Here's To Box Set (Complete Series)

by Teagan Hunter

  “You girls okay?” We both nod. “Good.” He leans close to my ear. “That slap was hot as hell. You’re so getting laid tonight.”

  I laugh lightly and shrug. “I may be little, but I’m tough. Besides, I’d do anything to protect Joey, and you. I do that for the people I love.”

  His eyes fill with surprise. “Did you just, uh…did you just say you love me?”

  I wait for the worry to fill me but it never comes. I do love him, and Joey, and I don’t give a crap who knows.

  “Nah. Probably just a heat of the moment thing,” I tease. “Couldn’t possibly be true.”

  He laughs and hugs me close, kissing my temple and then straight down to my ear. I can feel him smiling against my face in every kiss. “I love you too, Rae,” he whispers.

  “I said it was a fluke,” I say softly back to him.

  “Uh-huh. Right. You so love me.”

  I push him away, laughing. “Oh, grow up, you weirdo. It was a fluke!”

  “Daddy,” Joey says, from beside us, “that guy cursed a lot. So did you and Rae. That’s like five dollars!”

  “Five? I thought it was only seventy-five cents per curse word!” he argues, trying to keep Joey’s attention on anything other than what we just encountered.

  “Not when it’s that many,” she explains.

  Hudson huffs and pulls a five out of his pocket. “You’re going to make me go broke, dude. Then who will pay for your groceries?”

  She shrugs. “Rae will. She loves me.”

  Hudson looks to me, waiting for me to say that was a fluke too. I shake my head. “Nope, I meant that part.”

  He laughs. “Come on, goofballs. The beach is calling our names!”

  I almost—almost—forgot where we were heading. I almost forgot about my biggest fear. Hudson did that for me—to me. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

  After we report the incident to the cashier, opting to not involve the police just yet, we pile back into the car. Joey’s asleep before we hit the highway. I envy how children can just do that—fall asleep anywhere.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything since you love me and all.”

  I shove his arm lightly. “Shut up.”

  He grins, never taking his eyes off the road. “Ask your question.”

  “What happened with Joey’s mom? Is she in Joey’s life at all?”

  “Up front, let me just say that I didn’t leave Jess just because, and I didn’t rip Joey from her. I want to be sure that’s not what you’re thinking.”

  “Not for a second. I’m curious is all.”

  “At one point, she was the light of my life. She was smart, kind, and the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Then we got pregnant. At sixteen, Rae. Sixteen! Do you have any idea what that can do to a person? It can completely break them, and that’s exactly what it did to Jess.”

  The sadness in his voice is so clear that it hurts. He used to love Jess, that much is obvious, but I can also hear sadness over everything he lost: his youth, the mother of his child, a normal life for Joey.

  “What happened?” I inquire quietly.

  He sighs. “Well, after we decided we were going to keep the baby, we told my parents first. My dad freaked out, my mother cried, and things were strained around the house for months afterward. Then it all blew up. My dad and I had a horrible fight. I moved out and in with Jess. Her parents said we had until the baby came and then we had to get our own place. So we did, and it awesome for some time. Even though we had a new baby, the freedom we had felt amazing, but it only took about a year and a half for it to all start falling apart right under my nose.”

  He pauses, taking a deep breath and scratching his nose, his eyes never leaving the road.

  “We were eighteen. I had graduated early and was working all the time, and when I say working, I really do mean working. I spent countless hours at Jacked Up, sixty hours a week sometimes. Horton used to pay me cash under the table to help him out with personal projects. I did it to keep up with the bills because it seemed like every time I turned around, Jess was asking for more money. I didn’t know jack shit about the finances so I assumed it was all going to Joey and rent and utilities. I was wrong. So very wrong.”

  He stops again, briefly squeezing his eyes shut.

  “You don’t have to continue, Hudson. I can guess what happened next.”

  “No, I need to tell you this.”

  I nod. He continues.

  “I came home one night to find Jess sitting on the couch and Joey screaming her head off only a few feet away. I assumed she was tired and spacing out. What I didn’t realize was she was as high as a kite. It took me another week to find out what she was doing with all that money I’d been giving her: drugs. She started with coke about two months after Joey was born to lose the baby weight. A friend at work got her hooked. I had no clue it was going on for two years. After all, she didn’t seem off. Apparently it was only an occasional thing at first. Then it turned serious and she started shooting up. After I found out, I took Joey and left for a week. Tucker saved my ass with that,” he says, a small smile slipping through.

  “Tucker is a good guy.”

  His smile grows even bigger. “The best.”

  Hudson’s quiet for a moment. I can see how much talking about this is affecting him. There’s a tightness in his jaw and his hands are gripping the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. I’m just not sure who he’s more upset with—himself or Jess.

  “So,” he finally says. “Eventually I went back. Jess sought me out every day, telling me how sorry she was, promising she’d quit. I believed her. I think a part of me craved the kind of relationship my parents had and that’s why I went back. Everything was great for about eight months…and then I caught her fucking around with another coworker. At that point, we hadn’t been intimate in months. Maybe that was my fault, because this was when Horton got sick and I started taking over the shop.” He sounds so sad about that last part, like he still blames himself, which is really fucking stupid. “Anyway, I stayed. Forgave her even. But then, a few months later, I started finding little hints that she was back on the drugs. That was the last straw. So, I took Joey, who was four at the time, in the middle of the night and left. Moved back in with my parents and never once looked back. She’s reached out once in the last three years and it was for money. That’s it. I don’t regret leaving for a second.”

  We don’t speak for miles.

  I reach over and place my hand on his arm. “You were young, afraid, and trying to make it work on your own. You did what you thought was right at the time. You’re a great father, Hudson. Everything you went through with Jess brought you closer to your amazing daughter. Don’t ever think you did anything wrong because at the time, it was right for you.”

  The air around us shifts. I think Hudson finally telling me about Jess somehow brought us closer together.

  “Thank you,” he says, emotion filling his voice.

  “No problem. It’s what I do,” I joke, attempting to lighten the mood. “Does Joey ever ask about Jess?”

  He shakes his head. “Not anymore. She did a lot at first, but I told her she had her Nana, who has been in her life every day since she was four, and I guess that’s always been enough for her.”

  I nod. “Makes sense I guess.”

  “Now, can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything.”

  “Why don’t you like kids?”

  Fuck.

  “Anything but that?” I try. He shakes his head no. “Damn. Points for trying.” I blow out a breath. “This isn’t a happy story, Hudson,” I warn.

  “Like mine was?”

  “You got Joey out of it.”

  He grins. “True, but you’re not getting out of this. I’m ready.”

  “Right. So, my mom…well, she kind of sucked. She wasn’t affectionate at all. Remember that painting of the ocean I told you about?” He nods. “That’s the absolute closest
she ever got to showing affection. Haley remembers a different mother up until those last two years. I was too young to remember. All I know is I don’t ever remember her saying ‘I love you’ or even hugging me.”

  “Shit. That does suck,” Hudson chimes in.

  “It gets worse. The year after my last good memory, we went to the beach for a small vacation to celebrate my mom’s and my birthday—we have the same one. I guess my dad thought it might make my mom happy.” I smile sadly. “My dad was all about making her happy. The sun set with her for him,” I tell him, my voice cracking.

  Hudson reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing it a few times.

  “Anyway, the first few days were amazing. My mom smiled often and everyone was happy, or so we thought.”

  Memories of that weekend crash into me and tears begin to roll. It was the best and worst weekend of my life. I’ll never for it.

  I wipe at the tears and push through. “Our birthday was on the last day of the vacation. It was also the last day I saw my mother.”

  Hudson clears his throat. “Wha…what happened, Rae?”

  “She killed herself.”

  25

  Hudson

  “Oh hell. I am so sorry, Rae. That’s… I can’t begin to imagine.”

  I can’t put into words how her confession makes me feel. It’s a mixture of sorrow for what Rae lost and intense anger at her mother. I can understand her aversion to kids now.

  “Thanks. It’s just hard sometimes around kids. I don’t understand the whole ‘a mother’s love’ thing. I never had any of that, you know? I don’t know how to act around them, how to express myself. I clam up, terrified I’m doing it wrong, worried as hell I’m going to make them feel the way she made me feel.”

  “I understand, Rae, and I appreciate you trying with Joey.”

  Rae beams. “She makes it easy. It’s impossible not to love her. While I’m glad Jess isn’t around considering how she was when you last saw her, I don’t understand how she doesn’t care about Joey. Blows my mind.”

  “Word. So much word.”

  She laughs. “So eloquent.”

  I shoot her a look. “That’s rich coming from you.”

  “Are we there yet?” Joey’s scratchy voice comes from the back.

  “Close, bug. About ten more minutes.”

  “Drive faster, Daddy.”

  I roll my eyes at her. “So demanding.”

  “Are you getting excited, Joey?” Rae asks, turning around to look at her.

  “So very excited!”

  “Me too,” I confess. “I haven’t been to the beach since the summer before Joey was born. We used to go all the time though, checking out different rentals with my grandparents to see which one they wanted to buy. Actually, I saved a random girl from drowning one year. Made me feel like a hero for weeks afterward.”

  Rae scrunches her brows in a way that has me asking what’s going through her head.

  “Oh, nothing,” she answers, but something is off. I don’t press it, because I know the conversation we had was draining for her.

  “Hey, Daddy? I have to tell you something.”

  Whatever it is, she has that I didn’t mean to tone to her voice.

  “What’s up, bug?”

  “I was fake sleeping for a while. I heard you talkin’ about Mommy. I miss her sometimes. All the kids at school talk about their moms. I tell them about Nana. Sometimes they laugh and say I don’t have a mom.”

  I rub my chest, feeling the pain of her confession. “I’m sorry, bug.”

  “I’m not. I love Nana. And you know what, Dad?”

  “What?”

  “I don’t need no mommy. I have you and Nana and Rae,” Joey says proudly. “Oh, and Uncle Tuck and Uncle G, but don’t tell them I almost forgot about them.”

  My heart doesn’t hurt anymore. It soars.

  She knows she doesn’t need approval or love from a woman who isn’t in her life. Even at her young age, she understands the love she gets from everyone else is enough, is just as good.

  “Good, Joe. That’s good.”

  Rae’s hand comes to rest on my thigh. I reach down and grab it, bringing it to my mouth. I kiss and squeeze it tightly a few times before dropping it down to rest in my lap with mine. Knowing Rae is here with me for all this comforts me in ways I’ll never be able to explain to her.

  “I SEE IT!” Joey suddenly shouts from the back, leaning forward as far her seatbelt allows.

  “How do you know that’s it?” Rae asks. “Your daddy told me the house was yellow. That doesn’t look yellow to me.”

  “It’s…it’s yellow? But that’s my least favorite color! I can’t stay in a yellow house!” Joey shouts, tossing herself back on the seat.

  I chuckle. “Relax, my little drama queen. Either you stay in a yellow house or you walk your little butt back to Wakefield.”

  “Fine. Yellow it is,” she huffs. “But I want the big bedroom to share with Rocky. He’s a bed hog.”

  I look to Rae, who barely hides her smiles and shrugs.

  “Deal.”

  Rae makes a low whiplash noise and I laugh, because she’s so right.

  “OH MY GOSH! This place is so cool, Daddy!” Joey cries, running all over the house. “My room is huge! Can we live here, please?”

  “You haven’t even seen the beach yet and you already want to move in?”

  “Ahh! I can’t believe I almost forgot about the beach! We must go see it. Now please!”

  Rae leans in and whispers, “How much sugar did you give her?”

  “Probably too much. Just means she’ll crash and burn later.” I waggle my brows at her suggestively. She giggles and I fall in love with the twinkle in her eyes.

  I’ve had a huge stupid grin on my face since we climbed out of the car, partly from Joey’s excitement, and partly from this amazing girl I’m holding in my arms, staring out at the water with.

  We get lost in one another, forgetting about everything else. I lean in and brush my lips across hers, telling her with my sweet kisses how I feel.

  “Come on, you two!” Joey yells from the front porch, the door wide open.

  “Ugh, should have named her Mood Killer,” I grumble.

  Rae laughs and pushes me toward the door. “You love it and you know it.”

  I hold out my fingers, pinching them close together. “Just a smidge.”

  Rae’s quiet the entire way down to the shore, holding her breath as we walk the small path. I don’t think she wants me to notice, so I pretend I don’t. I’m sure being here is hard for her, considering how it ended the last time she was at the ocean. I wish she had told me about her mother before we were less than twenty minutes away, because I would have never suggested this trip in the first place. But, I also know Rae, so I know how straightforward she is. If this were something she didn’t want to do, we wouldn’t be here now.

  As Joey dips her toes into the water for the very first time, Rae reaches for my hand, squeezing it tightly.

  “Something’s rolling around in that pretty little head of yours. I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you,” I tell her quietly, never taking my eyes off Joey as we stop about three feet from the water’s edge.

  Rae responds by squeezing my hand once.

  “Don’t go too far in, bug. Don’t want you getting swept away,” I yell to Joey. She takes two more steps. “That’s good. No farther.”

  I picked the worst weekend ever to do this. It’s cloudy and kind of cold with high winds that are creating choppy waves, so I don’t want her too far out. The ocean is too unpredictable for that.

  “Can I collect sticks in case we find a dead body, Dad?”

  Rae bursts into laughter, helping to ease the weight she seems to be carrying around.

  “Do I even want to know?” she asks.

  “Nah, probably not.”

  “Well, can I?” Joey pushes.

  “Yeah, bug. We can even get s
ome together for Rocky so we can play fetch later. Rae and I will help,” I tell her.

  “You guys can use your sticks for Rocky. I’m saving mine for the dead bodies,” Joey tells us seriously.

  That’s how we spend the rest of our day—wading in and out of the water, collecting sticks, playing with Rocky, and laughing.

  Hours later, Rae and I are wrapped around one another in bed, exhausted from our day.

  “I am so stuffed!” Rae exclaims. “That seafood Alfredo was amazing. I’m still in shock you cooked. Should I be worried about food poisoning?”

  “Hey! Take that back,” I say, tickling her until she gasps out an apology. “That’s what I thought.”

  “Ugh, you’re so smug. It’s such a turn-off.”

  “You mean turn-on.” I smirk, and she hits me with a pillow. “Okay, settle down, spitfire.”

  We snuggle into “our” position—her head on my chest and one leg thrown over both of mine. It’s not very comfortable for me but…anything for Rae.

  We lie in silence for several minutes and I twirl her hair as she draws little patterns on my chest. Even though this is something simple that most couples do, I feel like it’s extra intimate somehow. I don’t know if it’s because of what we shared with one another earlier or if it’s from the way her fingers keep curling inward, like she’s clutching on to me.

  Just when her patterns slow and her breathing starts evening out, making me think she’s falling asleep, she speaks.

  “Hudson.”

  “Rae.”

  I feel her smile against my chest.

  “Will you tell me more about you saving that little girl?”

  “That hero thing totally revs your engine, doesn’t it?” I tease.

  Her voice dripping with sarcasm, she says, “Ridiculously so.”

  “There’s not much to tell. Some of it is fuzzy. I was nine and, like I said before, went to about a million beaches before my grandparents fell in love with this house, so I don’t even remember where it was,” I tell her. “Anyway, I was out collecting seashells and thought I heard a little girl screaming, so I took off running down the beach. What I happened upon wasn’t pretty. There was a woman and she was…well, just standing there staring out into the ocean as this little girl screamed and cried for help. I tried talking to the woman, yelling at her even, but nothing worked. So, I ran out into the ocean and pulled the little girl to the shore.”