Why are the potatoes hot?
Why do I have to sleep?
Why is Mommy crying?
Mommy is crying because she needs a nap, Leo!
Haha!
I swear, this boy is a ball of constantly moving energy that never seems to stop. You’d think he’d want to sleep, but no, it’s just go go go!
Anyway, that’s my sorry excuse for not writing sooner.
Also, the fact that I have nothing to write about. As I described above, there’s not really anything exciting happening to me. I don’t have time for anything else.
Leo’s almost five now and he’ll be in Kindergarten soon, so there’s a possibility I’ll have some time alone in the future. It’ll only be half days, though. I guess I’ll nap then?
Shane graduated from his program and he’s a junior officer now. It’s so weird seeing him in a cop’s uniform. Honestly, it seems to have gone to his head, he’s almost insufferable now. He’s not home much, and I’m kind of grateful for that, because he’s hard to take.
I shouldn’t say that, because Leo misses him when he’s not here.
What are you up to? Are you still taking classes?
Write me back and catch me up, okay?
Forever,
December
December,
Hey. What’s up?
I got your letter a few weeks ago, it was good to hear from you.
Yeah, I guess they say kids take up all your time and they were right, huh? I heard it gets a little easier as they get older. I hope you got your nap, though.
I don’t want you to worry, but I got in a fight a few weeks ago and I got stabbed. I’m okay now, though. The wound got infected, and I had to spend a few nights in the hospital up the street, but now I’m back and I’m fine. It was kind of nice to get away, to be honest, even though I felt like shit. The nurses were nice. The doctors, not so much.
About Shane — make sure he’s taking care of you and Leo. That means more than just giving you money, December. He already had a huge ego, so I’m not surprised it’s worse now that he’s got a badge to flash around. I worry about you two a lot.
Write back soon.
Miss you.
Forever,
Wolfe
Wolfe,
Hi!
Surprise, it’s me! I know I haven’t written in forever, but I just wanted to check in and say hello.
Leo’s seven now, isn’t that wild? He’ll be starting second grade this year. I can hardly believe it myself.
We moved into a new house. It’s nice. It’s close to Leo’s school and close to the Sheriff’s office, so it's convenient.
Unfortunately, I have some bad news. My parents died a few months ago. I’m sorry I didn’t write to tell you sooner, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to put it down on paper, for some reason. Mom fell again and never recovered. Not surprisingly, a month after she passed, Dad passed peacefully in his sleep one night. I always knew they’d never make it long without each other. It was kind of beautiful, to be honest. It brings me comfort knowing they’re together forever now. He was so distraught after she passed.
Even though I don’t have much time to write, I just wanted to tell you that I think about you often.
Forever,
December
December,
Hey there, girl.
How’s everything in Depoe Bay?
It’s been years since I’ve seen you. God, Leo must be nine now, huh? That means that you are now twenty-seven!
We’re getting old, girl!
Haha.
I guess I am, too. I’m right behind you!
I’m grateful for the passing of time, though.
I’m up for a hearing next year and my lawyers say things are looking good. I was given fifteen years, but they think I’ll be able to get out after serving ten and that’s just around the corner.
I try not to get too excited about it, because anything could happen between now and then. It’s hard not to fantasize, though. I have a bachelor’s degree in Pre-law now, and I’m thinking about applying to law schools when or if I get out. We’ll see.
The one thing I do know is that I don’t want to go back to Depoe Bay. I think I’ll stay on the coast, but move farther north. Maybe Newport Beach. Maybe Seaside, I always liked it there. Not that they have law schools there, but it might be a nice place to land temporarily while I figure everything out.
Maybe you and Leo could come visit sometime? You know, once I get a job and get settled?
It’d be real nice to see you both again.
I hope you’re doing well, December.
Forever,
Wolfe
Wolfe,
The thought of you getting out of there makes me so happy I want to cry. I hope your hearing goes well. Please keep me posted.
I’ll be praying that it does.
Forever,
December
December,
The hearing did go well.
I’ll be out of here in six months, as long as I can keep my nose clean till then. I can hardly believe it myself.
My mind is working overtime imagining everything I’m going to do when I get out. The first thing on my agenda is devouring a big, juicy steak at a nice restaurant. Damn, I miss steak. And a cold, frosty beer. My mouth waters just thinking about it right now.
I got a buddy who was released a while back. He’s a biker in Southern Oregon. He says I can come down and prospect for them, if I want, once I’m out. I’m thinking about it. It’s a far cry from applying to law schools, I know. But it might be a good place to go, just for a little while, so I can figure things out.
I don’t really have anywhere else to land, you know? It’s not like the fucking state is going to give me money for an apartment or anything, so I have to figure something out, or I’ll just be out on the streets. I’m not about to call my old man. I haven’t heard from him, not once, the entire time I’ve been in here.
Anyway, I’ll keep you posted.
Anything could happen.
Forever,
Wolfe
Chapter 2
WOLFE
Snow crunched under my boots. The top layer, which had turned to ice overnight, snapped under my weight as I walked down the trail and headed towards the clubhouse.
I could already hear signs of life, despite the fact that dawn was barely breaking through the clouds overhead. The dark grey sky was a clear indicator that it was going to be another gloomy winter day here in the Tillamook Forest.
I zipped up my leather jacket as I rounded the corner, smiling when I saw through the window that someone had already started a fire inside. I stomped on the mat, trying to get off as much snow as possible from my heavy leather boots.
The door creaked as I pulled it open, the warmth of the flames blasting me in the face as soon as I stepped foot inside.
Lacey and Riot were in the kitchen, lovingly holding each other and swaying to the soft Christmas music drifting through the air, the smell of bacon and eggs making my stomach growl. Colorful, blinking lights were strewn up around the room, making the impending arrival of the holiday hard to ignore.
“Wolfe!” Riot said, untangling himself from his lovely lady.
“Morning,” I nodded.
“Are you hungry?” Lacey asked, her pretty green eyes shining bright and happy.
“Starved!” I replied, pouring myself a cup of coffee as she pulled a plate from the cabinet and handed it to me.
“Help yourself, there’s plenty,” she said.
“You’re the best,” I said. Looking around the room as I sipped my coffee, I spotted Pepper and Storm snuggled up on the couch in front of the fire and couldn’t help but smile. The two of them had been inseparable since Pepper joined us here and I couldn’t be happier for Storm, who’d been my best buddy long before the two of us had joined up with the Gods of Chaos Motorcycle Club.
The things we did with the Goddamn Gentlemen, our previous club, were far
behind us. I shuddered to think of the pain we’d caused.
But that was all over now.
Now, we’re Gods. We’re both so proud to be a part of Solid Ground — the organization that Grace and Ryder formed years ago to help those who couldn’t turn to traditional sources of assistance.
Our work’s dangerous and unpredictable, but to be honest, that’s what makes it exciting. It’s hard, don’t get me wrong.
The pain I’ve seen in the eyes of survivor’s would haunt me for the rest of my life.
But it was all worth it.
The knowledge that we weren’t just wrecking havoc on the world for a payday anymore was amazing and the sense of accomplishment and honor we felt was something I’d never experienced in my life.
It was also something I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel.
I spent ten years in the pen for a murder I didn’t commit and they were the longest, hardest years of my life so far. I mean, yeah, it was my choice, so I’m not complaining, but that doesn’t mean it was easy.
Prison hardened my heart. To survive, I had to become just as hard as everyone else in there. And I did. I built a wall so big around my heart that nobody can get inside. Probably not even me anymore.
It was for a good cause, or so I thought at the time, at least.
It’s been years since I’ve heard from December, though, so I can only hope that she and little Leo are doing okay now. After I got out, I headed south to join up with the Gentlemen and our friendship just seemed to fade away. I haven’t even seen them since I’ve been free.
I thought about heading back to Depoe Bay once I was released, but the thought of facing the past, driving past that damned convenience store on the interstate, seeing Shane again? Yeah, I had no interest in any of that.
I’d done nothing but think of the past the whole time I was locked up and once I was free, the past was the last thing I wanted to revisit. So, I called up my friend and told him I was ready to prospect, and the club welcomed me with open arms.
And even though being in that club hardened me even more, I was grateful to have a place — any place — to land.
As I filled my plate with bacon, eggs and biscuits this morning, and slowly sauntered over to sit with Storm and Pepper, I felt myself counting my blessings again, just as I did countless times a day.
A man like me doesn’t usually get a second chance.
I knew how blessed I was and I wasn’t about to forget it.
“Hey, buddy, how’d you sleep?” Storm asked, as he and Pepper scooted over to make room for me on the couch.
“Like a log, now that you aren’t rattling the walls with your snoring,” I joked, and it was true. Having an entire cabin to myself now that Pepper and Storm had moved into their own was like a dream come true. I’d never had my own place and I was really enjoying the privacy.
Sure, it was lonely but I was used to being alone.
I’d been alone all my life, practically. Except for that brief period of time when December, Leo, Shane and myself formed a little tribe of our own. That didn’t last long, though, but I can still conjure up what it felt like if I try real hard.
I don’t try very often, though, because that shit hurts.
To think of everything we lost. I mean, hell, maybe the only thing December and Shane lost was Leo, but I sure felt like I lost a lot more.
I had dreams back then. Hell, I had dreams when I was in prison, too.
But once I got out and joined up with an outlaw gang, the chances of becoming a successful lawyer just fell by the wayside. Not many people are too keen on giving an ex-con a job, let alone a job in a law firm.
I never in a million years thought I’d find a different way to fight injustice.
But being a God suited me much better. It was the best of both worlds, and I wasn’t bound by the rule of law. I was still doing good in the world, and I guess, deep down, that’s all I ever really wanted to do.
Hell, that’s why I confessed to a crime I didn’t commit in the first place.
Maybe it was foolish, or impulsive, or even useless in the end. After examining my decision from every angle, I knew that in that moment, I ran into that store for a myriad of reasons, but I wasn’t really thinking clearly.
Mainly, I didn’t believe Leo could really be dead.
But also, I was still reeling from the news of December’s pregnancy. It was like our lives flashed before me in that moment, and all I could see was Shane going to jail, and since we were in the car with him, the possibility of me and December going to jail, too, was very real.
All I could think about was that baby, nestled innocently inside December’s womb and not asking for any of that. I wanted to give him the best possible chance at a good life, and if that meant taking the rap, then I was okay with that.
Once I saw Leo was truly dead, I knew I couldn’t run. I checked on the clerk, who was lying behind the counter, and saw he was also dead.
When the cops arrived just seconds later, they found me behind the counter, the gun at my feet. I didn’t tell them that Shane or December was ever there, because now that Leo was dead, I knew December didn’t have anyone left in the world but me and Shane.
And I wasn’t the father of that child.
Shane was.
That baby was going to need his mama and his daddy.
I did the only thing I thought was right, even if it felt all wrong.
Everything after they arrived is a big blur.
I confessed, they arrested me, and early the next morning, I was charged with both murders without even being questioned for too long. I kept my confession simple, so they would believe it. I told them we went to rob the store, things went sour, and I’d shot both Leo and the clerk when I panicked.
I’d somehow managed to think it all through on the way to the precinct and by the time they put me in an interrogation room, I had all the details worked out and they believed me. They even believed the clerk’s gun was my own, never even checking for prints or gun residue.
It was a simple open and shut case for a bunch of very lazy investigators.
I was terrified, but I tried to be as strong as I could. I never let anyone see me cry, but there were plenty of tears that flowed when I was alone.
I cried for Leo.
I cried for December.
Fuck, I cried for me, too.
But I didn’t let anyone know. To the world, I put on a brave face and I soldiered through it all. Once I got to prison in Salem, the only things that got me through were the friendship of my cell mate, Spike, and the letters from December. After a while, those became less and less frequent, but by then, I was used to life behind bars and I could tolerate things a little better.
I missed her like fucking crazy, though.
I never stopped loving her. I never stopped worrying about her. But I quickly realized that I’d given her over to Shane and that was a consequence of my decision that I couldn’t change. All I could do was hope she learned to take care of herself.
The irony of Shane becoming a fucking cop wasn’t lost on me. At the time, I was furious and disgusted. After a while, I guess I just stopped caring about what he did.
Not once did he reach out to me after that night. I wondered what he did with his gun, if it would turn up somehow and match up with the crime, but I never heard another word.
I took the rap for something he caused and he never thanked me, or even acknowledged it. And then he had the gall to become a cop. It was mind blowing.
I guess I just shut down after that. Trying to maintain a relationship with them all just seemed to take so much effort. And I knew December didn’t want to hear what it was really like in that prison. If I told her the truth about how scary it really was, she’d have been racked with even more guilt and that wasn’t why I took the rap.
I did it so she could be happy.
I did it so she could move on, as best as possible. Burdening her with my day-to-day reality wasn’t going to do her any favors.
So, I kept my letters vague and when they faded off to a trickle, I let them.
I took it as a sign that she was moving on and I figured that was a good thing. That’s what I wanted.
And once I got out, I took it upon myself to do the same.
After more and more time passed, the thought of reaching out to her and little Leo seemed more and more awkward.
Now that Storm’s all coupled up with Pepper, and happy as a damn clam, though, I found myself thinking about December more and more these days. I wondered about her. I wondered if she was still in Depoe Bay, what Leo was like.
Maybe it was the holidays that had me so nostalgic and sentimental, too, but it’s been bad lately.
She seemed to be on my mind all the time.
As the morning wore on, the clubhouse filled up with my new tribe — sleepy-eyed and ready for breakfast — and I turned my thoughts to the present.
The past never served me well and that would never change.
What I had now? I cherished it every day, because I knew what the other side looked like and I had no intention of ever going back to that.
Chapter 3
DECEMBER
Frantic and panicked, I tore through Shane’s apartment like a tornado, looking for any clue of where he may have gone. After convincing his landlord to let me in, I’d locked the door behind me and began searching through every drawer and closet, inspecting every scrap of paper I could find.
It took me an hour before I found what I was looking for.
“You bastard!” I cried, my hands trembling as I looked down at the title for a boat, recently registered in Shane’s name. That had to be where they were.
I’d already searched through his bank account online, hoping a charge for a hotel somewhere might show up. But other than a large transfer to another account, one which I didn’t have access to, on the day he left, there were no other transactions after that.
He was doing his best to hide from me and it was working. Now, I knew why — because he and Leo were most likely hiding on his newly purchased boat.
FOREVER DECEMBER: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 15) Page 3