole thing planned out. We were going to be roommates and take all the same classes. Unfortunately for me, she ended up getting a full ride to Yale on a soccer scholarship. Free Ivy League school definitely trumps best friend.
I wasn’t upset about it. I’ve always been proud of her and happy for all her successes. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t? Not a very good one, that’s for sure.
The three of us spend the day watching old home videos from when we were younger and sharing stories. At one point, I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying – holding my stomach because it hurts, but in the best way possible. Holden listens happily, sharing his own stories at times as well.
Shortly before we’re about to leave, Holden gets a phone call. He excuses himself and steps out of the room to answer it.
“So, uh, what the hell?” Emily asks me.
“What?”
She raises her eyebrows. “Since when do you not tell me about dating a gorgeous hockey player?”
I roll my eyes and laugh softly. “He wasn’t my boyfriend until last night.”
“Oh, so you just randomly started dating the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, while on a break from school?”
I can’t keep myself from laughing even harder at her sarcasm, but I know a part of her is genuinely concerned. “It’s been complicated. I’ve wanted to tell you about him, I just really wasn’t sure how.”
She seems to ponder my answer for a moment before sighing. “Well, no more keeping things from me. We’re sisters. I really don’t want to lose you because we didn’t go to university together.”
I get up from my spot on the floor and move toward her, putting my arms around her and leaning my head against hers. “That will never happen.”
> She places her hands on my arms and holds me close. “Good.”
ON THE FLIGHT BACK to Maine, I feel completely different than I did on the flight home. Holden ends up paying someone thirty dollars to switch seats with him so that we can sit together. The two of us watch Super Troopers 2 on his laptop, making time fly by. Before I know it, we’re landing.
We get back to the fraternity house around 3pm. It’s completely empty, everyone else not coming back until tomorrow. We place our bags down in Holden’s room, and I fall onto the bed.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” He questions.
I lazily lay my head to the side to look at him. “Didn’t really have anything in mind. You?”
He half smiles. “Want to go get something for lunch?”
I quiver at the thought of it, turning away. “I’m not hungry.”
“Kayleigh.” He warns. “I’ve been with you for the last few days. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how little you’ve eaten.”
Trying not to make eye contact with him, I stare at the ceiling but I can feel his eyes on me. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”
He runs his fingers through his hair. I can tell he’s getting aggravated. “Well if not now, then when? You can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy.”
“I never said it was.”
“Then why won’t you eat something?!” He asks harshly. When I don’t answer, he continues. “If you’re not going to allow me to help you, I’m going to find someone who can.”
My head snaps toward him. “What are you saying?”
He looks irritated, but seems to soften as soon as he sees the tears building in my eyes. “You can’t keep doing this, babe. I’m not saying soon, but if you don’t get back into recovery I’m going to have to find another way to get you help.”
I start to panic, feeling my chest become tighter. He’s going to send me away. We just became official, and he’s already realizing I’m too much to handle. I’m going to lose him like I’ve lost just about everyone else. Faster than expected, I’m in a full-blown anxiety attack.
Holden’s eyes widen when he realizes the state I’m in. He tries to calm me down, telling me he’s not trying to scare me and that he just cares about me. When nothing works, he wraps his arms around me tightly and tells me to focus on his breathing. Sure enough, after a few minutes, I start to relax.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
“Me too.” He replies softly. He rolls me onto my back and hovers over me. “You’re beautiful, don’t you see that?”
I shake my head. “I’m nothing special. I have so many flaws.”
“No.” He bends down and kisses me lightly. “You’re perfect.” He starts kissing from my cheek, to my neck, to my collar bone. “Absolutely stunning.” He kisses down my arm, then back up – doing the same with the other before lifting my shirt up and kissing down my chest and stomach.
“Every.” Kiss. “Single.” Kiss. “Inch.”
He continues this pattern, kissing all over my body while carefully removing articles of clothing. Every few seconds, he whispers another compliment. By the time that he’s gone over nearly every inch of my skin, leaving me in just a bra and underwear, he makes his way back up and hovers over me once again.
“You are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.” The sincerity in his eyes overwhelms me.
I reach up and pull him into a bruising kiss, arching my hips to grind against him. He moans into my mouth at the contact and I feel as his length hardens beneath his sweats. I slide my hands up under his shirt and run my fingernails down his back. He bites his lip as he enjoys my touch.
We spend the rest of the day and night wrapped up in each other, but it’s not like the sex we’ve had before. No, this time is different. For a minute, I wonder if we made love, but I don’t have the guts to question it. Instead, I just live in the moment – letting myself forget everything and embrace the time alone with my boyfriend.
THE NEXT DAY, I take a nap, feeling exhausted from traveling and not getting much sleep last night. When I wake, Holden isn’t there. I grab my phone and send him a quick text.
Me: Where are you?
His reply comes quickly. I groggily open my phone to read it.
Holden: Just went out for a minute. Almost back.
I don’t bother answering. I get up and grab my hair brush, running it through my hair and getting out the tangles from last night. The cold air causes me to shiver. I walk over to Holden’s closet and grab one of his hoodies. As I pull it over my head, the door opens.
“Look who I found.” Holden says and Dawson comes in behind him.
“Ah!” I shriek, giving him a big hug. “How was Aruba?!”
He smiles at the memory. “It was incredible.” I look at him expectantly. “What?”
“Did you ask her?!”
“Oh!” He chuckles. “Yeah, she said yes.”
I hug him again excitedly, congratulating him on his engagement. Even Holden pats him on the back. When the excitement dies down, the two of them share a nervous look.
“What’s going on?” I ask hesitantly.
Holden gives me a sad smile, before taking a seat on the bed and patting the spot next to him. Instantly, I feel like I’m three years old again, listening to my mom to tell me my dad isn’t coming back. I sit down and look between the two of them, impatiently waiting for someone to answer me.
“I told Dawson about your eating disorder.”
Chapter Twenty Four
I stare at Holden, jaw slacked and hoping to hell I heard him wrong. He squirms under my intense gaze, looking regretful.
“I’m sorry, you did what?!”
My eyes don’t leave him, wondering why in the world he would do something so stupid. He doesn’t say anything though, deciding to just look down and mess with his hoodie sleeve – one of his nervous habits.
“Kayleigh, don’t be mad at him. He’s just worried about you.”
My head whips over toward Dawson, shooting daggers with my eyes. “Did I ask you?!”
He puts his hands up in surrender and takes a step back. “Woah, relax.”
“No!” I snap. “He had no right to tell you!” I look back at Holden who looks like he’s about to cry. “Why would you do that?!”
He shrugs slightly. “Because I got scared.”
It’s amazing to me how someone who’s normally so confident, can cower like a child when he’s in trouble. His lack of a legitimate response only angers me further. If looks could kill, he’d be six feet under by now.
“That’s a really shitty reason.” I spit. “I didn’t even want you to know about it. Let alone someone else. You’re my boyfriend! I’m supposed to be able to trust you!”
Dawson scoffs angrily. “Okay enough.” He shouts. “Stop talking to him like he kicked your puppy. He’s cares about you, and so do I. Neither of us want to see you get hurt!”
I’m stunned into silence. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. The damage is done. Dawson knows, and that’s just the reality I have to live with now.
“You’re not going to tell anyone, right?” I question, partly afraid of the answer.
“Of course not.” Dawson replies. “But I am worried about you, just like Holden is.”
I glance over at my boyfriend. Getting a better look at him, I see he’s a lot more worked up than I’d originally realized. I sigh, standing up and turning towards him. I put my hands out for him to take, and when he does, I pull him up and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back, immediately kissing the top of my head.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
Holden sighs. “I’m just really worried. You mean more to me than anyone, and I don’t want something to happen to you.”
The intense emotions in the moment cause me to choke up a little. “I’ll get better. Just promise you won’t tell anyone else.”
He nods. “I promise.”
OVER THE NEXT FEW
days, I put a lot of thought into my actions. Since I started restricting again, I’ve lost over ten pounds. The feeling I get when I step onto the scale and see I weigh less, is a high that I can’t explain. However, now, I not only have to hide it from Holden, but I have Dawson watching my every move as well.
Bree and I have started hanging out more, kind of like how it was in September. She introduces me to a few of the friends she’s made. They’re not exactly the kind of people I’d choose to be friends with, but if I’m going to use Bree as an excuse to spend time away from Holden – I don’t have much of a choice.
“Hey.” Bree greets me, approaching the counter at Dolce.
I smile. “What’s up?”
“Paige and Addison want to go to the party tonight at Phi Sigma Alpha.”
I cringe, knowing that out of all the fraternities on campus, that one happens to be Kappa Delta Phi’s biggest rival. None of them ever go to the same parties and when they do, it’s not pretty.
“I don’t know.” I reply hesitantly.
She gives me puppy dog eyes. “Please? I don’t want to go without you.”
It takes a little bit of begging on her part, but I reluctantly agree to go. Dawson, who overheard everything, comes over to me as soon as she leaves.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He asks.
I shrug. “It’s just a party.”
Dawson snorts. “Don’t let Holden find out.”
The thought of his reaction makes me feel sick to my stomach. He would absolutely lose it if he knew where I’m going tonight. While Taylor was dating Caleb, she went to one of their parties and almost got drugged.
I’ll be okay, I just need to be careful.
PARTIES AT HOLDEN’S FRATERNITY are always crazy, but this one makes those look like a one year old’s birthday. The music is so loud I can hardly hear myself think. Everyone’s drinking hard liquor instead of vodka, and I’m pretty sure I saw at least three kinds of drugs being passed around.
“This place is nuts.” Addison remarks, looking around like a kid at a candy store.
Sleepless November (Sleepless November Saga Book 1) Page 15