“Oh no,” Gretchen tried to stop me from putting our orders together.
“Why don’t you go find us a table while I get this?” If she had something else to put her mind on, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t run out of here like her panties were on fire. Instead of arguing this time, or trying to, she turned and went to find us a table. It was only then I noticed that Sully and Zeke were both sitting a couple feet away from where everything had just gone down. It was a good thing Judah and Ever were both still back at the shop, because it never occurred to me that everyone else had been gone already.
“Did you just hijack a lunch date with our lovely receptionist?” Sully asked me with eyebrows raised into his nonexistent hairline.
I shrugged my shoulders as Zeke laughed and tossed his used napkin down on the tray he was about to put up. “Good luck with that,” he told me quietly before leaving a stunned Sully behind to gape at me further.
“Leave it, Sul.” I hissed the words at him before his shocked appearance turned stony.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, and you better have the best of fucking intentions here.”
“No need to worry.”
“Good, because I don’t want to have to kick your ass, but I will if this shit fucks her up in any way.” Once he spoke his piece, he waved to Gretchen and left the deli. She was sitting in a seat by the front window and watching the traffic pass as she continued to refuse to look back in my general direction. When our order was up, I grabbed it and took it to the table she snagged.
“I hope this was good enough.”
“It’s just fine. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to drink.” She started to rise as I held the empty cups up. “No, you stay put. Just let me know what you want.”
“Sweet tea would be nice.”
I brought the lady back her sweet tea as I took the seat across from her. “You’ve been avoiding me,” I finally said when she made it clear that she planned to just eat quickly and leave.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Gretchen.” Her name was all I needed to say before she huffed out a frustrated breath.
“Fine. I’ve been avoiding you,” she agreed reluctantly.
“Why?”
“Why? Because we slept together, that’s why!” Her voice had taken on a bit of a shrill quality as she squeaked that out.
“We slept completely clothed in the same bed, that’s not quite what you’re making it out to be.”
“Still,” she started, but didn’t take the thought any further.
“You feel guilty?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know, Kane. Honest to God, if I could lock down what I was feeling, life wouldn’t be so damn complicated for me.”
“Talk to me about it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re part of the problem,” she finally managed to get out. That set me back a bit.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Did you know I used to have a crush on you?”
Well, it didn’t feel good that she was putting it in the past tense, but I was willing to still stick this out and see where it went. “Used to?”
“Yeah, before I got together with Toby,” she explained, though his name came out on a reverent whisper.
“I seem to recall Sully telling me I needed to pull my head out of my ass and take the blinders off,” I teased.
Her smile was just a shadow of what it used to be, but I’d take any little bit of encouragement I could get. “I don’t think having blinders on was your problem. You were just focused on another girl.”
“The wrong girl,” I corrected. She simply shrugged her shoulders in response. “And by the time I turned around, someone else had caught your attention.”
There it was again, that ghost of a smile. One day, I would see the genuine version of it again. I couldn’t wait for that day, but I would take what I could get for now. “I guess it’s weird how that works, isn’t it?”
“How what works?”
“You know. How you don’t see someone until someone else takes notice first.”
“You saw me,” I told her.
“Yes, I also saw all the women who fell all over themselves to get just a little piece of you. It made me see you as more than just my friend and a coworker. It made me pay closer attention until I realized I really liked what I saw.”
“You keep talking past tense, have I done something to change how you see me?”
“No,” she whispered. “It’s nothing like that. I just fell for Toby while you were too busy to see me.”
“And now?” I asked. “Have you stopped seeing me?”
“Kane,” she started, then stopped and picked at her sandwich for a few minutes. “I don’t know how to do this and feel okay about it. The other night, when you stayed with me, I slept peacefully for the first time since… Since it happened.” She glanced up from beneath her thick lashes. They were normally blond, but she had them darkened with mascara, making her eyes stand out like the jewels they were. “I can’t lie and say I didn’t feel anything. I did. The problem is that in the stark light of day, I felt like moving on to something else was to forget him. Forget them.”
“G. You don’t ever have to forget them. They will always be a part of you. Who you are, who you were, it’s all tied together, but don’t you think they’d want you to move on and be happy?”
“I don’t know. Would you want that?” She asked, and I didn’t honestly know how to answer her. “I keep asking myself that question. If it had been me instead of him, would I be somewhere out there now hoping that he found another love? Started another family? I can’t answer that. There’s a part of me that says no. I know it’s a selfish part though.”
“There’s another part that says yes, isn’t there?”
She nodded her head at me. “Of course there is, because when I stop being selfish, I know that I wouldn’t want him to feel this misery that follows me like a shadow for the rest of his life. I’d want something special for him. Someone special.”
“You don’t think you deserve that same opportunity?”
“I just don’t know if I’m ready for it.”
“Well, you just made it through a whole lunch date,” I teased to try to lighten the mood.
“Do you really consider this a date? You didn’t even ask me, you just kind of showed up and took over my lunch break.”
I grinned at Gretchen then. “And just so we’re clear, I’m going to do it all over again tomorrow, sweetheart.” The pink blush burned brightly against her pale skin once more.
“Why?” The question was hesitant and damn near a whisper as she asked it.
“Because I enjoy spending time with you?” My answer came out as more of a question because I wasn’t sure what she was trying to ask.
“Why me?”
“Because I see you.”
“Come on G. We’ve gone to lunch together every day this week. What is it going to hurt to come to dinner with me?”
I watched as she chewed the side of her nail, a nervous habit she never had before everything went down. “I don’t know.” Her little nose scrunched up on her face as her brows pulled in. It was obvious she was deep in thought, and worried over how it would look.
“You should say yes to him,” Ever teased her on the way by.
“Seriously?” Gretchen asked, and the tone of her voice stopped Ever dead in her tracks. She turned to look at the smaller woman who was still chewing on her nail, and I watched as Ever’s eyes softened on the little pixie of a woman.
“You deserve to be happy, honey. My brother would think so too. You’ve enjoyed your lunch dates, right?” Gretchen nodded her head in agreement. “Then what would it hurt to go to dinner with the big oaf?”
“Hey now!” I warned Ever playfully as Gretchen’s worry seemed to melt away just a bit.
“Fine,” she finally agreed. “I’ll meet you there though.”
Well, that sucked.
I had planned on getting her on the back of my bike, but I’d take what I could get. For now. “If that’s how it has to be,” I agreed.
Gretchen nodded once more and then went back to work, turning her focus completely on the task at hand. I had a spectacular date to plan out, so I left her to it and went to clean up my area to prep for my next client.
Later that evening, just as the sun started going down, Gretchen followed me to a Hibachi grille downtown. It wasn’t a secret that Gretchen enjoyed her seafood and I thought their selection of sushi would be just up her alley.
“Oh my God!” She hissed out as she got out of her car. “I can’t believe this is where you’re taking me. I love this place, but I haven’t been here in so long.”
I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as she gushed about my restaurant selection. “Thank fuck!” I didn’t even try to say the words under my breath. She turned to me and giggled.
“Aw, you know I would have liked any place you took me.”
“Yeah, but that reaction makes this choice even better.”
She grabbed hold of my arm and started bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. “I haven’t had sushi in forever. My sister hates it so I don’t get to go with her, and raw fish weirded Toby out, so we never went either.”
I held my breath momentarily waiting to see if she would shut down over the mention of T-Bone. When she didn’t I just smiled at her. “Let’s get you inside so you can order then!”
Once we were seated, Gretchen giggled like a school girl as she took the menu in hand and practically started drooling over it. It took her a few minutes to realize I wasn’t reading my own menu and was instead just watching her.
“What?” She asked shyly.
“Just enjoying seeing your eyes sparkle like that.” I left off ‘again’ because I didn’t want to pull her out of the happy place she was in.
“It’s been a while since I’ve done something just for fun.”
“We’ll have to make a habit of doing that then, because that look,” I told her as I indicated her smiling face, twinkling eyes, and giddy bouncing. “That is everything, G.”
She ducked her head, forcing some of her straight long locks to fall across the side of her face where she tried to hide a bit of embarrassment. “Sorry, I’ll tone it down a bit.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll get excited about the fact that I’m ordering at least one of everything so we can try them all.”
Gretchen’s eyes grew big as she took in the pretty hefty list of sushi on offer. “Do you have a favorite?”
“Sashimi is my usually go-to.”
“You like your sushi just laid out raw, huh?”
“I enjoy many things laid out raw,” I told her with a teasing lift of my eyebrows. Her laughter was like a prize I’d won.
“Gross! You sound like Sully now!”
I laughed at that. “That does seem like some shit he’d say. Still managed to make you laugh though.” I vowed to keep doing just that every day from then on. Gretchen laughing was like the most beautiful flower in full bloom. She just radiated that something special that you could never quiet put your finger on, but if you did, you know someone would try to bottle it and sell it to the masses. I wasn’t opposed to taking baby steps. Every day I got her to laugh was one day closer to her healing more and me being able to make her mine.
“Just so you know, we’re doing this again on Friday,” I informed her.
“So it’s like that? We aren’t even finished this date and you’re telling me we’re going on another one?”
“Yeah, babe. I have to do that, or else you’ll find a reason to back out, and in this case, ‘no’ is not acceptable. Tomorrow we’ll have lunch again. Friday, we’re going out.”
“We’ll see,” she hedged, but Gretchen wasn’t any good at hiding the smile on her face as she did. She liked being told we were going on another date together. Oddly enough, I was already anticipating our next outing and this one hadn’t even ended yet.
Chapter 16
Guilty Ride
Gretchen
Kane managed to wrangle three dates out of me as well as eating lunch with me just about every day that I worked for the past two weeks. We always walked for lunch, at my insistence, because it was part of my routine. I liked to burn the calories I was taking in. Our last official date we had actually driven together, in my car, so that we didn’t have to arrive separately. Things were different with our date for the night though. He insisted on picking me up so I couldn’t ruin the surprise of where we were going.
I don’t know what it was that made me so uneasy about riding with him. Maybe it made it seem more real? I couldn’t tell you. The thing was, I had fun on our dates. Kane made me smile, laugh, and forget about all the bad things that had plagued me for so long. It wasn’t even that he made me forget necessarily. That wasn’t the right word. He made it better. He eased the burden of the horrible memories and somehow managed to intermingle the good moments of my past with the beautiful present, and a hope for a better, more promising future. That was a huge step, because before Kane stepped up, I hadn’t given much thought to the future. Every day was a new part of the process of learning to breathe again. Then, one day, when I wasn’t paying attention, I didn’t have to think about how to do it. That was all down to Kane.
Imagine my surprise when my date arrived to pick me up wearing his leathers and requesting I do the same. He must have forgotten that the leather jacket I’d had and the boots were both damaged and thrown out after my accident with Toby. I just stood there staring at him, mouth agape, waiting for him to clue in. Then he smiled sweetly, pulled a backpack from his back and withdrew a beautiful black leather jacket that looked to be just my size.
“I figured you didn’t have one anymore. If you don’t have boots, throw on some sturdy shoes until we can get you a pair, but you are going on my bike tonight.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” I reminded him.
“You’re ready G, but you’ll never know it until you get your ass back on one.” He was right about that. There was no doubt in my mind that he was absolutely correct and that my own cowardice was keeping me from wanting to do it. I felt it already, that little hit of adrenaline, the anticipation of the ride, wind in my hair, salty sea air in my lungs. It was all waiting for me to come and take it again. I used to love riding with Toby. Those rides were often the best part of my day. As excited as I was, it didn’t stop the trepidation from trying to take over. Little flashes of memory from the crash, the initial numbness from the shock, the worry in Toby’s eyes as he lie there broken with a bike on top of him… I blinked and shook off the rest, not wanting to ever revisit my own personal nightmare again if I could help it.
“Okay,” I mumbled to Kane as I took the jacket he held out to me.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I need to do this and I know you’ll keep me safe.”
“Won’t ever let anything happen to you if I can help it, G.”
I nodded as he helped me into the jacket. It fit like a glove, but I also noticed some differences.
“What is all this?”
“It’s a padded leather. I thought you might feel more secure wearing this your first few times back on the road.”
“First few times?” I questioned with a teasing grin tipping my lips at the corner. “That’s awful presumptuous of you, thinking I’ll ride with you again after the first.”
“Nah. That’s confidence, baby.”
Well hell, the confidence combined with the hungry look in his eyes as he said that made me want to forego the bike and take my ride right there inside my apartment.
Kane leaned in close, rubbing his nose along the shell of my ear. “Not sure what you’re thinking right now, G, but the way your pupils just dilated makes me pretty fucking curious.”
Nervous giggles erupted from me involuntarily. It wasn’t like I’d never been with a man before. Obviously, I had. I’d just been so lost in my own
dark place that even feeling him so close to me, warm breath against my neck, the barely there touch of his skin to mine was driving my senses wild.
“Come on, G. Let’s go for that ride. One step at a time, baby.” I swear, it was like he knew exactly what I was thinking or feeling sometimes. It made my heart swell a bit, because it meant he was paying attention. I was worth his extra attention this time around.
When we got downstairs and his Harley came into view, I almost lost my nerve. For just a moment, I could smell the engine oil and asphalt, feel the burn in my limbs, and the fear that wrapped around my heart when we went down. As if he could sense what was playing out in my mind, Kane wrapped his arms around me and pulled my back tightly to his front. “I won’t let you down. I promise, G.” I nodded, he hugged me tightly once more, and then let go. With my hand in his, Kane guided me over to the motorcycle, went through the motions of securing a helmet on my head, and getting us both situated comfortably on the bike.
The first thing that really hit me was that it felt different. Toby’s bike had been smaller without a seat back for a passenger. It was something he had talked about adding if I wanted it, but I didn’t want to mess up the aesthetics of his ride for him so I always told him no. Secretly, I had wished for one so that I could just lean back once in a while and enjoy the salt air breeze on my face.
Kane’s hand came back to rest on my thigh. “You ready for this ride, G?”
Despite having the back rest, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Kane’s body. That was answer enough for him, because he started his Harley up, checked the traffic, and pulled out. I hadn’t meant to hold my breath, or tense every single muscle in my body, but as we rolled out that was exactly what happened. When I tried to breathe again, all I could see was that moment when I knew we were going down. I was no longer on Kane’s motorcycle with him. I was back in time with Toby as he told me I’d be the only woman to ever ride on the back of his bike. “The only one who will ever be there unless we have a daughter, and the only bike you’ll ever ride on is mine.” His voice sounded so real in my head that I couldn’t catch my breath. Then we were on his bike, in town, and he lost control. I felt the motorcycle slowing beneath us and it only added to the sensation that had me feeling as if Toby and I going down all over again.
A Twist of Fate Page 15