“You can’t just expect to get over it in a few days,” Gabe started, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“There’s no getting over it,” I shouted as I jumped to my feet. “There’s no getting over being hung until you almost die. To know that your life is slowly draining away and you can’t do a fucking thing to stop it. You want to know what it was like?” I was being an asshole and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop. They only wanted to help and I only wanted to never have to remember a single day that I was on that fucking island. “Imagine that you have all these skills, things you can do to help yourself, but they’re of no use to you. Because you’re stripped naked, sleeping in the fucking mud with your piss and shit all around you. You get so used to the smell that eventually, it seems normal to you.”
I shook my head, walking away for a minute, but the rage was still there, still simmering under the surface. “I can’t fucking walk around here without something reminding me of that shithole. I can’t close my eyes without feeling like I’m trapped in a box again. I can compartmentalize and go on and then something triggers me and I’m right fucking back there.
“I was so fucking sure that I was going to get out of there right away. I watched and I waited and when the opportunity came, I ran. I would have fucking made it too. I got to the edge of the cliffs and there were all these rocks below, but I was willing to take my chances and swim until I got away. But then the Broker told me that he had Payton and I couldn’t jump. I couldn’t leave knowing that he might be telling the truth.”
“You did what you felt you had to,” Jackson said. “Any one of us would have made the same decision.”
“I’m not sorry I stayed. But I…I don’t know how to escape anymore. I’m still on that fucking island. I’m still in that fucking hole or in that cell.” I yanked my shirt further away from my neck. “Do you see these marks? That’s from having a cuff around my fucking neck. Same as these marks,” I said, pointing to my ankles and wrists. “I know it’s only been a few days and I’m fucking grateful to be out of there, but I don’t know that I can do this shit anymore. When I got on that chopper and you said it was good to have me back, you know what I thought?” I asked Gabe. “I thought that I didn’t want to wake up. I just wanted to slip away and let it all be over. I was grateful that I wasn’t going to die on that island, but honestly? I would have been fine with dying that day.”
“You don’t mean that,” Gabe said. “It’s just because of the memories.”
“It’s not just because of the fucking memories! It’s because what happened, it changed me. I’m trying to be fine and remind myself that I’m okay now, but I’m not fucking fine and I don’t know that I ever will be. I fucking failed! I let them fuck with my head and no matter how much I tried to focus on the endgame, I still wanted to fucking give up and just be done. That’s not who I used to be.”
Jackson grabbed onto my arm as I turned to walk away. “No, you don’t get to check out. You think that they won, but they didn’t because no matter how much you wanted to give up, you didn’t. You made a plan and you got everyone out. You did that. And if we hadn’t shown up to haul your ass out of there, you still would have found a way off that island, because you are strong and deep down, you’re still the same man you were before. You just have to give yourself time to get back there, get that shit out of your head.”
“I don’t know that I’ll ever get that shit out of my head and be able to do the job that I’ve always done. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out how to get my life back on track. And on top of that, I have Morgan and Payton to think about. I have no fucking clue what they went through and I don’t know how to deal with that shit on top of everything else.”
Gabe jerked his head and I turned around. Morgan was standing there, looking like I had just punched her in the gut. Fuck, I hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. It sounded worse than I meant it, but it wouldn’t make a difference to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Morgan
Sebastian had come to me and told me that Chance might need me. He told me which direction he went, so I walked that way until I heard voices. There was some yelling and then it got quieter. I didn’t want to intrude, but I needed to know if it was Chance. I walked past some trees, but froze when I recognized Chance’s voice.
“I know it’s only been a few days and I’m fucking grateful to be out of there, but I don’t know that I can do this shit anymore. I don’t know that I’ll ever get that shit out of my head and be able to do the job that I’ve always done.”
I wanted to ask him so much what shit he was talking about, but I knew he wouldn’t talk to me.
“Right now, I’m just trying to figure out how to get my life back on track. And on top of that, I have Morgan and Payton to think about. I have no fucking clue what they went through and I don’t know how to deal with that shit on top of everything else.”
That shit? I took a step back. Was he regretting us being with him? I had thought it was a possibility that he didn’t want us anymore, but deep down, I didn’t want to believe it. Where were we supposed to go now? If he didn’t want us, we couldn’t stay here, living in the same house but never speaking.
I backed up and stepped right into a tree. Gabe’s eyes locked with mine and then Chance was up and running over to me. Shit, I needed to get out of here. I turned to run, but Chance grabbed onto my arm.
“Morgan, please listen to me.”
“I should go. Payton and I…you shouldn’t have to deal with us.”
“That wasn’t what I meant,” Chance said forcefully. “I know how it sounded, but that wasn’t how I meant it. I don’t want you to go and I don’t want Payton to go.”
Gabe and Jackson hurried away, leaving Chance alone with me. I wasn’t sure right now that was a good idea. I didn’t want to fight with him. He was right. He had been through so much too and he didn’t deserve any of this. It was all because of me to begin with.
“You just said that you had too much of your own shit to deal with. Last night I woke up screaming and you had to calm me down. How is that helpful for you?”
“It’s- fuck, I don’t know. But it’s not going to be easier if you leave. I just need to figure out how to handle all this. It’s only been a few days. We were there and now we’re not. I was in a hole in the ground and now I’m sleeping in a regular bed and everyone’s around me, joking and carrying on as if nothing happened. My best friend got married and I missed it. My other best friend is going to have a baby. They’ve all been living their lives here and we’ve been out there, in our own hell.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “I never wanted this to happen.”
“Don’t you see, Morgan? I don’t give a damn. I wouldn’t trade anything to have stayed behind. I would have lost my mind looking for you and Payton. But it was hell and I don’t know how to come back and just live my life.”
“But if it’s too much, if it’s too hard, I would rather give you space.”
“I don’t need space. Not from you. Everyone else is pushing me to tell them about what happened. They want to know what I went through, like it’ll make me feel better to talk about it. With you, you get it. You don’t want to talk about it either. And it’s killing me to not know what happened with you, but I know that it’s not something I can force you to talk about. So, I can sit with you and Payton and just hang out. There are no expectations between us.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to sound stupid here, but I don’t understand how your comment was misinterpreted. I get everything you’re saying, but you said it was too much.”
He hung his head, gripping onto it like he could squeeze the insanity out of him. “It’s too much because…because I want to be the one to help you and Payton through everything, but I’m afraid that I’ll let you down because I have my own shit fucking with my head. It’s all too much, not just you. The entire adjustment is the killer.”
I understood that. I felt the
same way. Not only had I led a different life for the past year, but Payton had also. It was like I was trying to combine three different lives into one.
“So, we just hang out with no expectations. I’ll make a deal with you though. If there’s something that you want to know about what happened, you have to tell me one thing. It can be anything you choose.”
I watched him, waiting for whatever he said next. I could practically hear his thoughts, wondering if he was willing to give up something to find out what he needed to know. Part of me wanted to share with him, not everything, but just enough so that I knew something about what he went through. So that I didn’t feel so alone.
“Did you sleep with him?”
“Yes,” I said with no hesitation.
I waited. I could see his eyes moving back and forth as he tried to decide what to tell me. We must have stood there for five minutes until he decided what he was willing to tell me.
“You and Payton were the reason I lived.”
He didn’t elaborate, but immediately hit me with the one question I knew he would ask.
“Did he rape you?”
“No.” I took a chance and said more, hoping that by sharing more, he would too. “I thought that if I made him think I had Stockholm Syndrome that I could get Payton back faster. I wanted him to think I was in love with him.”
He swallowed thickly and looked away. “I was naked the entire time I was there. I feel dirty all the time now and I’ve already taken two showers today. I know I’ll take at least one more when I go back.”
He looked back to me like he expected to see disgust on my face. I held my hand out and waited for him to take mine. When he did, we didn’t say anything else as we walked back to the house.
✯✯✯✯✯
I took a deep breath as I led Payton into the office where we were meeting Agent Wilson. I was hoping that he would behave better today and realize that Payton was just a child and a victim. Chance was on one side and Cap was on the other. Gabe, Jackson, Alec, Florrie, and Craig had come along for protection and were outside the office and around the building. Deep down, I knew we were safe, but I couldn’t help the nerves that were taking over my body.
“Ms. James, thank you for coming.”
He held out his hand and I shook it. He was definitely calmer and more restrained today. Next to him was a lady that looked about fifty. She had kind eyes and immediately smiled at Payton.
“You must be Payton.” She bent over and shook Payton’s hand. “I’m Colleen.”
“I like your earrings,” Payton said. “I want my ears pierced, but Mommy said I have to wait until I’m older.”
“Oh, well your mommy is very smart. I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was almost sixteen.”
“Really?” Payton’s eyes were wide, as if she couldn’t believe that anyone would wait that long to get their ears pierced. Colleen nodded and picked up some paper and crayons on the table.
“You know, I bet you could draw some pictures of earrings. Then you could show your mom what kind you’d like when you get older.”
“I can draw lots of pictures and I’ll make one for you too.”
She held out her hand and Payton took it, following her through a door. There was a window that showed the other room, so I could watch what was going on.
“Colleen is a child psychologist. She’s going to find out what happened with Payton and then she’ll come talk to us.”
“What do we do?”
“You can wait in here and watch. You won’t be able to hear what’s being said though. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head.
Agent Wilson didn’t bother to stick around and I was relieved. I didn’t want to see him anyway. We waited for almost two hours. I paced around the room while Chance and Cap watched me. Chance kept trying to get me to sit down, but I couldn’t. I was too restless. When they were done, I would know what happened to Payton and I wasn’t sure that I could handle whatever was going to be said. Another woman entered the room and sat at the table with Payton, and Colleen left. Minutes later, she walked into the room with Agent Wilson.
“What happened,” I asked, rushing over to her, desperate to know what she found out.
“Let’s sit down.” Agent Wilson motioned for us to take our seats.
“Payton seems to be just fine. She said she was sad that she had to leave you, but then she told me about some training she was doing and that seems to really excite her. Overall, I would say what happened hasn’t had any terrible effects on her.”
“But what did happen?”
“She said that she was in classes with other kids. They were learning Russian.”
“Russian?” Cap sat forward, just as confused as I was. I gripped onto Chance’s hand and he gave me a reassuring squeeze.
“It seems that they were teaching the kids Russian and everything about Russia’s history.”
“That’s it? Why would someone take kids to teach them Russian?”
Agent Wilson looked to Colleen and then back to us. “Based on what the other kids have said, we think that they were hoping to start up a training program to integrate spies into the country. They were basically trying to brainwash the kids into Russian loyalists. When they were old enough, they would be sent back to the United States. No one would suspect that they were Russian spies because they were taken to Central America. If anything, people would suspect that they were abused in some way.” He nodded to Chance. “If you hadn’t gotten off that island, they probably would have succeeded.”
“What happens now?” Cap asked.
“We’re going to keep digging, find out who’s behind this. We may need to contact you again to set up another interview, but for right now, we think we’ve gotten all the information we can from the kids. Mr. Hendrix, is there anything you can add to this? Anything you might have seen around the island could be helpful.”
“I was just a prisoner. I was inside for only a few days and I didn’t see anything that would be useful. How is Weston Hughes connected to this?”
Agent Wilson looked uncomfortable. “We don’t know and may never know. We couldn’t find any connection in the short time that we were allowed to look into him.”
“What do you mean by that?” Cap asked.
“We were stopped from looking any deeper when some of his connections were revealed.”
I didn’t give a shit about Weston right now. I just needed to know that my daughter was alright. “So, none of the kids were harmed in any way?”
“No, most of the kids just seem to think that they were in school. They don’t understand why they were taken away from their parents, but they all seemed to say the same thing. They were in school.”
After another half hour of Cap and Chance talking with the agents, Payton came back in the room and we headed out of the building. I was in shock mostly. I had assumed that something horrible had happened to them after they were taken, but it didn’t really jive with the way Payton had been acting. Now it seemed that we would never really know who was behind it or why my child was taken. Was it random? Were we targeted for some reason?
“I don’t understand.” We were back at the house after flying back earlier today. “Why was Payton taken? There were only twenty kids there. Wouldn’t they have wanted a larger program if they were trying to train spies? This is all too crazy.”
“From the information we collected when you first came to us, it seemed that the children were from a single parent family with no other family connections. The parent had disappeared also,” Cap surmised. “My guess would be that the connection between Weston Hughes and the trafficking ring is solely for informational purposes. Maybe he was the one that picked the families. The parents were most likely taken into the prostitution ring so there was no one left to keep digging into their child’s disappearance.”
“But Weston liked you and wanted to keep you for himself,” Chance added. “If he h
adn’t taken you, we probably wouldn’t have found Payton at all. You would have been taken and then we never would have been involved.”
“And now he’s dead,” Cap said. “You were his downfall. He can’t hurt anyone else because of you.”
“But there’s still the leader of the trafficking ring. None of us are safe until he’s found.”
“If we can find this other guy, we might be able to find out who’s behind taking the kids,” Chance said. “We don’t know if it was an independent group or if it was the Russian government. I think it’s time we look for Mark. We need to know if he’s still working against his father, and if he is, maybe he’ll be willing to hand him over.”
“I’ll get Becky working on it. Chance, you’ll have to go to Becky and give a description. Maybe she can get some hits in her system. I’ll have Rob start searching the dark web for any chatter on Russian spies or anything to do with that. Maybe we’ll get lucky and come up with something.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Chance
After taking Morgan and Payton to go speak with Agent Wilson, Cap was more determined than ever to get me to talk about what had happened. He was convinced that there was something I knew that would help with finding the trafficker. When I told him that I didn’t want to talk, he took matters into his own hands, telling the ladies that we needed some kind of group therapy and asked for suggestions.
I sighed as I walked into the room. All the guys, Florrie, and Lola were sitting around in a circle like it was sharing time. This was a fucking intervention. Everyone wanted me to open up and express myself. I had opened up to Gabe and Jackson. Wasn’t that enough?
“Can we not do this today?”
“Listen,” Craig said, rushing over to me. He lowered his voice so no one else could hear. “I have a few issues myself right now and everyone’s been trying to get me to talk too. Maybe we can turn the tables on them and then it won’t put so much pressure on us.”
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