The Little School-Mothers
Page 28
from within murmured something, and Robina opened thedoor. Harriet was standing with her back to the door. She waspretending to gaze out of the window. When the knock came, she imaginedthat it was Jane, coming to expostulate with her. Had this happened,she would probably have given vent to her feelings in no measuredlanguage; but when she turned and saw Robina, the smouldering fire inher breast rose to white heat.
"Go away!" she said, just glancing at Robina and Ralph and then resumingher position with her back to them. "I am busy at present: go away."
"You aren't busy, Harriet," said Ralph, laughing; "why, you're doingnothing at all."
"Yes I am; I am thinking; go away, both of you, I don't wish to talk toyou."
"Oh, Harriet!" said Ralph. There was a cry of pain in his voice, andjust for a minute Harriet's resolve to be intensely disagreeablewavered; but Robina's voice recalled her to her worst self.
"Ralph, I must!" she whispered. Then she said aloud: "I do want you toride Bo-peep this morning, Harriet. And you can easily wear my habit,although it may be a little big for you. Please, Harriet, do comedownstairs and be nice and jolly with us all. You shall ride Bo-peep,and I will ride whichever donkey you have selected. I love riding adonkey, it is such fun."
"Oh!" said Harriet; "oh!--before I'd demean myself to tell such lies!You love to ride on a donkey, do you? Then ride one, I am sure I don'tcare. But as to my demeaning myself by getting on your pony's back--Imay be small, but I'm not as small as all that! No: go, both of you; Ihate and detest you both. Ralph, you need not consider me your motherany more. I am not your school-mother--I am nothing at all to you. Iam just a very cross, angry girl and oh, do go away, please!"
"Come, Ralph," said Robina.
She took the little boy to the door. She opened the door; she pushedRalph outside.
"You are just angry, Harriet," she said then; "but I know you will besorry by and by; and indeed, indeed, neither Ralph nor I are what youthink us."
"Oh go--go!" said Harriet; and Robina went.
The moment this happened, Harriet flew to the door, and locked it.
"Now am I to be left in peace?" she thought. She was in a white heat ofrage. At that moment, there was no bitter, angry, nor desperate thingshe would not say. She knew perfectly well that she had injured her owncause; that now Ralph could never love her. Had she not told him to hisface that she hated him?--little Ralph, who had never from his birth hadone harsh word addressed to him. Had she not said--oh, with suchvehemence, such hot, angry rage, that she detested him, that she couldnot bear him in her presence? Well, she did not care. She was in toogreat a fury at present to regret her own words. Robina and Ralph hadtaken her at her word: they had gone away. There was absolute stillnessupstairs. Sunshine Lodge was a big house, and to Harriet's bedroom nota sound penetrated. She could not even hear the merry voices of the gaycavalcade that must even now be starting for the sea-shore.
They would have to ride quite three miles to that part of Eastbournewhere Mr Durrant had arranged that bathing tents were to be erected onthe beach. Harriet sat down on the low window-sill, clasped her handsand looked out. Why was she here? She might have been as jolly as theothers. Oh, no; of course she could not possibly be merry and gay likethe rest of the children; it was not in her nature. Nevertheless, shehad looked forward to her time at Sunshine Lodge. She had made a greatboast to her brothers and sisters and to her home companions, of the gayand delightful time she was about to have. Well, why was not she havingit? The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the distant sea looked, oh!so inviting. The crisp waves were even now coming up on the sands andretreating again with their everlasting `I wish, I wish' sort of sound.There were the donkeys for the contented children to ride, and there wasthe kindest of all hosts to give them every happiness. Why was she outof it?
"Because I am so mad, and bad!" she thought; and then she covered herface with her hands and burst into angry tears.
Harriet was neither sorry nor repentant, as she had been on thatoccasion when little Ralph was lost. She was furious at once withherself and with Robina, and even with Ralph. Why did Robina comeprying and spying to her room? and why did she dare to bring Ralph withher? and then why did she make that detestable, hypocritical offer toher? Harriet, indeed, to be seen riding Robina's pony!--the pony givento Robina by Mr Durrant because she had been so kind to his little son!What a martyr Robina would look on one of the donkeys! and what amonster of selfishness she, Harriet, would appear riding on Bo-peep'sback! Oh, yes: Robina wanted to serve her own ends when she wouldbestow on Harriet the favour of letting her ride her pony.
"She thinks she is not sure of Ralph: she thinks she is not quite sureof Mr Durrant. She meant to clinch matters with both of them by herpretended unselfishness this morning," thought the furious girl.
"But I have circumvented her: I am glad I have." However angry one maybe; however furious one's passions may become, it is difficult to keepup the anger and the commotion and the fierce storm within the breastwhen there is no one to listen, no one to watch, no one, either, tosympathise or to blame. In the stillness of her little room Harriet'sangry heart cooled down. Her cheeks no longer blazed with fury, hereyes no longer flashed. After her time of storm, she felt a sort ofreaction which made her cold and dull and miserable. She was not a bitrepentant, except in as far as regarded her own pleasure. But she wasweary, and came to the conclusion that her life at Sunshine Lodge wouldnot be such a happy one after all.
When she had reached this stage of discomfort and depression, there camea tap at her room door, and one of the maids tried to turn the handle.Harriet then remembered that she had locked the door. She went andopened it. The girl asked with a smiling face if she could arrange theyoung lady's room.
"Certainly," said Harriet. "I am going out."
She took a big straw hat from a peg on the door and put it on her head.
"I made sure, miss, that you were away to the shore with the others."
"I did not go with them," said Harriet.
"I hope, miss," said the girl, glancing at Harriet, and observing thered rims round her eyes, "I hope that you ain't ill, miss."
"No, I am quite well, thank you; but the fact is, I don't care fordonkey rides. I am going out now, so you can arrange my room as soon asyou like."
"Thank you, miss," replied the girl.
Harriet ran downstairs. The hall door stood wide open: a little gentlebreeze came in and fluttered the leaves of some books on the hall table.The air was sun-laden, and Harriet was glad to get out-of-doors. Thelittle place seemed still and undisturbed; but by and by she came to agardener's boy, and then to the gardener himself. They both touchedtheir hats to her. She wandered on and on. Presently, she reached theround pond. Here the water-lilies grew in profusion--great yellow cups,and still larger white ones. Harriet felt that desire which comes toalmost every child to possess herself of some of the great waxenblossoms. She bent forward and tried to pick one. She could not manageit, however, for the flowers with their thick stems were hard to gather,and she knew that were she to try any harder she might fall into thepond. This she had no wish to do, and contented herself with standingby the bank.
As she was thus standing, wondering what she should do next, she heard aclear little voice say:
"Hallo there!" and Ralph bounded out of a thick undergrowth close by.
"Ralph?" said Harriet. She felt herself colouring. Shame absolutelyfilled her eyes. She did not want to look at the boy, and yet, in spiteof every effort, her heart bounded with delight at seeing him.
"Did you want some of those?" said Ralph, eagerly.
"I will pick them for you. I know quite well how I can manage. See,"he added eagerly, "do you notice that willow tree growing right over thepond? I will climb along that branch, just where it dips so near thewater, and I'll put my hand out, and cut off some of the beautifulblossoms for you. Aren't they just lovely?"
"Yes," said Harriet, "but I don't want them. Don'
t endanger yourprecious life for me, Ralph, it isn't worth while."
As Harriet spoke, she turned away, marching with her head in the air inthe opposite direction. She heard a cry, or fancied she heard one; anda minute afterwards, eager steps followed her.
"Harriet," said Ralph's little voice. He slipped his hand inside herarm. "What has I done? Why do you hate me, Harriet? What has I done?"
Harriet looked round. Then for a minute she stood quite still. Then,all of a sudden, her eyes fell; they fell until they reached the brownbeseeching eyes of Ralph. Over her whole heart there rushed such asensation of love for the boy that she could not restrain herselfanother