Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2)

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Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2) Page 13

by Jeanne St. James


  She tilted her head to the side and gave him better access to where he was nibbling, which was the tender spot where her shoulder met her neck. Her nipples pressed into the soft cotton of one of the shirts he had bought her. Cupping the weight of her breasts, his thumbs brushed back and forth slowly over the hard tips.

  She leaned her head back against his collarbone and sighed. It wasn’t an impatient sigh, but one of contentment and happiness.

  She had always thought telling anyone about what happened to her would make her feel worse. But telling Ryder last night had changed something inside her. As though she now had someone to share that burden with her instead of carrying the heaviness of it on her own.

  “I’m not a country fan, but that was beautiful. What song was it?”

  “Would you know it if I told you?”

  His voice was so low that with his hands on her breasts and lips on her neck, she might orgasm. If that happened, she was going to make him a homemade medal just like the one hidden away in his shed. “No. But it was perfect.”

  “I know. That’s why I sang it. It’s called Sunrise by Rascal Flatts.”

  She let her gaze slide over the valley and across the skyline which was beginning to turn more blue with white puffy clouds.

  She felt at peace here.

  On his mountain.

  In his arms.

  With him.

  Her soul had settled. She wasn’t sure how long it would last, but she’d take it while it did. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “Bringing me here.” She let him believe she meant to see the sunrise. But it was so much more than that.

  “You need to open your eyes to what’s around you, darlin’. That’s why I did. There’s so much beauty surroundin’ you, you just need to see it. So many people love you, but you’ve been blind to it lately.”

  He was right. Finding out that the man who had molested her when she was young was actually her father made her feel even more dirty. Unclean. Ruined. Tainted. All of it. And she couldn’t talk about it with anyone.

  Not with her mother, not with the club sisterhood. Not even her half-sister, Brooke, who might understand the most. Who was only born because her mother was raped by their father.

  So, no one.

  Even though, like Diamond, she had pushed away what happened to her at fourteen, it all became fresh again when she found out that man was her blood. That discovery had festered inside her, ate at her until she couldn’t take anymore.

  Until she felt like she had splintered into a million pieces and she’d never be whole again.

  The truth? And she’d never tell this to anyone, not even Ryder... She wanted to die. She thought that was the only way she’d ever get peace.

  But she found it.

  Here.

  However, she needed to remember that she was his “job.” A job he was tired of doing. And had also claimed he wasn’t going to do it anymore.

  He wanted her to stop her wild ways, so he didn’t have to deal with her anymore.

  He stated in no uncertain terms, he was “done.”

  “Do you come up here often?” That sounded like a bad pickup line.

  “Whenever I need a reminder that life is worth livin’.”

  She had no idea why he would need such a reminder. “Why?”

  “’Cause, darlin’, I’ve seen things that would make anyone question every aspect of their life. Why some have so much, while others suffer so greatly. We all grow up bein’ told life can be unfair, but when you witness that shit day after day, it can get overwhelmin’. That shit starts to drag you down. Sometimes to where that hole is so deep and so dark, you don’t know if you can ever climb back out.”

  His chest pressed into her back as he took a long, deep breath.

  Before she could say anything, he continued, “I have questioned many a time if what I did in the Army did more harm than good. I enlisted and took my military career seriously. I wanted to do good. I’m not sure I accomplished that.”

  “What did you do in the Army as a Ranger?”

  He hesitated a little too long. “Whatever they told us to do.”

  “Like?”

  “Missions.”

  If he didn’t want to talk about it, she wouldn’t push him. Though, she was curious about the mission that got him that homemade Medal of Valor. “I’m your current mission.”

  “Yeah, darlin’, you are.”

  Once again, his answer reminded her that she was just his assignment. Nothing more. So, she shouldn’t read into anything that occurred during this time on this mountain. “You take your missions seriously.”

  “Yeah, I do. Not only back then, but for your cousin, too.” All the Shadows took their jobs seriously. Diesel had a good crew. A team of men he could rely on. And Ryder was proof of that.

  “Have you ever saved anyone’s life?” While she knew the answer, she was curious on whether he’d acknowledge it.

  It took him a long time before he responded. “Saved a life. Took a life. Did what needed to be done.”

  “Are you a hero?”

  “No, darlin’, I’m just a man.”

  She doubted he was “just a man.” The author of that letter she found wouldn’t have gone home to his wife and son if it wasn’t for him. And she was sure he wasn’t the only life Ryder saved.

  He was just that type of guy. He was a good man at the core. She couldn’t say that enough.

  She gave him more of her weight and he accepted it, wrapping his arms around her even tighter.

  “When I hit the store later, I’ll pick up more condoms. And a pair of shoes for you. You’ll just have to jot down your size when we get back.”

  She wasn’t ready to go back. Sitting there on that rock at the top of a mountain in his arms, her head was the clearest it had been in the last couple of years. She could look past the darkness and see that light. Just like the sunrise.

  Life at that very moment was simple. A man. A woman. A quiet and peaceful place.

  Their own little world.

  She didn’t want it to end.

  “We should get back so you can make breakfast and I can head out.”

  She trailed her fingers over his forearm. “Not yet. I want to hear you sing another song.”

  She didn’t glance behind her but when his body jerked against her, she knew he was probably shocked at her request.

  She was surprised, too, but she knew it would delay their departure and even though she wasn’t a country fan, to hear his voice in her ear was as beautiful as the sunrise they’d witnessed. “Do you know anything other than country?”

  “Sure, darlin’.” Then he started singing in a twang so strong she winced. “My pickup broke down, my hound dog died, my wife left me for my neighbor...” His pitch went off-key, and she covered her ears. “My barn burned down, and my gosh-darn cow ran away from home. Now I’m fresh outta milk.”

  She whacked his arm. “That’s not a song.”

  “Sure is.” His laughter shook her.

  That made her smile so big her face ached. “Come on, now.”

  “Okay, fine. You don’t like my Ryder original? Then I’ll stick to somethin’ someone with more talent wrote. How about this one? It reminds me of you.”

  What song could possible remind him of her? Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne?

  But what he sang, she recognized. She knew the song well, but she never would have applied it to herself.

  Because it was Warrior by Demi Lovato.

  It wasn’t country at all, and she was surprised he knew the words. But he did. He knew them all.

  However, that wasn’t what surprised her the most. She couldn’t believe he thought she was a warrior.

  As she listened to the song, concentrated closely on the lyrics, she understood exactly why it reminded him of her.

  Like the song Sunrise, this one was just as perfect because it was about a story that had never been told before. It talked about how she was ashamed, confu
sed, broken and bruised but now she was a warrior and ready to take back her life.

  And she was. She was taking back her life today just like the song stated. Her father stole a part of her she’d never get back, making her grow up too fast. But the lyrics reminded her that she needed to rise out of those ashes and burn like a fire. Become strong again by growing thicker skin and wearing steel armor.

  She grew up in an MC. She had MC running through her veins. Even though it was from both her mother and her asshole father, it was there. The women in the club sisterhood were strong. Each and every one of them. She needed to draw on that strength.

  Not one of them would turn her away if she needed help. Not even now.

  She knew that deep down in her heart.

  Ryder was right. She needed to look at what surrounded her. Not the bad, but the good.

  When the song came to an end, Ryder followed up with, “And he can never hurt you again, darlin’. Even if he wasn’t gone off this earth. I wouldn’t let him.”

  I wouldn’t let him.

  He was a true warrior. Not her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  His instinct to protect the woman who sat in his arms, leaning on him, wisps of blonde hair getting caught in his early morning whiskers, was growing at an alarming rate.

  It was one thing to be sexually attracted to her, but that wasn’t all it was.

  Which was troublesome.

  If he was being honest with himself, he shouldn’t even be sexually attracted to her. Not with some of the situations he’d found her in. If anything, it should be the opposite.

  Made him wonder if he’d lost his damn mind.

  Yes, that’s what it was. Temporary insanity. Once he delivered her back to her cousin and she was moving forward with her life as it should be, he’d forget all about her.

  Right?

  Fuck me.

  A low grumble came from his gut. He needed not only his head examined but food in his stomach. “Time to get back, darlin’. Need to eat.”

  He also needed to get more condoms. There was nothing he wanted more than to fuck her right there on that rock, especially while the sun had been rising.

  Maybe once he got some, they could take another early morning trip to catch it again, this time better prepared. Like with a blanket. And maybe breakfast. Also, take her for a hike once she got more appropriate shoes. Show her not only the beauty of a sunrise, but of the Kentucky wilderness. Show her how much he loved that mountain.

  If she wanted, it could become her place to decompress when needed, too. Whether he was there or not. Though, he wasn’t sure he’d want her up here alone.

  And he definitely didn’t want some other man up here with her, fucking her in his bed.

  Fuck no.

  So, scratch that.

  “I don’t want to leave.”

  Me neither, darlin’. “We can come back.”

  She twisted her head. “When?”

  “One of these mornings.”

  “How long are we staying up here?”

  “We’ll head home when you’re ready.” When I know you’re appreciatin’ life and not takin’ it for granted.

  “And if I’m ready?”

  “You’re not ready, darlin’.” And I’m not ready to head back, either. Not yet.

  “It’s not fair that you’re here stuck with me because of the way I am.”

  “I’m not sacrificin’ shit. I love it up here.” That was one hundred percent true.

  And I love sharin’ it with you.

  Fuck him, that was one hundred percent true, too.

  Before he said something stupid, he disengaged from her and got to his feet, then helped her up. As she went to turn away and climb back over the rocks, he snagged her arm and hauled her back to him, slamming her into his chest.

  Her blue eyes held amusement as she looked up at him. “Thought you were hungry.”

  “Oh, I’m fuckin’ hungry all right,” he murmured, then took her mouth.

  He slipped his tongue between her parted lips and as their tongues tangled, she groaned, pressing herself against him harder.

  With her not wearing a bra, the only thing between her tits and his chest was a little bit of cotton.

  He wrapped the arm he was holding around his waist and took her jaws in his hands as he deepened the kiss. Her other arm circled him, too. And that felt right.

  For fuck’s sake, she might be shorter than him, she might have curves where he didn’t, but they fit together perfectly.

  Fuck him where his thoughts were going, too. That wasn’t ever going to happen.

  First of all, if Diesel knew he was banging his younger cousin, he’d pound Ryder into the ground. Ryder would put up a fight, but he doubted he could win against the bigger man, especially when that man’s beast was raging.

  Second, Kelsea had a long way to go to get her head together. Just her confessing to him what Pierce did wasn’t a magic elixir. It would take time and effort for her to get straightened out. In fact, there hadn’t been one whole day yet where she hadn’t had liquor or drugs in her system that he was aware of.

  Today might be that first day. Yesterday would have been if she hadn’t found that bottle in his shed.

  How he missed that one when he trashed the rest, he had no idea. He hadn’t been in that old cabinet in years. He had no reason to get in there, so he didn’t expect whiskey to be stored in it.

  Maybe it was best he hadn’t known. Otherwise, he might have hit that bottle himself a time or two. Who was he fooling? He would have polished it off in one shot.

  The day he woke up from one bender and began searching for his next was the day he rid his life of that shit.

  Drowning out his memories, his guilt, his regret wasn’t a permanent solution. Death was a permanent solution, but even as fucked up as his thoughts were, he wasn’t ready for that final step.

  Instead, he took twelve other steps. And when he found that direction wasn’t working, he’d found himself back in bars night after night. Bar fight after bar fight. Until he picked the wrong bar. The wrong fight.

  Stupid drunk, he got into a fight with a fellow veteran. Though, he didn’t know it at the time. But he went head to head with a former Marine Raider.

  That night he lost his ass.

  The next morning, he found himself again.

  And he also found a buddy he’d now give his life for.

  Someone he was proud to call his friend, his teammate, and fellow Shadow.

  He owed Steel everything.

  Including dragging his reluctant ass in front of an MC Sergeant at Arms and club enforcer named Diesel. Convincing him to join D’s crew. Surrounding himself with like-minded men who had seen and did the same sort of missions he had. Some even worse.

  They understood.

  They supported each other.

  They had each other’s six.

  For life.

  So, as much as he bitched about being sent to retrieve Kelsea time after time, as many times as he threatened to quit, he never would. D, and the rest of his team, knew he was bluffing.

  In the end, Steel saved his life, so Ryder felt the need to pay it forward.

  Which was why he was currently swapping spit with the beautiful blonde in his arms.

  While he only meant to pay it forward, this was turning out to be so much more.

  And, again, that was worrisome.

  Her moan and her fingers squeezing his ass brought him back to the here and now, making him realize how hard his dick was.

  They needed to get rolling and there was no doubt they needed condoms.

  He broke off the kiss and stared down into her hooded eyes. He freed his gaze and jerked his chin toward the direction of the narrow foot path.

  “Let’s go.” His voice was rough because he was struggling to keep from bending her over a nearby rock, ripping his boxer shorts down her legs and fucking her without a condom.

  And that would just be plain stupid.

  Inst
ead, he sucked at his teeth, set his jaw and smacked her on the ass. “Go.”

  Then he stood back, flipped his ball cap forward for the trip, and watched that ass as she began to climb over the uneven rocks, taking her time in those ridiculous flip-flops he never should’ve bought her. But at the time he hadn’t planned on taking her anywhere. Also, never in his life had he shopped for women’s clothes.

  He held his breath when she slipped a couple of times, then forced himself to move and stop gawking at the scenery. He needed to help her back to the ATV before she broke her damn neck.

  As she climbed on all fours over one steep boulder, he hesitated once again to watch her ass.

  Fuck.

  That was not helping.

  Suddenly, she was out of sight.

  He hurried to follow her and came around the next large rock to see her working her way over another one. She was almost to the narrow dirt footpath.

  As she reached her foot down toward the ground, he saw her wobble.

  Fuck! Those fucking flip-flops!

  He leapt from one boulder to the next in his attempt to catch her before she fell, but as he landed, his boot ended up caught in between the two boulders and as if in slow motion, his ankle twisted first before his whole body followed. His weight propelled him forward at the same time his foot held him back.

  He cursed as he only saw grey rock and then nothing.

  “Fuck!” she yelled at the same time Ryder did.

  She pushed herself to her feet, brushing dirt and debris off her bare knees. Her eyes landed on one of her flip-flops that had fallen off and she grabbed it, jamming it back on her foot. She turned to complain once again about him buying her stupid shoes and gasped.

  “Dwight!” she screamed.

  He was face down on the boulder.

  She scrambled back up the rock to where his head was. “Dwight!”

  He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t responding. She had no idea what happened. She thought he was right behind her and then she lost her balance when her flip-flop slipped off her sock.

  She was too busy trying not to break her own neck, so she hadn’t been paying attention to where he was.

  She squatted down next to him. His eyes were closed.

  Was he dead?

  He couldn’t be dead!

 

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