Break the Chains

by Reis Asher

  The paramedics had torn him away from her body, bundling him into an ambulance like he was the patient. It was a while before he realized he was. She'd been dead for hours, they told him later on. There was nothing he could have done. Nothing. All they could do for him was to give him tranquilizers to numb the grief. He'd thrown them away, wanting to feel the pain in technicolor. To punish himself for not doing more. For not being enough.

  This time, he was going to be enough, even if that meant killing the one person he'd sworn to protect.

  "I trust you," Avery said. "I told myself I should never trust anyone ever again. People have betrayed me and let me down so many times I've lost count. I'm not even sure you won't—but I know in the end, if you let me go back to them, it'll only be because you can't bring yourself to kill me. It's…comforting, to know you care so much."

  "I love you," Conrad admitted. "I'm going to prove it, Avery." He tucked a stray strand of Avery's bedraggled mop of hair behind his ear. "We have ten days. Let me try to find another solution. If I can't…I'll do it. I promise."

  "There are no other solutions."

  "There are always other solutions. I have a fistful of lottery tickets on the kitchen counter. I'm an optimist, Avery. I refuse to believe we're done until the final curtain call."

  Avery's smile seemed forced, but he wiped his eyes. "I was thinking maybe we should do it now, in case they spring a surprise on us…but you make me want to hang on just a little bit longer. Figures that the one time in my life I actually found something to live for, I'm going to die…"

  Conrad wrapped himself around Avery, wishing they could just merge together, fuse as one being so they could escape the Circle. He would do anything to free Avery from his contract. Anything.

  At that moment, an idea formed in his mind.

  *~*~*

  Conrad flicked his eyes open as his wristwatch alarm sounded. He silenced it before it woke Avery. He cursed himself as Avery stirred, and waited for his breathing to fall into a slow rhythm before slipping out of bed. He tiptoed across the floor like a thief, remembering each creaky floorboard and avoiding it. He crept downstairs to the phone. Everyone had a cellphone these days except him, it seemed, but this was the first time he'd wished for a portable phone in all his years of life.

  He picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. Christina often worked late into the night.

  A groggy voice answered the phone. "Chris Fisher speaking."

  "Hi, Christina. It's Dad. I, um, I want to talk to you about something. I was hoping we could meet tomorrow."

  "Why are you whispering, Dad?"

  "I'll explain when I see you. Just choose a place to meet. A cafe or something."

  "Okay, how about 10am at the Riverside Bakery on Third Street?"

  "Sounds good," Conrad said. "Gotta go, hon. See you there."

  *~*~*

  "I have to go out and get some groceries," Conrad announced, pulling on his long coat and boots. Avery was shower-fresh, his half-naked body only covered with a towel from the waist-down. Conrad had to fight the urge to rip the towel off him and lay him down. Beg Avery to fuck him again and damn the consequences, like anything still mattered but them in the world.

  But he hadn't given up, not yet. He'd reminded Avery to take his meds and downed his own with whiskey, as if they still had a future to hope for beyond the ten day deadline, a timeline where Conrad taking his meds and staying HIV-negative mattered.

  "Come back soon." Avery let the towel drop, but it was the raw need in his eyes that kept Conrad rooted to the spot. He pulled himself away reluctantly, heading for the front door with the beginnings of arousal making his cock twitch.

  Damn it. He didn't have time for that now. Every second mattered if he was to save Avery. He cleared his mind as he sat behind the steering wheel. Christina had to know if it was possible. She'd been researching the Circle for months, getting into the organization, learning how it worked in order to expose it.

  Conrad pulled up to the cafe, feeling an odd sense of guilt that he was working behind Avery's back like this. He'd asked for trust, and yet here he was, about to undermine Avery's faith with a secret meeting that would work against everything Avery had asked for and wanted. Conrad got out of the car and stuffed a handful of quarters into the meter, keeping it stocked for what was likely to be a long and difficult conversation.

  Christina sat in a booth, drinking tea. Conrad sat down opposite her. A waitress buzzed over, and he ordered a coffee, eyeing some cake behind the counter and trying not to think about how the whipped cream would look better on Avery.

  "What do you want, Dad?"

  "Always to the point, Chris. I'm happy to see you too."

  "I know this isn't a social call. You need something. Let's see, you're behind on your dues and you need money?"

  "I deserve that, don't I?" Conrad looked down the table, picking out the scratches and scrapes, the names of couples probably no longer in love etched into the green veneer. "I know you don't trust me. I haven't done much to deserve it, over the years."

  Christina sighed. "It's not that. I do trust you. I just—" She shook her head, as if trying to clear her thoughts. "You and Mom—you're both addicts. Only she knew it."

  "I don't do a lot of drugs any more. A bit of cocaine here and there, when I really need a boost, but that's all."

  "I'm not talking about drugs. Your addiction is different. You're addicted to love. Addicted to the high you get when someone depends on you for everything."

  "Maybe that's true, but I'm not hurting anyone."

  "Aren't you? What you have with Avery can't last. I know how much Circle dues cost, and they're not within your budget. So you've made him depend on you, and now he has to go back, doesn't he?"

  "I never wanted it to turn out like this, Chris. I never wanted to hurt him," Conrad confessed.

  Christina sighed. "I know that. I do. But good intentions aren't enough."

  The waitress brought over Conrad's coffee, and he was glad to have creamer cups to fiddle with in order to avoid Christina's stare. "I always break my promises, in the end. I know. I've let you down. I let your mom down. Now I'm about to fail Avery too."

  "When are they going to repossess him?" Christina asked, dunking the teabag in her cup.

  "We've got ten days. They're not even revoking him for the money, Chris. Some things…happened. We went to a Circle party. It was stupid, reckless—but Avery wanted to show me just what he was running from. I saw it with my own eyes." Conrad swallowed the lump in his throat. "They found out that I'm in love with him, and they're reclaiming their 'property'. Some violation of terms or something. I'm in deep shit, either way."

  "You pissed someone off."

  "Yeah. The guy you sent me to. Calls himself 'The Master'. Glad I didn't send Avery there; as I suspected, he's the biggest asshole around. Anyway, Chris. I need options. I'm not letting them take Avery. Even if it ends in a double suicide."

  "Jesus Christ, Dad. Don't say shit like that." Chris looked out of the window, suddenly unable to meet his eyes.

  "I'm not gonna fuck up this time, Chris. I'm tired of letting people down—tired of letting myself down. Avery would rather die than go back. I want a better answer than that. That's why I'm here. I need you to find something out for me."

  "What might that be?"

  "I need to know if the Circle will take an exchange. A life for a life, so to speak. I sign a contract, and they let Avery out of his. Let him go back to his life. They can say he was kidnapped or something. He was practically unsaleable before, but I have all my organs. I'm older, but I'm still strong. I can work. I can fuck. Whatever they want. I'll fetch a higher price than he did. It makes good business sense." Conrad's right hand trembled, and he wrapped it around the handle of his mug.

  "You've lost your mind. This is no joke, Dad! A contract with the Circle is for life! You don't know what they'll do to you!"

  "Yeah, I do. Avery told me in great detail. I saw things in th
at mansion no human being should ever lay eyes on. I've stared into the depths of human depravity and seen the worst. But the alternative is that he dies, Chris—and I won't let that happen. I won't let someone I love die because of me again."

  Christina shook her head. "You tried your best with Mom."

  "I didn't! I fucked up!" Conrad buried his head in his hands. "I got her the heroin she wanted—bought it from a crooked cop I used to know back in the force, who probably stole it from an evidence locker. It was pure. It killed her—I killed her."

  "I didn't know that. But you can't keep beating yourself up over it. She's gone. Avery's not your redemption song."

  "I know. Believe it or not, this isn't about Abby. I love Avery. I want him to have a future that's not marred by one bad mistake he made when he was barely more than a teenager. I want him to be able to stand beneath the sun without a steel collar around his neck. I want him to be treated as a human being again, instead of the garbage beneath someone's heel."

  "You think that taking his place is the answer? How do you think he'll feel when he finds out you're going to endure the same shit he went through? Do you think he'll be able to live his life knowing you took his place?"

  "I've broken every promise I ever made. If there's a chance I can do something to help him, I have to do it."

  "I guess it wouldn't hurt to make some calls. In the meantime, attempt to be as attractive to the Circle as possible. Get tested and get the results back quickly. Get a clean bill of health mentally and physically. And for fuck's sake, think about this, Dad." Chris's eyes twinkled with tears.

  Conrad stood up, muttering about needing to get back to Avery as he put a twenty dollar bill down on the table and walked away.

  He blinked back tears as he walked to the car.

  Avery

  Conrad was up to something, and the thought of what that something might be scared Avery more than the mental image of Conrad with a gun to his head, begging him to be sure he wanted death. He'd made his peace with the end, but Conrad hadn't, and that disturbed Avery more than anything else. Who knew what half-cocked scheme Conrad might come up with in his desperation to avoid the inevitable?

  The door opened, revealing Conrad with paper bags full of groceries. Avery stood up from his sitting position on the stairs and rushed to the door to help. The groceries looked hastily assembled, a random assortment of junk food and cans that seemed like an afterthought. He said nothing as they put the food away in the cupboards, wanting to believe that he was reading too much into things and that Conrad wasn't up to something.

  Conrad was definitely up to something.

  Avery thought about asking him outright but hesitated. Did he want to know, truly? If Conrad was planning on selling him, did he want to shatter the illusion they'd built by exposing the truth? Conrad had asked for his trust. He had to at least try and hope that Conrad would catch him when he fell.

  He slipped his arms around Conrad's waist as he reached up above the oven to put a can away. Conrad melted into his arms, closing his eyes. Avery let his fears fall away and kissed Conrad's neck. If the future was bleak, he could at least enjoy the time they had left.

  "Ave…" Conrad's voice was husky, laced with need and yearning. Avery stripped his coat off, laying it over a chair. His hands roamed beneath Conrad's shirt, fingers stroking his chest hair and nipples until Conrad was a writhing, gasping mess of a man. Avery loved the power that gave him—to completely undo Conrad with just his touch. It made him feel like he could prevent whatever the fuck Conrad was doing that would probably break his heart.

  The phone rang. Conrad pulled himself away and Avery leaned back against the refrigerator, frustrated as Conrad hummed on the phone, giving nothing away with his one-note responses.

  "I'm not currently taking jobs," Conrad finally said, hanging up the phone.

  "You're the worst private detective ever," Avery snapped. The look on Conrad's face crumpled as he said it, and he regretted his cutting words almost immediately. "I know you're doing something behind my back. You asked me to trust you, but how can I when you're obviously keeping secrets?"

  "You're right. I am keeping secrets. I'd be a complete idiot not to look into ways out of our predicament. You wouldn't like some of the avenues I'm exploring—but they're just that, avenues of investigation. They'll probably all come to nothing in the end." Conrad slumped down into the same kitchen chair Avery had slung his coat over. "Can you really blame me for wanting to save you?"

  "There's no way out, Conrad. I don't want you to do something stupid for my sake."

  "It's a bit late for that. I've made short-sighted decisions all the way down the line, from the moment I bought you. I don't regret a thing. I'd do it all over again, Avery. Even if it ends with a bullet in our heads, it was worth it."

  "So who was on the phone?" Avery asked.

  "The doctor. My test results came back negative for everything. Of course, it's a little late for that now, but I suppose it's nice to know."

  Avery simply nodded. It hadn't mattered to him either way; once he'd known they were doomed, the things that had mattered before no longer had any meaning. He only kept taking his medication because Conrad insisted on it, like an eleventh hour miracle was going to save them both.

  Maybe that was Conrad's secret: he had no secret, no other way out—he was simply trying to preserve hope in them both, that they might enjoy their last days together. Love swelled within Avery at the thought, and he straddled Conrad's legs, sitting on his lap and capturing his lips in a deep kiss. He was done with talking. He wanted Conrad every moment for the next nine days.

  Conrad

  The days fled like criminals on the run, each stolen hour a treasure ripped from the Circle's vault. They slept little; Conrad instead ran on cocaine and sex, desperate to squeeze every ounce of joy from their rapidly dwindling time. They fell together like one being, making reckless love in the middle of the night, in the morning, in the afternoon, as if they could somehow imprint their souls upon one another and never be apart.

  Conrad didn't leave the house; the outside world had ceased to interest him. Avery was everything, the rise and fall of his chest as he slept, his kisses, the brush of his skin against Conrad's. Conrad memorized the lines and scars on his body, mapping them to memory as if he could navigate his way back to Avery's side by their pattern.

  But there could be no coming back from the place he was going. No salvation. Only sacrifice. The thought filled him with dread, but he buried it deep. There was one thing worse, and that was the act of putting a gun to Avery's head and watching the light in his eyes go out forever.

  Compared to that, a lifetime of slavery seemed like a small price to pay. Not that it would be too long. At his age, they'd farm his organs and put him out to pasture quickly. He'd probably be dead within a year.

  A life for a life. Garth and Christina would think him insane for wanting to reverse Avery's bad decision with his own freedom, but Conrad had never found it in himself to blame Avery. It was the system to blame—the system that allowed a soul to be signed away like a piece of property. If he could, he'd tear down the Circle with his bare hands.

  The promise of love was to cherish another's happiness over one's own. To take joy in another's accomplishments, in their joy, in growing and satisfying another human being. If that meant sacrifice, then so be it.

  Finally, he was going to keep a promise.

  Days turned to hours, frantic moments where each need was satisfied on an individual basis as it arose. The last three sleepless days melded together, fitful moments of sleep and sex and food.

  On the evening of the final day, Avery fell asleep on the couch, crashing at last. Conrad had to fight the urge to kiss his scars, to wake him for one last time together. He was so tired that sleep wouldn't come, wrung out and nervous of the future to come.

  But it was now or never. The final decisive moment had come. Either he ordered the contract, or he loaded his gun. The Circle wouldn't wa
it until the last moment. They were liable to come during the night, and Conrad had no way of resisting them except with his signature or his gun.

  He sat watching the rise and fall of Avery's chest. His scars told so many stories of unimaginable horrors. Even now, in the aftermath of the Master's party, he found it impossible to believe any human could inflict such suffering on Avery.

  His Avery. His beautiful, perfect Avery, lying naked on the couch with Conrad's seed still inside him. His not because Conrad had bought him, but because Avery had willingly given his heart and soul on a platter. A contract signed in ink couldn't hold a candle to a contract signed by the heart.

  Conrad stood up and tiptoed over to the cabinet. He pulled out the box where he kept his gun. He picked up his gun, assembled it like a professional, and loaded it.

  It would be so easy. Avery wouldn't know a thing—wouldn't suffer, wouldn't fear. He'd just be gone. Conrad would follow. They'd never be separated.

  The gun trembled in his hands and Conrad closed his eyes, squeezing back tears that wanted to fall. He emptied the clip from the gun and stuffed it back in the box, back in the closet.

  Avery deserved better than a double suicide in a dingy house. He deserved life, and Conrad had the power to give that life back to him. One phone call. One signature on a contract and Avery would be free. That was the deal he'd pitched to Christina, and she'd confirmed it by phone two days later. The Circle had accepted the deal. As long as he signed a non-disclosure agreement, Avery would be deposited at his father's business. The police would spin a tale of corporate kidnap and Avery would get his identity back. His life back. He could go back to being the CEO's son as if he'd never signed the contract, and Conrad would take his place.

  Well, Avery's scars would remain. Nothing could erase those. But maybe he'd use his experience to live life to the fullest. He'd be surrounded by family who would take care of him and enough money to pay for the best doctors and therapists.