If You Kiss Me Like That

by Harper Bliss

  “You can ask me any question you want.” When Gloria used that sultry tone, Ash wanted to cease talking instantly and straddle Gloria again, but this, she had to ask.

  “What happens after this weekend?”

  Gloria nodded pensively, as though she’d already given the matter a great deal of thought and had only to find the words to express her conclusion. But no words came. “I don’t know. I wish I did, but I have no clue.”

  “Do you see this as something that has to end when you leave tomorrow? Something finite?”

  “How can it be?” Gloria quickly responded. “Do you think that’s even possible?”

  This gave Ash hope, although she was very much aware that it could be false. “All the reasons why we said it had to end last weekend still hold.”

  “No.” Gloria shook her head vehemently. “So much has changed since then, Ash. I’m here, with you. You have made me feel things…” She paused. “I can’t just go back to Murraywood and pretend this never happened. It means too much to me to be able to do that.”

  “But how do you see things progressing between us on a practical level? Do you want to come back next weekend?” Ash wanted to share Gloria’s optimism, but she recognised the signs of two people not operating on the same wavelength—she had become an expert at that. Not to toot her own horn, but, of course Gloria was over the moon. This was all very new and exciting to her. But there was no proof she could ever feel about Ash the way Ash could feel about her. Ash could fall for her. She wasn’t sure the same could be said for Gloria.

  Gloria shook her head. “I can’t next weekend. I’m working Friday and Saturday afternoon and Fiona’s having a barbecue on Sunday.” She let her head fall against the backrest of the chair. “And the weekend after, the girls are coming home for the Easter holidays. It’ll be a week of cooking healthy meals and doing laundry for me. And spending time with my daughters.”

  “Best make the most of this weekend, then.” Ash tried very hard to keep her voice from cracking, an overwhelming sense of disappointment running through her. But maybe a dose of reality was exactly what they needed. At least then they could start acting as though this would be for a limited time only. Gloria had a life in Murraywood. Ash had her life here.

  “I can take the train on a weeknight, Ash. Or you can come to Murraywood. It’s not that far.” It wasn’t just optimism in Gloria’s tone any longer. Her words sounded a bit more strangled—a bit more pragmatic. “There’s no rush, is there? To find out what this is?”

  “No,” Ash admitted, because she could do that. But she also knew what she would have to do come tomorrow.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Fuck it, Gloria thought, and took Ash’s hand in hers. It was the first time they’d left Ash’s flat since Gloria had arrived on Friday evening. Some fresh air had been sorely needed. They’d had brunch at the place around the corner and were walking back towards the river. Because it was Sunday, the streets were much quieter in this part of town, so close to the City.

  Ash slotted her fingers through Gloria’s as though they’d been walking hand-in-hand along the streets of London forever. But to Gloria, too, it just felt natural, despite the secret thrill it gave her.

  Ash pointed at a tall building on the other side of the next bridge. “That’s where I work.”

  Whereas yesterday, the atmosphere between them had been tinged by sheer exuberance and the complete inability to keep their hands to themselves, today, everything seemed heavier, weighted down by Gloria’s upcoming return home.

  “Let’s make a concrete plan to see each other again right now,” Gloria said.

  “Okay.” Ash didn’t sound very convinced. “I’m pretty free. I just have work to consider.” Was that a sneer at Gloria’s busier calendar? And how could it be that a woman like Ash, who was in the prime of her life, didn’t have any social engagements lined up over the next few weeks?

  “Do you have any previously made plans to come to Murraywood?” Gloria asked.

  “No.”

  “Hey…” Gloria gave Ash’s hand a tug. “It’s going to be okay, you know.”

  “No, Gloria, it’s really not. I understand that you’re in fantasyland right now, but this—” She held up their joined hands, looked at them, and then dropped Gloria’s. “This is not going to work. How can it possibly work?” Ash took a breath. She looked as though she had a lot more to say, but she fell silent.

  “Maybe it won’t,” Gloria countered. “But don’t you think we should try?” She glanced around, but, in the end, didn’t much care who might or might not be watching. She curled her arm around Ash’s waist. “Why are you so cranky this morning?” She leaned into Ash and whispered in her ear. “Did I not make you come hard enough?” The memory of Ash coming all over her fingers only hours ago sent a shiver up Gloria’s spine.

  This did at least elicit a chuckle from Ash. “I’m sorry.” She shrugged one shoulder. “It’s mayhem up here.” She pointed at her head. “I wish I could just go with the flow, like you do, but it’s not really my forte.”

  “I get it.” Gloria stopped walking and pulled Ash a little closer to her. “It’s a lot. And it’s confusing. But we can talk about it. We don’t have to dance around it. We don’t have to pretend that later today, I won’t be leaving. That’s why I want us to make plans already for when to see each other next.”

  “I can’t just swing by Murraywood in the evening to see you. Adrian lives a five-minute walk from your house.”

  “Come on.” Gloria knew this wasn’t about Ash bumping into her brother—not entirely, anyway. Although, of course, it would raise questions if she was spotted. “Anyway, I’ll come to London if it makes you feel more comfortable. When I don’t have the late shift.” Since Janey had left for university, Gloria had taken more evening and weekend shifts. Her colleagues had often allowed her to make her schedule more child-friendly when her girls were still at home and she was now repaying the favour.

  “I’ve only just put myself together again after losing Charlotte. I don’t know what I’m setting myself up for with you, but I do know I’m not ready to get hurt again.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not going to hurt you.” Gloria tugged Ash into a proper hug, not caring that they stood on the footpath near the middle of the bridge. “Why don’t we go back inside?”

  Ash nodded against her collarbone, but didn’t move. Gloria gently nudged her out of her embrace and they walked back towards Ash’s building. Their silence on the way over allowed Gloria to consider if she could still walk away from this scot-free. The conclusion was obvious. Of course she couldn’t. Not after the weekend they’d just had. She understood Ash’s confusion. She wanted more of Ash, too. She wanted to see that fire in Ash’s gaze again before she leaned in to kiss her, before her head dropped down between Gloria’s legs. Already, Gloria couldn’t imagine a life without any of that. She’d gotten a taste and she didn’t just want more—she needed more.

  But they would need to take their time. See how things evolved. Take some practicalities of their daily lives into account.

  Or maybe Ash was simply scared. Whereas Gloria felt energised by this weekend and by all the sensations it had evoked in her, perhaps it was having a very different effect on Ash.

  “Coffee?” Ash asked as soon as they got in.

  “Sure.” Even though it was just past noon, Gloria could only drink one more of the ultra-strong espressos Ash made, otherwise she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. Although Ash had exhausted her plenty the past two nights. “Check your calendar. Let’s figure this out right now.”

  “It’s not so much about the calendar.” The espresso seemed to have perked Ash up somewhat. “We don’t need to have a weekend like this every week.”

  Gloria scrunched up her eyebrows. “You say that, but I could live with it.”

  Ash grinned and shot Gloria a look that said she might just agree with that, despite what she’d just said. “I don’t want to be heavy-handed about th
is too soon, Gloria, but you have to understand where I’m coming from.” She took a breath. “Despite what’s been going on here this weekend, you are, in my eyes, still my mother’s straight friend. I’m not one of those lesbians who enjoys torturing herself by falling for unavailable straight women. That’s not what I do.”

  Gloria didn’t immediately know what to say to that. She gazed into her empty espresso cup. “I’m not feeling very straight right now.” The words tumbled from her mouth, as though she wasn’t in full control of what she was saying. “I’m not out to hurt you, Ash.” She spoke quickly, as though it could erase what she’d said before. But it was true. Gloria was feeling anything but heterosexual in Ash’s presence.

  “And I’m not exactly looking for a toaster-oven romance,” Ash said.

  Gloria narrowed her eyes. “I have no idea what that means.”

  “Of course you don’t,” Ash said cryptically. Gloria made a mental note to google it on the train later. “And that’s the whole point.”

  “Maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.”

  “Maybe we are, but… I have to. I have no choice, Gloria. I know I can’t make any demands of you because it’s utterly irrational to do so. There are no answers right now. We just had sex. But that’s the thing with me. I don’t just sleep with someone and move on. The only reason you’re here is because I have feelings for you. I know it’s unfair to bombard you with them already. But… I’m not even ready for something new. Which is probably why I was enjoying this so much in the first place, because it could never really go anywhere. But now that I want it to, it feels like something I can’t allow myself to get caught up in.” Ash was speaking a mile a minute.

  All the while, Gloria had simply been enjoying Ash’s company. She was too busy being thrilled by the electricity between them every single time they touched—or even looked at each other. Of course Gloria liked Ash, otherwise she wouldn’t be here, but the stakes seemed very different for her.

  Ash suddenly chuckled. “Oh, fuck it, Gloria. I’m being such a lez about this whole thing.”

  “What do you mean?” Gloria smiled, even though she didn’t really know why. It could be Ash’s whimsical facial expression. Even when she was in distress, she was so bloody cute. She looked kissable from every possible angle. Gloria had to keep herself in check for now.

  “My processor gets overheated sometimes.” Ash pointed at her head again. “It’s a very lesbian thing to have happen to you.”

  “Is it?” Gloria remembered a book she had found in Sally’s room a few years ago, called The Fluid Rainbow. At first, she’d just thumbed through it, but a few days later, she’d actually sat down with the book, and had been surprised by how open-minded and utterly without judgement the young people interviewed for the book had been. Gloria hadn’t given it much more thought at the time. She’d just been secretly pleased that Sally read books like that, and she was comfortable enough to leave them lying around in her room, knowing her mother could see. “What other ‘lesbian things’ can happen to you?”

  “Are you mocking me?” Ash tilted her head. She set down her empty cup. “Do you really think that’s the right thing to do now? Mock me while I’m being vulnerable?” Ash didn’t look vulnerable anymore at all. It was as though the espresso, the mere three sips of it, had transformed her into suave, seductive Ash again.

  Gloria chewed the inside of her lip. As if she’d known Ash like this forever—like the woman who could make her come like nobody’s business—she already knew what would happen next.

  Ash came for her. With her knees, she spread Gloria’s legs apart and stood between them.

  “I was sharing my innermost feelings.” Ash kissed Gloria on the cheek, then went straight for her neck.

  Gloria brought her hands to Ash’s hair, which she had watched her style carefully that morning. It was all stiff from the product she’d put in it, preventing Gloria from running her hand through it freely.

  “Even though,” Gloria managed to say, “you have a rather questionable sense of humour, I want it noted for the record that I wasn’t mocking you.”

  In response, Ash reached for her hand. “Come on.” She gently pulled Gloria from the stool she was sitting on. “I have the perfect punishment in mind for what you just said.”

  How exactly they’d ended up, in a matter of minutes, stark naked in Ash’s bed again, Gloria couldn’t recall. It was a jumble of hoisted up tops and unhooked bras. Of tangled-up limbs and the warmth of skin on skin.

  “I want you to lick me,” Ash said, sounding like a completely different person than the woman Gloria had comforted on the bridge earlier. This version of Ash could make Gloria do anything she wanted. “I want you to make me come.” Her voice was lower now, barely a whisper.

  “It would be my absolute pleasure.” Gloria looked up at her. Ash was lying on top of her, her knee pressing between her legs. Gloria reckoned that of all the things she and Ash had done this weekend, she’d miss tasting her that way the most. It was so surprisingly intoxicating to sweep her tongue over Ash’s wet heat. She started wiggling her way out from under Ash because, frankly, she could hardly wait.

  “Nu-huh.” Ash shook her head. “Not like that.”

  Heat rose from Gloria’s core. Her heartbeat pulsed in her clit.

  “Like this.” Ash shifted from her, but only for a few moments. Then she straddled her—Ash seemed to be quite fond of the move—and inched herself, over Gloria’s breasts, closer and closer to her mouth.

  As far as punishments went, this one was already turning out to be rather glorious, and terribly exciting. Gloria couldn’t wait to taste Ash again. To lick at her very essence. To coat herself in Ash’s delicious wetness. Ash manoeuvred herself into position.

  Gloria ran her hands from Ash’s back to her behind. She pushed her own legs together. She could feel the pressure building there already. Quite honestly, she’d had no idea she had all of this still inside her. She wasn’t old, but she wasn’t young either. They’d taken plenty of breaks, but it still felt kind of like she and Ash had engaged in a veritable sex marathon this weekend. Maybe, a subconscious part of them did believe that this could only ever be a one-weekend affair, and they wanted to squeeze the most out of it—they were still squeezing now. But, on the surface, Gloria refused to believe that notion. As she flicked her tongue over Ash’s wetness, she simply couldn’t accept that, after today, they would never do this again. That she would never take Ash in her embrace again as she’d done earlier, when she’d looked as though she’d so desperately needed someone’s arms around her.

  Even though the problem Ash had expressed didn’t have an immediate solution, and they seemed to be in quite different places regarding their tryst, Gloria could recognise insecurity when she saw it. She was glad Ash had laughed it off earlier, although that certainly didn’t mean Gloria intended to ignore it. But for now, this was what they had. This time together to be made the most of. They could talk on the phone. They could Skype and FaceTime like Gloria did with her daughters. Now, when Ash had all her confidence about her again, when they could push aside the thought of any possible consequence, this was what they did.

  Gloria swept her tongue over Ash’s clit. She inhaled her—devoured her, it felt like. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She brought her fingers to Ash’s entrance and pushed inside her. Oh, Ash’s warmth there was intoxicating but also soothing. To be inside another person like that thrilled Gloria to the core. The way Ash’s muscles tightened around her fingers when the time came was simply divine. Everything she’d done with Ash the past forty-eight hours had been of a truly addictive nature.

  Then, Ash shifted, only a fraction, but Gloria could feel even the tiniest of her movements so intertwined was she with Ash at that moment. At first, she thought Ash wanted to feel Gloria’s finger inside her from a different angle, until Gloria felt Ash’s hand part her legs.

  Ash found Gloria’s clit. Her finger connected and Gloria had to gasp for
air. She already felt completely covered in all things Ash. She was also aroused beyond a point of no return—that, too, had surprised her. Her level of arousal at Ash’s touch. The desperation with which she wanted it, and how she tilted her hips a fraction, so Ash’s finger could skate along her clit the way she liked it.

  Not that it mattered that much. The taste of Ash on her tongue. The soft heat of her pressed against her mouth. The warmth of her around Gloria’s fingers. The insistence of Ash’s touch between her legs. It was more than plenty for that fire to take hold of Gloria’s every cell again, for that wave of pleasure to take her, dip her under, until she re-emerged exhausted yet invigorated, restored by Ash’s touch.

  Ash, too, was toppling over that invisible edge. Gloria could feel it as Ash’s muscles contracted around her. She sucked Ash’s clit between her lips and flicked with her tongue, while Ash clenched hard around her fingers.

  Fifty-four whole years without this, Gloria thought, as she lay basking in the afterglow of her climax. What kind of life was that?

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “One last thing.” Ash couldn’t let go of Gloria’s hand. She wished she had a car, however useless in a city like London, so she could drive Gloria home and stretch the last hours of this Sunday together until the last possible minute. “What did you mean when you said I had a questionable sense of humour?”

  Gloria’s gaze on her was warm, as was her hand in Ash’s. “I told you that ‘It’s All Coming Back to Me Now’ is my favourite song in the world and now you’ve ruined it for me with your lame joke about anal sex.” Gloria scrunched her lips together.

  “I’m sorry.” Ash’s apology wasn’t for the silliness of her joke. She was sorry because Gloria was standing at Ash’s front door, bag packed, her coat already on. She was mostly feeling sorry for herself because soon her flat would be robbed of Gloria’s presence. Because of Gloria’s work schedule next week, they hadn’t found a good time to meet up yet. “I’ll go in the cab with you.” They’d been over this twice already. Ash shouldn’t push, but she did, anyway.